Husbands or S/O's at routine exam

[walker shaw]

Wondering what your experiences or facilities policies are about husbands or significant others attending their partners routine gyn exams? I know it is fairly common for the husband to attend some or all of the prenatal / pregnancy visits. But what about the woman's partner attending routine or annual non-pregnancy related gyn exams?

Does your facility allow it or even encourage it? Are partners encouraged or allowed to accompany the patient to the exam room and remain for the exam? If allowed where you work, have you seen many partners attend the exam? How do your ob/gyn's feel about their patient's partner being present during the exam?

Thanks for any input. I'm trying to get a feeling for what the norm is.

[KellNY, RN]

elizabeth321 said:

If people want to stay in the room...I am making the assumption it is to support the patient or comfort them....they will do so from the head of the bed. The doctor and I have a job to do....I don't need anyone standing in my way.

That will not change. If the husband, 4 year old child, father in law etc wants to view the lady parts/cervix that won't be happening while I am the nurse in the room.

Liz

That's really not your call to make. I specifically had the disclaimer that this was contingent upon the support person not getting in the way of the MD/CNM/NP/PA/RN/LPN/MA or other health care personel. Now, if there is an issue with space, and there is literally no room for a support person tpo be at the foot of the bed, then that is completely understandable.

But there's no reason why someone couldn't stand behind the doctor and take a look, or why immediately before or after a pap (for example) was obtained, the support person couldn't take a look. We're talking about a routine exam, and such a situation wouldn't take more than 10 seconds. So, really, no reason to not allow this.

And, no, "...that won't be happening while I am the nurse in the room" is not a reason, it seems more like a control issue, and not really your decision to make. Sorry, but it's really not. If it makes (general) you uncomfortable, that's your issue that you need to work on.

No one here is advocating having a group of people sitting at the foot of the bed, stadium style seating, munching popcorn and asking medical personel to compromise their standard of care here. So please, lets not use examples that are not relevant to the conversation (fathers in law??) and stick to the topic.

[Spidey's mom, ADN, BSN, RN]

I agree that it is up to the woman - not the nurse.

But if the doc or the nurse is not comfortable with this kind of openness, then they have the right too. Just as long as this is stated up front so the woman can choose a different doc.

Open disclosure is a good idea - prior to being put up in stirrups though. :nuke:

steph

[walker shaw]

I can't really think of any real reason why a doctor or nurse would be uncomfortable with a patient's DH/SO observing, other than perhaps the doctor is afraid that they are being set up for a malpractice claim - Also, I don't believe that it should be the nurses call on where the DH/SO stands - if the doctor is OK with the DH/SO observing from the foot end of the table, that should be sufficient.

Also, again to clarify, my original question was asked regarding ROUTINE exams, and it was further clarified, (as have other's done above) that space is NOT an issue in the room - ie: there would be sufficient space

I have to fully agree with 4noMark and KellNY in their comments - It's not the nurses decision, but rather the doctor's decision - thankfully, my doctor has never had a problem w/ my DH's presence in the room - this year though, DH wants to observe the "business end of things," but he won't be in the way, so I asked the question to get a feeling for whether such a request would be unusual or abnormal, or perhaps even viewed as DH being a pervert - and it now seems perfectly acceptable for us to ask for DH to observe at the foot end - summoning up the courage to ask the question may be another obstacle to overcome however!

[elizabeth321]

It isn't entirely up to the doctor....I have a job to do as well. No doctor that I work with in any area of my practise dictates how things will be done...esp during a gyne exam....I am the one that sets up, supports during and finishes up in the room long after the doctor leaves. I also had him swabs, makes sure equipment is accessible etc. This is in the er but often they are routine exams....

Is it ok if I share my opinion or do I have to agree with everyone else to be given that priviledge?

Liz

[KellNY, RN]

elizabeth321 said:

Is it ok if I share my opinion or do I have to agree with everyone else to be given that priviledge?

Liz

Of course, anyone can share their opinion, no one is saying you can't. But stating something like

Quote

that won't be happening while I am the nurse in the room.

is not an opinion, it's a bold, controlling statement.

Had you said, "It would make me uncomfortable" or "I'd rather it not happen", that would have been an opinion. But when you try to take control away from the patient for no justifiable reason (none that was provided, anyway) then yes, people are allowed to respectfully question that decision--which again, shouldn't be yours to make.

Hope this helped to clarify.

[LydiaNN]

Although I'm not interested in having dh at these appointments, I'd think long and hard about a PCP who didn't make every reasonable attempt to accommodate my feelings. If there just plain old isn't room for anyone else at the foot of the bed, then that's the way it has to be. If it is just a matter of a headstrong nurse who thinks she's going to dictate to me what I can and can't do, um, no thank you. Time to find another provider.

[txspadequeenRN, BSN, RN]

You seem to think you have more control than you really do. If I am the patient and it makes me comfortable to have my husband there and he decides to go take a peek.. that ain't none of your business .It's mine. I have been the OB/GYN nurse and welcomed the S/O in if the lady was ok with it. I don't know what title you have but you need to get over yourself..

elizabeth321 said:

It isn't entirely up to the doctor....I have a job to do as well. No doctor that I work with in any area of my practise dictates how things will be done...esp during a gyne exam....I am the one that sets up, supports during and finishes up in the room long after the doctor leaves. I also had him swabs, makes sure equipment is accessible etc. This is in the er but often they are routine exams....

Is it ok if I share my opinion or do I have to agree with everyone else to be given that priviledge?

Liz

[CrunchRN, ADN, RN]

I do feel strongly that it should be the womans choice as long as the person is appropriate.

The woman is the one who is lying there vulnerable...........................

I have had to trip over the occasional rugrat or whatever when trying to assist the doc, but i have never had it be anything but a monir annoyance.

If I'm lying there naked I am calling the shots!

[Batman24]

It actually is up to the doctor and not the nurse. Why would the nurse have final say when she isn't the one even performing the exam?! I would never even think to ask to nurse for permission in this instance. I would advise the doctor of my wishes and that would be that. If the nurse had an issue then she could leave the room. If the doctor had an issue then I would request another doctor in the practice or switch practices entirely.

If a nurse feels uncomfortable then she should share that info with the doctor prior to the exam. . She shouldn't be forced to be in the room, but she also shouldn't try to control and dictate the situation to her own feelings and needs. That isn't her call. And I would hate to think that patient comfort is being denied due to a nurse's personal feelings or control issues. That's unfair to the patient.

[Spidey's mom, ADN, BSN, RN]

CrunchRN said:

If I'm lying there naked I am calling the shots!

I agree.

steph

[walker shaw]

First, I agree with KellNY, CrunchRN, Batman24, and the others who believe that it is the patient's choice, and I really appreciate their comments and encouragement. I strongly agree with Batman24's comments in post #57 - Thanks, Batman! When I first posted, I was uncertain how a request for DH to attend, and then possibly observe my routine exam would be viewed. I am encouraged and happy that the majority believe there is no problem with it, that it is my choice, and that there really isn't a reason for the doctor to refuse such a request.

I disagree with elizabeth321, and as I said before, we will have to agree to disagree. That said, I am curious why elizabeth321 feels as strongly as she does for her position. It seems to me that elizabeth321 is as strongly opposed to DH being ANYWHERE but the head of the exam table (if even there) during an exam, as I strongly believe he should be able to observe from the foot end (elizabeth321 and I are at opposite ends of the spectrum when it comes to the presence or location of DH during an exam). I'd like to ask elizabeth321 to explain her reasoning, if she would, BUT given the following facts:

- ROUTINE annual exam, not an emergency situation

- patient consents to DH/SO's presence during exam, and patient further consents to DH/SO watching from the foot of the table area

- exam room IS large enough to accommodate patient, doctor, nurse and DH/SO easily; ie: space is NOT an issue

- DH/SO simply wants to observe, won't be asking for medical instruction or "what's this, why do you do that" kind of questions

- DH/SO will not be in the way of the doctor or nurse - he can stand behind them, or at the very foot of the table and observe by looking over my leg

- all equipment/supplies are right behind the doctor and nurse, so nurse does NOT have to move past DH/SO to get supplies or to help w/ tests - DH/SO will literally be the fly on the wall, but will be able to see everything that is going on

- doctor has allowed DH in the room during the exam before and has never had a problem with it, but DH has not asked to observe - simply sat in the chair near the doctor's desk

I'm not trying to pin elizabeth321 into a corner with the above given facts, but that is the situation, and I can't understand why she is so adamant that DH/SO must be at the head only. Thus, I invite her to explain why she has the opinion she does.

[Lovely_RN, MSN]

As long as it is truly ok with the patient I think it's a great idea to have a SO/spouse at the head of the bed. Some men are truly ignorant of female anatomy and can use all the help they can get.