I think I’ll be fired and I really do need to vent my fears

[direw0lf]

I acted like an immature b today. At work. I’m so ashamed. I actually want to find a new job if I can but I didn’t want to this soon. I’m just afraid of being fired though, if I could leave myself, that would look better to potential employers.

I don’t get along with one nurse and one tech. I lost a lot of weight within a short period of time, and they talk about me behind my back but within earshot or make comments at me, calling me anorexic and bulimic. I asked the nurse not to talk about me, she said OK.

Then today I had a hard blood draw. Two techs couldn’t get it, and I couldn’t get it, everyone was busy and I wanted to do what I thought was right and I called ICU and ask if any nurse is available to try a blood draw. In the past other nurses have called same day surgery or ICU so I figured I was right. One nurse from ICU came over.

The charge nurse on my unit (the nurse who I asked not to talk about me) came over to me and yelled (literally yelled) that just because I have a personal problem with her doesn’t mean I have a right not to tell her an ICU nurse was coming. I didn’t know I was supposed to. She yelled at me in front of my patient who questioned me about why I was in trouble. So when I was done, I went up to her and I DID yell back. Believe me...I know I was wrong. I didn’t think about what to say first I just went and yelled and said I didn’t know and she didn’t believe me still. 

I then whispered “f*** you”. I know. I can only say in my defense that it was 100% uncharacteristic of me and I know I was wrong, immature and not acting like a professional nurse. I can’t beat myself up more than I have. I just reached a point where I was so sick of it. Sick of her comments when I’m ordering take out she’d walk by me and say “why you just throw it up don’t you” and other things like that. I did used to talk about food and weight a lot, I am 24, isn’t that normal? I’m within my normal BMI. It really got to me. That’s no excuse for what I did, I realize that. I’m afraid I’ll be fired since I was reported. I’m expecting to be fired when I show up to work next. I’ve only worked here since August. I’ve never been in trouble before but it only takes one disciplinary problem to be fired. 

So I’m trying to decide what I should do. Should I type up my resignation letter and give it to my manager before I’m fired? 

I’m so mad at myself. Such stupid crap at work when all I wanted to do as a nurse was take care of people and be friendly and helpful to my coworkers.

Thanks for allowing me to vent. I know I’m wrong. I don’t know what to do next though.

[TheMoonisMyLantern, ADN, LPN, RN]

I'll admit I haven't read all the responses up to this point. OP, I think it speaks to the point that this behavior is uncharacteristic of you due to the how remorseful you are.

I'm going to take the likely unprofessional and unpopular view point here that I don't really blame you for what you did. Some people will simply attempt to push you to the point that it becomes very difficult not to push back. I think it's deplorable that she harasses you over what you eat or don't eat, even for people that don't have food issues those type of comments are pure venom, and can be hard to let go. 

Even if they do fire you, I don't think you're the loser here because this environment sounds wretched. Sometimes anger can be a beautiful release even if it does have consequences. 

[TriciaJ, RN]

I predict that nothing will come of this (if it hasn't already) and the charge nurse suddenly starts being nicer because you stood up to her.  (This is how bullies roll.)

For your own sanity, try to stop caring what anyone says about you behind your back.  You can't control it and it certainly isn't your problem.

As for the remarks made to your face, think about why that person needs to do that.  It says something really sad and pathetic about that person.  Next time someone pulls that, stop what you're doing, make direct eye contact and say "Pardon?  Why don't you tell me more about that?"  This behaviour is much more fun when they can do it "drive-by" style,  so you directly engaging takes the fun out of it.

The type of schoolgirl behaviour you describe shows a real undeveloped personality.  Easy to make mincemeat out of when you know how.

In any case, start checking the recruitment ads, just to explore options in case you need to.  Good luck.

 

 

 

[2BS Nurse, BSN]

I don't think you'll be fired. You pretty much have to kill someone to get fired these days. You're going to dread going to work every day. Can you hang on a little longer while job hunting?

[SmilingBluEyes]

On 4/7/2021 at 7:35 PM, Crojo1501 said:

Sorry ladies,but as a nurse that is also male, we cannot relate to this type of drama. ????

I am glad you can't but some of the worst drama came from men in my experience.

[lmichelle25, BSN, RN]

I've heard a way worse argument (including the yelling and f bombs) and no one got fired. I like people's advice to go to HR and maybe request a transfer to another department because of the bullying and harassment this nurse is doing. I'm guessing this isn't the only comment or bullying she's done to you or other coworkers, so this would be the perfect time to let HR know what's happening. 

[Nunya, BSN]

I really wish I'd seen this earlier but people talking about your weight, whether it's good or bad talk, whether it's people of the same or opposite sex, can be construed as sexual harassment. Drop those two words into your explanation to HR of what happened and it might be a totally new ballgame.