How to forgive and forget? Also, met with BON today...

[chaotic]

I have only posted here a few times and posted back in August when I first got into trouble for diverting drugs and a prescription from work. I ended up resigning from the hospital I worked at. It was either resign or they would contact law enforcement. I found out when I received a copy of the complaint that was filed against me with the BON that a "concerned friend" called the hospital anonymously on me and that is how I was found out. I know exactly who it was because I had only confided in one person what I had been doing and that I wanted help. This is a person that I thought was a dear friend that I have known for many years. Funny thing is that when she called the hospital on me I had already been clean for 2 weeks. Also, she is the one I called to come pick me up from work the day that I was confronted and suspended.

I couldn't figure out for the life of me why she did that to me. This is a person that I knew had many problems herself but I considered her my friend and never thought she would hurt me. She is the type of person that loves drama and the only thing I could come up with was she got some sort of sick thrill and thrives off of other's misery. I talked to a psychologist about her and she said that she sounds like a sociopath. Someone who is very good at deceiving, acting like they care, but then will turn around and victimize you. Well that it exactly what this person did to me and I am having a very difficult time with it. Right after I got the complaint and put 2 and 2 together that she made the anonymous call to my employer, I sent her a nasty email in the heat of the moment. Told her that I would never forgive her, blah, blah, blah. Two days later I got a call from a detective at the police station wanting to talk to me. I went in and the 2 detectives that I met with said that they got a call from a "concerned friend" and she had told them about what I did at the hospital. They said they didn't think they would file any charges against me and I think they basically just wanted to scare me and were digging for information.

Why is this person, that I used to call my friend, trying to ruin my life? I never did anything to wrong her! I just don't understand and am scared of what she'll do next even though I am doing nothing wrong right now and am working hard to get my life back together. I haven't spoken to her and intend on never speaking to her again.

On a good note, I went to the BON today for the screening meeting concerning my complaint. I had already referred myself to the NAP program last month so they decided to dismiss the complaint and I have to stay in NAP for 3 years but that's okay! I am so happy and grateful that something good actually happened for me!! These past couple months have just been hell.

I got turned down for a clinic job early last month because of my past issues and being in NAP. They had another ad in the paper for the same position last weekend so I sent them a letter, and asked if they would reconsider the decision to not hire me. The director called me a couple days later and told me he "strongly encouraged" me to reapply. So I just turned the app in this morning. We'll see what happens. Do you really think that he would have called and told me to reapply if I didn't have a chance? Hopefully, things are looking up!

Thanks for reading and for any advice or comments. :redpinkhe

[Silverdragon102, BSN]

Lets get back on topic

OP you are going through something and maybe hate your friend for what she has done but maybe she was thinking of your best interests at heart. Things also happen in haste and anger but at the end of the day you need to be aware of your actions and decide on where you want to go and what you are going to do. I really hope you continue on your recovery and take one day at a time

[jackstem]

When dealing with the disease of addiction...and it is a disease...the sooner it is recognized and treatment starts, the better the chance of achieving sobriety (same as "clean") and maintaining it. This disease isn't about willpower or moral bankruptcy. It's a chronic, progressive, ultimately fatal disease if nothing is done. The chance that an addict will seek treatment on their own is pretty slim. The physical and chemical changes in the central nervous system guarantee the continued use of the drug or drugs. These changes lead to obsessive thoughts of obtaining the drug(s) and the compulsive use of those drugs. Breaking the cycle almost always requires an intervention of some sort. This intervention may be in the form of legal problems (such as a DUI or getting caught diverting), physical problems (usually an accidental OD), or the ultimate intervention...death.

Right now, you see this friend as a snitch or a vindictive individual. Hopefully you will see her for what she truly is, a guardian angel who may have saved your life.

As far as non-recovering folks reading and posting in this forum. Hopefully they will gain some insight into the disease and improve the way substance abuse and chemical dependency are managed. Even if they don't, and they post opinions based on the three "M's" (myth, misinformation, and misunderstanding), there is something to be learned from every post in this forum.

Those with this disease aren't bad people trying to become good...they are ill and trying to become well.

Keep coming back...it works if you work it.

Jack

[chaotic]

Ok, sounds like I need to clarify some things.....

This "friend" that I am talking about is NOT a nurse, or any type of healthcare professional for that matter. In fact, she got fired from a state job last year for violating confidentiality.

This "friend" that turned me in is still using and abusing drugs herself. In fact, when she found out that I had stolen that prescription and that I had pills, she called me for 2 days and asked if I would "borrow" her a few of the pills, which I did give her some. This is not an honest person that is in recovery and felt that I needed immediate intervention. She is a user herself. She steals, lies, and manipulates people. She just recently got picked up for shoplifiting a few months ago. This is a person who allows her teenage daughter to smoke pot. I have known her for 10 years and Yes, I probably shouldn't have been associating with someone like this in the first place, I know. She is in treatment too, but really, she is not working an honest program. So anyone that tries to say that she really was "concerned" doesn't know this person. She is NOT an upstanding citizen and as I said in my original post, she has many problems of her own. It's just that we confided many things to eachother and I guess you could say we were "partners in crime".

It is probably a good thing that this happened so that I don't have someone like this in my life anymore. I know there is a reason for everything, but the point is that I do feel betrayed and hurt by this person.

I have taken FULL responsibility for my actions. I completely realize and have accepted that if I hadn't done the deeds in the first place, then I would have never found myself if the position that I was in. That is part of what I am taking comfort in....knowing that yes in fact, I DID do this to myself. However, I still feel betrayed by this person. I feel as if she did it to be malicious, not to be helpful.

I put myself in treatment, BEFORE I even got caught and before she turned me in. And yes, I realize that I was still at risk for relapse after only 2 weeks clean. I was in fact looking for a different nursing job, one that didn't have access to narcotics so that I wouldn't be tempted. I was readily willing and in the process to remove myself from that situation with the guidance of my counselor. If anyone if questioning whether or not I am taking responsibility for myself and what I did, please read my first posts here on this forum back in August.

Really, I am just asking how to forgive and forget so that I am not harboring this resentment. I am really struggling with this. I have been praying but wanted to share my story and receive some support.

I hope this clarifies some things and brings some clearer understanding for some of you.

Thanks and have a great day everyone!

[chaotic]

I also wanted to add that this "friend" that turned me in was trying to push clonopin and muscle relaxers on me AFTER this happened to try to help me relax and encouraging me to go on shoplifting sprees with her. She told me that she was illegally obtaining the benzos and the somas off the internet. She did kick a morpine addiction about a year ago but she is still using. I wanted to be completely clean and sober, honest and change my life.

There is NO WAY this person could be a "guardian angel" who saved my life. There are just so many things........if she was truly an honest person in recovery that I would be a bit more understanding but she is not, no way!

I am very familiar with addiction and have been down this road before with a meth addiction many years ago, for which I was forced into treatment twice. I sought help on my own for my recent opiate addiction because I knew it would ruin my life if I didn't get immediate help. I have been clean and sober now for 2 1/2 months.

[jackstem]

...This "friend" that turned me in is still using and abusing drugs herself. In fact, when she found out that I had stolen that prescription and that I had pills, she called me for 2 days and asked if I would "borrow" her a few of the pills, which I did give her some. This is not an honest person that is in recovery and felt that I needed immediate intervention. She is a user herself. She steals, lies, and manipulates people. She just recently got picked up for shoplifiting a few months ago. This is a person who allows her teenage daughter to smoke pot. I have known her for 10 years and Yes, I probably shouldn't have been associating with someone like this in the first place, I know. She is in treatment too, but really, she is not working an honest program. So anyone that tries to say that she really was "concerned" doesn't know this person. She is NOT an upstanding citizen and as I said in my original post, she has many problems of her own. It's just that we confided many things to eachother and I guess you could say we were "partners in crime".

It is probably a good thing that this happened so that I don't have someone like this in my life anymore. I know there is a reason for everything, but the point is that I do feel betrayed and hurt by this person.

I have taken FULL responsibility for my actions. I completely realize and have accepted that if I hadn't done the deeds in the first place, then I would have never found myself if the position that I was in. That is part of what I am taking comfort in....knowing that yes in fact, I DID do this to myself. However, I still feel betrayed by this person. I feel as if she did it to be malicious, not to be helpful.

I put myself in treatment, BEFORE I even got caught and before she turned me in. And yes, I realize that I was still at risk for relapse after only 2 weeks clean. I was in fact looking for a different nursing job, one that didn't have access to narcotics so that I wouldn't be tempted. I was readily willing and in the process to remove myself from that situation with the guidance of my counselor. If anyone if questioning whether or not I am taking responsibility for myself and what I did, please read my first posts here on this forum back in August.

Really, I am just asking how to forgive and forget so that I am not harboring this resentment. I am really struggling with this. I have been praying but wanted to share my story and receive some support.

I hope this clarifies some things and brings some clearer understanding for some of you.

Thanks and have a great day everyone!

How does focusing on all of the above change anything that has transpired? It doesn't.

Someone at a meeting told me forgiveness is finally accepting you will never have a better past. Oh how true! Continuing to focus on this woman and what she "did" will divert your attention from the task that is most important right now...your recovery.

Imagine your life and your recovery as driving in a car. If you drive while looking in the rear view mirror more than looking through the windshield, you are going to end up having a serious accident. In order to make progress in your recovery, your career, or your life, you have to start looking toward your goals and stop focusing on those things in your past that you can't change.

When I was in treatment, one of my counselors told me that I would have to change certain things in order to achieve and maintain recovery. One of these things is to eliminate those individuals who threaten my recovery and spend time with those who support and enhance my recovery. I think this individual is one of those people that need to go "bye-bye." In time and as your recovery gets stronger, forgiveness may or may not come. Leave that for the future. Focus on your recovery.

Prayers and hugs!

Jack

[jackstem]

I also wanted to add that this "friend" that turned me in was trying to push clonopin and muscle relaxers on me AFTER this happened to try to help me relax and encouraging me to go on shoplifting sprees with her. She told me that she was illegally obtaining the benzos and the somas off the internet. She did kick a morpine addiction about a year ago but she is still using. I wanted to be completely clean and sober, honest and change my life.

There is NO WAY this person could be a "guardian angel" who saved my life. There are just so many things........if she was truly an honest person in recovery that I would be a bit more understanding but she is not, no way!

I am very familiar with addiction and have been down this road before with a meth addiction many years ago, for which I was forced into treatment twice. I sought help on my own for my recent opiate addiction because I knew it would ruin my life if I didn't get immediate help. I have been clean and sober now for 2 1/2 months.

Congrats on your 2 1/2 months! Time to move on.

Jack

[chaotic]

Thank you Jack! I know, I have been having trouble staying in the "here and now". I tend to dwell on the past, worry about the future and I'm working on that! Just taking it one day at a time and waiting for things to get better, which I know as long as I stay in recovery, good things will come. It has happened before, then I screwed up again with drugs and look at what happened. It is really not worth it! I think that I have finally accepted that I AM and addict and there is no "safe" drugs that I can ever do, including alcohol. I am somewhat grateful that I am in the NAP program and am being monitored. It's a pain, and it costs money, but in the long run, it is a major motivator to stay clean.

[CrunchRN, ADN, RN]

"really, i am just asking how to forgive and forget so that i am not harboring this resentment. i am really struggling with this. i have been praying but wanted to share my story and receive some support. "

i don't think you should get tangled up about forgive and forget. you allow that element in your life and stuff like that happens. it is still your responsibility for associating with her so just let it go.

the only thing that matters is that you are doing an awesome job on yourself! you can only control you. don't let her crap drag you down. you are clean and will have a wonderful life becuase of it.

good luck with the job and keep up the good work!

[SuesquatchRN, BSN, RN]

I know, I have been having trouble staying in the "here and now". I tend to dwell on the past, worry about the future and I'm working on that!

I wiser sober friend at a meeting said to me, "If you have one foot in ystdy and the other in tomorrow you're urinating all over today."

:)

[jackstem]

Thank you Jack! I know, I have been having trouble staying in the "here and now". I tend to dwell on the past, worry about the future and I'm working on that! Just taking it one day at a time and waiting for things to get better, which I know as long as I stay in recovery, good things will come. It has happened before, then I screwed up again with drugs and look at what happened. It is really not worth it! I think that I have finally accepted that I AM and addict and there is no "safe" drugs that I can ever do, including alcohol. I am somewhat grateful that I am in the NAP program and am being monitored. It's a pain, and it costs money, but in the long run, it is a major motivator to stay clean.

NOW you're talkin'!!!!!!

love you kiddo!

Jack

[michigooseBSN]

Chaotic, In resentful situations I try to forgive but as far as forgetting, that may not ever happen. That isn't something I have control over. In fact, the harder I try the more I remember. So I focus on the forgiving part. That is something I can work on and pray about.

[morte, LPN, LVN]

sorry it took me so long to get back, to explain my post....first AOL has been giving me fits today, and i dont go to a sub forum and read, i only start from the home page and go back under the 24 hour listings. so i didnt realize what forum i was in....especially because the OP wasnt asking specifically for help with the addiction....the only reason i emphasized that i was not an addict, was to address the potential critisism of denial.