Actually, I lost all respect for two colleagues today. One is a brand new grad, about 21 or 22 and gorgeous in one of those fresh, "girl next door" ways. She gets her scrubs tailored so they fit her just so, her hair is long, shiny and falls in loose lustrous waves. She could be a model, so we'll call her Heidi. The other is a married neurosurgery fellow, whose wife is pregnant with his first child. We'll call him Dr. Dick, or just Dick.
Heidi didn't do anything to seriously endanger a patient: she didn't slam in Lasix, for example, or trickle in Adenosine. She didn't miss a run of VT (although, to be fair, the Clin Tech noticed it first and pointed it out to Heidi). She didn't ignore post-op pain or bleeding, and she wasn't the one sitting at the computer at the nurse's station, headphones on and watching a hockey game while ignoring monitor alarms and call bells. Nevertheless, I've completely lost respect for her.
It was a slow night for a Friday night -- half of our surgeons were out of town for a conference and of the remaining four, one just lost his mother and isn't back from the funeral in Asia. There's a new sushi restaurant near the hospital, and they deliver if you can put together a lucrative-enough order. The folks I work with are crazy about sushi and even the Respiratory Therapists and the X-ray techs were ordering $20 worth of sushi.
We were all sitting in the back -- well, not ALL of us. Half of us were sitting in the back, having drawn the long straw and were enjoying our sushi while the other half watched all of the patients. Heidi was sitting next to Dick, something that really didn't register with me at the time, and Dick was regaling us all with a tale about how his wife's incredible morning sickness caused her to toss her cookies in the waste basket of a patient's hospital room while the patient described in great detail the "unusual" nature of his poop. (Only nurses -- and surgeons, RTs and X-ray techs can sit around enjoying a good meal while describing poop and someone's vomiting episodes.)
And then I went back to relieve Steve, my substation partner so he could eat his sushi. While Steve was gone, his patient's attending surgeon stopped by and asked a question I couldn't answer, so I popped into the break room to ask him about it. Both Heidi and Dick were still there, only this time they were sharing a single chair. The sexual tension was palpable, and Steve looked thrilled to be interrupted. He shot out of the room as though he'd been fired from a cannon.
Heidi, it seems, has been sleeping with Dick since her arrival on our unit in July. She knows all about the pregnant wife . . .
Heidi may be a good clinician one day, she may be a compassionate and caring nurse. She may be a hard worker. But I will never again respect a woman who could sleep with a married man, a man whose wife is pregnant with their child and who is a sometimes-colleague on a consulting service. And the fact that they made no attempt to be discreet makes them even more contemptible. I've lived through the drama on a unit when an affair goes bad, witnessed a famously and flagrantly unfaithful surgeon's wife storm into the ICU demanding "which one of you ugly ******* is ******* my husband?" and making a good attempt to castrate the man in question. I've seen the aftermath of the DON being found going at it with the Medical Director of Emergency Medicine and I've lived through more nurses breaking up with doctors on our service than I can even remember. I've been the cheated-upon, and it was more painful than even I can describe. Why would you put someone else through that deliberately?
Keep it out of work, people. And if you cannot do that, at least be discreet.
While the focus of this thread is on the inappropriateness of an extramarital affair period, the REAL focus should be on keeping ALL romantic 'adventures' out of the workplace.
I agree completely. I don't care about other peoples sex lives in the least, and adultery is so common place (and "common" as my mother would say, by way of insult) that it doesn't phase me in the least. But I don't want to know about it, certainly don't want to be party to it by knowing something I shouldn't. Dr. and Nurse both need to grow up and behave like professionals, take it to a hotel and keep it out of the workplace. THAT is the despicable part, IMO. The rest is just sex (potentially), and really, other than his wife possibly, who even cares?
Who cares what they are doing? Frankly, it is absolutely none of your business. Quit being such a busybody.
They were DOING IT in the break room! How is someone being a busybody if they walk into their own break room and see two idiots who CHOSE to flaunt their adultery there?!
We know that Dr. Dick and Heidi are both cheaters and we can conclude that they're also liars, too -- unless we suscribe to the (relatively unlikely) theory that the other Dr. Dick knows about the affair and/or is party to it. Can you honestly say you'd be just as likely to believe Dr. Dick when he says "I didn't nick that artery" as you would be to believe someone you've never known to be a liar?
And when Heidi says "I gave that Kcl" but the patient's K+ hasn't budged or "I didn't give him any potassium" when the patient's K+ is climbing past 7? Are you going to be as likely to believe her as you would be someone else who wasn't known to be a liar? When you have to trust a colleague to watch your patients so you can eat lunch, are you going to be as comfortable as you would be with someone who wasn't frequently abandoning her own assignment to go chat up the surgeon?
We really don't KNOW they are cheaters, nor liars. There's a great deal of assumption, but that is about all it is--assumptions.
To have this affect the fact that you may have to precept the nurse or some other reflection on what type of nurse she is due to assumptions about personal life, that is messed up on a number of levels.
I would be much more inclined to wonder who the heck is taking care of the patients if the room mate is now in on this slander....and call it what it is, slander. So instead, it is ok that ya'll abandon your patients to discuss other's personal life?
Gossip takes time and energy away from where it belongs--on patient care. If being 100% honest and true 100% of the time in one's personal life is a requirement of "watching your patients" I am not sure you would find many who live up to that expectation 100% of the time.
Bottom line--you don't KNOW anything, and you ASSUMING a whole lot. You and the room mate are KNOWN to be gossiping and otherwise making up stories regarding things that may or may not be true. Nurses can and do lose their jobs over that. As it is called harrassment/bullying/hostile work enviroments. And malicious. And slanderous.
I am so surprised that any nurse of multiple years and experience would put this much time and energy into partaking in such nonesense. It may hit close to home, but it is not your home, OP.
They were DOING IT in the break room! How is someone being a busybody if they walk into their own break room and see two idiots who CHOSE to flaunt their adultery there?!
Where did you read that?? OP said they were sharing a chair in the break room. That is not sex...unless I've been doing it wrong all these years.
Am I the only person here who has only worked on units where the most scandalous thing anybody got up to at work was playing Candy Crush on their phone during a lull in the shift?
No? Just me? Everybody else works at General Hospital?
I've been in a similar position to the OP. My boss was cheating on his wife with a coworker (also married) in another department. I lost all respect for both of them. If a person can so blatantly lie to and intentionally hurt their spouse, what else will they lie about? They have since divorced their spouses and married each other, which I find shocking. How can they trust each other?
I would having difficulty believing anything Dr. Dick or Heidi say. Once a liar, always a liar.
And has absolutely nothing to do with how they practice nursing. Never forget that!
I disagree. If a person can lie about something as important as their wedding vows (open marriages aside), what else will they lie about? A liar can't be trusted, whatever the lie is.
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BlueDevil, DNP
176 Posts
I agree completely. I don't care about other peoples sex lives in the least, and adultery is so common place (and "common" as my mother would say, by way of insult) that it doesn't phase me in the least. But I don't want to know about it, certainly don't want to be party to it by knowing something I shouldn't. Dr. and Nurse both need to grow up and behave like professionals, take it to a hotel and keep it out of the workplace. THAT is the despicable part, IMO. The rest is just sex (potentially), and really, other than his wife possibly, who even cares?