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I can honestly say I have hit rock bottom.... feel so alone, feel like friends are tired of hearing me vent... thought this might be a good place to just vent (I've vented here before)...
Like so many on this board... I've never been crazy about being a nurse. I've been an RN for eight years and, not counting my current agency position... I've had five different nursing jobs. Every job, in one way or another, has made me unhappy, and I guess my motto has been "there's always a better nursing job out there".... so, I've job hopped.
I actually left a very good paying job with good benefits a little over a year ago... because I hated my job. I hated the hours I was working, I hated my clientele, and I was downright suicidal most nights. My most recent job... I was determined to stick it out as long as humanly possible, even though it wasn't the greatest job, it wasn't that bad... I was determined to stick around as long as I could....
..... and then I got fired.
Now, I haven't been able to find a full time job, and so I'm working agency. I've gotten cancelled every night for the past week. My car has been repossessed, my house is about to go into foreclosure, we have an electric and water bill due Monday that we aren't going to be able to pay. My husband doesn't make nearly enough money to support us. I feel really alone; feel like I have no friends.
Thanks for reading.. :redpinkhe
No you have not hit rock bottom. Right now all you need to do is breath and take one day at a time. You are NOT the only one going thru this. You have done nothing wrong. And there is nothing wrong with you. It is time to ask for help from anyone and anyplace you can get it. Food stamps, welfare, call the electric company, church. Go to another agency, clean houses and get out of nursing for awhile or forever. Do something and DO NOT stay in the pity party for too long. And get back to everyone here to tell us what steps you have taken to take care of yourself and family. Start somewhere.
First, I want to say how sorry I am you are going through this, secondly, you are most definitely not alone...I have job hopped until there is really no place else to hop except to another part of the state or country..which I can't do. I too have vented to the point people don't want to hear me, including myself, it has effected my marriage and I'd like to tell you I care but to be honest, most days to get up and simply move takes what I have. We are behind on our mortgage plus other bills as well because, in reality, I have simply not held up my end up the working relationship of my marriage - for me the final straw, where my bottom fell out, was in 2009 when my best friend and mother died w/o much warning..I have tried almost everything to gain back something from the loss - her death was one of MANY losses over the past 5-6 years and they piled up and something in me shut down. Like you, my husband works and works hard, but he doesn't make enough in his profession to cover everything - which is basics. We do NOT live a lavish lifestyle by any means.
I don't know if you have the ability to see a doctor - even a primary care doc - to maybe look at an antidepressant. REGARDLESS of what some will post on here, CLINICAL depression - which is sounds like you may have - this is an opinion based on personal experience not a professional diagnosis - is NOT something you can sleep/eat/pray/pull yourself up by the boot straps alone.
Call your utility companies and see if they will work out a payment plan or if they offer a service for people who are struggling financially. Most do. Call your mortgage company - unless you don't want to keep the house - ask them for a loan modification - the HAMP program - REGARDLESS of whether you qualify, this process DOES by you time against foreclosure - they cannot foreclose - by federal law - on someone who is attempting to modify the loan. That does not mean they won't move forward with it at some point if you can't work things out but it does mean a sale date cannot be set. I know this factually because we are in the process of trying to do just that.
Also, like you, I hate nursing. I know..audible gasps from people on here who were "born" to be a nurse, etc. I use to at least enjoy nursing but now, I'm in it because I have to be - there is little else someone can do w/a nursing degree except something in health care. Applying places that are not necessarily health care related or strictly nursing related are low paying or they wonder what's wrong w/you that you don't want to be working in a hospital. I landed a job that, by all accounts, I could stay at for a length of time, it's part time but enough to pay bills coupled w/my husbands income..unfortunately, the facility isn't doing well and hours are being cut and I suspect, because of a few other things, the facility will end up being closed or sold w/in a few months. So, like you, I am looking for something else, which isn't easy when you have a spotted resume. I understand your desperate feelings as well. I have seen a doctor and am suppose to begin an antidepressant today actually. I do know they work - for some - I've seen it first hand. I am hoping it will at least allow my brain to settle down, the anxiety to ease and my ability to handle things better. Sometimes, I think, in losing it all is when we are able to really find ourselves. Like others have said, NO job is worth your life. I am so, so sorry you are feeling so bad. I hope to read on here an update sometime this week that you are feeling better and things have turned around some for you. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. HUGS!!
No you are not alone. I could have written the career portion of your post except for teaching. After many years of beating my head against a wall trying to like my career of choice I couldn't swallow it anymore. I was a decent teacher in that I had good reviews, but my heart wasn't in it. I started to hate what I did for a living and knew that wasn't fair to the children. I walked away and never looked back. I realized what I did like about teaching and matched up with my interest and now I'm going to school so that I can join the medical field. Teaching is like nursing in that you can't go in it for job security, hours, or the pay. You must love what you do. Maybe you could use your nursing degree to work in a different type of job? My prayers are with you that things turn around and you can find a job that you are happy with and can pay the bills.
"I don't know... if we would have been better managing our money, I probably could have "stepped back" to part time nursing maybe, a long time ago, even with him in the job that he's in now."
Best of luck! Hope something comes through for you soon! And thanks for sharing....
You know, I have only been I nursing for a couple years so far...and what you are going through is what I am terrified of everyday...no matter how well I do in the work place or the seemingly endless overtime I could pickup...or how desperate some places are for nurses...their is a little voice in the back of my mind that keeps whispering "Hey..don't let yourself get too used to it, Anything could happen"
I am already starting to get so exhausted from the hours I work...and though the Strong temptation is there that I could afford to go get a house and a car and ect (I was poor my whole life basically)...I think I would rather just keep drivin my crappy 97 ford from college and keep my debt low just in case.....
Seriously, My dream is to be able to have zero debt and just work part time if I wanted.
Quite the role reversal indeed! (I can only wonder how those from the 'women's lib' era feel about that sentiment, lol)It's crazy what we put ourselves through just to have a 'nice' lifestyle.
And sorry you don't get much help Know what thats like too.
I thought that was great idea about trying to get another agency and work both!
I can honestly say I have hit rock bottom.... feel so alone, feel like friends are tired of hearing me vent... thought this might be a good place to just vent (I've vented here before)...Like so many on this board... I've never been crazy about being a nurse. I've been an RN for eight years and, not counting my current agency position... I've had five different nursing jobs. Every job, in one way or another, has made me unhappy, and I guess my motto has been "there's always a better nursing job out there".... so, I've job hopped.
I actually left a very good paying job with good benefits a little over a year ago... because I hated my job. I hated the hours I was working, I hated my clientele, and I was downright suicidal most nights. My most recent job... I was determined to stick it out as long as humanly possible, even though it wasn't the greatest job, it wasn't that bad... I was determined to stick around as long as I could....
..... and then I got fired.
Now, I haven't been able to find a full time job, and so I'm working agency. I've gotten cancelled every night for the past week. My car has been repossessed, my house is about to go into foreclosure, we have an electric and water bill due Monday that we aren't going to be able to pay. My husband doesn't make nearly enough money to support us. I feel really alone; feel like I have no friends.
Thanks for reading.. :redpinkhe
I just wanted to say that my family was in that situation not too long ago. We were getting utilities cut OFF. We were getting eviction notices. We were having to feed the kids peanut butter and crackers 3 times a day. I was trying to feed 5 or six people in my household with about $10 a day at the store. It was pretty bad.
Then my husband joined his local union and I started caregiving for a relative and substitute teaching. It is not much, but you could substitute teach until you find something else. I am sure ANY school district would love to have a former nurse. It will not be the kind of money you were used to making, but it would be something.
Also, a lot of older people need someone to do some caregiving for them. Sometimes people are looking for someone to set with an elderly relative or do light duties for them and are willing to pay.
SoCalCrystal, CNA
137 Posts
I second this motion.....