'I love my patients!'.

[Florence NightinFAIL]

I've read a couple of threads where people have said they love their patients and I'm wondering what they mean by it, because I don't feel that, not even close. It's not that I'm a cold hearted pearson, but isn't 'love' too strong a word? I work in a general surg floor and patients generally stay from 1 week to a 2 months depending on their dx & sx. At the end of the day, I hardly remember their names or how they look like. I certainly do not love them or even like them (that does not mean that I dislike them - it just means that I don't have feelings towards them other than caring for them...does it make sense?). I hardly know them beyond their medical hx.

When I was doing my clinical in maternity and peds - I certainly felt at points that I loved the experience and the babies but not specific babies - just generally loved having someone that small to cuddle and take care of.

I'm wondering whether it's a personal feeling of some nurses or if people expect nurses to love their jobs or their patients. At the end of the day, it's a job not a calling. It took me a long time to love my friends yet I'm expected to love strangers that come in and out of my life in the blink of an eye?

And here is the shocker - I DON'T love nursing. I've always wanted to be a nurse but I don't love it. It's a job to me. I certainly have compassion and can emphasize with patient's stories. However, what's to love about 12 hr shifts, being on your feet all day, etc. etc. What other job expects the worker to love the job, love the client, not care about the money, etc? Yea, take your time while I brew myself some coffee....

Anyway...just wondering what your thoughts are.

Do you really love nursing and love your patients? And what do you mean exactly when you utter (write) that phrase?

Is it like writing 'LOL' even though you're not even smiling?

[kcochrane]

For some reason that I do not totally understand, nurses are expected to be in love with the profession, with their patients, and be perfectly willing to do it for free. It seems socially unacceptable for someone to consider nursing their job, and not their "calling" or "mission" in life. I totally disagree with this mentality. Few of us would do this for free. I know for a fact that if I won the lottery I would not continue working full time!

I love what I'm doing, but I would not do it for free. Well, unless I had a trust fund or something or that sort. I would however continue nursing if I won the lottery, although it would be part time and it would be in a volunteer type position.

And even though I felt nursing was my calling, I don't feel that everyone does. Like I said before, you can still be a good nurse without the "love".

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

i passed over this thread without reading it several times because the idea that i must "love my patients" or i am somehow inadequate as a nurse infuriates me. i don't love my patients, and many times i don't even like them. nursing is a job, not a calling or a mission -- it pays the bills. it's an interesting, challenging, flexible job with plenty of opportunities to change jobs, shifts, or even specialties. but i don't "love" it.

is there any other profession where you're expected to have a calling, where you're expected to work your tail off for twelve hours straight and are graded not on how hard you work, how knowledgeable or how skillful but rather on how nice you are? far too many of the posters on this board seem to believe that nursing is a calling and if you're in it "just for the money" (read "just to pay the bills") you are somehow less than those who have a mission in life to be nurses. you can have the calling and not be able to critically think yourself out of a wet paper bag . . . or you can be in it "just for the money" and be an excellent care giver and professional. you can have the "calling" and not understand disease processes or medications or be able to perform the physical aspects of the job.

i don't think having a calling or loving their patients makes anybody a safer practitioner. i don't think hating the occaisional nasty, combative, manipulative or abusive patient or family member makes anybody a horrible person or even a bad nurse. it would be nice if we all loved everyone we were responsible for caring for and if we all loved our jobs. but that just isn't realistic. nor should you feel guilty because someone insists you are somehow "less" because you don't.

[nursel56]

I really can't say that I "love" my patients either. This isn't to say that no patient has ever tugged at my heartstrings or that I don't feel genuine affection for some of them, especially in the areas of long-term care and/or home health.

When I worked at the acute care hospital and most patients stayed no more than 2 weeks, I really developed no particular attachment. When we took care of "boarder babies", some for 6 months or longer, who were never visited by their parents, I did get attached. Some eventually died, and I truly grieved. I can't forget the babies who were abandoned due to their illnesses and some who died for no apparent reason.

When I worked outpatient, I developed some affectionate relationships with folks, but it never was the same thing I would have felt for my own family members. Now that I work in people's homes and spend many hours with the same person, I am still cognizant of the fact that I am there to do a job, I have a separate life, and it appears I have automatically developed the proper amount of thin or thick skin- because sometimes home health patients use the close nature of the job to manipulate and guilt trip the nurses. I find that I am able to decline that just fine without feeling the slightest bit guilty.

I've known nurses who were the emotionally gushy type, and the stand-offish type. Even if we could alter these things about ourselves, why should we? There is no cookie-cutter nurse and my belief is that it's a very small fraction of nurses who are detached to the point that they should actually leave the field, and even then it wouldn't be because of their lack of emotion, it would be their failure to provide competent and safe care, or their detachment leading to negligence.

It's a really slippery slope when we try to get inside each other's heads to determine if we have the right stuff rather than what we do, which obviously includes communicating with the patient effectively.

[RNKel, ASN, RN]

I love being an RN.

I love my job.

I love [most of] my patients.

[Cul2]

Some of you might want to check out the book "Moderated Love: A Theology of Professional Care" by Alastair V. Campbell. "Love" is a complex concept that can

be defined differently in different contexts yet still be considered "love."

[ShayRN]

I think there are various degrees of love. I love my children. I love my dog. Who would I pull out of a burning house first? I can honestly say I feel like I was meant to be a nurse. I have been doing this for almost 12 years now and still love being a nurse. I do primary care, bedside nursing. Do I love the politics involved in being a nurse? NO. But when the day is over and I know without a shadow of a doubt I made someone's day just a little better because I was there, it is worth it. So do I love my patients? They bring me great joy, fill me with a sense of worth, teach me something every day, show me humility, share their life's stories and give me their trust during their most vulnerable time in their lives. Yes, I love my patients. I love my job and I love being a nurse. Would I do it for free? Ehhh, no. But would I do it if I won the lottery? Heck yes. But, not as often, lol.

[Jules A, MSN]

What other job expects the worker to love the job, love the client, not care about the money, etc? Yea, take your time while I brew myself some coffee....

Anyway...just wondering what your thoughts are.

Do you really love nursing and love your patients? And what do you mean exactly when you utter (write) that phrase?

Is it like writing 'LOL' even though you're not even smiling?

First I want to clear up your statement that we aren't supposed to care about money. I totally care about the money. Money and the various opportunities are the reasons I became a nurse not because of some calling. That said I do say that I love some of my patients, mostly the kids. I love the ones that have had a horrible time in this lifetime and are still fighting. Not exactly how to describe it but sort of like chemistry some just click and not for a reason you can put your finger on. Imo this job is too hard not to love it for the most part.

[leslie :-D]

no, i do not love all my pts.

but of course, i do tend to love the fresh, cantankerous old ladies.

i do love my job and that can spill over as to how i treat my pts.

that said, i've had some monsters who i've had nasty thoughts about.

(for instance, an angry man who threw a filled, colostomy bag at me).

but i am no angel of mercy, and have muttered 'bite me' to myself, more than once.

leslie

[ShayRN]

but i am no angel of mercy, and have muttered 'bite me' to myself, more than once.

leslie

YIPPEE! I thought I was a horrbile person when I did that, but if YOU do it, its ok for me, ROFL.

[leslie :-D]

YIPPEE! I thought I was a horrbile person when I did that, but if YOU do it, its ok for me, ROFL.

that's my problem- i seldom feel horrible for my thoughts.

i won't even tell you about the time that mr. x died, and we broke into a chorus of "ding dong, the witch is dead, the wicked witch...":lol2:

but we pulled ourselves together very quickly.

it happens.

leslie

[ShayRN]

LOL, I completely understand.

[wanderlust99]

"Love" is a word that is misused sometimes. I will say I "love" her when I really mean that she was a sweet, easy, and delightful patient that I enjoyed caring for that day. Sometimes that happens.

My first 2 years I will admit I didn't love my patients. In fact I was pretty annoyed by them. A couple of them I connected with, but for the most part I think it was just me being a new nurse and stressed out so I wasn't the best I could be. For some reason my attitude eventually changed and I started "nursing" differently. I got to the basics of nursing and really opened myself up to these patients and allowed myself to care about them and their situations. I don't know what happened but nursing is much more rewarding this way.