I started my CNA class this week (it is required for acceptance into nursing school here). I was telling him about the different things I'll be doing as a CNA and then as a nurse. He became upset when I talked about bathing people.
My husband is concerned that I will be touching other men to bathe them. I tried to explain that it's just a bath, kind of like bathing a child, nothing sexual, but he's still concerned.
Now, he hasn't gotten angry or tried to talk me out of nursing, but he still isn't comfortable with me touching other men. Any suggestions on how to ease his mind?
I recall when I started my first nursing job. My husband after some months jokingly said" I suppose now you will some young handsome doc or something" His fear being in a blue collar job was that somehow I would now only want someone who was so to speak in a white collar job.
Open dialog and listening will bridge the bonds of any relationship.
Course all this came from a man who is now on his third wife , all of having been nurses. As my best friend said " didn't anyone tell him sailors wear white too? lol
Kinda reminds me of some folks' discomfort with women breastfeeding - seeing it as something sexual.
Tell him it's like a (male or female) gyne doing an exam - just getting the job done (in a professional, informed manner). Don't get me started on common cultures' representations of nurses as hotties/sexpots, etc., that's been around for 50+ years...
In the UK this lady has a lot to answer for in the respect! Remember the "Carry On" films? Sheesh! Talk about stereo-typing!
Have read some of the responses to this post but not all. I agree that this seems like a control issue. Only op can decide that but I suggest she look at other aspects of their relationship. I do not remember all the signs of an abusive and controlling relationship but I'm sure someone with computer savy can find it with a couple clicks which I suggest op do without delay.
I am curious about something, does your husband's concerns of you 'touching other men' in nursing are they due to jelousy, his untrusting nature of you (thinking you will be tempted), or does he come from a different ethnic and/or religious background that has issues with women touching men who they are not married to? Just wondering since I didn't really read anything regarding this.
I started my CNA class this week (it is required for acceptance into nursing school here). I was telling him about the different things I'll be doing as a CNA and then as a nurse. He became upset when I talked about bathing people.
My husband is concerned that I will be touching other men to bathe them. I tried to explain that it's just a bath, kind of like bathing a child, nothing sexual, but he's still concerned.
Now, he hasn't gotten angry or tried to talk me out of nursing, but he still isn't comfortable with me touching other men. Any suggestions on how to ease his mind?
I don't see why he wouldn't trust me, I've never given him a reason not to. I really don't think it is a religious thing either. He just thinks it is weird that I will be in contact with other mens' genitals. Even though he knows it isn't sexual, he still doesn't like it.
On an aside, you made me realize that some of it may be insecurity. His parents, although they are wonderful people, never could stay married to anyone for long. His mom is now divorcing her 3rd husband and his dad is on his 6th wife (though they seem happy). So maybe he's worried that I'll see other memberes and be unable to control myself (j/k)... I don't know.
Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
i am truly appalled at some of the responses that are being given here out of "concern" for the op. stories about husbands who pulled guns on their families, numerous people telling this woman to leave her husband. what is going on here? her husband is obviously not in the medical field and probably isn't aware of what goes on during the daily routine on a hospital floor. with shows like grey's anatomy, er, etc, i'm not surprised that he is a little concerned.
what i am surprised at is you...the responders, many of whom i have grown to respect during my time here and are now, instead of offering constructive advice to a fellow nurse with an issue, are trying to rip apart a family. only 1 or 2 people have actually suggested that she explain to him that its a non sexual procedure. how would you feel if your husbands asked their peers for advice and 80% of them told him to run, get out, suggesting that you may pull a gun on him?
i'm honestly disgusted.
i'm sorry you're so disgusted, but you've apparently never been in a controlling or abusive relationship. this is one of the first warning signs. maybe we should be telling her to watch out for the other 8-12 warning signs rather than jumping to "run", but unless you've been there you probably don't get it. "ripping apart a family" isn't that big of a consideration compared to living with an abusive man.
Abuse does end up ripping apart families - after the damage is done. Staying for the kids is a falacy. Jealousy over a job is just the beginning. It grows so insiduously that you don't realise what is happening. Unfortunately outsiders see it before you do, until one day, you wake up and think" how did it come to this?'. I hit rock bottom before I had the sense to leave. Best move I ever made.
My dh (back before I worked exclusively with women and children on mother/baby) always asked me incredulously, "You mean you actually put tubes in people's memberes? You actually have to hold them?" Me: "Yes." Him: "It doesn't turn you on?" And the answer was always a big fat "NOT IN THE LEAST." And, after a few descriptions of nasty wounds and pus coming from the most unlikely of places, I think he got the idea. He stopped asking after a while. He knows I've seen a lot of private parts in my time and it doesn't bother him anymore...or if it does, he hides it well. Because he knows that what I do at work has nothing at all to do with him, and vice versa.
I understand his concern. Someone who is not in the field or a similar one generally has no concept of what we do on a daily basis, and it's a valid concern. But with enough reassurances - and maybe a healthy dose of reality on what you're actually doing at work - he'll probably come around. Good luck.
I'm married to someone whose mother is a nurse herself, so he's already been broken in...er, subjected to years' worth of gross stories at the dining room table He's fully aware that nursing is often as unsexy as it gets.
I told him about how Foley caths were inserted in males...he was more upset over what was being done to the poor guy than the fact that I was the one doing it. I thought he was going to pass out on me :chuckle
...I told him about how Foley caths were inserted in males...he was more upset over what was being done to the poor guy than the fact that I was the one doing it. I thought he was going to pass out on me :chuckle
Haha that's great. I'll have to try that!
To all of those who are warning about abuse: Trust me, he isn't abusive, isn't going to be abusive. He's a very gentle person. Everyone has things that bug them, this is his thing.
And we don't have kids, so please don't accuse me of "staying in it for the kids"
Divorce and abuse are very serious issues, and I think it is of poor judgement to hastily suggest that my husband is a wife beater and tell me to divorce him.
I'm sure everyone of us exhibits signs of abuse. Who hasn't been jealous at some point (Every woman I know gets jealous about other women)? Who hasn't been angry before?
If I had said he was telling me I had to quit immediately, then this would be a different situation. But that is not what I said. I said he was still very supportive of my decision to become a nurse, and that he has never asked me to give it up. All I stated was that he was uncomfortable with one aspect of the job. That's it. I just needed advice on how to make him more comfortable. In a good relationship, people care what the other is feeling, and try to help them.
Thanks to everyone who gave real advice, instead of jumping the gun .
To all of those who are warning about abuse: Trust me, he isn't abusive, isn't going to be abusive. He's a very gentle person. Everyone has things that bug them, this is his thing.
Thanks to everyone who gave real advice, instead of jumping the gun .
I think after nine pages we should respect the op that she's not an abused wife and let it go and take her at her word. She can take or leave your advice, which is some cases is a stretch and not helpful.
He's fully aware that nursing is often as unsexy as it gets.
Bortaz, MSN, RN
2,628 Posts
I was addressing the behavior, as described to us. I don't know the dude personally, but I find his behavior to be ignorant.
I'll try to take the edge off of my tone in the future, however. I'm a product of my environment, and am sometimes too blunt.