How to forgive and forget? Also, met with BON today...

[chaotic]

I have only posted here a few times and posted back in August when I first got into trouble for diverting drugs and a prescription from work. I ended up resigning from the hospital I worked at. It was either resign or they would contact law enforcement. I found out when I received a copy of the complaint that was filed against me with the BON that a "concerned friend" called the hospital anonymously on me and that is how I was found out. I know exactly who it was because I had only confided in one person what I had been doing and that I wanted help. This is a person that I thought was a dear friend that I have known for many years. Funny thing is that when she called the hospital on me I had already been clean for 2 weeks. Also, she is the one I called to come pick me up from work the day that I was confronted and suspended.

I couldn't figure out for the life of me why she did that to me. This is a person that I knew had many problems herself but I considered her my friend and never thought she would hurt me. She is the type of person that loves drama and the only thing I could come up with was she got some sort of sick thrill and thrives off of other's misery. I talked to a psychologist about her and she said that she sounds like a sociopath. Someone who is very good at deceiving, acting like they care, but then will turn around and victimize you. Well that it exactly what this person did to me and I am having a very difficult time with it. Right after I got the complaint and put 2 and 2 together that she made the anonymous call to my employer, I sent her a nasty email in the heat of the moment. Told her that I would never forgive her, blah, blah, blah. Two days later I got a call from a detective at the police station wanting to talk to me. I went in and the 2 detectives that I met with said that they got a call from a "concerned friend" and she had told them about what I did at the hospital. They said they didn't think they would file any charges against me and I think they basically just wanted to scare me and were digging for information.

Why is this person, that I used to call my friend, trying to ruin my life? I never did anything to wrong her! I just don't understand and am scared of what she'll do next even though I am doing nothing wrong right now and am working hard to get my life back together. I haven't spoken to her and intend on never speaking to her again.

On a good note, I went to the BON today for the screening meeting concerning my complaint. I had already referred myself to the NAP program last month so they decided to dismiss the complaint and I have to stay in NAP for 3 years but that's okay! I am so happy and grateful that something good actually happened for me!! These past couple months have just been hell.

I got turned down for a clinic job early last month because of my past issues and being in NAP. They had another ad in the paper for the same position last weekend so I sent them a letter, and asked if they would reconsider the decision to not hire me. The director called me a couple days later and told me he "strongly encouraged" me to reapply. So I just turned the app in this morning. We'll see what happens. Do you really think that he would have called and told me to reapply if I didn't have a chance? Hopefully, things are looking up!

Thanks for reading and for any advice or comments. :redpinkhe

[Mulan]

for the same reason I would post in any other forum

[southernbeegirl, BSN, RN]

okey dokey then..post away and enjoy yourselves! have a nice day.

[traumaRUs, MSN, APRN]

As nurses, we all have different interests. I too read some of the posts here in this forum because I have a close family member who has issues.

This is a safe forum to vent - at least that is what we want it to be.

[BinkieRN, BSN, RN]

I agree with morte, I also am not and have never been an addict.

I know you didn't address your question to me, but exactly where does it say that this is a forum for nurses in recovery and others are not allowed to read or reply?

When you click on a thread in the Nurses & Recovery section you should obviously realize that is the subject about which you will be reading. I don't think smart comments like I'm not an addict are appropriate in this particular thread.

[suanna]

Where in her post does it say that her friend is a nurse? I must have missed that.

Nurse or not- anyone who has good evidence that a health care professional is diverting meds of practicing while impaired should feel the obligation to report the issue to the proper authorities. As to "being clean" for two weeks when you confided in your friend- Many addicts have brief runs at "the cure" when they quit the stuff for a few days or weeks. Real recovery takes treatment, a lifelong commitment and the support of friends who care about you and your recovery. I applaud your friend for realizing that a few weeks off the stuff does not a recovery make. Your friend may have done you the greatest favor of anyone you know. As a result you have to face your problem and take action to overcome your addiction. I'm sure it was not an easy decision for her to make. She made a brave choice and deserves a letter of thanks and a sincere apololgy for your previous e-mail.

[SuesquatchRN, BSN, RN]

Suanna, the turning her in, perhaps. Turning her in to the cops for an angry email? That is not a friend.

[BinkieRN, BSN, RN]

I found out when I received a copy of the complaint that was filed against me with the BON that a "concerned friend" called the hospital anonymously on me and that is how I was found out. I know exactly who it was because I had only confided in one person what I had been doing and that I wanted help.

You don't know for sure that your former friend was the "concerned friend" that turned you in. When there is an addicted co-worker, more than one person knows, and anyone could have turned you in. I don't know what you said in the nasty e-mail to your former friend, in the heat of the moment (as you said), but it could have been bad enough that your former friend felt the need to call the police. You could be totally blaming the wrong person.

[SuesquatchRN, BSN, RN]

When you click on a thread in the Nurses & Recovery section you should obviously realize that is the subject about which you will be reading. I don't think smart comments like I'm not an addict are appropriate in this particular thread.

Gee, and I took morte's comment as a strong statement of support for the OP that she's not nuts in thinking that this alleged friend is not one, not a smart-orificed slam.

[southernbeegirl, BSN, RN]

Gee, and I took morte's comment as a strong statement of support for the OP that she's not nuts in thinking that this alleged friend is not one, not a smart-orificed slam.

obviously not everyone took it that way....myself included. i know for me, it put me immediately on the defensive. whether it was intended that way or not, thats how it came accross to many of us.

this forum feels like a "safe" place to post. i hope it stays that way for everyone.

[lvnandmomx3]

as you know, it says it nowhere. but i reiterate my question to you both then....if you arent in recovery, why are you posting in this forum? just a question...

A person that has never been an addict or in recovery, may still have advise to offer. That is why they are here. While in this case we may not know how OP is feeling being and addict or enrolled in NAP, words of encouragment can be offered to her as far as the friend betraying her.

[suanna]

Suanna, the turning her in, perhaps. Turning her in to the cops for an angry email? That is not a friend.

That angry e-mail may have been a red flag for the friend that the person in question was still clinging to her addiction and was still at risk of endangering herself and her patients. I can't tell you how many times, when I worked in addiction recovery, friends or family resorted to legal intervention to force a person who was destroying themselves to enter treatment. Was it often suscessful? no, but from time to time a skilled clinician can help a person come to honest apprasial of thier problem once they are it a treatment program. Or it may have been spiteful revenge- I don't know. I'm just glad a nurse who was diverting/using is in a position where they must seek recovery before they harm themselves or someone else.

[SuesquatchRN, BSN, RN]

I couldn't forgive the latter.

I understand how complex addiction is, but I also understand how heartbroken she must have been at what she could only have perceived as a betrayal.