12 hour shift husband and baby, what works best

WanderingWilder, ASN · Jul 2, 2016

I would not set yourself up to not be able to sleep in between shifts, I wonder if he would like this plan so much if he was the one who did nights. Having all your days off together would be great but if you don't want to use child care that is the sacrifice you make. I've done it with my husband myself to avoid child care so i know how much it sucks. You need sleep in order to take care of your child and your patients.

BittyBabyGrower, MSN, RN · Jul 2, 2016

My husband and I worked opposite for 3 years. We tried to schedule ourselves on each other's off day and we didn't have many weekends off together.

You are lucky to have someone to watch your baby for a few hours. Would you sister do it for a little longer if you offered to watch her kids (if she has any) or for favors? I usually napped before my first shift. But like I said we worked opposite days. We didn't do much together for a few years.

If if he doesn't like this, then you have to hire someone or consider daycare for a few hours on the days you come home and have to work again. In the summer we hired one of our nieces or a neighborhood girl to come in the morning and stay until 1 or 2. You are in the house, they are in the house or yard. He has to give or else you are going to have some big problems.

We survived but it was rough.

NightNerd, MSN, RN · Jul 2, 2016

Everybody is different. I have net exactly one night shift nurse who routinely gets only 1-2 hours of sleep before her first night shift. Everyone else I know needs to sleep at least 3-4 hours. You will find what works for you, but I would plan on actually needing some rest.

Your husband's stance is unreasonable. It is not safe to take care of your child or your patients on no sleep, not to mention that it just isn't good for your own body or soul. I she with other posters that you either need to work different days for a period of time, or find a way to get child care. Even a college student who can come in for a few hours in the afternoon on days you work may be a cheap enough option that would work for you.

NurseSpeedy, ADN, LPN, RN · Jul 2, 2016

As much as he may want this to work, I don't see how it could for more than a few weeks, if that.

You know what your body can handle. He should not expect you to be running around with a baby (who will be into everything really soon) all day and then run around with a group of patients for 12 hours, only to repeat it the next day...unsafe and quick burn out guaranteed. It's like being the mother to a new born who screams all night and then going to work a 12 hour day shift...only there's maternity leave and the newborn grows out of it. The baby will need 24/7 eyes-on-me care for much longer.

I have to wonder what he would say if you said "Sure, but I'll take the day shift"....I doubt there would be any argument to working different days at that point.

My husband worked Monday-Friday and traveled a lot. I worked all weekend to avoid child care. It's a give and take once a baby is in the picture and sometimes being off the same days isn't always a feasible option.

meanmaryjean, DNP, RN · Jul 3, 2016

Your husband is being- to be blunt -a jerk. Thinking you can go basically three days without sleep is unthinking, unfeeling, and clueless.

It's unfair and unsafe to you, unfair and unsafe for your child and dangerous to your patients and the driving public.

WanderingWilder, ASN · Jul 3, 2016

I already responded but I was rereading your post I can't believe he is seriously suggesting that you not sleep for 48 hrs straight. I have to wonder if he really wants days off with you to be together or if he just doesnt want to take care of the baby on his days off. This is really ridiculous.

xoemmylouox, ASN, RN · Jul 3, 2016

I go through this schedule because of work / school. I too have a baby at home, but hubby is a stay at home Dad. So basically we are both going without sleep. It sucks. At most I can do 48 and feels pretty confident that I'm coherent and safe. I couldn't do more than that. You shouldn't either. It's honestly awful. I hate it, but I have an end date in mind. I would work opposite days. Sure you won't see each other much, but if you are that tired your time together won't be enjoyable anyway.

chacha82, ADN, BSN · Jul 3, 2016

You HAVE to sleep. I have been working nights full-time for a year. Everyone is different, and I don't have kids, so my opinion may not help at all. But you HAVE to sleep. On my first night I sleep the night before and then sleep in, or nap a few hours and get to work by 18:45. Come home after report, back to bed by 09:00 if I have to work that night. Then back to work that night. 3 nights in a row is rough. I try not to do that if possible.

Cab411 · Jul 3, 2016

My husband and I worked without the same days off for I'd say at least 5 years! Then we got one day off together. He works and odd job delivering beer starts at 4 30am and off by 330! I had to work 12 hour shifts Fri sat sun for years, total bummer as he worked Tuesday through friday. I now.still work.Fri sat sun every other month noc 12 hours but im starting my new position this Wednesday in hospice working mon through Fri 9 to 5 weekends every 7 weeks or so. Holy moly!

I think.working opposite is nice because daycare won't be an ssue and you won't have enough to call out sick because trust me, kids get sick alot! And eventually you both can have days off together.

It's hard when two people in the family work odd hours.

Lots of compromise.

emmy27 · Jul 3, 2016

When I worked night shift I sometimes had trouble sleeping the day before my first night (if I'd been on a day schedule during my time off) but I at least rested, and I definitely felt it if I couldn't at all. I HAD to sleep between multiple shifts. The idea that you can stay awake for three days straight and provide safe care for a baby and sick people continuously during that time is bonkers. You can't. You will be a wreck, you will make bad decisions, you will be an unsafe driver, you will fall asleep places and times you don't intend to. Even doing this for one set of shifts would be miserable; as a regularly scheduled part of your life? Only sleeping on your days off? No, that's not workable. Your husband is delusional. I'd say tell him he can take night shift, but nobody should even attempt this, it's so dangerous.

emmy27 · Jul 3, 2016

Also, my husband works 14+ hours shifts 6 days a week for much of the year (yay military), and there are times we hardly see each other awake for days at a time. It sucks! But it doesn't suck as much as one of us dying in a sleep-deprivation car wreck.

Consult Maslow's hierarchy: adequate rest (physiological) to survive and function safely (safety) comes before time relaxing with your family (love and belonging).