Actually, I lost all respect for two colleagues today. One is a brand new grad, about 21 or 22 and gorgeous in one of those fresh, "girl next door" ways. She gets her scrubs tailored so they fit her just so, her hair is long, shiny and falls in loose lustrous waves. She could be a model, so we'll call her Heidi. The other is a married neurosurgery fellow, whose wife is pregnant with his first child. We'll call him Dr. Dick, or just Dick.
Heidi didn't do anything to seriously endanger a patient: she didn't slam in Lasix, for example, or trickle in Adenosine. She didn't miss a run of VT (although, to be fair, the Clin Tech noticed it first and pointed it out to Heidi). She didn't ignore post-op pain or bleeding, and she wasn't the one sitting at the computer at the nurse's station, headphones on and watching a hockey game while ignoring monitor alarms and call bells. Nevertheless, I've completely lost respect for her.
It was a slow night for a Friday night -- half of our surgeons were out of town for a conference and of the remaining four, one just lost his mother and isn't back from the funeral in Asia. There's a new sushi restaurant near the hospital, and they deliver if you can put together a lucrative-enough order. The folks I work with are crazy about sushi and even the Respiratory Therapists and the X-ray techs were ordering $20 worth of sushi.
We were all sitting in the back -- well, not ALL of us. Half of us were sitting in the back, having drawn the long straw and were enjoying our sushi while the other half watched all of the patients. Heidi was sitting next to Dick, something that really didn't register with me at the time, and Dick was regaling us all with a tale about how his wife's incredible morning sickness caused her to toss her cookies in the waste basket of a patient's hospital room while the patient described in great detail the "unusual" nature of his poop. (Only nurses -- and surgeons, RTs and X-ray techs can sit around enjoying a good meal while describing poop and someone's vomiting episodes.)
And then I went back to relieve Steve, my substation partner so he could eat his sushi. While Steve was gone, his patient's attending surgeon stopped by and asked a question I couldn't answer, so I popped into the break room to ask him about it. Both Heidi and Dick were still there, only this time they were sharing a single chair. The sexual tension was palpable, and Steve looked thrilled to be interrupted. He shot out of the room as though he'd been fired from a cannon.
Heidi, it seems, has been sleeping with Dick since her arrival on our unit in July. She knows all about the pregnant wife . . .
Heidi may be a good clinician one day, she may be a compassionate and caring nurse. She may be a hard worker. But I will never again respect a woman who could sleep with a married man, a man whose wife is pregnant with their child and who is a sometimes-colleague on a consulting service. And the fact that they made no attempt to be discreet makes them even more contemptible. I've lived through the drama on a unit when an affair goes bad, witnessed a famously and flagrantly unfaithful surgeon's wife storm into the ICU demanding "which one of you ugly ******* is ******* my husband?" and making a good attempt to castrate the man in question. I've seen the aftermath of the DON being found going at it with the Medical Director of Emergency Medicine and I've lived through more nurses breaking up with doctors on our service than I can even remember. I've been the cheated-upon, and it was more painful than even I can describe. Why would you put someone else through that deliberately?
Keep it out of work, people. And if you cannot do that, at least be discreet.
Heather, hopefully Heidi does have such a friend. However, some people really just don't care if they hurt other people. Your friend chose her moment well, because I'm sure there was a point in that relationship when you would have gotten angry and cut off that friend, probably with a "you can't judge me!" So hopefully, if Heidi has a friend, they'll be able to get through.
OK...only on page one of the responses and my goodness. From some of these stories I guess real nursing is a lot more like Greys Anatomy than I thought! I am with you in the losing the respect part, talk about unprofessional behavior in the work place. Do they even realize that if somebody were bothered enough by it to turn them in that at the least one or both could lose their jobs?
My comment was meant to indicate that they're both equally guilty. Many posters seemed to be saying that since he's the one with the commitment he should be the focus of the disapproval, and excusing her because she's young, single, and possibly naive. My point was that they're both adulterers equally, and should face equal disapproval.
However, this has not ONE thing to do with the caliber of the work they do from the story as it unfolded.
And unless I am hanging with them on off time, "disapproval" has nothing to do with it.
Freak flags come in many colors...you can be part of the parade, a bystander, or mind your own business.
It's no wonder marriage is in such a damaged state in our society when people actually believe they have no obligation to respect and protect other people's vows.
The only thing I need to do while working is to protect my patients.
Otherwise, no one is under any obligation to protect anything but their own vows **in their PERSONAL lives**.
And as distasteful as cheating on spouses may be to some people (and again, we do NOT KNOW if they are having an affair or not....just a bunch of gossip) it is not illegal. Grounds for a nasty divorce, but not illegal--2 adults, a bunch of speculation, and no idea what someone's personal idea of marriage is.
No way to keep out of the rumor and the fray -- everyone on shift that night saw what was going on, and Heidi's roommate verified the assumption that there was a sexual relationship going on. (Although to be fair, since she has only HEARD and not SEEN what was going on in the bedroom, I guess we don't know for SURE.) As far as "trashing" the girl -- there's equal-opportunity trashing going on, and HE has lost more respect than anyone. But 21 is old enough to know not to mess with someone who is already involved elsewhere, even if it isn't old enough to understand the full ramifications of how it will affect her work relationships. There's a lack of judgement there and a willingness to cause emotional pain to another person, and dang it, that's just wrong.
May be wrong in your opinion, but still none of your business. Do you really want to start a bunch of stuff over now the room-mate deciding to open his mouth and say "not a lot of sleeping is going on" SERIOUSLY?! This is way too flawed. Heidi is living with a man? Next week will she be doing him as well? Or is it assumed she already is? Perhaps all three are involved.....
What the heck has this got to do with how either one of them practice at work? She's a great nurse, but a tramp so paint a giant "A" on her scrubs and call his wife, and explain to all who will listen that the nosey roomate is listening at the door, there was a seat sharing incident at break time, and that we all need to start involving ourselves in other people's vows.....
Wow. Grab some popcorn, and keep on slandering these people. I would be thrilled if the only person Heidi is having sex with is her girlfriend......
And that's where the distinction in philosophies lies: some of us see ourselves as part of a larger whole in which we affect others with our actions, and some of us see ourselves as unconnected individuals with no obligations to anyone except those we choose to take on.
Dr. Dick and his wife will be moving on in July. Heidi presumably -- and we all know how big of an assumption this is where new grads are concerned -- will be staying and working with all of us for the next few years or so. My days of working with either Dr. Dick are numbered; and I don't work as closely with the Dicks. Heidi could be my orientee, (yup, still on orientation) my substation partner, someone whose evaluation I'll have to do or a committee member I'll have to work with quite closely. Her behavior is making her fellow nurses uncomfortable with her.
And while Dr. Dick is a sleaze, he'll be gone and forgotten while I'm still working with Heidi.
This thread isn't going to influence the behavior of Dr. Dicks anywhere, but if Heidis everywhere see it and think about it, perhaps it may influence their behavior. (This is a nursing site, after all). And that's where I was aiming.
And if Heidi does indeed stay behind, she is going to feel dirty and used and rotten and wonder how he could have just *left* her, his lover, behind, even while Dr. Dick moves on with his life and family and forgets all about her. Maybe, hopefully, that will give her something to think about if and when she is approached by another married sleazeball.
Wonder if Heidi has any plans to try to follow Dr. Dick and his wife to their new city, a la "Fatal Attraction", or if she will just suck it up, stay put, and try to find a nice, single boyfriend.
Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
However, this has not ONE thing to do with the caliber of the work they do from the story as it unfolded.
And unless I am hanging with them on off time, "disapproval" has nothing to do with it.
Freak flags come in many colors...you can be part of the parade, a bystander, or mind your own business.
We know that Dr. Dick and Heidi are both cheaters and we can conclude that they're also liars, too -- unless we suscribe to the (relatively unlikely) theory that the other Dr. Dick knows about the affair and/or is party to it. Can you honestly say you'd be just as likely to believe Dr. Dick when he says "I didn't nick that artery" as you would be to believe someone you've never known to be a liar?
And when Heidi says "I gave that Kcl" but the patient's K+ hasn't budged or "I didn't give him any potassium" when the patient's K+ is climbing past 7? Are you going to be as likely to believe her as you would be someone else who wasn't known to be a liar? When you have to trust a colleague to watch your patients so you can eat lunch, are you going to be as comfortable as you would be with someone who wasn't frequently abandoning her own assignment to go chat up the surgeon?
Sorry but I am fully with Ruby Vee on this one. They are both at fault regardless of his marital status and higher status in the hospital hierarchy. . I don't know that I could fully trust a co-worker to do her [or his] job if there is on the job fooling around going on...the focus is pretty clearly not on the job!
Not to mention how just plain uncomfortable that situation would be! I would feel very awkward every time I had to be in the same room as Mrs Dick.
klone, MSN, RN
14,857 Posts
Ruby, have you considered the wisdom of posting something with so many identifying details, about someone else's affair, on the internet?