I got a counseling letter because I refused to help another staff member with her personal problems?

[beachynurse, ASN, BSN]

On 12/5/2021 at 11:44 AM, DK123 said:

Spend 10 minutes of my life? Absolutely not. There are things I should know, but there are definitely things that I don't need to know and don't need to put my nose in. I didn't want her bad mouthing her ex, or saying something about her kids. Again why spend 15 minutes, if it has nothing to do with me? Its none of my business, and it has nothing to do with patient care.

I feel so sorry for you. Someday, you may be in the same position, and need someone to talk to. However, Karma is a funny thing. When you need someone, they may treat you as you have treated others. And I doubt you will like it in your time of need. 

[Wuzzie]

3 minutes ago, beachynurse said:

I feel so sorry for you. Someday, you may be in the same position, and need someone to talk to. However, Karma is a funny thing. When you need someone, they may treat you as you have treated others. And I doubt you will like it in your time of need. 

I would agree with you if his co-worker had not been so grossly inappropriate in dumping her personal problems on a random co-worker in an elevator no less. I wouldn't have wanted to take that on either and not because I'm a horrible person but because these situations are sticky and never end well. 

[beachynurse, ASN, BSN]

4 minutes ago, Wuzzie said:

I would agree with you if his co-worker had not been so grossly inappropriate in dumping her personal problems on a random co-worker in an elevator no less. I wouldn't have wanted to take that on either and not because I'm a horrible person but because these situations are sticky and never end well. 

We don't know what that woman was going through, but it sounds like she had reached her breaking point. So while you may deem it inappropriate, I would deem it more of a breakdown. Having empathy for others is so important for those of us in health care professions, if you don't have any, maybe this is not the field for you. I would not want people who have no empathy to care for my loved ones. 

[2BS Nurse, BSN]

"I get you want to keep your business away from other staff, but really? You couldn't give her a few minutes of your time? I would not want a nurse like you taking care of me, man to man. I can't imagine being so rigid and uncaring."

We are NOT obligated to be our coworkers' therapists. A polite reply would suffice. We are paid to take care of our patients. There is a big difference. You cannot assume the OP would approach his patients in the same manner.

Edited Dec 7, 2021 by 2BS Nurse

[RNNPICU, BSN, RN]

I get not wanting to get involved in other people's lives, however if someone is visibly upset, a simple, response of I am sorry to hear you are having a tough time.  I have yet to be in a very long elevator ride that anything more than that type of conversation would be had. Going on and telling someone you don't want to be involved, etc, is a little over the top.  A simple, I am sorry your upset is sufficient and move on. 

[Wuzzie]

1 hour ago, beachynurse said:

Having empathy for others is so important for those of us in health care professions, if you don't have any, maybe this is not the field for you.

Well considering I've been extremely successful in it for 35 years your assessment of my ability is laughable. 

There is empathy and then there is getting involved in something you are not equipped to deal with. He recognized his limitations and provided her appropriate resources that is the all he needed to do. 

[Jedrnurse, BSN, RN]

3 minutes ago, Wuzzie said:

 

There is empathy and then there is getting involved in something you are not equipped to deal with. He recognized his limitations and provided her appropriate resources that is the all he needed to do. 

I think the x-factor is really not knowing how it was handled. You can avoid being an Elevator Crisis Response Clinician (ECRC) in a "good" way, or perhaps it was avoided in a...not so good way.

[Wuzzie]

1 minute ago, Jedrnurse said:

I think the x-factor is really not knowing how it was handled. You can avoid being an Elevator Crisis Response Clinician (ECRC) in a "good" way, or perhaps it was avoided in a...not so good way.

True but excoriating the OP isn't any better. Neither is telling people they shouldn't be a nurse. We already know he struggles with interpersonal relationships and let's face it, he's a he. Most men panic in the presence of a crying woman especially when backed into a corner. He never should have been professionally disciplined for this. Personally, I think the OP is trying to figure things out otherwise he wouldn't keep posting his trip ups and getting snarked at by strangers on the net. 

[Jedrnurse, BSN, RN]

4 minutes ago, Wuzzie said:

 Personally, I think the OP is trying to figure things out otherwise he wouldn't keep posting his trip ups and getting snarked at by strangers on the net. 

Yeah, real-life mentoring has got to be better for developing interpersonal skills than web responses from strangers...

[Spiker, ASN, RN, EMT-P]

While I'm sure you were tired, had a stressful shift, & just wanted peace & quiet, I simply don't understand how saying a few kind words was beyond you.  We're nurses, we should have each others' backs, even just for a few minutes!  I wouldn't have said you bullied that poor girl, but I do believe your lack of compassion toward a colleague is sad. 

[payitforward]

Hmm, I really had to think of I was going to reply to this thread or not,  but here it goes. I am in agreement with you that it isn’t any of your business, but maybe a kind word or a word of encouragement would have been enough? You aren’t there to get involved in everyone else’s life, it’s true. But just something like,” I’m sorry you are going through these changes, do you have a family member, friend , pastor you can speak with”? Then again, maybe she saw something in you that made her release. Who can say? A kind word can go along way. 

[amoLucia]

DK123 - please hope that you're never in such dire, bottom-of-the-barrel, end-of-your-rope life circumstances that you felt it so imperative to empty your heart & soul to a stranger in an elevator. And worse to a person who really didn't care a twit!

The write-up was over-the-top, and I will agree with you that it really wasn't your job to be a 'therapist du moment' when you were jumped on in the elevator. But a polite "oh, I'm sorry" wouldn't have cost a lot.

** I do find it very interesting that that other nurse had the wherewithall and frame of mind to gather herself up and then lodge a complaint so quickly with TPTB. That's very interesting to me.