Help? Broken hearted & sad...

[Crystal112]

so, if this is the wrong one place to post, please feel free to move it...but no one has responded so far in the career section, so i'm thinking it might be the wrong one to post.

hey guys, i saw a career counsellor not too long ago and he told me that he doesn't think nursing

is the right career. i don't have anything personal against the advisor, but i honest feel a bit crushed and saddened. almost as if he shook my sense of direction. he's goal is not to insult me, and i do not feel offended...just really really sad.

the career advisor asked me about what i see in a work environment and many other questions. i answered honestly...now he feels it isn't right and i feel like i need to justify my want... i also have anxiety ...low confidence...and i suck at chemistry and math....at the same time, i feel like a suck at everything else i do anyway... i have an appointment to see another academic advisor for what i need to do to be a nursing student / get accepted and then i will be seeing the career counsellor again. because i have anxiety, my grades aren't high. and i realize nursing is highly competitive.

i am in second year of university.

he might have said nursing may not be right for me out of many reasons...it may be the emotionally demanding aspects...the work environment...the patient interaction...etc...whatever reason it is... i do believe he was talking in realistic terms... i feel like everyone keeps telling me "you can't" or "you shouldn't" and then they wonder why i have no confidence and it feeds into a cycle.

nursing is the only thing i have interest in, but i was afraid of it at first...i don't want to spend the rest of my life wondering what could have been. sure, i've heard nursing pays a lot, but i have a strong sense that nursing is not a field where i would go in it for the money. if it's anything, it's more of a bonus. i know that nursing takes a great deal of hard work once you graduate, the hard work is continous.

can someone give me any advice? i am very broken hearted. :vlin:

i can't accept my limits... because i have so many of them i might as well work in a low wage job. i want to push myself. my ambition in life may just to get married. the end.

i'm sad, because i have to work hard for everything in high school and even hard work didn't pay off. by the time i got to university, i felt so defeated and i'm giving up. to always be told you can't this and you can't that by many people...takes it's toll after 6 - 10 years.

if i try and fail... people will just be like, 'i told you so, why didn't you listen to me in the first place? "

if i don't try... i will spend the rest of my life dreaming instead of working towards it...or wondering what could have been.

is life even worth living if you can't do things you want, be like every other depressed adult who lived an unfulfilling life when it isn't necessary?

[Pelham]

Follow your heart

[3perfectcats]

You have one person's opinion and that is all it amounts to. I was talked out of nursing school 25 years ago for the same reasons. They said I could not cut the math and science etc, etc. Now, many wasted years later, I am back in school and in a nursing program. At first the math and science did not come easily, however, once I made up my mind this is what I wanted I got all "A"'s in those classes. Now I am asked to tutor students in A & P, Biology and Chem. If I can do it can be done. I too also have anxiety problems for which I have gotten help. I have found cognitive behavioral therapy to be most effective.

[netglow, ASN, RN]

OP, you are young. Here is a bit of info for you. Career coaches/advisors are for the birds. These people often have no experience themselves. They often are one of two types:

1. Too afraid to enter the professional world themselves, so they sit cloistered in some highschool or college and advise others on what to do for a living? Note: See how this is the last person you would take advice from?! Take no advice from them on what you should pursue. Also many times the info they do have on how to navigate the system is out of date. These days you can bypass them completely. If you are required to talk to one, just be nice, and then run your own show. Talk to professionals in nursing/students/instructors to plot your course.

2. Same as the above but they call themselves "consultants"and will hold talks at libraries, etc. in order to drum up business of their own. These people have suffered a job loss themselves, and cannot find another field of work to enter as well. So they pretend to have "ins" on what you are doing wrong in your job/career search. This is the unsuccessful guiding the unsuccessful.

:oornt:

[RN-ing, BSN, MSN, NP]

I am also horrible at chemistry and math and I made it (also OB and Peds)! So can you...

If nursing is not for you, you will know it in your heart, not have to be told by a councelor!

Don't give up without a fight! Keep trying, nursing school is tough, so be prepared! Get all of the help you can and surround yourself with people who love and support you!

:heartbeat:D

[llg, PhD, RN]

I am happy to read that you are seeing a psychologist. It sounds as if your issues go far beyond what 1 career counselor advised you.

Have you actually tried working in a nursing environment? It might help you to volunteer in a hospital or work as a nursing assistant to see if you like working in the health care environment as much as you imagine that you would. Such activities would also give you a chance to see how well you can do in such a work environment. If you succeed, it will boost your confidence.

In other words ... take it 1 step at a time. Take little steps rather than huge steps towards your long-term goal. As you succeed at each little step, you will learn skills that will help you with the next step -- and build confidence at the same time.

Good luck to you.

[Misty1]

Hi Crystal,

You know everything your counselor said about nursing is true. It is emotionally draining at times and high stress and you do need a good grip on math and chemistry. You also do need to be self assured.

I'm not saying you shouldn't go into nursing because all these things can be worked on. Maybe you just need a little help with your math. You say you have a self esteem problem. That too can be worked on. There are things that can raise your self esteem.

Sounds to me your afraid of failing. Do you want me to tell you how many times I've failed at something? My advise to you would get a job as a nurses aid or HUC to see if it really is for you.

I've known some really smart nice people that went into nursing and it wasn't for them.

Keep your head up girl!

Sheri

[Kooky Korky, BSN, RN]

Just do what is right for you. It might be hard to figure out just what is right for you, but you seem to pretty strongly want Nursing. Never mind what anyone else says or thinks. Just do what you believe is best for yourself.

I wish you every success.

[Lisa, MA]

What is the counselor basing this on? Do you have a learning disability? What is your psychologists opinion on the issue?

[mustlovepoodles, RN]

When I decided to change my major to nursing NOBODY supported me. My mother was shocked and my father was disgusted--he wanted me to be a civil engineer. His words were "You'll never have anything and you'll never BE anything." Even my instructors didn't hold out much hope. Like you, I had no confidence. I was painfully shy, and terrible in math and chemistry. Nursing school was interesting to me, but parts of it was excruciating. Thankfully, as I began to have some success my confidence grew.

It sounds to me like there is more going on than just a crisis of confidence. I'd suggest you bring these concerns to your psychologist for some processing. You may have more insight into this than you think. It's not impossible to become a nurse when everyone is telling you not to. But it sure doens't make it any easier.

[mykrosphere]

there are people who told me i couldnt, (important people in my life), and sometimes i felt like i really couldnt, but i did it. and am still doing it.

its been the second hardest road ive chosen (the first being a parent), but i dont regret it.

you can do it too.

the only thing i could even recommend is that your confidence needs some serious boosting.

one of the best things about accomplishing something no one, or yourself, thought you could do, besides actually accomplishing that thing, is then you yourself can say "i told you so"

dont let the naysayers get you down.

you can do anything you really want to do!

[mykrosphere]

What I found out is that I have to believe in myself...

this is key!

[Crystal112]

Hi guys! To answer a couple of questions...

1. My counsellor & psych sort of know each other (they work my college and they used to work at the same department), so I don't know how much I should tell them. On top of that, I recently gave my career counsellor permission to access information my psych has about me. (same day he said nursing may not be right for me). My career counsellor also has buddies in the nursing field. And I 100% realise he never truly belittled me or insulted me, but he has shaken my sense of direction and he has been added to my personal list of nay-sayers in my life (I really hope he didn't make the list, but he did). I'm not angry at him or offended, but disappointed. Even though it bites, he was being honest, and that is something worthy of recognising.

2. Chem is really the only thing I struggle with ultimately and that was because of anxiety in the lab. I am reconsidering taking it again, but other than that, I had mostly eighties in high school. Now in university, it is a different matter though. My grades aren't as high but I am taking this semester to improve. Math - I have to work hard at it, but I ended up with decent marks in general.

3. I have had other healthcare experiences - I did administration for my doctor (nothing illegal though) but it did give me a good grip on the reality and what it's like to work in healthcare. People are demanding and ungrateful for the Canadian healthcare system, people will lie and cheat to get meds / drugs, people will demand certain appointment times, people will yell at you, emotionally abuse you. And I will not be surprised if one day I would be physically abused. People will put their frustrations / anger on you because of the medical problems they have and you become their punching bag. And that was just a small taste. I know a spine is needed.

4. I have also volunteered in a hospital when I considered nursing. It gave me joy.

5. My cousin is a nurse and she is not good with chemistry / math or science.

So some of the practical things I have learned:

1. I need a spine. Need to be assertive (and rarely aggressive)

2. I have to stand bodily fluids and strong disgusting odors. (which I found that I didn't mind that much, nor was I disgusted with anatomies).

3. I need to always practice safe habits / procedures.

4. I need to learn how to emotionally cope with situations. Because I will be subjected to emotional abuse.

5. Assume that people have many contagious disease they may not even be aware of.

6. Communicate well with patients.

These are some of the things I am completely aware of.

Outside of nursing questions and on a more personal level:

I also had a chat with a sibling...she thinks that I am way more normal than I should have turned out to be given the fact that my parents have psychologically abused me (unaware of the long terms effects). In comparison, the only bad thing about me is low confidence and bad grades, and yeah, sadness. On occasion, angry and sometimes I have skewed perceptions on life.

She is one of my feedback sources and thinks nursing isn't right for me at the moment due to the confidence issues that affect my academic standing. But once I get this thing tackled, then she thinks I will stand a chance. My sibling said to me, and if she were subjected to the same sort of treatment I was getting since early childhood from my parents , quote, "I would be dead."

( Don't get me wrong, my parents are with good intentions but have awful ways of doing so...I love my parents and I have a good relationship with them now, but the effects are still there...and to some degree, they still haven't changed but I have learnt to deal with it).

I've withstand at least 6+ years of psychological abuse and yes, it has landed me on a nice comfy chair in a psych's couch. But what I come to realise (today) is that I do have the sensibility to do what is needed to change for the better. I am willing to do it...and it isn't going to be easy. I am DEFINITELY on my way to develop better confidence. My anxiety (especially social) has significantly improved. It bugs me when people tell me I can't do anything right and then wonder why I have low confidence.

Do I think I have what it takes?

At the moment I am not sure of what the academic requirements are so I am seeing the academic advisor soon and see where I stand and what needs to be done. But I do have the desire. I realise medicine and nursing are one of the few fields that are only worth pursuing (and being happy with it) if you want it...for the most part.

THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT!!!!!:heartbeat