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michigooseBSN's Latest Activity

  1. michigooseBSN

    Too old for school nursing??

    I began school nursing in a 400 student K through 5 elementary at age 60 and didn't retire until I was 68. My background was in Ob and Med-surg but I was a mother (of four) which counted as practical experience! And in my town there was one nurse in every school, we were in the teachers union and the pay was fine. So is the pension! It was a great experience.
  2. michigooseBSN

    Who does that?!

    In nine days I will celebrate 22 years of sobriety and recovery and I,too, feel like getting caught for diverting (stealing) was the start of a whole new life for me. Gratitude doesn't begin to cover it.
  3. michigooseBSN

    Just want to share for once

    Mona, Don't worry if you don't feel like speaking at meetings. Just try to listen with an open mind and try to identify (see similarities) rather than compare. Listen to what people say about feelings and how they deal with them in recovery. I hear a lot of people that I could compare myself to (usually to my disadvantage) but when I listen for similarities I ALWAYS find them. They may have done different things than I did but almost always for the same reasons I did them. And keep an eye out for someone ( a woman if you are a woman or a man if you are a man) who has the kind of sobriety and recovery that you want. That is the person to get to know and even perhaps eventually ask to be your sponsor. But there is no hurry. Just be a sponge and listen and listen. Old timers often say "take the cotton our of your ears and put it in your mouth" And by all means, share here at allnurses.com if that feels safer than person to person for now.
  4. michigooseBSN

    Just want to share for once

    Mona1023, I'll take a stab at answering your question from my point of view, bearing in mind that there is no one definitive definition. I think it is when a user (of alcohol or drugs, it doesn't matter which or if both) abstains from all use of the substance but does not change the person who came into the program. That may be called sobriety but not recovery. Recovery depends on working to change oneself. That is, what personality defects, outside circumstances, etc caused the substance abuse in the first place. I think every recovering person I have heard speak during my 18 year journey in recovery has spoken of painful feeling that were self medicated with drugs and/or alcohol because there seemed no other way to escape them or survive them. Feelings like anger, self loathing, fear, poor self-esteem. loneliness. I know this certainly applied to me. But in recovery (in AA in my case although I used both alcohol and drugs) I learned many healthy tools for dealing with things I didn't want to feel without needing to pick up a drink or other unhealthy substance. Dry drunks don't drink but often still experience uncontrollable anger, fear, self-centeredness etc. They still usually keep secrets, have problems with relationships and with a healthy balanced self-image. So that's my two cents worth. If you have other questions, fire away.
  5. michigooseBSN

    New to forum, Intro and ? re: IN BON

    I was already practicing nursing when I was caught diverting drugs at work. Thank God I immediately surrendered. I self reported to the BON (not much credit due since if I hadn't, my job would have done so) and was totally honest at all times. I never argued. I think my surrender and honesty were integral to my successful completion of the 5 year program and the clearing of my license. I agree with you in practicing total honesty. That way, they can never "catch up to" you some years down the road. Perhaps your sponsor isn't a nurse?
  6. michigooseBSN

    New to forum, Intro and ? re: IN BON

    Waldo 1984, I don't quite understand how you are graduating from a nursing program in 8 weeks and say that your rehab was in July of 2009 and also preceded your being a health care provider. Weren't you in nursing school then? But anyway, in response to your concern, all I can say is that you must be totally honest in your BON meeting. Complete honesty is the only way to go. As you know, 12 step programs demand self honesty as the only was to real recovery. Whatever you do, don't put yourself in the position of ever "being found out" Good luck.
  7. michigooseBSN

    What is your opinion/knowledge base on recovery programs?

    I'm saddened to hear of the problems so many have had with their recovery programs through their state BONs. Just let me say that the Commonwealth of Massachusetts' SARP (substance abuse recovery program) saved my life, my sanity, and my license when I self reported having been caught diverting. I never felt that I was being treated punitively but compasionately. I complied with what was required of me including meetings, peer support group, random urines at my expense, therapy and all the bells and whistles for five long years. Perhaps that is why it worked so well for me. I even had to take narcotics several times during that period because of major surgeries but was not punished for that. At the end of the five years my record was closed and my license is unblemished. I continued to work in nursing until I retired 1 1/2 years ago. I've now been clean, sober and serene for 18 1/2 years. After reading about other peoples problems here, I'm immensely grateful for having lived in Massachusetts. I wish you all well.
  8. michigooseBSN

    Roll call...status call...

    Kathy from Massachusetts. Sobriety date May 18, 1992. Self reported to BON and successfully completed BON's 5 year SARP program and have had license cleared. Worked in med-surg for 1 1/2 years at the beginning and then took a break from nursing. After a few years I returned to the field. I retired 1 1/2 years ago from elementary school nursing.
  9. michigooseBSN

    I'm doing my first LEAD todayyyy!

    MixChelleRN Congratulations on telling your story for the first time. That's always the scariest. Here in Massachusetts (and in Florida where I have often vacationed) we call it "speaking", "sharing" or "telling your story". As far as forgetting things that you meant to share. I was told very early on to just ask my higher power to help me when I share and then not worry about anything omitted. After all, I've told my story two to three times a year for over 18 years and I figure by now I've covered everything even if not all at once. I got sober at age 51 and there's no way I could cover that many years in 20 minutes. It's great to hear that you're really working the steps. That's the way to a meaningful serene recovery, I believe.
  10. michigooseBSN

    Any point in fighting NA requirement?

    That's easy. Choose a sponsor who doesn't judge your form of spirituality. I've heard it said "look for somebody who has what you want and ask him/her to be your sponsor". That's what I did and it worked fine. My sponsor had her higher power in nature, not a deity at all. And as I've said, I'm a practicing Christian. But I didn't need a "religious" sponsor, just an AA sponsor who was spiritually connected to her higher power. And of my 4 sponsees, three of them do not practice any sort of formalized religion and one is a Unitarian/Universalist minister. I don't have any problem working with them and their higher powers. So go find a sponsor that can accept you and your atheism/agnosticism and help you get into recovery. There are many of them out there. Good luck.
  11. michigooseBSN

    Any point in fighting NA requirement?

    I've heard GOD also referred to as "Group Of Drunks" and "Good Orderly Direction". Neither of these have any reference to a deity. I have a sponsee who is a UU minister. I am an Episcopalian. I asked her one day if it made her uncomfortable when I refer to God when we talked since her higher power isn't "God". She replied "No it doesn't make me feel uncomfortable. I just hear it as 'higher power'." So why not try that? You might also try AA rather than NA. Many recovering alcoholics are also recovering addicts. In fact, at my three meetings a week for the past 18+ years, I know many who call themselves just addicts and are very welcome at the meetings. I refer to myself as both alcoholic and addict but my alcohol use was still "in control" when my drug use and diversion clearly wasn't. However, I think a drug is a drug is a drug. So I claim both. Good luck.
  12. When I started the recovery process in Massachusetts many years ago, the nurses' support groups ( I attended two different ones) were free. What kind of nurses support group costs that kind of money? I would look for free peer support groups. I'm sure they are still available. Good luck.
  13. michigooseBSN

    Question about addiction development

    lylenrn, Yes, I see your problem. You are right, your are at risk due to your family history. Is "this guy" your primary physician or a specialist? If a specialist, talk right now with your primary about this. If "this guy" is your primary, consider seeking a second opinion. Doctors who are not familiar with dealing with addiction issues just "don't get it" and are not good for pain patients with addiction or at risk for addiction (like you are). I personally wouldn't consider using a doctor who was not used to dealing with these kinds of patients and who didn't know of my history of alcohol & drug use and my 18 years clean and sober.
  14. michigooseBSN

    How long did it take you to get caught?

    I think that there is often another factor at work. Many diverting nurses are, at least at first, very hard working compassionate nurses and their co-workers are either reluctant to believe the worst (that they are in fact diverting drugs) and/or they don't want to get them in trouble. This is in fact enabling behavior whether conscious or unconscious. I feel sure this must have been the case for me. It must have been if not obvious, as least suspicious, that I was diverting but it was years before I had the intervention that saved my life. What do you think, Jack?
  15. michigooseBSN

    Question about addiction development

    I remember early in my recovery from addiction (over 15 years ago) being told by a friend in recovery that the litmus test she used when being prescribed narcotic pain meds for legitimate use (after surgery for instance) was that when she found herself questioning if she needed the med or wanted it, she thew away the meds and went to nonprescription OC meds. When I had major surgery three years into recovery (mastectomy with TRAM flap reconstruction) I did that also. I've been told that if narcotics are used for real pain and as prescribed, addiction doesn't happen. There may be a brief time when weaning off the meds is uncomfortable but that is because of physiologic dependence, not addiction. By all means discuss this with your doctor and good luck.
  16. michigooseBSN

    So for 23 1/2 months, I've been an addict, not an alcoholic.....

    Sounds almost like me. I celebrated 18 years of continuous sobriety last month but my bottom came with drugs. I didn't use street drugs but it started with legitimate prescriptions and ended (thank you God) with drug diversion in the hospital where I was working. And of course I was caught. (again, thank you God) I self-reported to the BON and entered and completed a 5 years program through the BON. I, too, liked AA more than NA mostly because the people I met in NA mostly used street drugs (and were much younger than I was) which I hadn't. But for the first several years in AA, while I referred to myself as an alcoholic/addict, I was a little confused because my alcohol use, while used the same way as my drugs was always "under control". Thanks goodness I finally heard the phrase "a drug is a drug is a drug". In other words, if used the way I used it, alcohol is as much of a drug as are opiates. Ever since then I have continued to call myself "an alcohol and addict" but now I truly believe it. Congratulations on 23 1/2 months ( I don't believe in premature celebrations) but with your newfound insight, I', sure you'll make it.