How much personal info do you share with parents?

Specialties Private Duty

Published

I have been at this for long,but i feel like parents somehow view me as an "outsider".

For example,i am courteous,but i do not like to share anything personal.

I mean,i do share with them my education and experience,but it stops right there.

I do not like to engage in small talk about celebs,current events,other nurses,my daily plans,my other cases,etc.

Some of these cases i have been going to for 5 yrs,but we seem "distant".

I called one of my old offices the other day; when I mentioned that I'm still alive and needing work, the head staffer said he hadn't called me in over a year because......according to him I had said I wasn't available the last time I was in the office.......The exact opposite was the case then, and is the case now. So I updated him on my availability yet again. Funny, just last week they run an ad, but golly no call. I believe I am correct in calling this agency a former employer, rather than an employer that hasn't offered me one shift in 18 months. They laugh about us as soon as we leave the office. I've read that in reviews written on job boards by staffers/former staffers.

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Specializes in Pediatrics.

I'm curious to see who has lied, about what, and why.

Just a thought, with all the personal info out there, how often do you think the parents look us up online? They have our names and know what city we live in. They all seem to ask me where I live too...I just give the city and nothing more. I use Facebook to project a good appearance by making a select few posts public, but the rest is private. That way if someone looks me up, they only see positive stuff and they feel like they see something private. But my private posts stay private.

I lie pretty consistently, because every last one of my patients has very, VERY politically conservative, religious parents. I am a bisexual agnostic libertarian, but as far as they are concerned, I am a sweet heterosexual Christian who is currently too busy with school/overtime shifts to find a husband and start a family. I try to dodge political issues or anything else that will have me nodding along with the kind of inflammatory rhetoric that would have me sniping back in a different scenario, though.

Honestly, it doesn't bother me to lie, because I'm not there for me. I'm there for the clients, and if it brings them comfort to have me sing bible songs to their vent-dependent kids as they struggle to adjust to a difficult life, it's no skin off my back. I'm not interested in advocating for any aspect of my private life at work or in school, and I fill out very little information on Facebook (as well as keep my privacy settings tighter than a snare drum).

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Specializes in Lvn to RN, new grad med/surg.

I've recently learned how to "guide" a conversation sorta speak to find ways to avoid such things. But yes, lesson learned the hard way as I had my hours cut because I was in school, in the future I will lie.

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I find that me getting pulled from a case usually corresponds with someone else becoming happy that they got my job. The client is happy because they just audition the next fill-in nurse for the next backstabbing position.

Nail on the head.

Man PDN makes us so thick skinned. You all sound just like how I feel. Im glad there is some comradery here.

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Specializes in Pediatrics.

I have been chatty in the past and it has backfired. I knew so much about the family and their lives, their financial struggles, their marital problems, and dysfunctional in-laws, that I felt comfortable, and almost obligated to talk about what I considered to be benign personal stuff: pets, kids, husband's new job (at the time), the trials of car shopping or house hunting... It was all used against me in one way or another while I was on this one particular case. That mom just had a great way of taking a snippet of a conversation and regurgitating it back in a very unsavory way. I decided to buckle up my upper lip. Soon after she asked me to leave the case because I became "cold, distant, and unsociable." No, I was just tired of having something I may conversationally and organically mention during an hour drive to the specialist about the rude car salesman I encountered over the weekend becoming an opportunity for her to lament about how much money I was making off of her son and my priorities being out of whack because of the types of vehicle I was researching.

On the flip side, I did ask questions about family life, hobbies, other obligations, and general interests of the nurses who came through my home. I asked, not to be nosey, but to learn about what may or may not be taboo. I try hard not to step on toes, to be considerate of others, and I am extremely non-confrontational, so if I know that you spend your weekends I church I will feel comfortable expressing myself fully in my own beliefs and I won't EVER ask you to work a Saturday or Sunday (based on when I know you worship). Likewise, if spirituality is something you aren't comfortable with the I will limit my speak, music, religious activities during your work shift to make sure your environment remains comfortable for you. Additionally, I like to give small tokens for a job well done. If you tell me that you LOVE French vanilla lattes, then you may come in to work on a random Tuesday and find a $5 Tim Horton's gift card attached to the communication book with a "thank you" note for all that you do, or if I know that you have kids and your daughter is really into The Disney Princesses right now and you love to garage sale, I would feel completely comfortable offering you (free of charge) the princess costumes that I planned to donate to my mom's garage sale that my daughter has outgrown but are still in perfect condition. Stuff like that... :)

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Specializes in Peds(PICU, NICU float), PDN, ICU.
I have been chatty in the past and it has backfired. I knew so much about the family and their lives, their financial struggles, their marital problems, and dysfunctional in-laws, that I felt comfortable, and almost obligated to talk about what I considered to be benign personal stuff: pets, kids, husband's new job (at the time), the trials of car shopping or house hunting... It was all used against me in one way or another while I was on this one particular case. That mom just had a great way of taking a snippet of a conversation and regurgitating it back in a very unsavory way. I decided to buckle up my upper lip. Soon after she asked me to leave the case because I became "cold, distant, and unsociable." No, I was just tired of having something I may conversationally and organically mention during an hour drive to the specialist about the rude car salesman I encountered over the weekend becoming an opportunity for her to lament about how much money I was making off of her son and my priorities being out of whack because of the types of vehicle I was researching.

On the flip side, I did ask questions about family life, hobbies, other obligations, and general interests of the nurses who came through my home. I asked, not to be nosey, but to learn about what may or may not be taboo. I try hard not to step on toes, to be considerate of others, and I am extremely non-confrontational, so if I know that you spend your weekends I church I will feel comfortable expressing myself fully in my own beliefs and I won't EVER ask you to work a Saturday or Sunday (based on when I know you worship). Likewise, if spirituality is something you aren't comfortable with the I will limit my speak, music, religious activities during your work shift to make sure your environment remains comfortable for you. Additionally, I like to give small tokens for a job well done. If you tell me that you LOVE French vanilla lattes, then you may come in to work on a random Tuesday and find a $5 Tim Horton's gift card attached to the communication book with a "thank you" note for all that you do, or if I know that you have kids and your daughter is really into The Disney Princesses right now and you love to garage sale, I would feel completely comfortable offering you (free of charge) the princess costumes that I planned to donate to my mom's garage sale that my daughter has outgrown but are still in perfect condition. Stuff like that... :)

Mmmm Tim Hortons. Can't get that in the south. Fine, back to the topic...I guess.

Yes, what you described on things backfiring! How does the family know you are choosing a car based on the money you make? Maybe your husband brings in the big bucks. Maybe you hit the lottery enough to afford a nicer car than you'd normally purchase. Maybe you finished paying your home off and can afford a nicer car. Maybe you spend money well and have really good credit so you have the big down payment and really low payments. These families get one little piece of info and run wild with it. I've said it before, but we've all made choices to be where we are. So if you can afford the fancy car, good for you! As long as it was gained honestly and fairly, you earned it!

It amazes me how they turn a harmless detail into trouble so quickly. Like they are just looking for trouble.

If you have kids they assume you'll miss lots of work. If you don't have kids, they assume you are out at night partying or that you don't understand kids. If you say you're married, they will complain about that. Single? Then they question why and come up with problems as to why you're single. Own a home and nice car, you make too much and they are jealous. The ones living off the system think you have money and stuff to give them. Rent and they think you are unstable and could move away. Have a pet? Now you could be giving their kid allergies or bringing pet hair in their home. Sneeze once after spending a day outside the day before and you're contagious and have to wear a mask. Cough after a meal or clear your throat after reflux and you get a mask too. Wear scrubs and they complain. Wear street clothes and they complain. Pretty? The mom will automatically assume you are after her husband (because you couldn't possibly be there just so you can pay your bills). Ugly? Then they talk behind your back. Miss a day or leave early for a Dr appt? Now they swear you have something contagious or life threatening....it was only for a TB test or routine preventative care. And without health insurance it was the only time/day you could get, so they will complain about that. Play too much with the kid, you are possessive and want to take moms place. Don't interact much and you ate cold and distant. Young, you're inexperienced and easily manipulated. Old, you're not going to move fast enough in an emergency. Skinny? The parent is jealous. Overweight, they think you can't move fast enough. Wrong color for the household preferences, forget it...they will create a complaint to get you out if there. (I actually got written up over a fake complaint. Family told me they didn't like me over my skin color. That was my last day. Then got called in over a write up about a fake complaint from them). Seems like its a no win for us unless we get lucky enough to get a decent family.

I've joked with nursing friends that we could foster medically fragile kids and take care of each others kids. The kids would get good care. No drama. Steady work and schedule. Its sooo tempting!

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Specializes in Cardio-Pulmonary; Med-Surg; Private Duty.
an opportunity for her to lament about how much money I was making off of her son and my priorities being out of whack because of the types of vehicle I was researching.

Well of COURSE we're making money off their kids.... this is OUR JOB, for crying out loud! This is how we pay our bills, buy our food, and pay for the transportation to get to their house to provide medical care for their fragile kid.

While I have offered to do some unpaid PDN work for a family through church, that was more of a "babysitting" situation than anything else, and was simply me as a mom wanting to provide another family a few hours to enjoy an outing that wasn't small-child friendly (toddler on a feeding pump). Other than wives of truly wealthy men, I don't know of anyone who can afford to work a full-time job on a completely volunteer basis. What a truly absurd thing for a parent of a SN child to make...

On the flip side, I did ask questions about family life, hobbies, other obligations, and general interests of the nurses who came through my home....... Stuff like that... :)

Something tells me that, like ventmommy, you didn't have a problem with heavy turnover with your nurses!

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The same client who will berate us for making money off their kids will never make the same comment over the nice In Home Supportive Services check they get for time they have to spend with their kid anyway! And they get to sleep, watch movies, leave the home to gallavant, and leave their child in a soaking brief until the next nurse comes to work. There is no one to tell them how to do their "job".

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Specializes in Peds(PICU, NICU float), PDN, ICU.

Don't get me started on parents who won't change a diaper because they'll have a nurse in 16 hours that will take care of it. But if we wait 5 min because we prioritized suctioning over a diaper change, we get a complaint.

Sounds like we need a PDN support group on FB!

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Specializes in Pediatrics.

I really like you SDALPN! You have this PDN thing DOWN!

I had a mom rearrange an entire feeding schedule so that the last feed of the shift ended at least an hour before the end of the shift so that the child would stool before the nurse went home. Seriously! I had a mom upset with me because her child aways had a bowel movement after my shift ended. She said she was tired of cleaning his "s***" and that's what the nurses were for. First she was going to extend the shift an hour but we nurses couldn't accommodate the later start and/or later end, so she changed his feeding times (and that was OUR fault, also, since we had lives outside of her case). Poor angel had dumping syndrome.

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Well of COURSE we're making money off their kids.... this is OUR JOB, for crying out loud! This is how we pay our bills, buy our food, and pay for the transportation to get to their house to provide medical care for their fragile kid.

While I have offered to do some unpaid PDN work for a family through church, that was more of a "babysitting" situation than anything else, and was simply me as a mom wanting to provide another family a few hours to enjoy an outing that wasn't small-child friendly (toddler on a feeding pump). Other than wives of truly wealthy men, I don't know of anyone who can afford to work a full-time job on a completely volunteer basis. What a truly absurd thing for a parent of a SN child to make...

Something tells me that, like ventmommy, you didn't have a problem with heavy turnover with your nurses!

Providing babysitting services and volunteering my nursing skills is something i always wondered about. According to Allnurses(the General Forum) it is not a good idea.

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Since my client has called me the babysitter, and my agency employer insists on treating me like the babysitter, I thought I was supposed to be the babysitter. You know. A babysitter has to carry or they can't properly babysit.

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