I can honestly say I have hit rock bottom.... feel so alone, feel like friends are tired of hearing me vent... thought this might be a good place to just vent (I've vented here before)...
Like so many on this board... I've never been crazy about being a nurse. I've been an RN for eight years and, not counting my current agency position... I've had five different nursing jobs. Every job, in one way or another, has made me unhappy, and I guess my motto has been "there's always a better nursing job out there".... so, I've job hopped.
I actually left a very good paying job with good benefits a little over a year ago... because I hated my job. I hated the hours I was working, I hated my clientele, and I was downright suicidal most nights. My most recent job... I was determined to stick it out as long as humanly possible, even though it wasn't the greatest job, it wasn't that bad... I was determined to stick around as long as I could....
..... and then I got fired.
Now, I haven't been able to find a full time job, and so I'm working agency. I've gotten cancelled every night for the past week. My car has been repossessed, my house is about to go into foreclosure, we have an electric and water bill due Monday that we aren't going to be able to pay. My husband doesn't make nearly enough money to support us. I feel really alone; feel like I have no friends.
I've been there and am there. enough of my problems. First you have to have a talk, I mean a sit down talk, with your husband. Smack him in the head with reality. Point out that he doesn't start making more money. you are going to loose everything. If he doesn't respond, then tell him you can't stand it any more and are thinking of getting out of nursing. Maybe that will do it. On another note I think there are government programs that can help. Check with your local social services.
Many of us are in the same boat. I took a travel assignment to help pay bills. I came home and discovered that my husband has not been paying the mortage payment. So now my house is in foreclosure. I called the bank but the fees and such are insane.. At this point they can have it back. They raised my payment from 700 to 2700 month. Thank you my dear husband (not)! I have been very upset. I learned that this man has an 800/mo car payment (new volvo). His credit is bad so who knows what the interest rate is. He just lays on the couch (as he is doing right now) and does not talk to me. Almost states it is all my fault. He actually told me he bought the car for me. I do not need gifts like that. Thank god this is anonymous as no one would believe my life right now. He also looks perfect. People believe he is the perfect husband--this is that part that really sets me off.
One of the first things I would do is get rid of the husband. While some may view this as harsh, after a while, if someone proves to be draining, cut them loose. Have a discussion with him....if nothing improves, go your separate ways. In the long run, you'd probably be better off.
Wow! Are you sure this is good advice? I only ask because I have the same issue. Except I am the husband with a wife that will not get off her butt and take a job that pays twice what she makes now, she makes $65k now and I found her one that will pay her entry level $125k. Does gender bias enter into the picture here? Should I just go ahead and call my attorney now and file for divorce on the grounds she refuses to earn at the maximum level she can? I am really confused here. I only make $60k now since I am underemployed as a staff nurse on a med/surg floor but I am hoping to get a job making $150k soon. That is how I found the job for her. I was overqualified and the recruiter thinks he can place her in it. But she is resistant because she is not sure she would really enjoy doing that kind of work. Is she selfish?
Many of us are in the same boat. I took a travel assignment to help pay bills. I came home and discovered that my husband has not been paying the mortage payment. So now my house is in foreclosure. I called the bank but the fees and such are insane.. At this point they can have it back. They raised my payment from 700 to 2700 month. Thank you my dear husband (not)! I have been very upset. I learned that this man has an 800/mo car payment (new volvo). His credit is bad so who knows what the interest rate is. He just lays on the couch (as he is doing right now) and does not talk to me. Almost states it is all my fault. He actually told me he bought the car for me. I do not need gifts like that. Thank god this is anonymous as no one would believe my life right now. He also looks perfect. People believe he is the perfect husband--this is that part that really sets me off.
Yes, many are in the same boat these days.
I went from being a Millionaire to a Zeronaire two years ago. I hit rock bottom. Lost $7M. Escaped with 2 old cars and $147 in cash. Age, 53.
The true assets I had were: #1 a caring and supportive wife, #2 a nursing license and #3 a "can do spirit." So, I went and got a floor nurse job, the lowest form of job in the hospital. Got a check. Able to eat again. Got another check, able to have a roof over our head. Got a checks, bought a house. Went to school. Got a MSN. Looking for new job, should actually double or triple my income in one swoop. Already turned down multiple job offers because they paid less than $100k. Wife stood by my side through the hard times and the good times. Could lose it all again. But we have each other. Money or the lack of it is not the cause of troubled marriages, troubled marriages are the cause of troubled marriages.
Here is a simple math formula I learned when I got my first masters, a MBA:
Revenue minus Expense equals a positive or negative profit. R-E=P(+/-). Make more. Spend less. Make the hard decisions. But do it together. If you can't do it together then the relationship is broken, not the bank.
Specializes in psychiatry, community health, wellness.
I am so sorry you are going through a difficult time. I too struggled and hated my job. I took a risk and quit, so different than your situation, but still was a huge change of life and change of income. I can only say this: you have to figure out you. What makes you happy? What are you passionate about? What are your strengths? There is a great strengths measure out there on the 24 Character Strengths from Authentic Happiness at UPenn. You can google that and I am sure it will come up.
But anyway, you have to figure out what makes you happy, what you are good at, what you value, and what you enjoy. Then follow that. Follow your heart, your gut, and your intuition. Often we are so rushed, so hurried, so stressed... we fail to slow down and listen to our inner selves. The answers are inside of you. You just have to take the time to hear them.
You might try listening to yourself through meditation, through reading self-help books, or through journaling. I hope that you find your way. I wish you all of the best. Take care.
Specializes in Medical-Surgical / Palliative/ Hospice.
I have not been on this site for years. I recently moved across the country, and the new job is "less than desirable" ... to say the least. I woke up after a terrible three day stretch and could not stop crying. I jumped on here for *any* sort of relief, and your post made me feel that I was not alone. I hope things are looking up for you this year!
I have not been on this site for years. I recently moved across the country, and the new job is "less than desirable" ... to say the least. I woke up after a terrible three day stretch and could not stop crying. I jumped on here for *any* sort of relief, and your post made me feel that I was not alone. I hope things are looking up for you this year!
We hear you. Some of the jobs that I have had made me cry. That's when I quit. No job is worth it. Life is too short. It's getting shorter every day for me. I don't what to say to keep you going except to tell you scores of us go home crying every night. We feel your pain and we will be here.
Nurse card.....You are definitely not alone. I've been a nurse for 17 years. Got laid off from my last hospital job 5 years ago. Went into home care just to get money and got stuck. Economy started going south, was all the while applying for a position back in the hospital as I went into foreclosure, about $100,000 in debt. I've pretty much been miserable my whole career except when I traveled (because I knew it was ending) and being in sunny Phoenix during with dreary winter months helped, but it's the same s--t wherever you go.
I was doing private duty/home care and the family and the agency started to make my life miserable that I couldn't take it anymore. I've been out of work since April 2011 I've drained all of my investments and almost down to my last dollar in my 403B. All those years I worked so hard got me NOWHERE. There are so many nurses out there that are miserable, yes miserable although some pretend to be happy. I'm registered on Indeed.com and I've explained to a few nurses that we need to get a group together and make the public, the media and the politicians aware of what goes on in the nursing field. I live in NY, and I can get access to the major news networks. I've had a few nurses give me their email addresses so I can keep in touch with them personally. I respect confidentiality, but I guess these nurses liked what I had to say and they gave me their email addresses. I want to get a group of nurses together from all over the country to collaborate with different ideas and take this to the media. I just need more nurses. If you are willing to do that, (even if you create a temporary email) which you can delete, please send me the info on this site.
Just want you to know you are not alone. I've been suffering from depression for the past 10 years and like you, kept switching jobs in search of SOMETHING that I might like.
We are not treated like professionals at all. I really would like to get in touch with TLC and do a reality show on nursing. If anything, maybe we could profit from this miserable field we chose. If there's a will, there's a way. I've even thought about becoming an actor and ACT as a nurse. I'd get more pay acting as a nurse than being a nurse....that's how desperate I am. I have health issues, no health insurance and almost down to my last dollar. I did the same thing you did...vented to everyone to the point they don't want to talk to me anymore. Sorry for such a long reply, but I'M ALSO VENTING...AGAIN...LOL
I left a long reply to this post and how I can empathize with you. If you like, you can send me a private message and possibly your email address so that I can give you more information on my plans re: making the public aware of how nurses are treated. YOU ARE NOT ALONE....believe me. I myself have hit rock bottom as far as nursing goes. I don't know if you read my original reply.....I'm new to this stuff, so sometimes I post things in the wrong spot. If you read it and like what I have to say, send me a private message and I'll give you some more info. We need to stick together. Hang in there and TRY to think positive although I know it's hard.
Sounds like income in not an issue for you & your wife - unless you spend a lot..but my comment on your post is...if she is happy working where she is and is making the money you said she was - how can you remotely view her as selfish? Because she doesn't want to do what you want her to? Sounds like a control issue from your end. If you want to make more money then concentrate on your career and leave her be. 65K is more than many, many nurses on here make or will ever make and that couple with what you are making is more than many on here make married...you sound like money is a priority for you..not saying that's a bad thing but I am saying that money is not everybody's priority...as far as the original poster..her situation is not like yours, her spouse does nothing and it's not gender bias..if you had posted this I'm sure many on here would be telling you the same - get rid of the spouse that is not pulling their weight so to speak..it sounds like her situation things have been bad for a long, long time..her situation isn't because she wants him to take a hirer paying job and he doesn't want to - it's because he doesn't want to do anything to support the marriage..so I for one agree, if this is a chronic issue that isn't going to change, she needs to save herself.
OP, sorry for what you are going through. You are obviously not happy. Have you looked closely at your finance? I am surprised that you worked as a RN for eight years and your spouse works too, but you don't have any money saved for utilities?
I was depressed a month ago when I can't find a job after spending all my money for nursing school, so I keep on reminding myself now that how lucky I am to be able to find a job and how hard I need to do my best at the job. You have eight years' experiences and a good license, you can always find a job. If money is tight, just work in Walmart for now till you can find a nursing job. Other posts are right, you need to do some soul searching. Write down all the good things about being a nurse and all good things about your spouse. Hope you well.
150k as a nurse? where?? :eek:I think 60k is good! That's $1000+ a week. I don't know ANY nurses who make as much as you say you can. How can you be so overqualified that an agency wouldn't take you? I don't think your wife is selfish:nono: Who takes care of the home? the kids? who washes the clothes? Money isn't everything!! Liking what you do is much more important in the long run.
I don't know ANY nurses who make as much as you say you can. How can you be so overqualified that an agency wouldn't take you? I don't think your wife is selfish:nono: Who takes care of the home? the kids? who washes the clothes? Money isn't everything!! Liking what you do is much more important in the long run.
Merlyn
852 Posts
I've been there and am there. enough of my problems. First you have to have a talk, I mean a sit down talk, with your husband. Smack him in the head with reality. Point out that he doesn't start making more money. you are going to loose everything. If he doesn't respond, then tell him you can't stand it any more and are thinking of getting out of nursing. Maybe that will do it. On another note I think there are government programs that can help. Check with your local social services.