I feel uncomfortable doing this

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A family member who I have only met once 10 years ago asked me on a social media site if I can write a letter of recommendation. I presume its for nursing school since she needs a RN.

I'm very uncomfortable with this and have not responded to the request. I am uncomfortable with making up stuff. How would you respond if placed in this situation?

Specializes in Emergency, Telemetry, Transplant.
Doesn't it seem odd that the person asking doesn't actually know someone who will vouch for them honestly? Otherwise, wouldn't be asking the equivalent of a stranger for a favor.

Plus, what is the family member going to tell the school about the letter writer. Will she tell the school the truth: "it was an RN in my family…I don't really know her, but she agreed to write this letter." Or would she say"this is from my dear Aunt Susie. She is like a 2nd mother to me and no one knows me better." Even if the letter is just a formality for school, I would not want to have my name attached to the lie if she goes with the second option above.

Maybe this is a school that just wants a letter to be able to check off a box. But, perhaps this is a school that wants a true letter of reference, reads said letters, and may even look into letters--and the person who wrote the letter--that look fishy (say letters from a far away relative that are vague and overly rosy).

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So is this how your wife got into nursing school? Did she find someone she didn't really know to supply her with a letter and or funding?

I hope she didn't go this route to find her references for work when she reaches America

My wife didn't attend nursing school in USA. I am sure they have no student loans in Philippines. To get into nursing school I am sure if you have the money they have the space.......

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My wife didn't attend nursing school in USA. I am sure they have no student loans in Philippines. To get into nursing school I am sure if you have the money they have the space.......

Doesn't speak well of the quality of those schools, then. Maybe this is why so many nurses coming from there need to take more classes to make their BSNs equal ours.....or even repeat the curriculum in order to pass NCLEX? Financial aptitude over academic aptitude is a pretty poor means of assessing readiness for nursing school, IMHO. :unsure:

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Specializes in Ortho, CMSRN.

Write the darned letter. Really... It's for nursing SCHOOL. Not a job. If your distant relative is a horrible person, she won't make it out of nursing school. Just write the positives that you remember about her, such as: "She has a bright personality", "friendly", "smiles at everyone she meets". Play it up. You were a teenager/young adult once. Remember? I know when I went for nursing school, some of my only NON-family references would have been my sunday school teacher from years ago who also happened to be a nurse... because my friend McKenzie who works as a hair stylist just doesn't cut it. The older and more professional that we become, the more professional that our references will become. I have some GREAT nursing friends that I believe that I could call on now if I needed a reference. We all have to start somewhere. She's just trying to go to nursing school. Write the letter.

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Really? Just fake it/lie because it makes things easier? Are those really the values you want to promote and live by?

That's a bit dramatic. Nobody is going to be hired based off a personal reference. As was mentioned in another post, it's more a checkbox item for a job application than a serious consideration.

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That's a bit dramatic. Nobody is going to be hired based off a personal reference. As was mentioned in another post, it's more a checkbox item for a job application than a serious consideration.

Again, then if it's really no big deal the family member should ask someone who actually knows her, not someone who met her once 10 years ago.

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That's a bit dramatic. Nobody is going to be hired based off a personal reference. As was mentioned in another post, it's more a checkbox item for a job application than a serious consideration.

I believe that depends on many factors. Where I reside, and where I work, references weigh in heavily for whether or not you are getting into either that particular school or place of employment. At least, in the jobs/schools out there that matter long term.

In short; it's been evidenced to the point of nearly fact that X school/employer carries heavy weight in career prospects. This would be based upon their reputation. Which goes hand in hand with it's accomplishments and caliber of staff.

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Write the darned letter. Really... It's for nursing SCHOOL. Not a job. If your distant relative is a horrible person, she won't make it out of nursing school. Just write the positives that you remember about her, such as: "She has a bright personality", "friendly", "smiles at everyone she meets". Play it up. You were a teenager/young adult once. Remember?

Would you still play it up if this is a 45 year old screwup who gets frequently fired from jobs, skips out on landlords, a kid in foster care she forgot about, and has three drug arrests in her portfolio? Oh, and yes....you don't know what the truth is, since you don't KNOW her.

You're assuming this is a sweet young thing you're "helping". What if she's anything but? Still want to play up her bright smile when she's actually scammed her parents out of their retirement funds, which is why she HAS no friends to write this letter for her? Still prepared to back her?

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Specializes in Ortho, CMSRN.

You're assuming this is a sweet young thing you're "helping". What if she's anything but? Still want to play up her bright smile when she's actually scammed her parents out of their retirement funds, which is why she HAS no friends to write this letter for her? Still prepared to back her?

Well... no. Now that you put it that way :no: If you know THAT much about her. Ignore the request. I was thinking this was an 18 year old or something.

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Specializes in Emergency, Telemetry, Transplant.
Well... no. Now that you put it that way :no: If you know THAT much about her. Ignore the request. I was thinking this was an 18 year old or something.

We don't really know anything about the individual who requested the letter. For that matter, I don't think we know for absolute certain this is a letter for school. The OP stated that she "presumes" it is for school, but I'm not sure that even that detail has been confirmed.

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Well... no. Now that you put it that way :no: If you know THAT much about her. Ignore the request. I was thinking this was an 18 year old or something.

I don't know anything about her, but neither does the OP, which is what brought her to this board for advice :)

No, I was pretty sure you wouldn't back a total loser (like I described) but since the OP just has no idea what kind of a person, what kind of hx she (he?) has.....writing a recommendation is just a bad idea.

I have worked with people not unlike my hypothetical person above. I KNOW I would not put my name on a letter saying they were worthy of recommendation (by me or anyone else). Thankfully they never asked!

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I would ignore the request. Anything else seems patronizing IMO.

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