First of all, I just wanted to say that I am a really really nice person. I am kind, and generous when I can afford to be. I'm the kind of person that pulls over to help someone push their car off the side of the road when no one else will stop, while at work and in the midst of snow storms I clean off the cars of all the pregnant women so they don't have to do it. I am thoughtful and courteous.
However, I flipped out at work yesterday!
To make a long story short, I work in the day time in a really small locomotive parts sales office (there are only 5 of us) doing typing and being the receptionist, then take a class or two in the evenings.
It is not my ideal job. It's very slow and I'll go days on end not actually doing anything and it takes about 1/2 a brain cell, but it pays the bills and allows me to go to school at night.
But, I have to put up with a lot of CR-- here. They are very sexist and just down right rude. It's obvious that I am treated like an idiot because I am a woman, "You'll just get pregnant and leave anyway.", etc. etc. I even have to put up with Mediaography and naked pictures of women that they send to each via email and lots of rude and snide comments about where I live because it is a "blue collar" neighborhood and not a higher SES like the one's they live in.
Anyway, last week we had a pretty bad snowstorm in the morning and I was 4 hours late to work because it was an unexpected snow storm and most communitys were late in getting the streets plowed and salted.
And then yesterday I was 2.5 hours late because we had an ice storm right at AM rush hour and I couldn't get out of my garage. Now, normally I would bust my hump to get into any job on time, especially if it was a nursing job, but I don't feel the need to risk my safety trying to get into this job because I don't really do anything and I just don't think it's worth my safety for my measly pay check. Plus, I don't get paid for the time I miss. I either have to use my vacation time or just not get paid.
So, last week I had to take my lumps from my co-workers about getting to work late due to the snow. "It's because you live in that cheap neighborhood and they can't affort to plow the streets, etc." And then yesterday when I came in I got it all over again from one of the guys in the office. The rest were all out traveling on business.
I don't know what happened, I just flipped out on him.
I was swearing like a sailor and getting all worked up which I normally don't do. I told him that they were all a bunch of Frigging "Di-K Heads" and if they wanted to fire me they could go ahead and find some stupid A Hole that would come in when there was 5 inches of snow on the ground. That's about all I can remember, although I know there was much more to it, but these things were just flailing out of my mouth.
And then I looked him in the eye and HE started to cry! At that point I stopped and said I was sorry that I took all of it out on him. But that's all I said. I really wasn't sorry that I did it. I felt kind of drained afterward but glad too.
I don't know what happened. Even though other people may be rude and low brow or un-professional I always try to maintain the manners I was brought up with, except obviously this time.
Please tell me that I am not the only one this has happened to.
Really, I am a very nice person, but I guess what scares me is that I feel like I have changed in some way. Normally, I would never have done anything like that or at least been sorry about it. But I just don't care, I don't feel the least bit sorry and you know what, if they did fire me, I wouldn't care, I would be better for it. (Although, I know they won't fire me. I really don't think this guy would tell anyone what happened.)
I guess I just feel like I'm not going to put up with needless Poo any longer.
your sorry because you stood up for yourself?.....maybe you said some words you regret, however it sounds like you sent the appropriate message, and don't back down, they deserve every bit and more!.........................LR
When you hold in things for so long you will eventually blow up in some way. You are probably the personality type that is so nice and expects others to be the same ( I used to be this way). It took me decades to figure out that I needed to be nicer to myself than to others. Begin to put yourself first (at least some of the time) not last.
Almost the same thing happened with me with my ex. We were having a kind-of argument and he made a derogatory comment about where I live (not the nicest of places, but happy and warm) and I let him have it. I never had to deal with his mouth again after that. :)
Way to go for you. I'd have done the same thing, probably a lot sooner than you did, and hey, I'm a GREAT person. You have nothing to worry about--God still loves you and all of do too
Sounds like it was long overdue. I, and it sounds like you, can take alot then one day WHAMO I freak and whoever was riding my butt gets lambasted............sometimes you just need to do that to get some respect.
The more I talk to people and get responses from all of you at the board the better I feel.
I can look back on it and laugh. And all my friends and most of you guys here have laughed about it to.
I don't feel bad about it at all. I feel bad that for those couple of minutes I couldn't control myself but I don't feel bad that it happened and I wouldn't take back a single word I said.
I really felt like they had a free ride for too long. It is true that I usually expect people treat me as I would treat them, or as they themselves would like to be treated. But working here has opened my eyes that not everyone has that mentality and it doesn't matter how nice you are to them, they will still treat you like an idiot.
Being an openly nice person, most people think you are a push over. I give people the benefit of the doubt and I will continue to do so, but only so many times.
Competitive and Aggressive are two words that would not describe me at all. So now I am left trying to figure out how to communicate to people that "yes, I am a nice person and would like to help you, but if you are rude and iggnorant I will not tolerate it."
I am not really sure how to do that because I am usually a push over and have never had to do this before but I will resolve to find a way to get that message out to people so that I don't get bullied around and don't start to build up aggression and resentment towards the person.
Maybe if I run into a person who acts as though they can bully me around I'll just have to go up to them and explain the situation as I see it. I'm not sure, I'll just have to play it by ear and see what happens.
Not you, them. Media, snide comments, pregnant and sexist comments, etc. have no place in the workplace. Frankly, using a workplace computer to view or send Mediaographic anything will get you fired on the spot at any nursing job. Hassling someone about any of the stuff you mentioned is harassment, plain and simple.
I'm happy you had the reaction you did. Don't feel a tad bit bad for it. Sounds like it was overdue. And I'm glad he cried. Haha if he ever harasses you again you can bring up that he cried in front of the other guys.
Colleen 10 writes: "It is true that I usually expect people treat me as I would treat them, or as they themselves would like to be treated. But working here has opened my eyes that not everyone has that mentality and it doesn't matter how nice you are to them, they will still treat you like an idiot."
When you don't stand up for yourself, your resentment builds up and takes over and your behavior is inappropriate, as you have experienced. There is a qualitative difference between being "nice" and being "a pushover" (which is simply another word for "coward").
The remedy? Take an assertiveness training course, or read some books about it. Deal appropriately and assertively with matters when they are small, one by one, and you will find that there are many fewer total matters to deal with.
(By the way, the Media/sexual emailing is against federal laws--i.e. sexual harassment in the workplace--as are several other things that you report going on here. But I am NOT suggesting you threaten these people with whistleblowing at this point. It is much more useful for you to learn to set and enforce your personal limits, particularly since these kinds of issues will be coming up A LOT in any future nursing career, as you can easily see from reading some threads on this BB.)
You might want to read Gary & Ruth Namie's book "The Bully at Work."
they just pushed your buttons too far and you let them have it! You go girl! I wish I had the guts to do something like that. I would have probably just have kept taking the abuse. But maybe not. Maybe there just comes a time where another side of us comes out! I'll let you know if it ever happens to me. I admire your gutsy move!
l.rae
772 Posts
your sorry because you stood up for yourself?.....maybe you said some words you regret, however it sounds like you sent the appropriate message, and don't back down, they deserve every bit and more!.........................LR