How has having/not having children affect your career?

DLS_PMHNP, MSN, RN, NP · May 31, 2009

I am childless (by choice).

I find it much easier to work nights this way. A lot of nurses that work nights with me, have kids that wake them up while they are sleeping during the day, etc. No thanks.

rn/writer, RN · May 31, 2009

Had a year of college, but I knew that I wasn't ready to choose a career path yet. So, I got married and started having kids. Fast forward many years. The youngest of our six was finally in school all day--and so was I. Got my nursing degree and was able to do it without going too crazy over child care. Have worked mostly third shift ever since.

What made these choices work for me were a supportive husband who earned enough that I didn't have to work while going to school, having capable high school aged older kids who could help with the younger ones when schedules overlapped, the option to work part time and adapt my work life to my home life, and being able to find positions that let me leave the job at work.

I am exceedingly grateful for all of these blessings and fully understand that my life could have been quite different had any of them been missing. I am so in awe of women who juggle kids, school, and other responsibilities, especially if they do not have the benefit of a helpful partner. The kind of determination and persistence required to get through school and work afterward when you have limited options makes for some incredibly strong women.

Do I think less of those who do not have children (by choice or by default)? Not at all. For those who see the upper echelons of any career field as their desired destination, I'd rather see them narrow their focus and make the career top priority than end up torn and having to shortchange themselves or others.

That is not to say that higher end career women can't "have it all." But I think after several decades of wider home and work options, most people have learned that you can have it all, but not all at the same time. It's very difficult to have every minute scheduled or even over-scheduled and enjoy what you're doing.

To those who opt not to have kids in order to pursue career possibilities, more power to you. It's a legitimate and responsible choice, and no one should ask you to feel diminished for it.

dreamon · Jun 1, 2009

RN/writer you are exactly correct. It is possible for a woman to be a mom, and to pursue whatever career level she wants. The thing is it may not happen all at once. We are all capable of doing what we desire, whether it is BSN/MSN/APN/CRNA, etc. We have to realize that there are many different roads to make it to our destination.

No one way is right or wrong.

Valerie Salva, BSN, RN · Jun 1, 2009

I don't have kids, which has freed me up to become a travel nurse. On the other hand, I am always expected to work holidays because I don't have kids.

prudence09 · Jun 1, 2009

Yes I have noticed a difference because they think I know nothing because I chose to start my career earlier in life. I usually just brush it off though because it's their own messed up view and I was not the one that made their life choices for them. And not that their life choices were the bad choices, there just the ones I chose to do later in life.

Ellean55 · Jun 1, 2009

I have noticed that as well. I dont have children and I have run into nurses who have said that I was spoiled and selfish etc the usual nonsense that those with children usually say. It used to annoy me at first but now I ignore them and just carry on with my career. I have a wonderful home, fabulous car, can travel, have lots of wonderful friends, can hang out in wine bars etc. I am happy with my life, so glad I am NOT stuck at home with screaming children and a career that is forced to be stagnant because of the "kids" They do slow your life down I dont care WHAT people say on the matter and can even ruin it sometimes.

Editorial Team / Admin · Jun 1, 2009

Life is about making choices and then dealing with our decisions: career, marriage or not, children or not, where to live, where to work, where to vacation, what kind of car to drive, etc, etc.

It is also about dealing with the hand that is dealt to us, of working through and making the best of things over which we have no control.

Sometimes in working through hardships a good comes out of all the trouble.

I know it sounds corny but I believe this, and have experienced it.

Seems we are all in the same boat of life, headed the same direction, just took berths in different compartments, none being more 'right' or 'wrong' than the other.

Off soap box now. :)

Ellean55 · Jun 1, 2009

Hi I just wanted to point out that - pregnancy is not something that is thrown into one's lap. Gone are the days when women had no control over their fertility. So when I hear of any woman saying I have got xxxx amount of children and I am still in nursing school - IT DOESNT HAVE TO BE THAT WAY!! Why do some women believe that being pregnant is the only way to motivate themsleves to have a career?? I have a career and dont have any children so I dont understand why that should be the case.

Junebugfairy · Jun 1, 2009

i am currently in ns, i am happily married and 27 years old.

we never want children, and imo not having children makes ns much easier.

we love our time together, and for us children are just not wanted.

Ellean55 · Jun 1, 2009

Here here at last a poster who agrees with me lol. Who wants kids - they are such a drain. I feel sorry for any woman that has that burden (sorry joy)

RossayRN · Jun 1, 2009

I have 2 children and am 2 semester away from graduating with my BSN. I don't regret having my children, I love them very much, I love having a family and am looking forward to the things that I will be able to do with my family once I am done with school. Yes I plan to go back and get an advanced practice degree. My children have dampered nothing and I will go as far as I want to go. If you prefer not to have children then that is your choice but don't assume that just because a person has a family they are miserable ,can't travel, have nice things etc that's just not true. I know plenty of people with family that still do what they want , including myself. I wouldn't change one thing about my life because I love it, and I wouldn't want it with out my children. Oh and I have been in school since before my children were born and the changes that I have had to make are minor things that aren't that big a deal in the grand scheme of things. I love being a mom, my kids are awesome.

rn/writer, RN · Jun 1, 2009

Hi I just wanted to point out that - pregnancy is not something that is thrown into one's lap. Gone are the days when women had no control over their fertility. So when I hear of any woman saying I have got xxxx amount of children and I am still in nursing school - IT DOESNT HAVE TO BE THAT WAY!! Why do some women believe that being pregnant is the only way to motivate themsleves to have a career?? I have a career and don't have any children so I dont understand why that should be the case.

It's one thing to decide not to have children yourself. It's another entirely to view other women's choices to have children as foolish or careless. It may be those things for you, but many of us truly want/wanted kids and would find life lacking to some degree without them.

As far as women believing that being pregnant is the only way to motivate themselves to have a career, I don't understand what that means. I didn't see people saying that in this thread. What I did see is women who had to make tough choices when "happily ever after" was taken off the table. At that point, the responsible thing is to get yourself moving in whatever way you can to craft a new version of "happily ever after," and for some, that means going back to school while caring for young children. Not the ideal, but often real.

I get that you don't want to be disrespected for deciding to be childless. But it doesn't seem like the respect goes both ways. Some of your posts indicate that you see having kids as a mistake or career-suicidal choice. For you, from all that you've shared, it would be just that. But many of us had children because we saw motherhood itself as a legitimate career. We don't view our children as a burden (okay, maybe once in a while) or obstacles to the good life.

It would be nice if each of us could be happy for, and encouraging of, other women, even if our choices are very different. We're all doing the best we can to make a good life for ourselves and those we love.