walker shaw

Snugglibumkins - Never to late to chime in, IMHO, thanks for your input - DH new where NOT to stand to avoid being in doctor's way, just that neither of us was all that comfortable as to whether he might be able to accompany me, or where it WOULD be permissible for him to stand, IF he asked to watch - glad to hear your family practice doc is the "instructive" type if that's what the patient/partner wants CrunchRN - yes, the exam went better than either DH or I had hoped for, in all ways possible - I've got to believe that my GYN truly is one of the good ones dream'n - first, I'm glad that you can keep your personal feelings out of the professional setting, and abide by the patients wishes (NOTE: I do NOT mean that comment to be SMART, and I do NOT mean it to be a "put you in your place comment") - as a patient, I just want to say that I appreciate a medical professional being able to handle things that way - way to go!! I certainly don't think my GYN felt that way, and if his nurse did, she did an AWSUM job of hiding her feelings - DH said he was made to feel very comfortable, "have a chair hear, wife (me) will be brought back ASAP, watch TV if he want's, etc) - DH was never given the "eye" or told "don't touch," "warned" about anything, etc - his presence was just treated as simply routine, and he and I both appreciated that I am curious though, if you will, as to why you think YOU are uncomfortable with a husband / SO being present for a routine lady partsl exam (again, I'm NOT trying to be SMART with you) - I suppose my "curiosity" regarding your feelings reflects my and DH's uncertainty as to whether DH could be present, and where he should "position" himself - IE: DH and I were uncertain / uncomfortable with requesting DH presence, because we were not certain how my GYN and his nurse would view our request - would we/DH seem perverted, would it be odd, etc - so since it would have made you feel uncomfortable, I'm trying to figure out why - hope this makes sense - maybe in discussing this both you, I and DH will gain a new found "ease/comfort level" with this.

Had my exam last week, and at least from the perspective of the question/subject of this thread, it went wonderful! I have to say that I really feel comfortable w/ my OB/GYN - he's one great doc. There apparently were a few cancellations that day, so instead of doing my mammogram then returning for my pap, etc an hour later, when they came out to get me for my mammogram, they said my OB/GYN could see me right after, and that the radiologist?? should take me to room ## after my mammogram. Dear Hubby was with me in the waiting room when they told me this, and as I was getting up to go for the mammogram, he just asked the nurse if he could come - she didn't bat an eyelash, said sure, and she took him to the exam room while I did the mammogram - he ended up watching TV in the exam room while waiting for me. Finally, when I got to the exam room, the usual chit-chat update w/ the nurse, take off your clothes, and my OB/GYN comes in - hubby had decided he wanted to watch, but we were both a little anxious as to how to ask/what to say - so hubby was kind of sitting on the filing cabinet next to the desk - my OB/GYN, hubby and I did the normal chit chat while my OB/GYN sat on his stool at the desk - when it was finally time for the exams, my OB/GYN didn't even call his nurse back in, he just did them w/o even paying attention to hubby standing there, and exam was done! Didn't appear that my OB/GYN was bothered in the least by hubby's presence, or that he felt it was unusual for me to have someone there with me. Just wanted to update everyone and say THANKS for your advice and re-assurances!

Wouldn't electrolysis work? Tweezing would hurt, could lead to ingrown hairs, and the hair will come back. Dilapatories might not be good due to sensitivity as the doctor said (and speaking of sensitivity, sounds like the doctor might need a refresher course in sensitivity training IMHO) But electrolysis is supposed to permanently remove unwanted hair, which I assume is what the patient wanted. Only question I have is whether electrolysis could in any way harm her milk ducts, etc. I wouldn't think so, but that is the only concern I can think of.

Thanks for correcting me - I should have been more clear in my question - I was thinking that some sort of back of method of b/c needed to be used until the Nova Ring took effect, and I was actually thinking along the lines of condoms, spermicides, diapragm, etc when I posted about "continuing the pill" - my bad :imbar - makes sense that you don't want to overload your body w/ hormones - Thanks again for the clarification/correction

Do you have to continue taking your birth control pills for a set amount of time once you start the Nuva Ring, or is the Nuva Ring effective birth control the moment you insert it? It seems to me that the Nuva Ring would be similar to the pill and that the Nuva Ring wouldn't be effective until you had used it for a while, and that therefore, you would need a backup form of birth control (your pill) for a while. Correct?

First, I agree with KellNY, CrunchRN, Batman24, and the others who believe that it is the patient's choice, and I really appreciate their comments and encouragement. I strongly agree with Batman24's comments in post #57 - Thanks, Batman! When I first posted, I was uncertain how a request for DH to attend, and then possibly observe my routine exam would be viewed. I am encouraged and happy that the majority believe there is no problem with it, that it is my choice, and that there really isn't a reason for the doctor to refuse such a request. I disagree with elizabeth321, and as I said before, we will have to agree to disagree. That said, I am curious why elizabeth321 feels as strongly as she does for her position. It seems to me that elizabeth321 is as strongly opposed to DH being ANYWHERE but the head of the exam table (if even there) during an exam, as I strongly believe he should be able to observe from the foot end (elizabeth321 and I are at opposite ends of the spectrum when it comes to the presence or location of DH during an exam). I'd like to ask elizabeth321 to explain her reasoning, if she would, BUT given the following facts: - ROUTINE annual exam, not an emergency situation - patient consents to DH/SO's presence during exam, and patient further consents to DH/SO watching from the foot of the table area - exam room IS large enough to accommodate patient, doctor, nurse and DH/SO easily; ie: space is NOT an issue - DH/SO simply wants to observe, won't be asking for medical instruction or "what's this, why do you do that" kind of questions - DH/SO will not be in the way of the doctor or nurse - he can stand behind them, or at the very foot of the table and observe by looking over my leg - all equipment/supplies are right behind the doctor and nurse, so nurse does NOT have to move past DH/SO to get supplies or to help w/ tests - DH/SO will literally be the fly on the wall, but will be able to see everything that is going on - doctor has allowed DH in the room during the exam before and has never had a problem with it, but DH has not asked to observe - simply sat in the chair near the doctor's desk I'm not trying to pin elizabeth321 into a corner with the above given facts, but that is the situation, and I can't understand why she is so adamant that DH/SO must be at the head only. Thus, I invite her to explain why she has the opinion she does.

I can't really think of any real reason why a doctor or nurse would be uncomfortable with a patient's DH/SO observing, other than perhaps the doctor is afraid that they are being set up for a malpractice claim - Also, I don't believe that it should be the nurses call on where the DH/SO stands - if the doctor is OK with the DH/SO observing from the foot end of the table, that should be sufficient. Also, again to clarify, my original question was asked regarding ROUTINE exams, and it was further clarified, (as have other's done above) that space is NOT an issue in the room - ie: there would be sufficient space I have to fully agree with 4noMark and KellNY in their comments - It's not the nurses decision, but rather the doctor's decision - thankfully, my doctor has never had a problem w/ my DH's presence in the room - this year though, DH wants to observe the "business end of things," but he won't be in the way, so I asked the question to get a feeling for whether such a request would be unusual or abnormal, or perhaps even viewed as DH being a pervert - and it now seems perfectly acceptable for us to ask for DH to observe at the foot end - summoning up the courage to ask the question may be another obstacle to overcome however!

KellNY - again, THANKS for the words of encouragement - not only are you a breath of fresh air, but almost like a cheerleader - your input and supporting encouragement are much appreciated - "curious what my cervix looks like. He'd like to watch you perform the pap." LOL - Having previously been present during my prior exams, my DH would simply like to stand next to my doctors nurse to watch the pap - actually "seeing" my cervix sounds like DH is asking for a medical course (LOL) - He'd love to, but probably won't ask! Txspadequeen921 - Wow, talk about a cool, relaxed and personable doctor you worked for! My doctor has a lighswitch on the wall and when he's ready for the pap, he walks over the flips the switch - don't know if his nurse gets a page or if a light comes on outside the room or at her desk or what, but she's usually there in a few minutes - My DH isn't asking for that level of instruction, but we'd both be fine with it - DH would simply like to observe my exam, from my doctor's perspective - my DH would probably really appreciate it if my doctor explained step by step what he was doing, but neither DH or I expect my doctor to do so - it's enough if DH can simply observe CrunchRN - I can't thank you enough for stepping back in and posting your clarifying information - I really appreciate it, especially since you used to work in a gyn office and have first hand experience with this - You leave me with the definite impression that it was definitely not a big deal if a partner not only stayed for the patient's exam, but it still wasn't a big deal if the partner asked to watch - and that you or your doctor actually explained the exam - Wow, what wonderful patient treatment - I know that I and DH would really appreciate that response to DH asking to watch the exam, so I'm sure that your patients/partners must have appreciated your gyn office's willingness/openness also - Way to go! As someone pointed out earlier, yes, it's a lady parts, but it's also simply a body part - I suppose??? that doctors simply view it as another body part, just as an arm or leg is, but that's hard for me to imagine - It's encouraging to hear that DH might not be the first person to ask to view an exam from the doctors vantage point - while my doctor has never had any problem with DH remaining in the room during the exam, DH has never asked to "watch" the exam, and that creates the fear of the "unknown" response from the doctor

Thanks for the replies Batman 24 and CrunchRn - it's reassuring. I should add that DH has been allowed to accompany me to routine exams and has been with me in the exam room during exams in the past with this doctor, and it has not been a big deal. However, DH has always sat in a chair by the desk, and not observed from the foot end of the table - This year though, he would like to observe from the foot end of the table Batman24, I kind of assumed from your recent post that your friend who did the fertility appointments had more than one doctor, and that none of the doctors made any fuss about her DH's attendance - that's reassuring to know that not just one, but numerous doctors did not make an issue of it - Unless the question is asked and gets feedback on a Forum like this, a person never knows whether others are bringing their DH or S/O to routine exams - therefore, I've started to wonder if it's common, and what the docs think; hence the post - also, I suppose??? the docs experience DH's or S/O's attending routine exams more than we are aware, but our routine appointments are yearly, at best, so we are not that familiar w/ what the "norm" is, or what doctors to or don't permit - therefore, some anxiety exists. CrunchRn, I REALLY appreciate a former gyn office nurse posting here - THANKS - can you provide more insite into how often you saw DH's or S/O's accompany patients for routine exams? - also, you mention something about the "occasional person who would stand at the stirrup end," and having that person stand by the head - in your former gyn office nursing experience, would you or your doctor have had a problem or thought it unusual if a patient or their partner FIRST asked to stand at the foot end - ie: instead of the partner just assuming a position at the foot end, if the partner first asked to stand down there, would that have been alright? - maybe that's what you were trying to say about the person wanting to "see" and you putting them somewhere where they wouldn't be in the way and you could explain things, but I'm unclear.

I assume that i'm the OP (original poster???) and I DO appreciate the various views that have been presented. In prior posts, I did want to clarify the assumptions/circumstances behind the "routine" exam that I was referring to in the original post, but I hope in my "clarification" that I didn't discount anyone's views, as that was NOT my intention - I know that there are many reasons for an exam, and my original question was aimed at a "routine" exam, not any others. That said, again, I DO appreciate the views and comments of everyone who has posted, and I'm sorry if I came off hot. I really appreciate having a Forum to discuss this on. Batman24 - for some reason to me, not sure if I can really explain why, there seems to be a difference (at least to me, maybe it's all in my head)between DH standing at the foot of the exam table for a fertility related procedure vs. DH standing at the foot of the exam table for a "routine" exam - and again, I don't mind, and DH would like to stand near the end for the routine exam - maybe it's because DH is supposed to be near "that end" for "fertility purposes":cool: - maybe it's cause it seems that more DH's or S/O's accompany their partner for fertility / pregnancy procedures/exams than for routine exams - and maybe (again, it's possibly all in my head) it seems like Doc's expect/anticipate DH / or S/O to be at a fertility/preg exam, but it's more uncommon for their presence during a routine exam - this make sense? For instance, look at the number of Forum members who have visited this thread, but not posted - I'm assuming that some who have viewed this thread, but not posted, have a S/O who is not interested or who has not accompanied their partner to a routine exam - (I'm not knocking the non-posters, PLEASE don't get me wrong) - even some posters here seem to indicate that their S/O doesn't want, or they don't want, their S/O to attend their exam - Point is: I'm guessing that the one's who want their S/O to attend a routine exam are the minority - this shouldn't make a difference, and maybe it doesn't - that's what I trying to discover and get a handle on in this thread I guess KellNY - your open minded-ness is a breath of fresh air - that said, I just can't decide what sounds "right" and not perverted for me or DH to ask the doctor: -Dr. John, may I observe from that end? - Dr. John, would you mind if I observed from that end? - Dr. John, would it be alright if I watched from that end? - Dr. John, would you mind / would it be alright, if DH observed from that end? For some reason, "watch" or "observe" just sound out of place and perverted when used like that - Again, maybe it's all in the mind, and maybe it's no big deal to ask - but there is that inner voice that says "if I or DH ask the question this year, that perhaps next year the doctor will change his policy and not allow anyone to accompany me to the exam" - then I suppose there is the uncertainty that the doctor will say no, for whatever reason - then do you have "egg on your face" for asking? Any suggestions for "phrasing" the question? Thanks for EVERYONE's input - hope I'm not beating this to death. I'm going to assume I haven't since SmilingBluEyes states that this thread has "opened up some interesting dialogue"

I've been thinking about the responses from everyone which I appreciate, even if I disagree w/ what some have said. Now for MY DISCLAIMER: My original question asked about ROUTINE exams. Some responses dealt w/ abuse, which if present, definately could come from the patient's partner. Other responses seemed to deal w/ rape, or sexual assault, WHICH FOR PURPOSES OF WHAT I'M ABOUT TO SAY I WILL ASSUME WAS NOT PERPETRATED by the patient's partner. For an assault or rape exam, I definately believe that if I want my DH to be present for the exam, then he darn well better be allowed in with me! It's my body, and I'm not gonna have doctor's poking and prodding me, and gathering evidence for law enforcement, without my DH present to comfort me, especially after an assault or rape. DISCLAIMER: again, I'm saying DH was not the rape/assault perpetrator. Now, BACK to my ORIGINAL, routine exam question: I very much appreciate the open minded-ness of KellNY in her recent post where she said she doesn't believe the partner should be regulated to the head end of the bed, but should be allowed at the foot end, "in full view of the cervix," if the patient and partner want it, AND PROVIDED the partner is NOT in the way. Thank you KellyNY for your breath of fresh air! I don't know about your exam rooms, but all exam rooms I can ever remember being in are large enough, have the doctor's stool, (even perhaps a doctor's chair), and two chairs for patients/partners. So, I'm not talking about having an exam done in a shoebox closet where you have to back out to get out of the room. It's not like the partner has never seen that end of the patient before. Further, maybe as KellyNY first posted, the partner IS that interested in his partners (the patient's body and med care). I'm not suggesting that the ob/gyn give the partner a medical course in gyn care. I'm simply saying that if the partner wants to watch the exam from the foot end of the bed where the doctor and assistant are, room permitting, and as long as the partner doesn't get in the way, this should be allowed. From my own perspective, I would have no problem with it, and my DH would actually like to observe from the foot end, rather than sitting in a chair near he wall. There is room, so don't go there, and my DH isn't rude, obnoxious, etc, and won't get in the way (he's good at being a fly on the wall), so don't throw those things at me. This said, should I feel comfortable asking my ob/gyn to allow my husband to observe from that end? (I'm not trying to ask for medical advice here, just trying to see what other's would do or be comfortable with).

I can understand asking the patient whether they are comfortable as you suggest - this makes sense, and gives the patient to voice their opinion if they are not comfortable with having their partner present during the exam. Also, the 2nd point about indicating in writing yes or no to abuse is well thought.

We will have to agree to DISAGREE on that one. My original post referred to "routine exams," and I was trying to clarify "routine" further since some answers, yours included, referred to exams done in the ER or rape or abuse type exams. I was not asking about rape or abuse related exams, as I do understand the exam circumstances there are likely different. I was trying to clarify that the original question was meant to reflect not an ER visit, but a regular, annual visit to an ob/gyn for a routine yearly exam, which would include a breast exam, a pap smear, a pelvic exam, and a mammogram (depending on age). I was further attempting to clarify that I was wondering the policy of ob/gyn's for established patient/ob/gyn relationships, not a first time patient of the ob/gyn. I find it rather absurd to think that a busy ob/gyn is going to ask the patient, prior to doing the exam, if the patient wants their partner in the exam room during the exam. Most ob/gyn's that I'm familiar with are far to busy to delay an exam while the patient runs out to the waiting room to get their partner so the exam can begin; rather, most ob/gyn's I've seen will assume that if there isn't a partner in the room with the patient initially, that the patient doesn't want anyone in the room. I asked the initial question based on the above, and based on what I've found most ob/gyn's practice to be.

I agree with Falon that the patient should make the decision whether to have someone in the exam room with her during the exam. When I first asked the question, I was asking the question from the standpoint of a normal, non-abusive husband / wife or significant other relationship perspective. But, I suppose in today's society, this might be assuming too much?? Also, when I first asked the question, I was presenting the question from the standpoint of an established relationship between the ob/gyn and the patient, for instance, ob/gyn had delivered patient's babies and patient had been a patient for a few years (ie: not a first time the patient saw this ob/gyn). I find a hard time believing that given the relationship between patient / observer and patient /ob/gyn that I describe above (normal, established), that the patient needs to be first asked in private whether they want someone in the room during the exam. It seems to me that if the patient didn't want their husband or significant other in the exam room, that they would make it fairly clear that that person should/could wait in the waiting room.

Made an appointment for next month. Dear hubby will accompany me and intends on being present during the exam. He usually has butterflies until then, not knowing whether policies are the same and he can attend, or whether the doctor or nurse might question his presence this year. Till then, cross your fingers!