How to forgive and forget? Also, met with BON today...

[chaotic]

I have only posted here a few times and posted back in August when I first got into trouble for diverting drugs and a prescription from work. I ended up resigning from the hospital I worked at. It was either resign or they would contact law enforcement. I found out when I received a copy of the complaint that was filed against me with the BON that a "concerned friend" called the hospital anonymously on me and that is how I was found out. I know exactly who it was because I had only confided in one person what I had been doing and that I wanted help. This is a person that I thought was a dear friend that I have known for many years. Funny thing is that when she called the hospital on me I had already been clean for 2 weeks. Also, she is the one I called to come pick me up from work the day that I was confronted and suspended.

I couldn't figure out for the life of me why she did that to me. This is a person that I knew had many problems herself but I considered her my friend and never thought she would hurt me. She is the type of person that loves drama and the only thing I could come up with was she got some sort of sick thrill and thrives off of other's misery. I talked to a psychologist about her and she said that she sounds like a sociopath. Someone who is very good at deceiving, acting like they care, but then will turn around and victimize you. Well that it exactly what this person did to me and I am having a very difficult time with it. Right after I got the complaint and put 2 and 2 together that she made the anonymous call to my employer, I sent her a nasty email in the heat of the moment. Told her that I would never forgive her, blah, blah, blah. Two days later I got a call from a detective at the police station wanting to talk to me. I went in and the 2 detectives that I met with said that they got a call from a "concerned friend" and she had told them about what I did at the hospital. They said they didn't think they would file any charges against me and I think they basically just wanted to scare me and were digging for information.

Why is this person, that I used to call my friend, trying to ruin my life? I never did anything to wrong her! I just don't understand and am scared of what she'll do next even though I am doing nothing wrong right now and am working hard to get my life back together. I haven't spoken to her and intend on never speaking to her again.

On a good note, I went to the BON today for the screening meeting concerning my complaint. I had already referred myself to the NAP program last month so they decided to dismiss the complaint and I have to stay in NAP for 3 years but that's okay! I am so happy and grateful that something good actually happened for me!! These past couple months have just been hell.

I got turned down for a clinic job early last month because of my past issues and being in NAP. They had another ad in the paper for the same position last weekend so I sent them a letter, and asked if they would reconsider the decision to not hire me. The director called me a couple days later and told me he "strongly encouraged" me to reapply. So I just turned the app in this morning. We'll see what happens. Do you really think that he would have called and told me to reapply if I didn't have a chance? Hopefully, things are looking up!

Thanks for reading and for any advice or comments. :redpinkhe

[FireStarterRN, BSN, RN]

Just a comment on the original post, plus chaotic's clarification. I agree, it's time to let go of the past, including friendships like this. This friend, as you say, has a lot of problems. You state that she, herself, is a drug user. She tried to get drugs from you. You told her that you were taking steps to overcome your drug problem. Then, she allegedly reported you to the BON.

My guess is that your friend was terrified that you were leaving your habit and old life behind you, much in the same way gang members don't want people to leave the gang and go straight, or obese friends and family resent when someone tries to improve their eating habits. Meanwhile, she, herself, remains in bondage to drugs and is not ready to straighten up her life.

What more can you expect from a confused person who uses drugs? The best thing you can do is to spend the next 3 years working on solidifying your health and make some new friends. If eventually you run into this woman maybe you can turn her on to some resources for her to get healthy too.

God Bless you!

[morte, LPN, LVN]

Just a comment on the original post, plus chaotic's clarification. I agree, it's time to let go of the past, including friendships like this. This friend, as you say, has a lot of problems. You state that she, herself, is a drug user. She tried to get drugs from you. You told her that you were taking steps to overcome your drug problem. Then, she allegedly reported you to the BON.

My guess is that your friend was terrified that you were leaving your habit and old life behind you, much in the same way gang members don't want people to leave the gang and go straight, or obese friends and family resent when someone tries to improve their eating habits. Meanwhile, she, herself, remains in bondage to drugs and is not ready to straighten up her life.

What more can you expect from a confused person who uses drugs? The best thing you can do is to spend the next 3 years working on solidifying your health and make some new friends. If eventually you run into this woman maybe you can turn her on to some resources for her to get healthy too.

God Bless you!

this was my thought process as well, she may well have feared being "outed" as a user herself.....stay well

[ERRN92]

I was always told that if you harbor resentment against someone, no matter how itense, you should pray for this person every day for 2 wks. (I mean reallllly pray for this pesron).It will be hard at first. Start out small, but as time goes on, you will come to see this person differently. I tried it, and it really did work for me. Your resentments are only hurting you...and arent you tired of hurting yourself? Good Luck.

[Tweety, BSN, RN]

Don't waste prescious energy with this issue. It's only messing with your serenity.

It's over and done, don't try to analyze why she did it because she's probably a sick individual. Cut her out of your life and move on.

Concentrate on your recovery. God knows what could have happened to you had you not been turned in. You could have killed yourself or someone else.

Most of us who get into trouble and have the house of cards fall down ultimately are greatful because it was then that our road to recovery, peace, joy and happiness started. You certainly won't be thanking her, nor do you need to forgive, but this is the beginning of the road to happy destiny for you.

[lucky.2.b.alive]

Don't waste prescious energy with this issue. It's only messing with your serenity.

It's over and done, don't try to analyze why she did it because she's probably a sick individual. Cut her out of your life and move on.

Concentrate on your recovery. God knows what could have happened to you had you not been turned in. You could have killed yourself or someone else.

Most of us who get into trouble and have the house of cards fall down ultimately are greatful because it was then that our road to recovery, peace, joy and happiness started. You certainly won't be thanking her, nor do you need to forgive, but this is the beginning of the road to happy destiny for you.

You are so wrong! S(he) was impaired! His or her friend did her a favor.

[chaotic]

Eleven years ago, when I was active in my meth addiction my mom turned me in and had me arrested twice. I was and still am grateful to this day for her doing that because I know she was genuinely concerned. This now is a totally different situation......it was done out of vindictiveness and the part that really gets me is that I had already put myself into treatment and had started attending AA/NA every day and got a sponsor. I was already clean and no longer impaired and then she did this. If it was someone that I know was concerned and had I still been actively using then I would be a bit more understanding and probably thankful.

Anyhow, I have actually been praying for her. I know she's a sick person. The praying is working and I am less bothered by it now and am focusing more on myself and my recovery. I do have a lot to be thankful for but most of all I give credit to myself for taking action when I knew I was headed for trouble and not letting it totally destroy me :)

[Tweety, BSN, RN]

You are so wrong! S(he) was impaired! His or her friend did her a favor.

Which is precisely why I added this paragraph to my post: Most of us who get into trouble and have the house of cards fall down ultimately are greatful because it was then that our road to recovery, peace, joy and happiness started. You certainly won't be thanking her, nor do you need to forgive, but this is the beginning of the road to happy destiny for you."

Utlimately even though the act was not done out of concern or kindness, but some other sick motive, she did indeed do the op a favor and I agree with you, I just said it in a roundabout way.

I don't think right now for the op to find peace of mind they have to forgive. Then again, my Higher Power is not Jesus Christ, so I don't buy into the idea that we have to forgive evil things done to us in order to move on. I would leave the act of forgiving to the HP's. :)

[bossynurse101]

Eleven years ago, when I was active in my meth addiction my mom turned me in and had me arrested twice. I was and still am grateful to this day for her doing that because I know she was genuinely concerned. This now is a totally different situation......it was done out of vindictiveness

ok now i get it. (Sorry, so much to read and catch up!) To this day I thank God for the nurse who turned me in - she saved my life. Dont know what her motive was, doesnt matter. I am learning that nothing, absolutely nothing happens in Gods world by mistake. Yeah, your "freind" sounds like a jerk, but a sick one. I was a jerk when I was out there too(still am, at times but working on it!) so werent a lot of us. My husband and I deal with a lot of newly sober, and barely sober addicts and it is emotionally exhausing. They say that the way you can tell when an addict is lying is that their lips are moving. Boy isnt that the truth. But Love and forgiveness are gifts we give ourselves as well as the other person. It is stated in our literature that resentment is like a cancer that rots us from the inside out. The other person goes along their merry way while we seeth away. You have been given good words of wisdom from us in recovery as well as those who are not in recovery. How cool is that? So glad to hear you're on the right "road". Hugs.

Dee

[Nurseforatu]

I found that although it meant losing my job and "having to" go on tpapn to salvage my license, I was just greatful for it to be over so I could get some help. At no point did I blame the nurse who turned me in or even harbor negative feelings towards her. As others have pointed out, as nurses we have the obligation of reporting unsafe nurses, and an addicted nurse is an unsafe nurse.

[chaotic]

as nurses we have the obligation of reporting unsafe nurses, and an addicted nurse is an unsafe nurse.

Just to clarify....she was not a nurse or any type of healthcare professional.

I'm over it and am just moving on with my life now.....things are going really good since I've been clean and sober! :)

[jacksprat]

As you progress in your recovery you will learn about resentments and how to let go of old feelings. I agree you should be grateful you were not arrested. I was charged with two felonies for diverting narcotics. I have a friend in recovery who was arrested and hand cuffed in her small town drugstore when she tried to use a forged prescription. Work on your recovery and don't worry about why this other person did what they did. Everything happens for a reason, I believe.

[sharona97, BSN, RN]

Hi Chaotic,

I am speaking to this as a concerned mom who started committment papers on my own son after his many failed attempts at suicide and my newly found knowledge of his herion addiction.

I was so scared that my son would hate me and I would lose him forever. Oh yes he was angry. I was accussed of "not wanting him, or not wanting to TRULY help him".

I'm glad to say that as of today, he says he owes his life to me.

I surley can understand the anger you felt by this friends actions. I also hope you remember your vulnerability at that moment of being caught. IMO, you were vulnerable in making poor choices even further than you had, and no one wants to think that their world can come crashing down, when you know that I am going to change this on my own. Like you said you had already been clean for 2 weeks, which is awesome. But yet it hurts, you felt betrayed.

On the flip side, I too agree that, for what ever the pain and embarrassment you went through, the humility you are feeling that her actions did actually create something good for you.

Her intent may have been exactly as you suspect. It probably is. I see this as to your advantage because it has put you in a better place. Right? I would shell shock her and thank her. Sincerely thank her. If she is as screwed up as it sounds it will turn around on her. Meanwhile you can move on. And it will be up to her to do the same in her own world.

I wish you many prayers and hope for your continued recovery.

Sharona