How much time did you take off for a death of loved one?

Katmae RN · Nov 18, 2004

Glad to hear that your Dad had good nursing care, and that you got to be with him when he left this world. I too got called in when he turned bad and got to be with him. I too am an only child..and Dad meant the world to me.Such a relief to see his suffering end. It was such a spiritual thing..almost like i saw his soul leave his body. He went just as i finished saying a Hail Mary..pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. It was as if she reached out her arms and took him to Heaven to be with God. I'm not a church goer or bible type..but this was truly was a spiritual experience. I miss him daily and remember things we did and said..as I know you will. In time the pain lessens and you'll feel him in your life, always there when you need calming from fear or stress. I remember saying to my Dad a few days before he died that he could let go..that i would be alright..and that we would see each other again in Heaven. What a look he gave me..like are you sure. He knew how much pain i would have to endure without him. I'm just thankful for all the yrs with him and that he was my Dad. Good luck in your new career and I am sure your Dad was very proud of you. Kathleen

Thanks to everyone and the nice response to my post. My dad had lung CA for 10 months. Last month we discovered it metas. to his lumbar vertebrae. The pain he was in was immeasurable. I'm an only child and was with him when he passed. His nurse (who was a nursing school friend of mine) was awesome. She told me what to expect (breathing pattern before death, etc.). She held me when I cried. She sat with me after he went. I will never forget her honesty and compassion.
Since my original post, my manager, who is excellent, told me to not worry about my job and make a decision about when to return to work after the memorial, which is this friday. I also believe, my dad, who was an angel on earth, will be looking down at me, guiding and protecting me. When my laboring moms have decels and it's the middle of the night (I start night shift when I go back), or when I have unexpected meconium, etc. he'll kick me into gear. I appreciate all of your kind words and support. I'll decide to go back after the funeral. And will go back when I'm ready to be there fully for my patients. Thanks, Suzanne

Q. · Nov 19, 2004

Glad to hear of the good nursing care as well. When my FIL died, my husband took 1 week off but was off actually for 2. The first week we went to be with him in the hospital while he passed. It was nice that we were there, but it was a horrible time.

I'm in a similar situation; my dad is alive but very sick with CA. Originally esophageal CA but now mets to the brain and lung. I'm not sure what the course of action is but the prognosis isn't good (it never was anyway). We get bereavement pay here (3 days) the rest comes from our PTO. I could probably take as much time as I needed. I'll decide then.

My thoughts are with you. I can only imagine. I'm glad your Dad is at peace.

Katnip, RN · Nov 19, 2004

I'm very sorry for the loss of you're Dad.

My son died almost four weeks ago. I won't be going back to work until January 3. At the soonest.

Midwest4me · Dec 3, 2004

My deepest condolences to you. You're in my prayers and thoughts. I know too well this is a difficult time for you. I was glad, however,to hear of the good nursing care you felt he received and that you were able to be with your father at the time he passed.

When my father passed in 1981 I was getting ready to graduate from college, had to take a couple of weeks to fly out and then drive back from the midwest where he'd driven for a visit--two weeks didn't seem enough time but it was all I could take.

When our granddaughter died in November of 1998 I'd just started an intensive 2-month training period for a different job. Thus was unable to take time off(did manage a few days in December to try to pull myself together) and it was incredibly difficult--she was our whole world--yet our grieving had to take a backseat. Each death is different---we STILL grieve for her...and always will. My advice is to always say "take the time you need" and don't put a time limit on it.

Cyberkat---I am so sorry to read of your son's death too---my thoughts and prayers are with you as well.

butterflynurse · Dec 3, 2004

Sorry for your loss. Only you will know when you are ready to return to work. Take as much time as you need. If you go back and are not ready you will not be able to concentrate on anything at work. Do what is in your heart. You'll be in my prayers.

Hellllllo Nurse, BSN, RN · Dec 3, 2004

I am sorry for your loss. When my brother died, I got three days off.

It was especially hard to go back to work, since I worked at a hospice and had to deal with dying people all day.

Wishing you comfort in your time of loss.

renerian, BSN, RN · Dec 3, 2004

I could only get the three days due to being short staffed. It was very hard to keep my witts about me without crying but I did okay.

I am sorry your lost your father. I lost my dad in 92 and my mom in 99-both died at age 67 and I was by no means ready to part with them.

Hugs,

renerian

diddoms · Dec 3, 2004

How much time would/does your manager give you for the death of a loved one?.
I just lost my Dad. Everyone is telling me to take a couple of weeks. My manager is saying a week or so or whenever I'm ready to come back is OK. I'm a new grad and afraid if I take that much time off I'll lose "my edge". My Dad passed on the Veterans Day. I am definitely greiving but am usually able to hold it together. I don't want to be stressed because I've lost my learning curve from being gone too long....I know a weird question, but maybe one of you guys has been here..

I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your father.I've been here.In my experience it is really hard to make decisions at such a devestating time. I suggest you just need to take one day at a time and make your decisions accordingly. Take as much time as you feel you need.

My father died 12 years ago when I was 1 month into a 12 month ICU course.

I was entitled to 4 days Compassionate leave which I took. When I did return to work I felt like I was going through the motions, and in retrospect I probably was dangerous as I was so vague and unable to concentrate.

When my Dad died what hurt me deeply was the fact that none of the people in my class were told by the teachers what had happened until after the funeral. In fact not one person from the hospital came. I had been working there for over 5 &1/2 years.I told one of my friends in the course what had happened and when she asked if she go to the funeral as a class representative she was refused permission to miss study block for the few hours to come to my Dad's funeral. My fahers death was obviously an inconvenience to the hospital.It's 12 years and I'm still angry about that.

I think the amount of time off required is a very individual thing. Follow your heart.

It has always struck me as ironic/perverse that we are so caring, compassionate, and tollerant of our patients, yet there is a tacit expectation that somehow nurses should need less time to grieve. Take the time to deal with your grief before you rush back to work and find that you have to deal with someone elses grief.

Take care, my thoughts are with you.

purplemania, BSN, RN · Dec 3, 2004

OUr facility allows one week. However, if you have PTO time, and the unit can spare you, you can take extra time off.

Marie_LPN, RN, LPN, RN · Dec 3, 2004

Our facility allows a week. I took off 2 days for Grandma. Most people think "oh, a grandmother, that's not the same as parent", but that woman deserves the credit for how i turned out, considering how i grew up. I felt like i lost a mother. But i took 2 days only, because i would have sat around and bawled for a week, plus i knew how proud she was of me, and i wanted to get started making her even more proud of what i do now.

emsboss · Dec 3, 2004

A facility I USED to work for gave me 1 day off when my wife had open heart surgery (ASD repair..they found it after she was pregnant)...A week later a man who worked the same job as I (Tele Tech) had his dog die (yes...I said DOG) and they gave him 3 days bereavement...and told him to take as much time as he needed...WTF?!?!?!?!?!?!?!:angryfire . Sometimes things aren't fair!!!!!!...Like I said...I USED to work there:p

Pattiecake · Dec 4, 2004

How much time would/does your manager give you for the death of a loved one?.
I just lost my Dad. Everyone is telling me to take a couple of weeks. My manager is saying a week or so or whenever I'm ready to come back is OK. I'm a new grad and afraid if I take that much time off I'll lose "my edge". My Dad passed on the Veterans Day. I am definitely greiving but am usually able to hold it together. I don't want to be stressed because I've lost my learning curve from being gone too long....I know a weird question, but maybe one of you guys has been here..

Please accept my deepest condolences for your most painful loss.

As a manager I do know my company rules. Parents, siblings, children, grandparents, spouses, the company offers a measly three days compassionate paid leave. PTO can be added to this if any is left. One of my employees lost her DH last month. There is no way she could come back after 3 compassionate and her 3 remaining PTO. Full time employees are eligible for 10 days LOA without pay. She was only 32 hours/week, so she didn't qualify. What kind of sense does that make? Do part time employees hurt less? What a horrible thing to have to tell someone. Sorry, you gotta come back to work or I'll have to let you go. Aren't the bereaved already stressed enough? If there was anything I would change about my company, compassionate leave would be it. I think 2 weeks paid leave and 3 months LOA would be fair.

Pat