How much time did you take off for a death of loved one?

kesneysmom · Nov 17, 2004

How much time would/does your manager give you for the death of a loved one?.
I just lost my Dad. Everyone is telling me to take a couple of weeks. My manager is saying a week or so or whenever I'm ready to come back is OK. I'm a new grad and afraid if I take that much time off I'll lose "my edge". My Dad passed on the Veterans Day. I am definitely greiving but am usually able to hold it together. I don't want to be stressed because I've lost my learning curve from being gone too long....I know a weird question, but maybe one of you guys has been here..

I am really sorry for your loss. I think you should just search yourself and ask yourself; Will I be a good nurse to my patients?will I be able to focus? ect. It might make you feel better to go back to work and use that to get things off your mind. However I think it is unhealthy to not grieve. what I am trying to say is that you will not lose your skills in that amount of time and do what ever your heart is telling you to do. Again I am sorry for your loss, I havent delt with this personally. It must be really hard for you.

Blackcat99 · Nov 17, 2004

Sorry to hear about the loss of your father. When my Dad died my manager gave me as much time as I wanted. I took 2 weeks off. Losing my Dad was the most painful experience of my life. Dad's been gone now for over 2 years and it still hurts.

URO-RN · Nov 17, 2004

I would like to extend my deepest condolesces.

I lost my dad Mother's day this year.

Take as much time as you need. Check out the Family Leave Act. Your supervisor should of offered this to you right away.

You and your family are in my thoughts.

Take care.

Limik · Nov 17, 2004

I am sorry for the loss of your father. I experienced this situation 2 years ago. My father passed away quickly and unexpectedly from colon CA. I was the only one who could do any of the funeral planning or make any arrangemnents. I worked for public health at the time, my boss said take as much time as you need. I was out one week, only to come back and find out that we did not receive bereavement leave. I had to use up all of my vacation time. My nurse manager thought that we got at least a couple of days for funerals but we didn't. I was glad she was supportive, but I do wish she knew her facts a little better. Stay out as long as you need to. Everyone is a little different in how much time they need. When I went back after a week, at first I felt a little spaced out, by the end of the week I was glad to be back. It helped to keep my mind off of things.

llg, PhD, RN · Nov 17, 2004

When my father died, I was working as a faculty member and could not disrupt the students' schedules, so I could only take 2 or 3 days to fly home quick for the funeral.

When my mother died, I was able to take a whole week as I was working in a staff development job in a hospital. I could have taken a little more, but really didn't need it at that time.

Everybody is different. If you feel you would rather work, then work. In fact, when my mother died, I worked the entire week of her death: her funeral was delayed until the next week and that is the week I took off. I even stayed at work that day for a while. I really didn't want to just sit at home alone and cry. I felt better being at work with my friends.

Do whatever feels best to you. Know that what feels right may change over time as you go through different stages of the grief process. Do what you need to do for you and don't feel guilty if that isn't what other people think you should do.

Like the other posters, I am sorry for your loss and wish you and your family peace.

llg

Burnt Out, ASN, RN · Nov 17, 2004

I'm sorry about your loss. It is very hard when someone you love and are close to passes away.

My situation was a little different: I do not go back to work until 6 weeks after my son died. I had a c-section, so I was recovering from major surgery along with trying to get through each day.

I know we have bereavement days we can take, but several people usually stay away from work for 1-2 weeks. You do what is best for you.... :saint:

akcarmean, LPN · Nov 17, 2004

Sorry for your loss. My prayers are with you and your family. do what your heart tells you to.

Angelia

Katmae RN · Nov 17, 2004

I took off a total of 3 months to go to my Dad, and find out why he was having chronic diarrhea, 10 lb weight loss, and cough. The docs he saw never found out the cause until I came out there to his home state..and insisted they do further tests. It was cancer of the lung with mets to the liver. I luckily got to stay with him for the remainder of his life..which was six weeks. It was the hardest and most awful experience i have ever been thru. His hospital care was the absolute pits..and i vowed i would never work in the profession again. After I buried him, i took 6 more weeks to get my act together. I am back in nursing and got past the feelings i had about hospital care. Don't ya know my first night back i get assigned to a person dying, the same manner my Dad did..boy was that tough. It's been a year and a half now and I believe my dad watches over me, protects me, and comforts me, as he did in life. Work is much easier with him just a prayer away. I hope your pain eases and memories of your Dad sustain you. My dad left me in a financial situation I was able to do this. If I had to work right away I can't imagine how hard it would have been. Take care, Kathleen

Trauma Columnist · Nov 17, 2004

So sorry for your loss. When my mother died, I was by myself in Illinois with my 1 y/o and 6 y/o - hubby was in Greenland. Money was so very tight, I went back to work within 48 hours (my mother was Jewish and burial is within the first 24 hours). When my father died two years ago - I took the three days bereavement and that was fine with me. Like everyone else says, it is a very personal thing - no right or wrong way. Take care of yourself.

Nursesuzi · Nov 18, 2004

Thanks to everyone and the nice response to my post. My dad had lung CA for 10 months. Last month we discovered it metas. to his lumbar vertebrae. The pain he was in was immeasurable. I'm an only child and was with him when he passed. His nurse (who was a nursing school friend of mine) was awesome. She told me what to expect (breathing pattern before death, etc.). She held me when I cried. She sat with me after he went. I will never forget her honesty and compassion.

Since my original post, my manager, who is excellent, told me to not worry about my job and make a decision about when to return to work after the memorial, which is this friday. I also believe, my dad, who was an angel on earth, will be looking down at me, guiding and protecting me. When my laboring moms have decels and it's the middle of the night (I start night shift when I go back), or when I have unexpected meconium, etc. he'll kick me into gear. I appreciate all of your kind words and support. I'll decide to go back after the funeral. And will go back when I'm ready to be there fully for my patients. Thanks, Suzanne

I took off a total of 3 months to go to my Dad, and find out why he was having chronic diarrhea, 10 lb weight loss, and cough. The docs he saw never found out the cause until I came out there to his home state..and insisted they do further tests. It was cancer of the lung with mets to the liver. I luckily got to stay with him for the remainder of his life..which was six weeks. It was the hardest and most awful experience i have ever been thru. His hospital care was the absolute pits..and i vowed i would never work in the profession again. After I buried him, i took 6 more weeks to get my act together. I am back in nursing and got past the feelings i had about hospital care. Don't ya know my first night back i get assigned to a person dying, the same manner my Dad did..boy was that tough. It's been a year and a half now and I believe my dad watches over me, protects me, and comforts me, as he did in life. Work is much easier with him just a prayer away. I hope your pain eases and memories of your Dad sustain you. My dad left me in a financial situation I was able to do this. If I had to work right away I can't imagine how hard it would have been. Take care, Kathleen

lovingtheunloved, ASN, RN · Nov 18, 2004

My grandma, who I was very close to and is my nursing inspiration passed away Thursday. I didn't take any time off, because she was in KS and I'm in AZ. I was bummed that I couldn't go to the funeral, but it was good for me to focus on others (my residents) instead of myself. I'm better if I'm in denial I guess!