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How many of you would like to say this.........

Posted

I'm very sorry your not happy with your partners care, however your more than welcome to take them home or to another care facility if you desire.

I work in aged care and love it, that being said I really dont think that the general public have a bloody clue as to how underpaid nursing and care staff are compared to how much hard work we put in plus all the BS to go along with it.

Now granted I have only been a nurse for approx 3 yrs and i have grown so much in that time but my patience on the other hand has grown very thin. I know it sounds mean but tell me why is it that when someone is unwell we as nurses spend more time looking after the relatives emotionally when our focus is to be directed towards the patient.

I think that for every person that complains about every little nit picky thing that there should be a program that automatically enrolls them into a 1 day full on session and actually do an 8 hr shift where thay have to change dirty pads, and wipe bottoms as well as try to undress people who dont want to have a shower and will resist you at every turn.

maybe they should try to feed someone who wont open their mouth and then also try to get them to drink 4-5 cups of fluid a day.... the list goes on and i have to say i have had enough of the guilt ridden baby boomers who think they know it all.

walk a mile in any one of my care staff's shoes and then tell me how easy it is to look after 30+ elderly demented time consuming patients plus all the paperwork that needs to be done and then tell me how easy it is. Or how about they be somewhat thankful that they dont have to do this at home, or that they are somewhere being verbally and or physically abused.

LOL anyone else want to add their 2 bobs.

I have always thought that in order to get a family member into a long-term care facility that a family member should have to volunteer for at least a week BEFORE their family member could be admitted. Some of them do have legitimate complaints and I feel so badly when that happens, but so many of them confuse it with the Hilton!

totally_nuts

Specializes in mental health, aged care/disability care.

I totally agree!!

I had one family member come to me and whine about how they couldn't cope at home with the client and then in the next breath complain about the fact that we can't get the client to brush their teeth/eat/drink etc...

I really felt like telling them that they were welcome to take the client home again, back to the all the problems they were having with them before.

SitcomNurse

Specializes in Geriatrics and Quality Improvement,. Has 22 years experience.

I have a woman, who walked in with a steno notepad when her husband rolled in onthe stretcher. he is non-responsive. Eyes open, neuro movements, but very "Schiavo" if you recall that case in the news. Everyone was afraid of her. After 15 years, I have little fear, and a photographic memory. I did everything I could to make it right, and she in turned appreciated my candor and directness, but also complained that I wasnt ....well....warm and fuzzy. She couldnt hug me.

What?

Are you kidding?

I told her to put the note pad down. Listen. If she is going to walk around here looking for something wrong, she is bound to see it. She should concentrate on spending time with her husband, certainly bring up concerns, but stop with the note pad. Im not afraid of it, because I am never going to do something that would jeopardize her husbands life (full code).

I told her she is more than welcome to petition to the other Veterans facilty, and have him moved there, but this facility was 100 fold better than the last, and once he was federal, she had no claims.

Well, she is still very particular and odd, but no note pad. And if I was still in charge down there, she would nto be spending the night because he has the hiccups. :uhoh3:

itsmejuli

Specializes in Home Care.

For me the family members who are pleasant and treat us with respect more than make up for the not so pleasant family members.

LOL I have told a family member they can take their love one home if they are not happy with us. Look when you have not just 1 but 2 people dieing on you and your swamped and you have a family member in your face complaining how soon can their loved one can get help to use the bathroom. And you know they are one of those chronic complainers and your aids are moving as fast as they can to please everyone and if you worked in a LTC home you know after meals everyone and their brother needs to use the restroom all at the same time and med pass and so on. So yes I have told a family member if they are not happy with us you can take them home I'll call our social services director for you and you can get the paper work going. Needless to say i was called in to the DON's office and the Admin was there. And i may of gotten in trouble for saying what i said but it felt good to tell someone kinda off. And please take note to all you nice chronic complaining family members. I'm not afraid to speak my mind. God gave me a mind to speak and how i look at things might not be the case for you. Other words i have 79 other people with 79 different problems to worry about. So pick a freaking number and remember i say this with a smile because you know us nurses have to be nice and smiling rather then put you through a wall.. These are my thoughts use them as you wish

CoffeeRTC, BSN, RN

Has 25 years experience.

Okay...I agree and have said that before and actually worked with a family to find other placememnt

BUT......How look at how much BS they put up with. No one signed up to got to a nursing home or planned that part in life, the residents and family get sick of being told that we are short staffed or someone called off, they get sick of being told "in 5 minutes" they get sick of the same food.

Most of my families are decent and I've had to deal with my share of "crazy families" before. Sometimes it is appropriate to say "we can't meet your needs, maybe you should look elsewhere"

DizzyLizzyNurse

Specializes in Peds Medical Floor. Has 12 years experience.

Uhh we had problems on my unit because of a violent, combative resident. He was too hard to handle at home, so they brought him to the nursing home. Ok. That's what nursing homes are for. (Taking care of people who can't be cared for at home.)

But they refused to allow us to medicate him....with anything. They were afraid he "wouldn't be himself". Really? I told the administrator to tell the family that if they were ok with us being beaten up to tell them to take him home so THEY could get beaten up because I was tired of it. Thank God he finally got some stuff ordered.

I don't think we should have to put up with that. I'm sorry your husband/father isn't who he used to be. That's what dementia is. The guy beat the crap out of everyone and it was usually without warning. If I heard, "Just approach him differently, " one more time I swore I was going to quit. And if you don't want him medicated then YOU take care of him!!!!

I know families can be a pain in the rear and it's no excuse for them to act like that but if you look at it from their point of view you can see how they become the nit-picky nuisances that they are.

First and foremost is the amount of money these families are shelling out per month for these homes. Where I live the average LTC facilty costs anywhere from $6,000 - $10,000 a month that they are paying out of pocket for their loved ones to stay there. Then on top of that they have to constantly hear how understaffed the place is and that's why it takes so long to get to grandma's brief change.

It's the equivalent of paying $500/night for a hotel room only to find out that your linens will be changed every 3 days because they only have 2 maids and room service is only available for 3 hours out of the day. When people spend large amounts of cash (especially when they don't have it) they expect nothing but the best and when they don't get that you have one irate person on your hands.

The second thing that contributes to the behaviors is the guilt factor that mom/dad is now in a home. The helplessness and loss of control over the whole situation, plus the financial burden of it all as well. It's even worse when mom/dad begs and pleads not to be put in a home but the child who's working a full time job and raising her own kids just can't take it anymore. I know my own mother is at her wits end trying to take care of my grandmother and it's getting to that point too.

You almost have to try eachother's shoes on and walk those miles to even the frustrations out.

Then again some family members could have a private butler, 2 CNAs, RN and LPN assigned to their family and still complain because they are just that nuts.

Ruby Vee, BSN

Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching. Has 40 years experience.

i know families can be a pain in the rear and it's no excuse for them to act like that but if you look at it from their point of view you can see how they become the nit-picky nuisances that they are.

first and foremost is the amount of money these families are shelling out per month for these homes. where i live the average ltc facilty costs anywhere from $6,000 - $10,000 a month that they are paying out of pocket for their loved ones to stay there. then on top of that they have to constantly hear how understaffed the place is and that's why it takes so long to get to grandma's brief change.

it's the equivalent of paying $500/night for a hotel room only to find out that your linens will be changed every 3 days because they only have 2 maids and room service is only available for 3 hours out of the day. when people spend large amounts of cash (especially when they don't have it) they expect nothing but the best and when they don't get that you have one irate person on your hands.

the second thing that contributes to the behaviors is the guilt factor that mom/dad is now in a home. the helplessness and loss of control over the whole situation, plus the financial burden of it all as well. it's even worse when mom/dad begs and pleads not to be put in a home but the child who's working a full time job and raising her own kids just can't take it anymore. i know my own mother is at her wits end trying to take care of my grandmother and it's getting to that point too.

you almost have to try eachother's shoes on and walk those miles to even the frustrations out.

then again some family members could have a private butler, 2 cnas, rn and lpn assigned to their family and still complain because they are just that nuts.

i've walked in their shoes -- both sets of shoes, actually. i've worked with elderly/demented patients who have family members sitting at the bedside taking notes and asking you to spell your last name and the name of the drug you're giving. and i've been the daughter (and daughter-in-law) of elderly, demented mothers who are not institutionalized. i can't make excuses for the hostile note takers. there is no excuse. if you have, for whatever reason, chosen to put your elderly parent in a nursing home or assisted living facility, you owe it to them and to the staff not to be a pain in the patoot to the staff doing their best to take care of her. i do not want to be the reason the staff avoids my mother's room. (as for why they're avoiding my mother-in-law's room, that would be on her. and for the record, as my sisters-in-law have already pointed out to the staff, that is not the disease. that is my mother-in-law.)

i don't work ltc or alf; i work in an icu. i cannot tell you all who do work ltc or alf how much i respect and appreciate you for what you do. i know very well that i'd be screaming and tearing my hair out after one day of the cr*p you guys have to put up with from the patients, from the families, from the state and from the pharmacies from which you're trying extract meds to give my mother. you all work so hard and you make it look easy, and you still have the time and the care to give my mother a good, solid hug when she needs one. she cannot say enough about how good you all are to her. i know it cannot be easy -- she's calling me several times a day to ask why dad isn't coming to see her (he's dead), i know she can't be any more with it for you guys. and the "helpful" behavior (where she gathers up another lady's clothes and takes them to the "laundry room" which turns out to be a bathroom where she's trying to wash clothes in the toilet or where she cleans off the tables and puts all the dishes away just before you're about to serve dinner) can't be all that helpful either. kudos.

You're right there is no excuse for the note taking family members. It's like "What are you doing? Writing a book? Well good then leave that chapter out!"

Although I will say my hat is off to you for being an ICU nurse. My father spent 3 months in one and the families I saw in there were just over the top. I saw one family member undo restraints on a patient that was extremely violent and right after they were released she started ripping everything out and off her. All the alarms were going off and I swear to heaven I actually saw that nurse breathe fire.

himilayaneyes

Specializes in Critical Care/Coronary Care Unit,.

I pesonally believe that most workers at LTC facilities are hard workers. It's just that the workload is unreasonable. It doesn't help that the family is there and requiring more care than the patient. The reason they placed the patient in LTC is b/c they couldn't care for him/her...a little gratitude goes a long way.

I said that to a patient's husband in the 1980's because he was constantly yelling at all of the staff. He was so shocked!!!! I said to him that since he feels that his wife is receiving such horrible care that he should go ahead and bring her home and that he should take care of her himself. Boy, did that ever shut him up. He never yelled at me again. In the 1990's, I had another husband who complained constantly about the care of his wife. He said he had had it with us and he did bring her home. After about 2- 3 weeks, he brought her back to us. He also quit complaining about us after that experience:lol2:.

lovingtheunloved, ASN, RN

Specializes in LTC, home health, critical care. Has 12 years experience.

I've certainly had some ridiculous families to deal with, but the majority of them are rather enjoyable. Some families have weaseled their way right into my heart. The jerks, I kick out. They quickly become not such jerks.

could not agree more. You give an inch they take a mile.

DizzyLizzyNurse

Specializes in Peds Medical Floor. Has 12 years experience.

I know families can be a pain in the rear and it's no excuse for them to act like that but if you look at it from their point of view you can see how they become the nit-picky nuisances that they are.

First and foremost is the amount of money these families are shelling out per month for these homes. Where I live the average LTC facilty costs anywhere from $6,000 - $10,000 a month that they are paying out of pocket for their loved ones to stay there. Then on top of that they have to constantly hear how understaffed the place is and that's why it takes so long to get to grandma's brief change.

It's the equivalent of paying $500/night for a hotel room only to find out that your linens will be changed every 3 days because they only have 2 maids and room service is only available for 3 hours out of the day. When people spend large amounts of cash (especially when they don't have it) they expect nothing but the best and when they don't get that you have one irate person on your hands.

The second thing that contributes to the behaviors is the guilt factor that mom/dad is now in a home. The helplessness and loss of control over the whole situation, plus the financial burden of it all as well. It's even worse when mom/dad begs and pleads not to be put in a home but the child who's working a full time job and raising her own kids just can't take it anymore. I know my own mother is at her wits end trying to take care of my grandmother and it's getting to that point too.

You almost have to try eachother's shoes on and walk those miles to even the frustrations out.

Then again some family members could have a private butler, 2 CNAs, RN and LPN assigned to their family and still complain because they are just that nuts.

I did walk a mile in their shoes when my grandmother had Alzheimer's. My great grandmother is in a nursing home as well and my (other) grandmother pitches a fit all the time. Then complains that the aides talk to GG's roommate more than GG. My GG is a sweet lady. When she was at my facility for a short time (too far away from grandma so she moved to a sister facility) everyone fell all over themselves taking care of her because she is such a sweetheart. I tried to very gently tell grandma that she is the reason the staff stays away but she got mad at me. Sorry but if someone was constantly yelling at me and whatever I spend as little time as possible in their room, go in, do what I have to and get out. I'm professional but that's it.

We also had someone check out his wife AMA and call panicking a few hours later needing help. I can't lie and say it wasn't a little gratifying lol. Not as easy as it looks huh? And then multiply that by 10 and you've got a typical CNA work assignment. Now try doing that with 10 families and state and administration breathing down your neck. Oh yeah, and for $12/hr with your benefits being chiseled away.

If they don't like the situation, they need to try to fix it higher up. They need to realize WE'RE not the ones who want short staff to save money, etc. It's like yelling at the cashier because prices are too high. It's not their fault. Most of us there care and want things to be better.

mustlovepoodles, RN

Specializes in OB/GYN, Peds, School Nurse, DD.

I'm not working in LTC and I have ultimate respect for those who do. Yours is a very hard job. But speaking as a family member of someone who lives in a nursing home, I can see the family's point of view. When their loved one moves into the nursing home they are faced with the fact that they and their loved one has very little control over their lives. They eat what's put before them, they take their meds at whatever time the staff decides, they're bathed and dressed. The loved one is often cranky because they don't feel good. Their meds make them sleepy, their arthritis makes them hurt, they don't like leaving their home and friends. Often by the time they get to the nursing home stage they have lost many significant persons in their lives. Many of them just feel lonely for someone who has lived in their days, who has similar memories and experiences. They often feel patronized and rushed through their days. This is not criticism of the nursing staff--I realize that LTC staff is doing a near impossible job. But from the family's point of view, they see all these things happening to their mom or dad, who used to be so vital, who had another life, and they're angry. They're sad because the parent they knew has gone away and is never coming back. They miss their Mommy. They want everything to be perfect for the parent who loved them and nothing is ever going to restore their loved one to perfect health.

I am not condoning bad behavior on the part of the family, but I can certainly understand where the behavior is coming from. I think that a good sit-down with a social worker a few times would go along way toward relieving bitter feelings on both sides. All that said, I think most nurses in LTC are doing a bang up job and I salute you. When we go visit MIL, we always bring pizza or candy or magazines for the staff. It will never be enough to repay them for the time and attention they give her, but we are very grateful. And I hope we are not one of "those" families. :o

lovingtheunloved, ASN, RN

Specializes in LTC, home health, critical care. Has 12 years experience.

I'm not working in LTC and I have ultimate respect for those who do. Yours is a very hard job. But speaking as a family member of someone who lives in a nursing home, I can see the family's point of view. When their loved one moves into the nursing home they are faced with the fact that they and their loved one has very little control over their lives. They eat what's put before them, they take their meds at whatever time the staff decides, they're bathed and dressed. The loved one is often cranky because they don't feel good. Their meds make them sleepy, their arthritis makes them hurt, they don't like leaving their home and friends. Often by the time they get to the nursing home stage they have lost many significant persons in their lives. Many of them just feel lonely for someone who has lived in their days, who has similar memories and experiences. They often feel patronized and rushed through their days. This is not criticism of the nursing staff--I realize that LTC staff is doing a near impossible job. But from the family's point of view, they see all these things happening to their mom or dad, who used to be so vital, who had another life, and they're angry. They're sad because the parent they knew has gone away and is never coming back. They miss their Mommy. They want everything to be perfect for the parent who loved them and nothing is ever going to restore their loved one to perfect health.

I am not condoning bad behavior on the part of the family, but I can certainly understand where the behavior is coming from. I think that a good sit-down with a social worker a few times would go along way toward relieving bitter feelings on both sides. All that said, I think most nurses in LTC are doing a bang up job and I salute you. When we go visit MIL, we always bring pizza or candy or magazines for the staff. It will never be enough to repay them for the time and attention they give her, but we are very grateful. And I hope we are not one of "those" families. :o

For those PIA families, it is important to keep this in mind. Often times when I have sat with a family member and let them know that I am aware of the above, and empathize, their behavior chills out a lot. They know that I'm on their side too. A lot of those families are hurting, and really need someone to listen and try to understand.

If they're still jerks, I kick 'em out.