Seriously, my fiance has no common sense at all. He is either extremely inconsiderate or a complete and utter moron. I am going into my second week of working overnights and I can not sleep if he is home. Should I have to tell you not to vacuum while I am trying to sleep? Should I have to tell you not to come in the bedroom and put away your laundry while I am trying to sleep? Do we really need to have a converstaion about not using the darn treadmill with music blaring in the room right next to where I am trying to sleep?
And I get this stupid look from him, that when exhausted, makes me want to harm him. I swear if he does not get a clue and start being a little more considerate,this is not going to work. He is a very heavy sleeper and can sleep through anything. I AM NOT!!!!! He doesn't get it. He does not think before doing these things.
I just don't know how to make this work. He is normally a smart guy. I think I am going to have to treadmill and vacuum tonight! I am tired and crabby and this is not a good combination.
Specializes in Critical Care, ED, Cath lab, CTPAC,Trauma.
Invest in a good fan......one that makes noise and room darlening shades. In the summer even though we had central air I actually had a small window unit that I Would run for the noise alone. My husband had a hard time adjusting to my working nights,initially......that's when I placed the treadmill in the room and would work out at 2 am, did laundry at 3 am and vacuum at 4...on purpose. It dawned on him that maybe he needed to be slightly more considerate... I was always very protective of my sleep. I shut off phones and let it be known that it had better be good (like the house is on fire) to ring my door bell and it would be answered by a very tired and angry owner and a very large dog.
One time when the kids were little ( they are 11 months apart) , I was blindly making spaghetti......my husband came home and said something to the effect of..."Oh, pasta again....." I looked at him like he had lobsters coming out of his ears, I took the pot and chucked it in the trash and said..."The kids are fed, you however, can starve.....I am going to bed." I woke up to a dozen roses and a sorry hubby.
It take our loved ones time to adjust. Have a serious conversation and make it clear what you will do if he doesn't at least make an attempt to understand......but make sure you thank him for the laundry and the vacuum. it seems like he is trying to help and might not quite hear you clearly enough.
:hug: YOu do get used to them and being able to blockout the noise.
Sounds like a horses rear. But seriously, have you actually spoken to him about it, or have you just assumed he should know this is common sense. common sense is not all that common. If not talk to him, if you have talked to him and he doesnt get it I honestly would do the same thing to him at 2 am just to prove a point. If he still doesnt get it, and you really dont think the relationship can work, get rid of him. thats just nuts . I dont work nights anymore, thank god, but I still wear earplugs and now I cant sleep with out them. You get used to them. Just turn your alarm up super loud. Im sure he will get it, but like others said, he is doing something haha.
But really, if he doesnt stop it after you talk,, start doing chores at 2am. It will probably only take one time.
You just have to keep reminding him...and if that doesn't work, do stuff when he is trying to sleep...sounds awful, but I did it twice and my husband got the message. The worst thing though was him shushing and hissing at the kids to be quiet....that bugged me more than them being noisy and getting it out of their system lol
When I worked nocs, my hubby would always call me on his lunch break and when I sleepily answered the phone, he would say "Oh, sorry. Did I wake you?" So I started calling him at 3 am when I was taking my lunch break and did the same thing and he quickly got the hint.
Wow, as others have asked, have you talked to him. Sometimes we all dont realize just exactly how loud we are.
Luckily my hubby works rotating days/nights/grave at a hotel so he understands about being quiet for me to sleep and vice versa (I work nights too).
If, after a talk he understands, but is still loud, then put him in your shoes. Although it might be a problems since he is a heavy sleeper. Seems like most men are, mine is.
Dont ditch him though, at least he is doing chores....THAT is hard to find these days (I too got lucky)
Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
seriously, my fiance has no common sense at all. he is either extremely inconsiderate or a complete and utter moron. i am going into my second week of working overnights and i can not sleep if he is home. should i have to tell you not to vacuum while i am trying to sleep? should i have to tell you not to come in the bedroom and put away your laundry while i am trying to sleep? do we really need to have a converstaion about not using the darn treadmill with music blaring in the room right next to where i am trying to sleep?
and i get this stupid look from him, that when exhausted, makes me want to harm him. i swear if he does not get a clue and start being a little more considerate,this is not going to work. he is a very heavy sleeper and can sleep through anything. i am not!!!!! he doesn't get it. he does not think before doing these things.
i just don't know how to make this work. he is normally a smart guy. i think i am going to have to treadmill and vacuum tonight! i am tired and crabby and this is not a good combination.
i'm assuming you've already tried to discuss this with him in a constructive manner. having tried that and failed, move on to the big guns. next time you're off in the middle of the week and he's trying to sleep before going to work, get on the treadmill with the music blaring at 02:30. then turn on all the lights in the bedroom to put your laundry away, and while you're at it, vaccuum in the bedroom. if he says anything to you, remind him that he saw nothing wrong with doing the same things while you were sleeping. it only took two nights like this before even my complete moron of an ex-husband "got it." good luck.
Ah, the joy of nightshift. I worked nights for years, and still had the occasional "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?" 'discussions' with the hubby, and sometimes the kids, and even the in-laws. Yep, my in-laws obviously knew my schedule, but still managed to be ridiculously loud just steps from my bedroom door when they KNEW I was in there sleeping. People just don't get it sometimes.
Take the suggestions you've seen here, and hang in there. Honestly, my husband DID get it, the kids DID get it, and I even trained the neighbors, for the most part :) At least they didn't call or knock on the door unless they SAW me :)
He's not stupid, he just doesn't realize how loud those noises are. You aren't taking a little nap, after all, you're trying to get a sound, restorative sleep. And that's the difference.
He'll come around. And once in awhile, when he slips and you feel like killing him, just stick your head out and yell....something reasonable, LOL.....so that he knows he's disturbing you. It'll get better!
Of course I have discussed it with him. And we continue to discuss it each time something comes up. Really, he is a keeper. He cooks and cleans up after himself. He just genuinely does not think about things before he does them. He now has a list of things NOT to do when I am sleeping and the list continues to grow. He is a sweet kind guy and I love him to pieces. However, when awoken by the vacuum or the treadmill, the beast in me comes out. Tired me= scary beast. Tomorrow he is going to go to the movies. :) Peace for me.
Yea just tell him what's bothering you (it's how u say it, so be calm). Tell him nicely, like how you would want someone to talk to you (honestly, this strategy works). Eventually, he'll get it. I work nights as well, not as a nurse though. I can relate to nightshift workers. But, my schedule is changing soon -- yay! I will finally attempt to try to have some kind of life? haha. I said try.
Invest in a good pair of earplugs, seriously. My unit is next to the generator. it's extremely loud, but with earplugs I can't hear it. I can still hear my phone alarm though.
Of course I have discussed it with him. And we continue to discuss it each time something comes up. Really, he is a keeper. He cooks and cleans up after himself. He just genuinely does not think about things before he does them. He now has a list of things NOT to do when I am sleeping and the list continues to grow. He is a sweet kind guy and I love him to pieces. However, when awoken by the vacuum or the treadmill, the beast in me comes out. Tired me= scary beast. Tomorrow he is going to go to the movies. :) Peace for me.
My dear if you make that "Honey Don't" list too long there is every reason that man will find something else to occupy his time whilst on "lock down". That is usually never good I promise you. *LOL* You may end up quashing one *bad habit* only for him to pick up another.
I've worked nights both in healthcare and other areas since I was in my early twenties. Have had to contend with everything from construction to loud neighbors. Finally just learned to sleep through it and accept that *I* was the odd duck for being asleep when 95% of the world was awake.
Get yourself some ear plugs, a night mask, maybe take a sip of wine or something to put you into a deep sleep and get on with it. To wake up to a clean house, clean laundry and a fit man has to be worth some compromise.
Esme12, ASN, BSN, RN
20,908 Posts
Invest in a good fan......one that makes noise and room darlening shades. In the summer even though we had central air I actually had a small window unit that I Would run for the noise alone. My husband had a hard time adjusting to my working nights,initially.
.....that's when I placed the treadmill in the room and would work out at 2 am, did laundry at 3 am and vacuum at 4...on purpose. It dawned on him that maybe he needed to be slightly more considerate..
. I was always very protective of my sleep. I shut off phones and let it be known that it had better be good (like the house is on fire) to ring my door bell and it would be answered by a very tired and angry owner and a very large dog.
One time when the kids were little ( they are 11 months apart) , I was blindly making spaghetti......my husband came home and said something to the effect of..."Oh, pasta again....." I looked at him like he had lobsters coming out of his ears, I took the pot and chucked it in the trash and said..."The kids are fed, you however, can starve.....I am going to bed." I woke up to a dozen roses and a sorry hubby.
It take our loved ones time to adjust. Have a serious conversation and make it clear what you will do if he doesn't at least make an attempt to understand......but make sure you thank him for the laundry and the vacuum. it seems like he is trying to help and might not quite hear you clearly enough.
:hug: YOu do get used to them and being able to blockout the noise.