I got the darn BSN so I'd have more options. I've really been disappointed because I've been trying to get off the floor for a while but every position I've applied for I've been passed over for someone with experience in that field, i.e. physician office, endoscopy, interventional radiology. I could get hired in our ER, I worked there as a tech for 6 years. I think ER experience would position me better for a lot of jobs. But, I just feel like it would be too stressful. Im totally fine and on point at work and then after I finish my last shift, I fall to pieces, I think because I have to push everything out of my mind, then it comes back like a sledge hammer. It's better; I used to not even make out of the parking garage before just breaking down and sobbing in my car for awhile before I could drive. So I don't think a higher stress position would be a realistic or smart move. I think I might just totally lose it. I'm afraid that I won't be safe for my patients because my cognition will be compromised by trying so hard to keep things together. Other jobs I've looked at, such as case management, utilization review etc require experience in those fields. I feel totally boxed in and am pretty frustrated that the BSN hasn't been of any realistic use. Unless of course, I continue my education. I really think that a nurse practitioner of any type would be too stressful; I just don't want that massive responsibility. In all honesty, I'm just at a loss. I want to try to rebuild my life. I worked so hard to get my degrees; it took me 7 years for the Associates with prerequisites, working full time, kids at home. Since 2008 both my parents and all my (4) sisters died. Jeepers, the night before my first shift as an RN, my house burned down. But I stayed working hard, pushed through, was at clinicals the day after my mother died. And I worked hard on my BSN, I was able to join Sigma Theta Tau, got on the Dean's list and graduated with honors. I'm just confounded that I can't seem to make anything work. I'm sort of just subsiting because I don't work enough. It makes me so sad to think all that was for nothing now if I can't do anything but work at a job that's getting hard to stomach. I feel like my son killed me too sometimes. I guess, I feel sort of ruined and am trying to remake myself despite this quagmire of endless loss. Yes, I'm in counseling and on medication. Sorry this is so long. It's just kind of a complex situation. There's actually more stuff that's happened but I'm trying not to write a book; I'm just trying to explain where my head is at and get some light shed on how to proceed. Thanks.