How much do you feel that you can just "be yourself" at your job?

Nurses General Nursing

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Recently, I started a second job, (and as second jobs go, it has been pretty darned exciting, it is in an ER and it is my first venture into ER nursing). But, as my second job, I haven't felt the same kind of pressure (internal or otherwise) to figure it all out and to try to be what I think I am supposed to be. I am truly just letting myself, be myself. So in the wake of this, it has become very clear how much I actually don't allow myself to just be who I am....whatever that is. In my primary job, I am much more concerned with how I am perceived (or how I think I am being perceived) by my coworkers and the management.

I don't like this realization.

Do any of you have any insight into this phenomenon? A few months ago, I wouldn't have even noticed this about myself, but I truly feel a whole lot more freedom at my second job, than at my primary job.

What is this sense of trying to give people what you think they want? Is that just being a good employee or is it selling out on who you are?

For instance, I sat down with my manager at my second job about some of the problems on the weekend I work. I was very forthcoming and it felt GREAT. Why don't I do that otherwise?

Any insight would be appreciated.....thanks.

I find that I can not really be myself because people take advantage of my good nature all the time. I've also been screwed over so many times in general that I've learned to be on guard at all times if possible. I don't trust anyone when it comes to the workplace. Just been burned to a crisp too many times. I think you have to come to a happy medium. Get as comfortable as you can without putting yourself in harm's way.

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Specializes in LTC, ER.

I can totally be myself at work. The er is the only place where I can relax. I am in a level one trauma center in the inner city, my pt population are from the same culture as I am, so we understand each other. all of my coworkers are "funcrazy" so we have a good time. I've also worked in a nice quiet office atmosphere where I really had to be on my Ps and Qs, so it was nice to work in the er occasionally where i could be a little rowdy, and it's expected, (and often encouraged)!

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Specializes in LTC, office.
I am more work driven than interested in chit chat. I want to get my work done first then if there is time to talk fine. I think that my coworkers think of me as wierd, not joining in on conversations or if I do it's w/ dry humor. I want to get out that door on time and get home to my family. I feel like I'm left out of the loop a lot but that's probably my own fault since I rarely engage. I'm very quite and shy and always have been, have issues w/ knowing what to say to people stems from my childhood but that's a process that I am trying to figure that out and improve on it as life continues.

This whole paragraph sounds terrible but I guess that's me. I do enjoy my coworkers they are all wonderful people and they all are like a 2nd family and I'm still working on finding my place in this new family of mine.

I would love more coworkers like you. I too am quiet by nature and often just want to get my work done instead of chitchat or, more often than not, gossip. Not sure how some places would run without a few "weird" ones like us. :)

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Specializes in Travel Nursing, ICU, tele, etc.
No, I don't feel I can yet. I'm in too much fear and confusion now as a new grad to even come close. Maybe someday when I get the job down. With some nurses, I can open up a bit, but I'm standng back a little until I find out who I can trust. I'm sort of like that with people until I get to know them.

I'm a bit Type A, and a bit high strung and inpatient, so I'm not sure if my personality fits nursing yet at all. I've had to be very tough in many situations in my life, so I have a hard time with whiners and don't always have patience with those who don't seem to take responsibility for their life choices.

Maybe I'd be better off working for the Republican Party or something!

;) I'm starting to wonder.

May I suggest ICU nursing? Type A personalities do great in that setting!

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Specializes in Home Care, Hospice, OB.
i also work 1 full-time and various free-lance jobs.

i'm usually relaxed at all jobs but have to keep in mind that all the rules of therapeutic communication don't fit in with my personality.

so sometimes, i have to be careful.

i'm sassy, smart-mouthed with a sharp-tongued sense of humor---

that doesn't always jibe with textbook professional behavior. :nono:

:up: in time, you'll find your balance.

:D i'm still re-inventing mine everyday.

best wishes to you.

:nurse:

are we twins separated at birth? it's a darn good thing i have a wicked sense of humor and that others (usually) find me funny..or i would be so screwed!!:lol2::heartbeat:lol2:

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Specializes in Community Health, Med-Surg, Home Health.

I don't feel that I am my true self at my job, either. It is because I have not been a nurse long enough, so, I am not confident in my observations. Also, I feel that I have to count on the other nurses (even the bad ones) in order to learn how to survive. Therefore, I am not as quick to tell a person that they are an idiot (even with blatent evidence) as I used to, because I may need them later on. Sometimes, I leave with stomach aches because I can't say what I really, really mean. It is getting a bit better, though, because what I am learning is tact.

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Specializes in Community Health, Med-Surg, Home Health.
I am more work driven than interested in chit chat. I want to get my work done first then if there is time to talk fine. I think that my coworkers think of me as wierd, not joining in on conversations or if I do it's w/ dry humor. I want to get out that door on time and get home to my family. I feel like I'm left out of the loop a lot but that's probably my own fault since I rarely engage. I'm very quite and shy and always have been, have issues w/ knowing what to say to people stems from my childhood but that's a process that I am trying to figure that out and improve on it as life continues.

This whole paragraph sounds terrible but I guess that's me. I do enjoy my coworkers they are all wonderful people and they all are like a 2nd family and I'm still working on finding my place in this new family of mine.

You are not terrible, you are dedicated and focused. I'd work with you, and I'd make you laugh with me occasionally, but I would certainly respect your space and I admire your conduct!:yeah:

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Specializes in Travel Nursing, ICU, tele, etc.

why is it that security in our job equals security in being ourselves?

how do you define being yourself? i don't necessarily think it means "letting it all hang out" and saying everything that is on your mind, but more a sense of freedom and acceptance of this is who i am, i can be no other.

i suppose, there is a certain amount of self-molding that we need to do to fit into society in general and in the workplace, but how do we do that and still maintain ourselves? it is a balance, like someone posted above.

i am struggling with that part!!

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In response to the OP, I have found that there are a few areas of nursing where people tend to "be themselves" more than others: ER, corrections, and psych.

In addition to those realms, I would like to also add that it seems that when on night shift, people tend to have the freedom to let more of their own personality fly as well.

Only speaking from personal experience. :) But I'm a wild firecracker, and I've had jobs where people would have NO idea who I "really" am. I know that a part of that is due to the fact that administration's presence on day shift plays a large part -- much less joking around and letting loose. And, in those three fields I mentioned, you tend to see some pretty shocking crap -- kind of hard to stifle a reaction at times!

I personally think I can both be myself AND be professional at the same time. I've never read any sort of expert text that says people who are professional don't have the privilege of laughing hysterically while at work. :D

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I am absolutly not myself at work. I live and work in a very small town where most here have lived all their lives. It is "six degrees of seperation". Everyone at work is somehow related. I have lived all over the US due my former profession. I didn't marry until 4 years ago (I am 44). My husband is 7 years younger than me and we do not have any children. (His profession requires us to live here.) When I started in my current job, and co-workers asked how many children we have you have thought I told them we are devil worshipers!! Not marrying until I was forty? MY GAWD! I have learned just to pretty much keep to myself at work. Early on I realized that underlying tones from staff being conveyed to me were not my imagination. In very subtle ways it was made known I don't belong. Even the staff in the hospital are all related to the patients! But please don't think I am throwing my own pity party! I appreciate the culture here, I work well with my fellow nurses, and I whistle on my way work. So what if I don't get invited to the 10,000th home decor party! I think we all have to put on some sort of facade in our workplace from time to time. Heck, even my screen name is that of my childhood cat and I DREAM of living in the mountains-and you thought you knew something about me!!!:yeah::[anb]:

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Specializes in Travel Nursing, ICU, tele, etc.
I am absolutly not myself at work. I live and work in a very small town where most here have lived all their lives. It is "six degrees of seperation". Everyone at work is somehow related. I have lived all over the US due my former profession. I didn't marry until 4 years ago (I am 44). My husband is 7 years younger than me and we do not have any children. (His profession requires us to live here.) When I started in my current job, and co-workers asked how many children we have you have thought I told them we are devil worshipers!! Not marrying until I was forty? MY GAWD! I have learned just to pretty much keep to myself at work. Early on I realized that underlying tones from staff being conveyed to me were not my imagination. In very subtle ways it was made known I don't belong. Even the staff in the hospital are all related to the patients! But please don't think I am throwing my own pity party! I appreciate the culture here, I work well with my fellow nurses, and I whistle on my way work. So what if I don't get invited to the 10,000th home decor party! I think we all have to put on some sort of facade in our workplace from time to time. Heck, even my screen name is that of my childhood cat and I DREAM of living in the mountains-and you thought you knew something about me!!!:yeah::[anb]:

I grew up in a rural area and I know of what you speak. To move into that situation from a vast experience is understandably difficult. Blech!!

I am glad you have come to tolerate it and even thrive in your situation.

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Specializes in med-surg.
Do you think not really being able to be yourself is a "nurse" thing, a "female" thing or just the nature of being employed? Is it the "role" we are expected to play?

When my manager struts onto the unit, it makes me want to wretch a little. She "acts" superior. There is no way that I feel inferior to her, but am forced to act a certain way in that scenario. It is all artificial, but some people really believe it. Or Doctors, especially (not all) are in a certain role when they come on the unit....and there is no question some feel they are next to god.

I have become very sensitive and aware of all of this "role playing" and how it has nothing to do with our own value in this world. WE are ALL valuable.

Then there are nurses who treat their fellow nurses as "less than" them, as well. How does one deal with that? New nurses should have MORE attention, MORE compassion and MORE support, not less. Not the sink or swim mentality that exists in many places... I just find it interesting this us or them mentality. It is so like High School. Some of that bull crap never changes... it is amusing, actually, when you look at the absurdity of it all.

No one really makes it until we ALL make it. AND allowing everyone to "be themselves" and contribute all that they have to contribute is is important. None of this "cookie cutter crap" in my perfect world!!

What if we all just tried "being ourselves" and let the chips fall where they may. I would bet life would be a whole lot more joyful. I am working on it. Who want to be like everybody else anyway?? Blech!!!

:chuckle:chuckle:chucklewe are all perfect in our own imperfections!!!:rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::lol2::lol2::lol2:

I really think its a female thing. My family laughed when I said I was going to nursing school since I've always been better at working with men. I just don't get into the drama and don't gossip. About anyone. Ever. Not even with my friends.

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