I am sad, I am numb, am I burned out?

[gardengal1, ASN, RN]

I am an ER nurse, older, 24 years ER experience. Today, one of our co-workers killed himself. Shift was horrible, we knew something was going on - fleeting sight of tears, disappearing staff members coming back into arena with red eyes. Knew it was really bad when all the administration showed up on our department, wanting to talk with us. Then they gave us the news. Brought a grief counselor with them. No time to talk with him. We had about 5 minutes to take it all in, new ambulance arriving, people running out of our ears, helicopter coming - back to work. Tonight, am so sad, just numb, can't even cry, exhausted, questioning my sanity in staying in this environment. Reaching out to all of you. Anyone been through this?????

[summersent]

Wow, that is terrible. I have no words. You went through a lot. I hope that you are going to be okay. You sound emotionally scarred.

[Little Panda RN, ASN, RN]

I am so sorry to hear about this gardengal1. I have never been through the suicide of a co-worker, but I have been through a co-worker being murdered by her husband and then the husband taking his own life. It is a horrible thing to go through. I do not have any words of wisdom, just wanted to say I am thinking of you and sending a cyber hug your way!!!!

[LPN*PRN]

Hugs to you))). A coworker of mine killed himself a few years ago. Everyone was shocked and saddened.

[nursinger]

My heart goes out to you. It's such a horrible thing to go through. We had a co worker kill herself and it was such a shock because she was an upbeat person. It was a long time that we were all numb and in disbelief. Time is the only thing that heals all wounds. I'll light a candle for you and your coworker tonight.

[gardengal1, ASN, RN]

Thanks for your replies. It is comforting to know that my one voice in this massive cyber wilderness has been heard.

[GCTMT]

What a tragedy. I'm so sorry, I can't say that I have had an experience like that. But, I urge you to reach out to people who love you. Hang in there.

[PostOpPrincess, BSN, RN]

Please p.m. me.

I can relate.

[2shihtzus]

We had a very well liked physician in our ED commit suicide several months ago. It took a long time for alot of people to get over it. Your in my thoughts *hugs*

[nygirl1986]

uggh isn't it awful what us nurses have to go through sometimes?? i have never been through a situation like that....but when i was in nursing school i'll never forget, i was taking microbiology over the summer. i worked my butt off for months and really needed to do well on the final...meanwhile my grandpa had been really sick (he was in hospice and we did know he was probably going soon).......i'm studying for my final and at 8pm the night right before my final my mom calls me and lets me know my grandpa passed away. sick part is, i didn't even cry. i think nurse's have that switch that they just turn it off when they know that they just can't deal with real emotion right now, and that's exactly what i did. i knew, like you, that there was work to be done and unfortunately, life happened at a really inconvenient time (doesn't it always?). i did grieve in due time, and i did pass the final, thank god! i think you handled the situation correctly though...i mean as sad as it may sound, there was other people that needed you then and you were doing the selfless job of nursing where you put others before yourself. make sure you take some personal time for yourself and really keep things in perspective, it's probably been a really rough time for everyone and you just need to deal with it in your own way. good luck to you :heartbeat

[StayLost, BSN, RN]

Tragic. I'm so sorry that you and your coworkers are going through this. I will definitely keep you in my thoughts.

[S.Gettes]

I think that there comes a time when all of us feel like this, we see so much sadness in our line of work and sometimes it is hard to see all the good things happening around us instead of all of the bad. Our job is to help people, to heal them, and for those who can not be healed it is up to us to make them as comfortable as we possibly can. Nothing can prepare us for the things which we experience and it never will. Feeling numb and the other feelings you have are not because you are burnt out, it is a natural reaction. I have felt the same way when members of my own family passed. It took for me to attend the funeral before I was able to shed any tears. And when i finally did my tears were flowing like waterfalls. Some of us try to keep it together the best we can because everyone else around us is so obviously affected, we take it upon ourselves to support everyone else and worry about ourselves last, that is just who we are. I am sure that you will be just fine and that you will not remain numb for long. Maybe you do need a few days off to go somewhere nice and just relax and have some time for yourself. Tomorrow is always a new day, I hope you feel better soon. Bless you.