I am an ER nurse, older, 24 years ER experience. Today, one of our co-workers killed himself. Shift was horrible, we knew something was going on - fleeting sight of tears, disappearing staff members coming back into arena with red eyes. Knew it was really bad when all the administration showed up on our department, wanting to talk with us. Then they gave us the news. Brought a grief counselor with them. No time to talk with him. We had about 5 minutes to take it all in, new ambulance arriving, people running out of our ears, helicopter coming - back to work. Tonight, am so sad, just numb, can't even cry, exhausted, questioning my sanity in staying in this environment. Reaching out to all of you. Anyone been through this?????
Specializes in Peds/outpatient FP,derm,allergy/private duty.
My heart goes out to you, too, gardengal :redpinkhe - been through the suicide of a friend - it is very, very difficult especially for those closest to that person. What you describe sounds to a non-ER nurse like me - a crazy-busy field hospital! So maybe it wouldn't be too far of a reach to say that actual battle fatique symptoms could be felt by a nurse in a city here at home. Bless you. I hope you will get the time to process all this. (((gardengal)))
So sorry to hear you had to go through this. The stress is so heavy on nurses I am afraid we may see this more and more. I sure hope not. Hugs and Blessings to you Hun.
Not that situation exactly. My heart goes totally out to you. I remember a nurse manager that came and told me really bad news in the middle of a really bad shift. It was one of those things that could have waited till after the shift. I did what I had to do and got thru the shift and then I told her about it. I thought she was a poor excuse for a manager in many ways and I realized that was because she was a poor excuse for a human being.
Oh my, so sorry this happened and I can't imagine how I'd feel if one of my coworkers died, especially in this manner. Can you take a mental health day? I dont know what else to say. I doubt you are burned out, sheesh, someone you knew in a personal way is no longer here and I think its totally normal/expected to feel numb.
Many thought, prayers, hugs go out to you. You are supposed to feel numb after getting news of this sort - it is a protective mechanism. It is NOT a reflection of you. There needs to be a mention of a counselor who may be available to you on another day, and appointments should be made.
Do you have an EAP in place? You can usually go for 3 appt without charge.
Of course you are overwhelmed - any death feels terrible, and this type of unexpected tragedy can really suck the juice out of your soul. Take heart, when you finally have time to decompress, you will find you have new coping skills that you were unaware of.
I think what you're feeling is very normal, all things considered. I've never experienced a loss like that personally, but I can imagine that it must be awful. Take advantage of the grief counselor if you need to, it might help a lot just to talk to someone about how you feel.
Thank you all. This comes on top of short staffing, increased pt flow (3 nurses each 12 hour shift seeing 100 patients/24 hours), increased acuity of these patients, new manager, new rules, increased mandatory meetings. We are all under stress, feeling beat down and then this. It is as if our departmental problems just keep getting bigger and bigger with no end in sight of the stress level we are all feeling. I feel this event may be the tipping point that some of us nurses may decide to quit.
This too shall past, like every night that has come before it! Whatever you do, don't quit. My condolensces and prayers are with you, as well as your fellow co-workers during this difficult time......
Am sorry to hear about your co-worker..... My brother took his own life last year. I have not fully recovered but I try to hide it especially when I am with my mom. Being the eldest in the family, everyone looks up to me, so I had to be strong for them ..... I remember telling them several times, "he is in a better place now..... we will all die sooner or later, he just went ahead of us...... We do not want him to be sad up there so we have to move on and take care of the living, our love ones especially his family.... this will make him happy and peaceful."
In my heart, I believe that the patients whom he took care of and had passed this earth are waiting to welcome him and will lead him to God to introduce him, "this is the nurse who devotedly cared for up to his last strength, Lord ...".
I hope you, your co-workers and his family will get the healing soon. Stay strong..... I'll pray for you and your co-wokers, and for him and his family. "May he rest in peace."
P.S. I think you need to take a break..... it will help a lot.
Words can just not express...pls draw consolation from family, friends, colleagues. We on out part will also try to contribute words that can make the pain more bearable. I'm so sorry, for you and for your colleague.
nursel56
7,122 Posts
My heart goes out to you, too, gardengal :redpinkhe - been through the suicide of a friend - it is very, very difficult especially for those closest to that person. What you describe sounds to a non-ER nurse like me - a crazy-busy field hospital! So maybe it wouldn't be too far of a reach to say that actual battle fatique symptoms could be felt by a nurse in a city here at home. Bless you. I hope you will get the time to process all this. (((gardengal)))