How has having/not having children affect your career?

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I would like to ask what impact has having children/being childless been on your career?

Sadly there is still an element of suspision about women who have reached a certain age and remain childless. Its unfortunate but true. Its percieved that if you dont want children you are either:-

* Spoiled

* Selfish

* Cruel

* Seen as less of a woman* because you havent had children

Well I don't have that suspision and I've never even thought about critisizing people for deciding not to have kids. You need to get off your soap box and get over it. So WHAT if somebody, somewhere put you down for not having kids. People are critisized everyday for many reasons. Like somebody else said, parents are critisized for many different reasons. How they are raising their kids, how many kids they decide to have, etc. I've been questioned when I say I might want to have 3 kids some people who think that's too many kids think I'm crazy. I have friends who want to have a big family and have 4 or more children get critisized for that choice. NOBODY is immune to the effects of other peoples opinions and critisizms. .... go enjoy that life you say you love so much.

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I have a lot of respect for nursing students who have their own families (i.e. spouse and kids) because nursing school is a very time consuming and rigorous program. I can't imagine what it is like going to school, coming home and taking care of your kids AND studying all at the same time -- it's like working two jobs everyday. I'm single without kids and I'm already exhausted after class! So a lot of kudos to those who are in the works of getting their license and having a full plate on them.

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This whole thread is quite interesting, even if some are lashing out a bit too hard. ;)

It's interesting to me because I'm still on the fence about having kids at all. I'm only 21, still very young, and going for my graduate degree (even though right now it's just a small pinpoint on the horizon - lol).

But I can empathize with everyone on this thread. I was thrust into adulthood at the age of 16, when I discovered I was pregnant. See, I'm a birthmother, I have a son who will be 4 in September. I was only 17 when I had him, which is why I chose the adoption route; I was in no shape whatsoever to handle the responsibilities of parenthood when I was still a teenager (hell, even now the thought of motherhood terrorizes me. But that's just my personal opinion). Looking back now, I'm always curious how dramatically different my life would be had I kept him. Would I have gotten my butt in school sooner and work harder to provide for the fam? Or would I be at a severe disadvantage because of my lack of resources, etc? Which road would be easier, harder, simpler, less exhausting, etc?

The whole issue with this is that there is simply no one magical, "right" choice for EVERYONE. People are bewhildered that I gave my son up for adoption and some even look down on me for it. But I don't mind them, because I did what was fitting for me and my life (and most importantly, his). And you know what? I could care less what anyone else thinks.

Whether you choose to have kids, accidentally get pregnant and just "go with it", or make the concious choice not to is all the right decision, depending on perspective. And that's what it all comes down to: perspective. For everyone, this is different. Embrace it, don't let it set you apart.

As adults, we should be able to agree to disagree without hurtful remarks or comebacks. Remember, an eye for an eye will make us all blind. :)

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I am 30 and started college a year ago. I am a mother of four kids (ages 11,6,4 & 3). I work full time and attend school full time. Since summer I (last June) I have 47 college credits and a 3.867 gpa... last semester I took 22 hours (which was WAY INSANE...) It has been MORE THAN hectic-my kids and I call it "organized chaos"...I am constantly getting the kids ready, taking them to school, headed to work, studying on break, picking the kids up, head to night class 3 nights a week, doing homework with them, tucking them in, and then hitting the books and finally I fall into bed exhausted to wake up 5 hours later and start all over. There are times I wish I had done it younger, but I too was a teen mom. I have learned from the school of hard knocks. I also had some time to spend with them while they were little. They are in no way suffering from me going to school-I have a great husband and family near and with creative scheduling-the kids feel as if they are getting not only special mom time (I take turns taking each one out and make time to attend school or church functions for them) but they get a "guys night" with dad, hang out with PawPaw time, and they learn great things from their aunts and MeeMaw. I feel that as an older student and a mother, I am a more dedicated student. I feel that I need to set an example for them. It isn't like I can afford to fail or burn out, because not only have we taken a financial risk paying for school, but we have all made sacrifices for a better future. It has helped me knowing that even when I feel that a class sucks and the professor is a nincompoop, I have my own personal cheering section.:jester:

HTH

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I can't say how it's affected my career, per se, but my nursing education---it's been tough. With my first degree (I earned a Bachelor's Degree 12 years ago--went to college right out of high school)--I didn't have children and it was certainly less stressful. Now I have a 2 year old and a 4 year old. The toughest part for me is that I have a husband who travels and do not have family nearby who are able to help. I know there has been some heated discussion on the boards about members being tired of hearing about how hard it is for those with children, etc..... or those who have kids saying that students without children have it so easy, etc..... I really try not to get into that because I think we all have our own circumstances which provide challenges and it's all relative. I'm really more concerned with what I can do to achieve my goals--rather than compare my situation with others'--know what I mean? :p

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missybear88,

Please don't take this the wrong way, but you are very wise for your age. It was so refreshing reading your post. I wish older folks could articulate their feelings half as well as you have.

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Hello All,

I am a mother of 5 children ages (11, 8, 4 yr old twins, 3). I started school back in the summer of 2007. My children and my husband have been my motivation to succeed. Failure is just not an option for me, as we have sacrificed so much for me to get to this point. I'm glad I waited until I had all my children because I am way more focused on doing well. It's so awesome having my kids be excited for me when I get an A on an assignment. I've been accepted into a nursing program for the fall. The hard work is paying off and my kids are able to see that with hard work and determination, one can make his dreams come truly regardless of his circumstances.

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I have noticed that as well. I dont have children and I have run into nurses who have said that I was spoiled and selfish etc the usual nonsense that those with children usually say. It used to annoy me at first but now I ignore them and just carry on with my career. I have a wonderful home, fabulous car, can travel, have lots of wonderful friends, can hang out in wine bars etc. I am happy with my life, so glad I am NOT stuck at home with screaming children and a career that is forced to be stagnant because of the "kids" They do slow your life down I dont care WHAT people say on the matter and can even ruin it sometimes.

Ellean, you know, you are right. Kids DO slow your life down. That is beauty of children.

I had a 'high powered' career all throughout my twenties after graduating with my first degree (a Bachelor of Science). I traveled, I shopped whenever and wherever I wanted, I drove very nice cars, I built three homes before I was ever 30.

When I got married and we planned to get pregnant with our first child, I knew I would give up my six-figure income to stay at home with my child. It's where my priorities lie. When we planned our second child, we knew I'd still be at home. And...I'm still at home.

I traded in my $50,000 SUV for a minivan and I love it. Why? Because I'm providing a safe mode of transportation for my children. I haven't taken a 'major' vacation alone with my spouse in 4 years and I love it. Why? Because I'd rather spend the time with my whole family. In fact, now that our littlest is two years old, we're headed to Grand Cayman---as a family--in just 4 days. These boys are my priority now.

I made the decision to go back to school for nursing because it is probably THE most flexible career out there. How many other careers allow for as many shift options, specialty focuses, etc. than nursing? Not many. I could go back into my prior field of work and make six-figures again. But, I'd have to work so much that I wouldn't be able to see my children. No thanks.

I plan to work nights after graduation so that I can still take them to school and pick them up from school. That said, I'd drop out of school/quit working in a second if I saw that my children were suffering in any way.

I used to think I knew it all. Then I had children. Now I really make an effort NOT to make judgements about Moms who don't stay home, women who choose not to have children, Moms who choose not to breastfeed, etc.

Humility is a a wonderful thing :)

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the whole issue with this is that there is simply no one magical, "right" choice for everyone. people are bewildered that i gave my son up for adoption and some even look down on me for it. but i don't mind them, because i did what was fitting for me and my life (and most importantly, his).

the word i would use is "awed", people who have the strength to do the right thing for their child even if it is painful for them awe me! i'm impressed,truly!;)

as adults, we should be able to agree to disagree without hurtful remarks or comebacks. remember, an eye for an eye will make us all blind. :)

i agree we should all be able to voice our thoughts more kindly...:rolleyes:

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Specializes in School Nursing.

Missybear88, I don't know how to say this other than to just say it. Thank you. My bio mother gave me up for adoption at birth. She was 13, and like you, wise beyond her years. Her painful sacrifice has allowed me to lead a privledged life. I am always so impressed and in awe of the young women who find it within themselves to make this difficult and selfless choice.

Nothing against young women who choose to keep their babies, it is a very personal choice. I just think adoption is a beautiful thing.

Sorry for the OT. I was just touched by the post and had to get it out.

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missybear88,

Please don't take this the wrong way, but you are very wise for your age. It was so refreshing reading your post. I wish older folks could articulate their feelings half as well as you have.

Why on earth would I be offended by such a beautiful compliment? :D Thank you, that means so much to me.

And Thank you to others who commented as well, you all gave me warm fuzzies. Especially Purple_Scrubs, sweetie I'm so happy to hear you got to live a happy, privileged life because of your birth mother's sacrifice. It definitely is NOT easy to go through, but the thought of my son living the life that he wants to live and having no obstacles in the way makes me pull through.

You're all amazing! :loveya:

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