I finally Cracked...

analee23 · Dec 10, 2005

as long as you keep the attitude "tomorrow will be better" it will! I know that nursing can be extremely stressful and time consuming... but everyone EVERYONE needs help sometimes, no matter how much experience you have. Don't be afraid to ask for that help, and I'm so glad you didn't spiral down further and still have a positive outlook about your career!

Hope things get better!

HyperRNRachel · Dec 10, 2005

Adam, if you feel a sense of depression coming on, then please find a support group and talk, talk, talk, and then talk some more. It is admirable to want to show the newbies the positive aspect of nursing, but you must first take care of yourself. You learned a lesson today. I hope you feel confident enough in your team to ask for their help the next time you find yourself in this type of situation. Use your resources.

jenrninmi, MSN, RN · Dec 10, 2005

You learned a lesson today. I hope you feel confident enough in your team to ask for their help the next time you find yourself in this type of situation. Use your resources.

Absolutely! A good nurse knows when to ask for help when things are looking like you're losing control of the situation. Think of it as a learning lesson.

Indy, LPN, LVN · Dec 10, 2005

What they said. And you're an inspiration to all of us anyhow, whether or not you have bad days. So pride has to go... really, it's a killer if you don't ask for help 'cause we all need it from time to time. It sounds to me like you regularly have a heavier load than what I could handle so I'm already impressed that you've made it this far.

However, no amount of impressing the newbies is worth abusing your sanity. If you don't take care of yourself, and keep your mental and physical and emotional health up, you won't be the kind of nurse that you want to be.

Adam D. RN2005 · Dec 11, 2005

Thanks guys (and gals), today was a much better day even though it started on the wrong foot. Seemed I lost power early this am and got called asking where I was. But was able to get ahead of the game when I walked in and put the feeling of yesterday behind me. And was able to walk off the floor with a big smile on my face.

And hyperstudent, while a depression scares the hell out of me, because of my regular history with major depression cycles, I am more in tuned to my mental health and have a therapist that I regularly see. While I know I am not immune to them, I know that I can take measures to lessen the havic that one creates on my life. I learned that from the big one that I had nearly 2 years ago in nursing school.

Again everyone, thanks. And today I went back and did what I knew how to do best, nurse.

Adam RN

RENAISSANCE RN · Dec 11, 2005

Adam,

I think worrying about depression cycles coming is like worry if you are going to fall into a manhole. I think the anxiety can bring on depression. ETC, ETC such a vicious cycle.

Sounds like you are trying your best. That is all you can do. We are all only human. Believe me, I am still learning this. It is so hard to put self destructive pefectionism behind you. I just keep on reminding myself that rome wasn't built in a day...

I also use CBT to combact depression. I never realized how many negative " automatic" thoughts I had.

I had a Major Depressive Episode postpartum and that scares the sh** out of me, that is could happen again... But there is always help. You seem to care about others as well as yourself.

Peace,

terri

wonderbee, BSN, RN · Dec 11, 2005

Hi Adam. Your anxiety over the onset of a depressive episode is not uncommon. As one experienced with the big "D" (I mean a really big "D"), I know it can wreck lives. To be honest and I have not shared this with anyone, this is one of my biggest fears r/t my new career in nursing. The stress can be overwhelming. Thank you for opening up and sharing. It makes me feel more comfortable knowing I'm not alone. I'm glad this day was a better day for you.

CseMgr1, ASN, RN · Dec 11, 2005

Yeah, I admit it, the stress got to me today. It started off with the weather, snow. Got to work 22 minutes late. Then I had a heavy pt load, 4 Total cares and 3 moderate cares. No tech. I didn't finish my 10 am meds until three. I actually was able to catch myself up.
But towards the end of the shift I started to feel my emotional supports beginning to collapse under the stress.Then at 19 hundred, with four charts to go and getting ready for report, the final support buckelled under the weight of the stress and the tears just came.
My co-workers took over my transcriptions as one nurse of the coming on shift just took me to a quiet room to cry and calm me down.
I feel emotionally spent after this shift, physically exhausted. I am amazed that I was able to hold it together for so long. But many of my co-workers asked why I didn't ask for help.
Pride. When I finally left work, I was just glad. My biggest fear is a new depression cycle. I am very suseptable to them as well as major anxiety. I guess I can safely say my anti anxiety drug works, because it helpped avoid the major emotional meltdown. Where this was just a feeling of being completely overwhelmed.
I am not infailable. I knew that from nursing school. I really wanted to show some of the newbies the bright side of nursing, and today I feel like I failed.
Don't get me wrong, I love my job, but today really pushed me to the brickwall.
I wish thought my vacation started tomorrow instead of two weeks ago. Because I feel like I need it. (The tan from Aruba is still there.) I know that I am a good nurse. But today was a hard day. Tomorrow will be better.
Adam, RN

Hey,

You are a NURSE...and NOT Superman, despite what the Powers That May Be THINK we are. Give yourself a break. If I received a dollar for every time I had a meltdown while working in the clinical area, I would have been able to retire by the time I turned 30...and that was 24 years ago! :banghead:

CardioTrans, BSN, RN · Dec 11, 2005

Im sorry to hear that you had an awful day. I am glad though that you are better. You made a comment in your original posting about wanting to show the newbies the bright side of nursing..... with this posting I believe that you are doing it.

Even though it may not appear to be bright, you are showing the new nurses that it happens to everyone........no matter how many years experience we have, no matter how good of a nurse we are. You are showing them that it does happen and they are not alone in feeling the stress.

No one in nursing is immune to the stress. No one in nursing is Supernurse. Everyone in nursing needs help from time to time. I have been following your posts, and you have helped so many new nurses, and brought the excitement in nursing back to us "seasoned" nurses.

I wish you the best!

LoriAlabamaRN · Dec 12, 2005

Adam,

I am so sorry for what you went through. I've had similar things happen after vacations. It's like, for the weeks prior to your vacation, you keep saying "only 3 weeks until Aruba!" and all, then VACATION... but afterwards what? You can't exactly start saying "51 weeks until vacation!" Give yourself each weekend to look forward to. Make it special by planning ahead to relax, and plan to rent DVDs or have a massage, whatever you enjoy. That way you can just think "2 days until the weekend!" That helped me. I hope it helps you!!!

RainDreamer, BSN, RN · Dec 13, 2005

Adam, I'm sorry to hear you had a rough day. I know that feeling when you get behind and overwhelmed ... the feeling that you have 100 million things to do all right NOW at this very minute ..... it's extremely overwhelming and I just want to cry. I did cry in front of my preceptor after the first month or so. I just couldn't help it .... sometimes you can't, and that's ok. She gave me a hug and some great support. It sounds like you have supporting co-workers, that's really good.

This is one of the hardest and most stressful time in our lives. You gave me some great words of advice in my 'stress and depression' thread. You have a great attitude. I know you'll be just fine. ((((HUGS))))