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This is terrible. Just terrible.
Yesterday was the last day of clinicals - right before graduation, and I made a horrid, horrid mistake. I went in to give an IVP with the instructor. I had given this same med to this same client the day before. This time when I went in the family asked me what the med was for, and for whatever reason I totally blanked and couldn't figure it out. I totally knew it yesterday, and had looked up everything before going in there, I just blanked! Now, I've had this happen before with PO meds (which our instructor doesn't go with us for), to which I'll fess up that I just had a brain fart or something like that and tell them I'll recheck and be back. But this time having the instuctor staring right at me made too scared to fess this up. So I took a guess! (and of course it was wrong.) STUPID STUPID STUPID!!!!!! I was totally chewed out (rightfully so) by the prof. She said normally a student would be placed on probation but since this was the last day, she said she wasn't gonna fail me even though she could, but made me promise to never never never do that again, along with expressing severe dissappointment in me, etc. Obviously, I'm a pretty decent student as she kept saying that she couldn't believe this came out of me. I pleaded with her if there wasn't some way I could make it up, or prove that I could do it right (even though I had done it right many times before), but she just sort threw her hands up like there was nothing left now.
Of course I left there feeling so horrid about myself, about what I had done, and worse yet that I couldn't right the wrong or prove that I could come back and never make the mistake again. I've had one other med error before and felt horrible, but since have never made that mistake again, and made sure the instructor was well aware that I had indeed learned my lesson.
I've been crying since yesterday off and on, namely because I know I totally lost my profs confidence and we're supposed to take finals tommorrow, (grades are good) and I'm feeling like I'm the only one in the class who doesn't really deserve to graduate or to be a nurse after doing something so idiotic and dangerous. People at work and at home keep congratulating me and saying their looking forward to have a grad party, etc. But I just nod and say that's great and have to excuse myself to go cry my eyes out because I simply feel that I don't deserve it now. It's aweful. Worse yet, tommorrow after finals we have to take our nursing class picture, practice graduation, practice pinning ceremony, and have a celebatory lunch with my classmates...all of which I'm totally dreading now!
I guess I just don't know what to do now. I don't really want to go to graduation, I don't really want to see all my family and friends there for partying and I don't really want to go through pinning now feeling so guilty and like some kind of fraud. I just sorta wanna disappear.. I guess I just keep wondering if I should bow out now and come back so I can make up my mistake.
Agree with all the above. Stopping, stepping out of the room, looking it up, stepping back in, would have been better. You didn't. Everybody survived.
As someone else mentioned, even experienced nurses do dumb stuff on occasions, or stuff that makes us feel/look dumb.
We are human, we get stressed. We get reeeeealllllly stressed when people are watching us!
Wait till you do something like dump most of a liter of IV fluid all over yourself in front of a patient. It will probably be a patient with 25 visitors in the room. Just hope it's NS and not D5.
Agree with all the above. Stopping, stepping out of the room, looking it up, stepping back in, would have been better. You didn't. Everybody survived.As someone else mentioned, even experienced nurses do dumb stuff on occasions, or stuff that makes us feel/look dumb.
We are human, we get stressed. We get reeeeealllllly stressed when people are watching us!
Wait till you do something like dump most of a liter of IV fluid all over yourself in front of a patient. It will probably be a patient with 25 visitors in the room. Just hope it's NS and not D5.
How about this; dumping three IVPB of antibiotic (vancomycin) in a row on the floor because I was trying to spike the line. I wasted the medications just delivered for the weekend!! I burst out crying, the patient had to soothe me and say "But, I see you are TRYING REAL HARD to make me better!!" Another nurse was precepting me, but felt that I was doing fine with IV meds (I was), and I went to her crying my eyes out. We went to the pharmacy, lied to them and said we had a new admit that needed the same dose and then, she watched me do them. The patient said "See, I knew you can do it...you need faith". I still laugh at that. No one knew, life moved on, I am still a nurse. I can certainly share more if I want to dig further into my embarassment closet!:yeah:
Haha, this isn't a "horrid horrid mistake" its just a little embarassing one! When I was in clinical we had a student give crackers to an NPO stroke patient who aspirated and died. THAT was a horrid horrid mistake.
Its no big deal, just remember next time to say "hang on, let me go look it up" OR better yet, look it up before you walk in the room. I still have to do that sometimes.:nuke:
I can't really add to what all the posters said except to say that while it was a blunder, it was a small one. You will make them in your nursing practice - the best thing to do is remember what happened and how you felt. Some of the best lessons learned are through blunders. Now, go forward with joy. Congratulations on your upcoming graduation!
Hey...I just did the same thing in my clinical/preceptorship. Before we graduate we have to do 6 12 hr shifts at a hospital where we are left with a preceptor, not our instructor. The 1st 5 shifts went smoothly, and gradually I was working up to 4 patients. Well on my 6th day (which was 2 days ago) it got so hectic that I missed giving a med. INSULIN!!! I realized my error, and have been so upset that I to have questioned my graduation. It has scared me so much to think that I just had 4 patients and that I made such a horrible error. What is to happen when I have 6 patients and am actually working? I have been so upset by this and am hoping that I will be able to handle the pressure of nursing and that with time I will get better and more efficient. But for right now, I have been so down because I feel incompetent. It does help a little to know that everyone has made mistakes, I just dont want to ever harm a patient or do something that might make their condition worse. I guess I will learn from my mistakes. Thanks for the input.
Your CI may have thrown her hands up because 1) she'd already said she wouldn't fail you 2) had said it would have been probation (not failure) and 3)already said she was sure you wouldn't do it again. Then, you were still asking how to make it better? It likely made her feel like you weren't listening to her at all, not that she was disgusted with you, (disgust does not equal disappointment). She wouldn't have let it go if you weren't safe to go out as a grad nurse, which you proved through all your previous clinicals.
Absolutely everyone has blank moments, has given the wrong med, etc. If we were perfect we could heal people by laying on of hands! Instead we are human beings doing our best as nurses. :redpinkhe Go, enjoy your graduation! You earned it! Through years of hard work. You wouldn't get a diploma for passing one med would you? So don't feel guilty about graduating based on one med either.
Haha, this isn't a "horrid horrid mistake" its just a little embarassing one! When I was in clinical we had a student give crackers to an NPO stroke patient who aspirated and died. THAT was a horrid horrid mistake.Its no big deal, just remember next time to say "hang on, let me go look it up" OR better yet, look it up before you walk in the room. I still have to do that sometimes.:nuke:
Ooooh...now, THAT....was horrid...now, you see, when you compare to others, then, you should feel great that this is all that it was.
My advice would be to go to the instructor and tell her that you don't want anything from her, just to reassure her that you have indeed learned a lesson. Tell her exactly how this has affected you and that even though you believe you just "blanked out" of information you had hold of seconds before, you will never, ever, let that happen again. That is what she needs to hear; that is what she wanted to happen. Instructors know that a student can freeze up and even make an outright mistake; they worry because, believe it or not,some students do not seem to be worried or learn from these events. Let her know you are NOT one of them, which will be as great a gift to her as the one she gave you when she trusted you to take the error to heart.
Thanks you all!!
After thinking about some of the dumb things my classmates have done, been put on probation for, then recovered and are now graduating with me...makes me realize I'm not alone.
I also took my finals (and passed)...then at the bottom of my exam I wrote,
"I promise, promise, promise I will never, ever pass another med without knowing what it is, or admitting to the patient that my mind just went blank and going and double checking!!!!"
I wonder if she saw it....more so, I wonder if it helped. (Suppose I don't really need to know now.)
Now, I've had this happen before with PO meds (which our instructor doesn't go with us for), to which I'll fess up that I just had a brain fart or something like that and tell them I'll recheck and be back. But this time having the instuctor staring right at me made too scared to fess this up. So I took a guess! (and of course it was wrong.) STUPID STUPID STUPID!!!!!!
You really shouldn't beat yourself up so much. We are all human and make mistakes. However, I think that your prof would have appreciated it more if you would have said, "I'm sorry, I blanked. I need to go look it up again" rather than guessing at the answer.
But at the same time, now you know that it is always better to admit you don't know and then go find out the "right" answer. If you have learned that lesson from all of this, then of course you deserve to graduate.
pagandeva2000, LPN
7,984 Posts
Now you know to carry resources with you. I have several things; a tiny pocket nursing drug guide when I am on the run, a drug book in my PDA and a subscription to a Nurse Practitioner Prescribing Reference that is the size of a Reader's Digest. I usually have one of the three on me and I have no shame in saying "Wait a minute, I have to look this up". At first, I used to be a bit embarassed to do this until I went to see my own doctor, who uses his Prescribing Reference ALL THE TIME. He told me that there is no way that he would remember ALL of those facts, and the only person who is a fool is one that won't use a resource because of pride.
And, as I said, you will do other blunders...mark my words. This is why they call this a practice.