Husbands or S/O's at routine exam

Specialties Ob/Gyn

Updated:   Published

Wondering what your experiences or facilities policies are about husbands or significant others attending their partners routine gyn exams? I know it is fairly common for the husband to attend some or all of the prenatal / pregnancy visits. But what about the woman's partner attending routine or annual non-pregnancy related gyn exams?

Does your facility allow it or even encourage it? Are partners encouraged or allowed to accompany the patient to the exam room and remain for the exam? If allowed where you work, have you seen many partners attend the exam? How do your ob/gyn's feel about their patient's partner being present during the exam?

Thanks for any input. I'm trying to get a feeling for what the norm is.

Thanks for the replies Batman 24 and CrunchRn - it's reassuring.

I should add that DH has been allowed to accompany me to routine exams and has been with me in the exam room during exams in the past with this doctor, and it has not been a big deal. However, DH has always sat in a chair by the desk, and not observed from the foot end of the table - This year though, he would like to observe from the foot end of the table

Batman24, I kind of assumed from your recent post that your friend who did the fertility appointments had more than one doctor, and that none of the doctors made any fuss about her DH's attendance - that's reassuring to know that not just one, but numerous doctors did not make an issue of it -

Unless the question is asked and gets feedback on a Forum like this, a person never knows whether others are bringing their DH or S/O to routine exams - therefore, I've started to wonder if it's common, and what the docs think; hence the post - also, I suppose??? the docs experience DH's or S/O's attending routine exams more than we are aware, but our routine appointments are yearly, at best, so we are not that familiar w/ what the "norm" is, or what doctors to or don't permit - therefore, some anxiety exists.

CrunchRn, I REALLY appreciate a former gyn office nurse posting here - THANKS - can you provide more insite into how often you saw DH's or S/O's accompany patients for routine exams? - also, you mention something about the "occasional person who would stand at the stirrup end," and having that person stand by the head - in your former gyn office nursing experience, would you or your doctor have had a problem or thought it unusual if a patient or their partner FIRST asked to stand at the foot end - ie: instead of the partner just assuming a position at the foot end, if the partner first asked to stand down there, would that have been alright? - maybe that's what you were trying to say about the person wanting to "see" and you putting them somewhere where they wouldn't be in the way and you could explain things, but I'm unclear.

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Specializes in High Risk In Patient OB/GYN.

walker, I agree. Don't be timid about it, you're not really asking for special treatment.

"Dr. John, my dh was curious about what my cervix looks like. He'd like to watch while you perform the pap."

or something lighter: "Dr. John, actually my DH wants to see what all the fuss is about down there"

If there is any resistance, ask why. Assure him that your dh won't get in the way, touch anything, contaminate a field, etc. If it's against protocol, ask why. If there's no good reason, consider switching providers.

I used to work for an OB/GYN who was so hard headed and restrictive, and I'm sure that helped shape my views. We would have to ask permission to have a SO in the room for a PRENATAL exam! And for the sonos (he did them in office), if they were lady partsl, he'd have to insert the wand, then I'd go get the SO from the waiting room, and bring him into the sono room, so poor mom had to lay there with the wand up her lady parts while we did this. Because heaven forbid dad be in the room when a sono wand was inserted-even at the head of the bed or behind a curtain (where he made the dad go when he removed the wand). NO ONE was allowed in during LEEPs or Colpos-even a sister or female friend to hold a hand, because it's nothing the "nurse" couldn't do.

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Specializes in Nothing but ER.

I personally wouldn't want my S/O in with me, but I totally understand that it is the pt's right to have whoever she wants in with her during the exam. I get to assist with quite a few pelvics in the ER, and usually the Docs don't care who is in the room unless it is a rape or heavily expected abuse. The only time it left me slightly uncomfortable was when the pt's S/O got excited that she was going to get a pelvic exam. He made sure he sat at the end of the bed and he certainly got himself aroused too. Heavy breathing, etc! The pt didn't mind, and the doctor either didn't notice or pretended not to notice. I was just like, whatever that's life, although my virginal self was a bit:chuckle uncomfortable!!

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Specializes in ICU, PICC Nurse, Nursing Supervisor.

i will never forget once when i was a gyn nurse we had this couple come to the office and the lady was there for her annual pap. the doctor had gone in before me and we the nurses carried these little buzzers in our pockets so when the doc was ready he just buzzed us instead of running out the room looking for the nurse. i got held up by a sick patient but did get in the room rather quickly and boy oh boy let me tell you.....the patient has naked as a jay bird, legs in the stirups butt hangin off the table, the doc was standing up and the husband was sitting in the chair getting a gyn lesson while holding the speculum .i kinda laughed and said .... "oh my what are we doing here" the wife said "well he never has seen the inside of a lady parts and wanted to see all my innards"...lol.. okie dokie then...

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Specializes in Clinical Research, Outpt Women's Health.

Hi Walker,

I do see that i was very unclear so please let me clarify. In offices I have worked it has always been totally up to the patient. If she wants the SO there then fine, and if not then they stay in the waiting room.

The majority would step out of the room after the meet and greet with the doctor because they were uncomfortable being there during the exam.

However, plenty of times they would stay and hold hands, or if they wanted view the exam. As long as it was ok with the woman it was fine. We just appreciated them letting us know if they wanted to be at the foot of the table so we could arrange them so that they did not impede us.

It was never a problem, and we never had anyone who was wildly inappropriate. In fact it was kind of fun to explain things and see their amazement. My preference was to have them up against a wall or cabinet though because if my hands were full and they started to get that pale look I could just have them slide down the wall and put their head in their lap.

It is totally reasonable to have your SO with you. As long as you explain to the provider that you want this then it should be accepted and fine.

If they won't accomodate you I would really have to wonder about the provider and whether they were ideal for my care. I am not saying they might not be mildly surprised, but they should be more than willing to accomodate your wishes.

All the best to you.

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Specializes in Public Health, DEI.

I have no idea what the policy is at my ob/gyn, but my personal policy is no thank you. I realize it's nothing he hasn't seen before and all that, but some things are just not meant for sharing.

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a lot of people work and really cannot readily take off everytime when partnet goes to md some use it as an excuse not to go

my dtr ALWAYS goes with her husband..i don't believe that he has ever gone with her

i have very rarely had anyone go to md with me...when i had a lumpectomy and f/u lymp node the surgeon always said i sould have smeone there

they came to hospital when i had the procedures but not to md office

i think that he thought that short people couldn't be trusted to take care of themselves

if i had to have anything further done i will do it myself rather than go back to him

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KellNY - again, THANKS for the words of encouragement - not only are you a breath of fresh air, but almost like a cheerleader - your input and supporting encouragement are much appreciated - "curious what my cervix looks like. He'd like to watch you perform the pap." LOL - Having previously been present during my prior exams, my DH would simply like to stand next to my doctors nurse to watch the pap - actually "seeing" my cervix sounds like DH is asking for a medical course (LOL) - He'd love to, but probably won't ask!

Txspadequeen921 - Wow, talk about a cool, relaxed and personable doctor you worked for! My doctor has a lighswitch on the wall and when he's ready for the pap, he walks over the flips the switch - don't know if his nurse gets a page or if a light comes on outside the room or at her desk or what, but she's usually there in a few minutes - My DH isn't asking for that level of instruction, but we'd both be fine with it - DH would simply like to observe my exam, from my doctor's perspective - my DH would probably really appreciate it if my doctor explained step by step what he was doing, but neither DH or I expect my doctor to do so - it's enough if DH can simply observe

CrunchRN - I can't thank you enough for stepping back in and posting your clarifying information - I really appreciate it, especially since you used to work in a gyn office and have first hand experience with this - You leave me with the definite impression that it was definitely not a big deal if a partner not only stayed for the patient's exam, but it still wasn't a big deal if the partner asked to watch - and that you or your doctor actually explained the exam - Wow, what wonderful patient treatment - I know that I and DH would really appreciate that response to DH asking to watch the exam, so I'm sure that your patients/partners must have appreciated your gyn office's willingness/openness also - Way to go!

As someone pointed out earlier, yes, it's a lady parts, but it's also simply a body part - I suppose??? that doctors simply view it as another body part, just as an arm or leg is, but that's hard for me to imagine - It's encouraging to hear that DH might not be the first person to ask to view an exam from the doctors vantage point - while my doctor has never had any problem with DH remaining in the room during the exam, DH has never asked to "watch" the exam, and that creates the fear of the "unknown" response from the doctor

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santhony44 said:
I don't see any problem with a 12 year old daughter. I did, however, just this week have to draw the line at a 4 year old male child!

I wouldn't have a problem with a 4 yo male but there are times when mom comes in with older male children. Easy solution: I either pull the curtain or have the kid(s) stand by mom's head. Not usually a problem.

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I'm at an urgent care clinic and most times a woman comes in with somebody, whether bf, dh, whomever. All docs but 1 have always allowed the person to stay in the room. The one time one of the docs didn't, I think the woman's husband had requested not to be in once the vag exam started.

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Specializes in ER/Geriatrics.
KellNY said:
[evil]I'm going to be a radical voice here [/evil] IMO, The partner's "place" should not be regulated to the 'top of the bed', it should be wherever he (or she) and the woman are comfortable with--as long as it does not impede the practitioners work or harm anyone. Yes, that includes by the foot of the bed, getting a birds eye view of the cervix during a speculum exam. (refer to above underlined disclaimer)

Oh yeah, I'm all types of crazy with my wacky hippie talk.:smokin:

And what did you mean by "...a fight or issue which so many are willing to create"?

If people want to stay in the room...I am making the assumption it is to support the patient or comfort them....they will do so from the head of the bed. The doctor and I have a job to do....I don't need anyone standing in my way.

That will not change. If the husband, 4 year old child, father in law etc wants to view the lady parts/cervix that won't be happening while I am the nurse in the room.

Liz

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If people want to stay in the room...I am making the assumption it is to support the patient or comfort them....they will do so from the head of the bed. The doctor and I have a job to do....I don't need anyone standing in my way.

That will not change. If the husband, 4 year old child, father in law etc wants to view the lady parts/cervix that won't be happening while I am the nurse in the room.

Liz

In that case I would insist that you NOT be the Nurse in the room. Yes, I'm there to provide support and encouragement to my wife but our relationship takes no back seat to your opinion of where I may stand as long as I'm not in your way. I've been present at my wife's exam's and never had I problem being at the rear of the bed off to the side of the Doctor and Nurse. The Doc even explained what and why she was doing what she was doing and asked if I had any questions. My wife and I decided prior to the Doc coming in the room that if there were questions she didn't want me to hear the answer to just wink at me or tell me to leave for a minute. I believe there are some situations where a teenaged son or other male family member may make ME uncomfortable with their presence but I understand that's my personal sense of what is appropriate and the PT may have a different perspective.

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