How do you deal with know-it-all family members?

Nurses General Nursing

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Hello! I'm new to AllNurses and apologize if I'm doing this incorrectly. :happy:

I have an ongoing issue with a family member. She gives unsolicited non-medical advice to others, including myself. She acts like a physician telling me and others our diagnoses, disease process and treatment. In some cases, my prognosis.

This person, my friends, is my mother-in-law. :sniff: With nothing more than a certificate from hairdressing school, this woman is a body... of... knowledge!

How do I politely tell her that she is talking to someone with years of experience as a registered nurse. I know we don't and can't know everything, but this woman is teaching me about nerve pain and headaches. Did you know that Tylenol is an anti-inflammatory? She broke this news to me the other day.

Please help.

Stephanee

Specializes in Neurosciences, stepdown, acute rehab, LTC.

You said she means well, she just likes to be the one who has the answer. I know some people like that and I try to hang on to that view. I think it stems from an insecurity issue. I try to make those people feel secure and valued in other ways/ play up their strengths to ease the need to be a know it all. It can be so annoying though!!!

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Specializes in LTC.

I would personally appreciate it if you would gather up a few nuggets of wisdom from her to share here on AN so I can have a good laugh now and again.

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HA! This is my mom--she's always giving me medical advice, and I remind her that I'm a nurse and...no...I am not using whiskey to cure my cold. If it was my mother-in-law I'd nod, smile, and change the subject. Sometimes we have to let them get away with things to keep the peace.

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Specializes in Travel, Home Health, Med-Surg.
Do you have a chronic condition, like an autoimmune condition or the like? I ask because you mentioned nerve pain and headaches. That will somewhat dictate my response. Because people don't understand chronic disabling conditions in people who otherwise look well, even family members. I receive unsolicited health advice from family members about "just back pain" (actually Ankylosing Spondylitis) all the time. It was a hot topic at Thanksgiving this year. My in-laws still haven't acknowledged that I had cancer 10 years ago and my husband and I have been married 7 years!

When offered unsolicited health advice from my mom or in-laws, I just nod my head, smile, and try to politely change the subject as quickly as possible. There's no point in trying to change their mind and it keeps our relationship on good terms. If I hear them giving poor medical advice to someone, often I will circle back to that person and just make sure they aren't going to do anything crazy, like abruptly stop their diabetes medications and start apple cider vinegar daily as was once suggested by my in-laws.

I feel your pain. I have an autoimmune condition also and my MIL "suggests" cures all the time. And she not only thinks that vitamins will cure anything she brings me bags of them (and oddball things I never heard of). I do just tend to say thank you and leave it alone bc I know she means well. Plus she is in her mid 80's so probably wont listen at this point anyway, just let it be.

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Specializes in Travel, Home Health, Med-Surg.
HA! This is my mom--she's always giving me medical advice, and I remind her that I'm a nurse and...no...I am not using whiskey to cure my cold. If it was my mother-in-law I'd nod, smile, and change the subject. Sometimes we have to let them get away with things to keep the peace.

Hmmm, whiskey, might be worth a try though LOL

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Specializes in LTC, Rehab.

We could all come up with various ways to tell her, but she's your mother-in-law ... you'll have to decide what to do (if anything).

But your story reminds me of an ex-friend - ex on his part, but that's ok, and this is just one of many reasons. When I was in my first year or two of nursing, he'd occasionally 'explain' or 'educate' me on medically-related things in emails. I forget what his degree is, but he has no medical training that I know of. So like you said about your m-i-l, we can't and don't know everything, but uh, we do have a degree, initials after our name, and experience that mean *something*, eh?

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Specializes in Public Health, TB.
Hmmm, whiskey, might be worth a try though LOL

I worked with a nursing instructor who insisted that taking shots of liquor would help a sore throat because the alcohol would kill the germs by direct contact. I think it was just an excuse to drink.

I will admit, that a hot toddy, with lots of lemon, soothes my cough and helps me rest.

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She's your mother-in-law, you have to get along with her in order to maintain your wedded bliss.

If she says, "Oh, carbs are so bad for you, I know all about xyz..." let her drone on, when she's done smile and change the subject. "I just have to tell you about this book!"

Do not be a doormat. You can make it nice. Look her straight in the eyeball if she is getting on your nerves and say, "Oh, I'd just rather not talk about my work right now." Then smile!

"Let's look at these pictures over here." If she keeps going on? "I've got a million things to do, I have had fun talking to you!"

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