How many of you would like to say this.........

[milenko]

I'm very sorry your not happy with your partners care, however your more than welcome to take them home or to another care facility if you desire.

I work in aged care and love it, that being said I really dont think that the general public have a bloody clue as to how underpaid nursing and care staff are compared to how much hard work we put in plus all the BS to go along with it.

Now granted I have only been a nurse for approx 3 yrs and i have grown so much in that time but my patience on the other hand has grown very thin. I know it sounds mean but tell me why is it that when someone is unwell we as nurses spend more time looking after the relatives emotionally when our focus is to be directed towards the patient.

I think that for every person that complains about every little nit picky thing that there should be a program that automatically enrolls them into a 1 day full on session and actually do an 8 hr shift where thay have to change dirty pads, and wipe bottoms as well as try to undress people who dont want to have a shower and will resist you at every turn.

maybe they should try to feed someone who wont open their mouth and then also try to get them to drink 4-5 cups of fluid a day.... the list goes on and i have to say i have had enough of the guilt ridden baby boomers who think they know it all.

walk a mile in any one of my care staff's shoes and then tell me how easy it is to look after 30+ elderly demented time consuming patients plus all the paperwork that needs to be done and then tell me how easy it is. Or how about they be somewhat thankful that they dont have to do this at home, or that they are somewhere being verbally and or physically abused.

LOL anyone else want to add their 2 bobs.

[Blackcat99]

I said that to a patient's husband in the 1980's because he was constantly yelling at all of the staff. He was so shocked!!!! I said to him that since he feels that his wife is receiving such horrible care that he should go ahead and bring her home and that he should take care of her himself. Boy, did that ever shut him up. He never yelled at me again. In the 1990's, I had another husband who complained constantly about the care of his wife. He said he had had it with us and he did bring her home. After about 2- 3 weeks, he brought her back to us. He also quit complaining about us after that experience:lol2:.

[lovingtheunloved, ASN, RN]

I've certainly had some ridiculous families to deal with, but the majority of them are rather enjoyable. Some families have weaseled their way right into my heart. The jerks, I kick out. They quickly become not such jerks.

[massrn116]

could not agree more. You give an inch they take a mile.

[DizzyLizzyNurse]

I know families can be a pain in the rear and it's no excuse for them to act like that but if you look at it from their point of view you can see how they become the nit-picky nuisances that they are.

First and foremost is the amount of money these families are shelling out per month for these homes. Where I live the average LTC facilty costs anywhere from $6,000 - $10,000 a month that they are paying out of pocket for their loved ones to stay there. Then on top of that they have to constantly hear how understaffed the place is and that's why it takes so long to get to grandma's brief change.

It's the equivalent of paying $500/night for a hotel room only to find out that your linens will be changed every 3 days because they only have 2 maids and room service is only available for 3 hours out of the day. When people spend large amounts of cash (especially when they don't have it) they expect nothing but the best and when they don't get that you have one irate person on your hands.

The second thing that contributes to the behaviors is the guilt factor that mom/dad is now in a home. The helplessness and loss of control over the whole situation, plus the financial burden of it all as well. It's even worse when mom/dad begs and pleads not to be put in a home but the child who's working a full time job and raising her own kids just can't take it anymore. I know my own mother is at her wits end trying to take care of my grandmother and it's getting to that point too.

You almost have to try eachother's shoes on and walk those miles to even the frustrations out.

Then again some family members could have a private butler, 2 CNAs, RN and LPN assigned to their family and still complain because they are just that nuts.

I did walk a mile in their shoes when my grandmother had Alzheimer's. My great grandmother is in a nursing home as well and my (other) grandmother pitches a fit all the time. Then complains that the aides talk to GG's roommate more than GG. My GG is a sweet lady. When she was at my facility for a short time (too far away from grandma so she moved to a sister facility) everyone fell all over themselves taking care of her because she is such a sweetheart. I tried to very gently tell grandma that she is the reason the staff stays away but she got mad at me. Sorry but if someone was constantly yelling at me and whatever I spend as little time as possible in their room, go in, do what I have to and get out. I'm professional but that's it.

We also had someone check out his wife AMA and call panicking a few hours later needing help. I can't lie and say it wasn't a little gratifying lol. Not as easy as it looks huh? And then multiply that by 10 and you've got a typical CNA work assignment. Now try doing that with 10 families and state and administration breathing down your neck. Oh yeah, and for $12/hr with your benefits being chiseled away.

If they don't like the situation, they need to try to fix it higher up. They need to realize WE'RE not the ones who want short staff to save money, etc. It's like yelling at the cashier because prices are too high. It's not their fault. Most of us there care and want things to be better.

[mustlovepoodles, RN]

I'm not working in LTC and I have ultimate respect for those who do. Yours is a very hard job. But speaking as a family member of someone who lives in a nursing home, I can see the family's point of view. When their loved one moves into the nursing home they are faced with the fact that they and their loved one has very little control over their lives. They eat what's put before them, they take their meds at whatever time the staff decides, they're bathed and dressed. The loved one is often cranky because they don't feel good. Their meds make them sleepy, their arthritis makes them hurt, they don't like leaving their home and friends. Often by the time they get to the nursing home stage they have lost many significant persons in their lives. Many of them just feel lonely for someone who has lived in their days, who has similar memories and experiences. They often feel patronized and rushed through their days. This is not criticism of the nursing staff--I realize that LTC staff is doing a near impossible job. But from the family's point of view, they see all these things happening to their mom or dad, who used to be so vital, who had another life, and they're angry. They're sad because the parent they knew has gone away and is never coming back. They miss their Mommy. They want everything to be perfect for the parent who loved them and nothing is ever going to restore their loved one to perfect health.

I am not condoning bad behavior on the part of the family, but I can certainly understand where the behavior is coming from. I think that a good sit-down with a social worker a few times would go along way toward relieving bitter feelings on both sides. All that said, I think most nurses in LTC are doing a bang up job and I salute you. When we go visit MIL, we always bring pizza or candy or magazines for the staff. It will never be enough to repay them for the time and attention they give her, but we are very grateful. And I hope we are not one of "those" families.

[lovingtheunloved, ASN, RN]

I'm not working in LTC and I have ultimate respect for those who do. Yours is a very hard job. But speaking as a family member of someone who lives in a nursing home, I can see the family's point of view. When their loved one moves into the nursing home they are faced with the fact that they and their loved one has very little control over their lives. They eat what's put before them, they take their meds at whatever time the staff decides, they're bathed and dressed. The loved one is often cranky because they don't feel good. Their meds make them sleepy, their arthritis makes them hurt, they don't like leaving their home and friends. Often by the time they get to the nursing home stage they have lost many significant persons in their lives. Many of them just feel lonely for someone who has lived in their days, who has similar memories and experiences. They often feel patronized and rushed through their days. This is not criticism of the nursing staff--I realize that LTC staff is doing a near impossible job. But from the family's point of view, they see all these things happening to their mom or dad, who used to be so vital, who had another life, and they're angry. They're sad because the parent they knew has gone away and is never coming back. They miss their Mommy. They want everything to be perfect for the parent who loved them and nothing is ever going to restore their loved one to perfect health.

I am not condoning bad behavior on the part of the family, but I can certainly understand where the behavior is coming from. I think that a good sit-down with a social worker a few times would go along way toward relieving bitter feelings on both sides. All that said, I think most nurses in LTC are doing a bang up job and I salute you. When we go visit MIL, we always bring pizza or candy or magazines for the staff. It will never be enough to repay them for the time and attention they give her, but we are very grateful. And I hope we are not one of "those" families.

For those PIA families, it is important to keep this in mind. Often times when I have sat with a family member and let them know that I am aware of the above, and empathize, their behavior chills out a lot. They know that I'm on their side too. A lot of those families are hurting, and really need someone to listen and try to understand.

If they're still jerks, I kick 'em out.