I admit it. Nursing is not at all what I thought. I have never been so unhappy. I've been doing bedside for 10 months and have sunk deeper into depression than I ever thought possible. I have been looking for another job but no one will hire me for anything but bedside without a BSN (I was planning to get a BSN until I actually started nursing and realized I hate it.) It isn't just this job. I started to feel this way during school, during clinicals but everyone told me it would be different when I graduated and got a job. I thought I was a compassionate person but have found out that I am not. I started out going into patient rooms with a sincere smile. Now I force myself to smile and be pleasant, trying just to focus on the task for fear I will start to cry.
I am selfish and unhappy no matter what I do. I took a job on an ortho floor but resented the patients who constantly told me to warm up their sandwich and get them a Sprite. I would get them pudding and more ketchup packets and help them to the bathroom but my back and knees were constantly in pain and I felt like I was ruining my health caring for other people who aren't always appreciative. So I changed jobs and started working with more critical patients, most of whom are terminal. And now I am always crying because the death and suffering is overwhelming. It is too heartbreaking to hear the cries of family members. I know it's selfish but I can't handle it anymore.
I hate the hours. I never see my family or friends. I have to work rotating shifts and take pills to sleep and drink caffiene to stay awake. I envy the patients sleeping in their beds. I have never been so exhausted in my life. I have no social life. On my days off, I lay in bed all day, too tired to move and wish that I was doing anything but nursing.
I thought I would make close friends but the nurses have not been welcoming and they often talk smack about each other as soon as someone leaves the room.
I'm sorry to be so negative. I know I sound horrible and awful and many of you will say good riddance because I'm not the person who should be a nurse. It seems so many of you are so selfless and caring and I am in awe but I guess I am not that person. I know I need to talk to someone. I have an appointment with EAP next week. Thanks for letting me vent.
Hey, I am really sorry that you are going through this, But you are not alone, there are many new nurses out there who have the same problem. It will take minimum a year or two to get used to that. I worked as a Nursing Assistant in a Rehab facility and I went through the same problem. What helped me the most is just ignore those bad coworkers and concentrate on your work. If you can, make one good friend on the floor, in that way, you have some support on the floor. Don't give up because you are not alone. I am a new grad RN and i am nervous about my future as a nurse. good luck to you.
OMG!! i feel ur pain! the only difference is that i love the picture perfect definition of a nurse. i love the textbook version. i reality it is quite the opposite. As a new nurse i come to realize that these nurses and even the PCT/ Nurse aid talks so much **** about the new nurses. This is my first actual career. i am exposed to so many disease and I've administers and managers adding new rules and policy every 5 seconds. managers looking at you like ur stupid. nursing is the most degrading job on the planet. I'm constantly been screamed at by patients, have to be their maid/servant, PCT thinking that all they have to do is deliver the patient their food tray, nurses and PCT talking **** about me, and trying prove to managers that u r the ****. It is just a lot of pressure!!
I remember the days i was searching for a job and now i have now i don't really want it....moment like this i wish i was married to some rich guy lol
Are you on night shift? When I switched to days, I felt so much better physically, emotionally and spiritually.
I don't know if it's possible for you but I went from full time (3 12's) to part time (2 12's). I get the same benefits; I can always pick up a third shift and get flex up pay. A lot of our staff is part time now and all the part time people are way nicer than they used to be! I feel a lot better and feel like I have a life outside of working and recovering from working. That extra day off makes a huge difference. We have to work every third weekend so in order to have a consistent schedule I work every weekend. I make an extra couple bucks an hour, no muckety-muck manager and big wigs roaming around, everything is just more laid back. It's even easy to park and the cafeteria isn't crowded.
Im not sure of your age; I'm a bit older and looked into getting some type of law degree. It might be of some interest to you; the RN with law would be a great combination, career-wise, and really change up what your job is without feeling like you wasted time, effort and money on nursing school.
Good of luck to you and congratulations on knowing yourself and recognizing the importance of being satisfied in your work.
you should try psych nursing! always entertaining and minimally tiring.
I admit it. Nursing is not at all what I thought. I have never been so unhappy. I've been doing bedside for 10 months and have sunk deeper into depression than I ever thought possible. I have been looking for another job but no one will hire me for anything but bedside without a BSN (I was planning to get a BSN until I actually started nursing and realized I hate it.) It isn't just this job. I started to feel this way during school, during clinicals but everyone told me it would be different when I graduated and got a job. I thought I was a compassionate person but have found out that I am not. I started out going into patient rooms with a sincere smile. Now I force myself to smile and be pleasant, trying just to focus on the task for fear I will start to cry.
I am selfish and unhappy no matter what I do. I took a job on an ortho floor but resented the patients who constantly told me to warm up their sandwich and get them a Sprite. I would get them pudding and more ketchup packets and help them to the bathroom but my back and knees were constantly in pain and I felt like I was ruining my health caring for other people who aren't always appreciative. So I changed jobs and started working with more critical patients, most of whom are terminal. And now I am always crying because the death and suffering is overwhelming. It is too heartbreaking to hear the cries of family members. I know it's selfish but I can't handle it anymore.
I hate the hours. I never see my family or friends. I have to work rotating shifts and take pills to sleep and drink caffiene to stay awake. I envy the patients sleeping in their beds. I have never been so exhausted in my life. I have no social life. On my days off, I lay in bed all day, too tired to move and wish that I was doing anything but nursing.
I thought I would make close friends but the nurses have not been welcoming and they often talk smack about each other as soon as someone leaves the room.
I'm sorry to be so negative. I know I sound horrible and awful and many of you will say good riddance because I'm not the person who should be a nurse. It seems so many of you are so selfless and caring and I am in awe but I guess I am not that person. I know I need to talk to someone. I have an appointment with EAP next week. Thanks for letting me vent.
Specializes in ER, ICU/CCU, Open Heart OR Recovery, Etc.
You cannot take care of others if you do not take care of yourself first.
Get to your PCP first thing after you sleep in on your first day off, tell all that and tell, directly, that you need FMLA now.
Then take as much free time as you can and think about it all when you feel better. Consider money as a secondary thing for now. You cannot buy family, friends or health.
There are less stressful parts of nursing, and less stressful jobs where your knowledge will be an asset. Your school's alumni office may have some resources. If you only have ADN, you can, with time and opportunity, make non-nursing or "around nursing" degree out of it (BS/healthcare IT/coding programs are loaded with burned out ADNs, for only one example). But for right now, your health comes first, everything else second.
Absolutely. Put yourself first. And be gentle with yourself. Get a physical exam. Rest.
I have an ADN as well. When I left nursing a number of years ago, I wanted to start over and thus went back to school. I graduated in 2012 with a BA in Political Science/Philosophy/Paralegal Studies. That's a bit of a mouthful, but I do see myself gaining some benefits with that in nursing. I'm coming back after a number of years away. Anything is possible.
I agree with EAP and also the FMLA comments. Use the FMLA time to look for another job. Maybe you need another area of healthcare to work in since this is not the job for you. Perhaps clinic work? I have been a nurse for almost 20 years and my resume looks like an indeed.com page. But moving around helped me maintain sanity. In those days I suppose it was easier to change jobs but please look for another position. You deserve peace of mind.
There's so much negativity going on right now with these posts. It's Thanksgiving Eve ()-- I'm thankful for my job, my love of nursing and not feeling like that. Nursing is too full of this already.
Thank you all for the kind responses. I did talk to the EAP who said that I was headed for a breakdown if I didn't make a change. She said that I need to consider a) another job where I'm not rotating shifts and to b) see a psychiatrist to get on new medication. I scheduled an appointment with a psychiatrist before I left her office and then went to work where I proceeded to have the worst crash and burn shift ever.
One patient spiking a high fever, another whose surgical site began hemorrhaging, another trying to get up and falling and me being late on medications while I tried to process all the orders the drs put in. In the midst of all that chaos, I asked another nurse how to place one of the specific orders. She was in melt down crisis mode too and snapped at me in front of everyone that I should be able to do this by now. I just lost it and started crying. I removed myself and went to the nurse's lounge, but I'm pretty sure everyone heard me sobbing in that room for several minutes not to mention walking around the rest of shift with red, puffy eyes and anyone could tell I'd been crying my eyes out. I feel humiliated. I ended up staying 4 hours past shift to finish work and I'm sure I still missed something on charting.
I had to have a meeting with my manager to go over my actions and what occurred. She was kind but said that I need to get my emotions under control and work on my anxiety and remaining calm under pressure situations. She's right. I have an anxiety disorder that had previously been managed via medications but it's not enough now. My anxiety is through the roof because I'm sure I'm going to make a serious mistake. And I know my high anxiety will increase the chance of making a mistake which is why I'm not sure if I can do this. I was lucky to have today off but I have to go back tomorrow and face everyone who saw me burst into tears. I am embarrassed and not sure how to handle it.
Specializes in Oncology, Rehab, Public Health, Med Surg.
Thank you all for the kind responses. I did talk to the EAP who said that I was headed for a breakdown if I didn't make a change. She said that I need to consider a) another job where I'm not rotating shifts and to b) see a psychiatrist to get on new medication. I scheduled an appointment with a psychiatrist before I left her office and then went to work where I proceeded to have the worst crash and burn shift ever.
One patient spiking a high fever, another whose surgical site began hemorrhaging, another trying to get up and falling and me being late on medications while I tried to process all the orders the drs put in. In the midst of all that chaos, I asked another nurse how to place one of the specific orders. She was in melt down crisis mode too and snapped at me in front of everyone that I should be able to do this by now. I just lost it and started crying. I removed myself and went to the nurse's lounge, but I'm pretty sure everyone heard me sobbing in that room for several minutes not to mention walking around the rest of shift with red, puffy eyes and anyone could tell I'd been crying my eyes out. I feel humiliated. I ended up staying 4 hours past shift to finish work and I'm sure I still missed something on charting.
I had to have a meeting with my manager to go over my actions and what occurred. She was kind but said that I need to get my emotions under control and work on my anxiety and remaining calm under pressure situations. She's right. I have an anxiety disorder that had previously been managed via medications but it's not enough now. My anxiety is through the roof because I'm sure I'm going to make a serious mistake. And I know my high anxiety will increase the chance of making a mistake which is why I'm not sure if I can do this. I was lucky to have today off but I have to go back tomorrow and face everyone who saw me burst into tears. I am embarrassed and not sure how to handle it.
Everyone--everyone!!--has had a shift like this. Do not let yourself be embarrased or humilated.
Ways to help when you return to work--
-- first, vigourous activity is your friend. Go for a brisk walk-think about/ feel your emotions Burn your emotions off with activity. Emotional overload often happens sith buildup so let those feelings out
-- practice affirmations. Positive affirmations. At one point in my nursing career, i actually went to a counselor who helped me make a guided imagery cd that i listened to at night It incorporated things that i wanted to remember and have ingrained into my day
--what to say at work---
thank you for your concern:silence. You dont owe anyone answers
-Thanks for asking. I do havesome stuff going on but im working it out
I'm sure others will have good suggestions
Keep your chin up. You can -and will- get through this
Specializes in Med-Surg, OB, ICU, Public Health Nursing.
Consider that the your current position is just not a good fit. There are so many fascinating areas of nursing and bedside nursing is not for everyone. Start thinking about what you might like or might like to try. Best wishes.
)-- I'm thankful for my job, my love of nursing and not feeling like that. Nursing is too full of this already.
Supenurse
21 Posts
Hey, I am really sorry that you are going through this, But you are not alone, there are many new nurses out there who have the same problem. It will take minimum a year or two to get used to that. I worked as a Nursing Assistant in a Rehab facility and I went through the same problem. What helped me the most is just ignore those bad coworkers and concentrate on your work. If you can, make one good friend on the floor, in that way, you have some support on the floor. Don't give up because you are not alone. I am a new grad RN and i am nervous about my future as a nurse. good luck to you.