I feel so guilty about Graduating!

pagandeva2000, LPN · May 2, 2008

I would rather make a blunder and still graduate than to go through all of the drama, stress and time of nursing school to fail out because of a blunder. For what it is worth, there will be PLENTY more blunders in your career to look forward to.

I have seen and heard of nursing school horror stories where a person failed for doing less, and the professor was so unreasonable that they were forced to do the entire semester over again. If you want THAT instead, that would be silly. I am not diminishing your feelings at this point. But, you can also see that decisions to pass or fail a person is sometimes subjective. You will see the same in your nursing career. You will see some people creamed across the carpet for silly things, and then others that almost kill someone get a slap on the wrist (if even that much). Take your kuddos and get outta dodge!! You are going to graduate if you pass your finals, and move on in life (not trying to blow you off-but get over it and be happy).

RNsRWe, ASN, RN · May 2, 2008

If I'm understanding you correctly, the ONLY 'mistake' you made was in taking a guess as to the reason you were giving the IVP? You were not administering the wrong drug, correct? You were giving it to the right person under the right circumstances, correct? You just had the misfortune to feel a very HUMAN reaction under pressure, which was to 'blank out' for a moment?

I fail to see why you'd feel guilty about graduating. I fail to see why you'd be crying your eyes out, or in any way negate the incredibly hard work you've undergone to get to graduation (which, from everything else you've said, you rightly deserve).

The mistake you made was in taking a guess when you couldn't remember for sure why you were doing something. Heavens, if that's the worst thing you do, you could be my nurse any day! EVERYONE has blanked out from time to time, under stresses like you experiences, and frankly, under less stressful situations. I'd be far more concerned if you drew up a med that you didn't know why you were giving, and then were about to give it to a patient (without knowing what it was for). You didn't say that, however. You said you DID know what this was, and the reasons behind it, but at that one moment, drew a blank.

I remember my last clinical day. And I remember praying throughout that day, "please, Lord, don't let me do anything particularly stupid today!!" The pressure in the final weeks before graduation is severe. And for most, that final day is both a relief and a final added stress.

Advice? Please move on with it. Graduate, and know you deserve to. Pass the NCLEX, and know you deserve to, and finally, become the kind of nurse you know you can be.

Stop beating yourself up, you've done that plenty enough already. Your "crime" is paid in full with the worry you've put on yourself, and it's time to get past it.

Congratulations on getting to this milestone, and I look forward to seeing you as a GN or new RN someday :)

pagandeva2000, LPN · May 2, 2008

I agree. There is no reason to cry, feel guilty, turn yourself in or whatever else. At least the professor knew your caliber and felt safe to let you go. I would be sighing in relief and happiness, not crying! Be proud to be a bit closer to your goals!!

PinkFuzz · May 2, 2008

Aww thanks! I feel better now. I guess I just needed some feedback on the situation, seeing how I hadn't told anyone what happened (too embarrassed).

But I know I definitely won't be making that mistake again. :-P

NewNurseyGirl2009 · May 2, 2008

We had a CHARGE nurse doing this job for so long make a life altering mistake. She hung the heparin that was supposed to be for the cell saver (dont remember the dose but something hugh) on the primary line. She felt horrible, patient lived and she learned. Still a charge and your going to be a more aware nurse because of it.

RNsRWe, ASN, RN · May 2, 2008

Aww thanks! I feel better now. I guess I just needed some feedback on the situation, seeing how I hadn't told anyone what happened (too embarrassed).
But I know I definitely won't be making that mistake again. :-P

Probably not the time to tell you that while you might not make that mistake again, there are others in your future?

Seriously, I once had a clinical instructor I admired tell us, "if anyone tells you they have never made a med error, they are either lying or too stupid to know the difference". Kinda harsh, but I know I have caught errors from people who would swear they've never made such a mistake, and I'm pretty sure I've made mistakes that weren't the end of the world for sure, but they DO happen. Remember, a "med error" is anything that doesn't go according to perfect protocol and procedure. It doesn't have to be something that injures someone, and the vast majority of the time, it doesn't.

There you have it.

miko014 · May 2, 2008

Someday you're going to look back on this and laugh, and you'll probably tell the story a million times in your life.

Your instructor could have failed you, but she didn't. Why? Because she has faith in your skills. The fact that it upsets you that you didn't know what the med was for shows that you are conscientious and that you do care. Would you have felt better if you had guessed right? Everyone draws a blank sometimes. Sometimes people just ask you too quick. Just the other day someone asked me what a normal albumin level was, and for the life of me, I couldn't remember! I just told her that I would let her know when I came back in with the meds I was going to be bringing in, because I couldn't remeber off the top of my head, and didn't want to tell her the wrong thing. No big deal. That is different from giving a med, and you're right, you should know why you are giving the meds you are giving. However, from what you said, you did know, you just couldn't spit the answer out. So why beat yourself up about it? Truth be told, your instructor probably knew that making you feel guilty would be much more effective than failing a good student. I bet you'll never do that again, am I right??? Soon, you'll just feel like :rolleyes: !

RNfromMN, BSN, RN · May 2, 2008

maybe a similar story would make you feel a little better?

sometime during 3rd semester (shortly before my graduation), i showed up for clinical, met for preconference, got my assignment & hit the floor. my plan was to get vitals on my patients, then get my meds ready.

i go to my 1st patient's room & he immediately tells me he's in great pain & can he please get something for it. i check his prn list & he's got an order for dilauded. i don't think i'd ever given dilauded before...even if i had, i know i'd never worked with a pre-packaged vial before. i had no idea where to even start - my brain just went absolutely totally blank.

long story short, i basically ended up walking around the floor with a vial of dilauded in one hand & a syringe with ns in the other with this look on my face :confused: for about 20 minutes.

my instructor was not happy. at 1st, she told me to go get some help from my classmates, then come back & find her to give the dilauded once i figured out how to draw it up. i asked everyone i could find in my group - nobody either would nor could help me. instructor finally showed me how to draw it up herself, then we went into the patient's room together. she went on to explain to the patient what med i was giving him, how it worked & exactly how i was going to give it through his iv. "jessica's going to do this, then jessica's going to do that..." she told me later that the reason she took the time to explain all that to the patient was because i had such a stupid look on my face that she was hoping that i'd been listening, & would push the med correctly because she didn't think i was going to.

yeah, i felt like crap. i think the patient even requested not to have me the next day. i chalked my brain fart up to the fact that i hadn't gotten much sleep the night before (my mom had just gotten into town for a visit) & that i had a routine plan in place for my patient & when the 1st one requested a prn med, it just threw my whole game plan out of wack. i remember after we finally gave that damn dilauded, going into the med room & telling myself to pull it together, because i could very easily make a mistake that day that would cause me to fail clinical.

instructor had a huge private talk with me about it the next day. talked a lot about how after she'd seen in me what she'd seen the day before that she had a hard time trusting me as a nurse. she said that when i get nervous, i come off as cocky, which was probably why the patient didn't trust me. i can look back now & realize that it had just been a brain fart (not that that's any excuse for not knowing how to do a basic skill) & let it go, but at the time....sheesh! :imbar

anyway, that's my been-there-done-that story. the timing of your story kinda sucks, since it's impacting your graduation so much...hopefully sometime soon (& the sooner the better, in your case), you'll realize that this was just one mistake; certainly doesn't mean you're going to be a horrible nurse.

racing-mom4, BSN, RN · May 2, 2008

Ok lets see: last day of clinicals, getting ready to take Nclex. day before finals. how much stress are you under????

Give yourself a break....In my opinion your teacher way over reacted to your lapse in memory.

Best of luck---you have such an exciting future

bollweevil · May 2, 2008

I think you're seriously overreacting. As was Jessica's instructor.

No one was harmed in either case and there really are bigger issues in Nursing.

What I am wondering about you is how you will handle such a situation next time. maybe a simple, "You know, my mind just went blank. I need to look it up and get back you." Then go do that.

I am amazed that we expect such perfection of students. School is for learning. I think the instructors need to learn how to teach and how to cover for students in front of patients, so as not to have pts upset, then kindly go over the matter privately with the student, in the spirit of teaching, not guilttripping the student. She sent Jessica to ask her classmates for help? Keeping the pt waiting in pain? What kind of teaching is that?

MAISY, RN-ER, BSN, RN · May 2, 2008

Stop beating yourself up....just remember in the future, if you aren't sure why are you are giving a medication, or are unfamiliar with it. LOOK IT UP. I get crap all the time for double checking reconstitutions, and compatibilities...truthfully, my peers can laugh, but I'll always know it wasn't my negligence that clogged a line, or caused a reaction if something happens during an infusion.

Good luck in your future...you wouldn't have come this far if you weren't meant to!

Maisy