Has Nursing hardened you?

Nurses General Nursing

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Simple question: Has nursing hardened you?

I'm currently a student, and I have noticed that some of the older clinical instructors are very cold, harsh and indecent towards some of the nursing students, myself included. I know some PCAs. One certain PCA, a 31 year old nursing student w/military experience, referred to some of the nurses on her unit as " cold *******" and said she was afraid after many years of working in the field (after graduating and passing the NCLEX, of course), she will end up just like them. Many of the other nursing students have voiced similar experiences, saying that many of the nurses on their unit were just rude or plain cold.

This is NOT to attack nurses, but after I had a dentist appointment, I noticed a stark contrast between the happier, less stressed out RDHs from the overly stressed and very cold nurses that I have come across. This is NOT to say that all nurses are like this, I have met some really nice ones (and a couple of really lovely clinical instructors), but in general, the longer one has been in the field of nursing ,the colder and less compassionate one becomes...from my observation. Statistically, 1 out of every 7 nurses will end up with a drug/substance problem (according to my lecture notes)...could it be d/t the stress of nursing?

So, I was wondering, to all the nurses out there who have been in the field for a long time, how has nursing changed you as an individual? Have you found yourself becoming colder and more detached or more warm and compassionate? Has nursing made you depressed? And finally (and most importantly) do you regret nursing?

I have found that I have lost apart of my confidence and self-esteem, and nursing seems to have an ugly side to it that really is disappointing. Quoting someone I love, "Upon visiting your nursing school, I have never met a more hostile, unwelcoming, cold environment and I can only imagine what you go through when I'm not around." And this person is fifty.

Again, this is NOT an attack, but just an observation and things I've experienced first hand and have been told, and I'm wondering about this!

If anyone, in any profession, retained the same outlook and values at age 50 that they had at age 20 ...

wouldn't that be a failure to progress/mature? Don't you think life should teach you something?

And thank you PrincessBride for the reference citing 10-15% of the US population with substance abuse issues and that the 1 in 7 nurses suffering the same problem are simply on pace with the population as a whole.

I have changed a bit over the last few years, and not just because of being a nurse, and i am sure I would be a different person had I had different experiences starting from a younger age-we all would( nothing to do with nursing or work). I can honestly say that not all of the changes, values or outlooks are changes for the positive. more likely they might be considered negative. they have let me adapt to certain situations a lot better than I could have had I not had my outlook or values changed but I don't know if having had them changed was a progress of any sort. I think life just needs to teach you what you need to learn , and if you do not need to use it, not every lesson is worth learning.

Specializes in Dementia care, hospice.

Hardened? No. More apt to speak my mind and fight for my patients? Definitely. I've been an LPN since 1989 and have never known a co-worker to have a problem with either drugs or alcohol. Do a lot of nurses that I know have a "work hard, play hard" mentality? Not a lot, but a few. I personally have no problem with student nurses. I enjoy teaching as long as I have someone who is willing to learn and not throw the phrase "that's not how the book says to do it" every ten seconds. I work with a totally awesome bunch of CNA's and med-techs and take every opportunity to encourage their furthering their education and to continually learn all they can about dementia and Alzheimer's (I work in a locked dementia facility). I want each and every one of them to be experts at their jobs and yes I can be a bit demanding and harsh with them but they all know it's because I know their potential and will not, under any circumstances, accept work that is sub standard. I also believe in educating my families and depending on the situation and what the family can handle, I do NOT pull punches... and I can't count the number of times I've been thanked for that.

I can't say that I've ever heard the "softy" stereotype. The main stereotypes I've heard of are the ones that say all nurses are oversexed hussies who are just out to snag a doctor and ruin as many marriages as possible along the way..... haven't met one of those yet but I'll bet they're something! I've also heard the one that says we are all drug addled drunks.... haven't met one of those either but boy they wouldn't last too long around me, I guarantee that!

Did I answer the question or just go off on a tangent??? I swear, Alzheimer's is contagious!!

I have changed. I dont have the same idealistic everything is wonderful thoughts of rainbows and unicorns riding on clouds anymore. I dont believe every word a person says, I always look behind me when in small spaces and I dont react to BS. It doesnt make me a bad nurse -just a less naive one. I accept what someone says, attempt to deal with it and move on. It has changed my outlook of many people in general due to the nature of what type of nursing I do. I may be called "hardened" or "sarcastic" at times but it allows me to go home and be "normal" at the end of my shift. Does that make me a bad nurse? I dont think so. It makes me human.

The key is as a nurse you must be soft yet hard both at the same time....

I love that statement. You can be hard enough to stay 'strong' through the tough times, and soft enough to care through the tough times.

I would imagine there are nurses who 100% hate their job, so their 'hardness' is an angry hardness, not a 'strong' hardness. Not the kind of hardness that allows you to stay sane through the craziness and doctor's yelling, but the kind of hardness that exists with misery.

Specializes in Progressive, Intermediate Care, and Stepdown.

Great Responses! It is evident there are years upon years of experience here. I think the author accidentally hit a nerve with some folks. Set off a min-storm. But, within the storm, there is great advice. Glad I hit the suggested "Daily Liked Topics."

What specialty are you in currently? Would you say when you see new nurses come on the floor you're most helpful to acclimate them to the floor? I'm excited to do clinicals and I hope the seasoned nurses are receptive. Any feedback would be appreciated.

Hardened? Well I can see it happening.

I’ll graduate in 17 very long days and I know after a couple years, months or even days working full time I won’t be the same bright eyed senior nursing student that types this today. Why? Because the world doesn’t work as well as it should.

Put it simply the mom who doesn’t get prenatal care will go home with her thankfully healthy baby to possibly get pregnant again roll the dice and avoid prenatal care again. The mom who tests positive for drugs will cry all night because she won’t be able to take her baby home. Should I not be moved by the tears of a new mother? Of a woman who risked the life of an innocent child? The child who was hit by his mother’s roommate because he wouldn’t stop crying will return to sleep under the same roof. The crying 14 year old girl still needs the foley catheter even though this will be the most humiliating experience she can imagine. Children will continue to get cancer (as will adults). People we grow to respect, love and cherish will die.

Life is hard. Nursing is hard. It’s only understandable that some nurses grow a skin that gets a little tough too. That doesn’t make them bad nurses or uncompassionate. At time they get stressed and a little short and as a student I’ve been on the receiving end of it more than once. I brush it off because I know that I’ve been short with those around me before too. We all have.

In my honest opinion I understand where this question is coming from quite well. I’ve had it myself as I’ve worked with nurses and techs that have treated patients like cattle. The number of times I’ve dealt with patients who weren’t told what was happening, given a moment to ask questions or allowed to voice their fears astonishes me. In these cases I remember that I’m still a student with the blessing of time to do these things while they have other things on their minds.

But more often the examples of nursing I have seen have prayed with patients, explained the options, shown mercy and forgiveness and have displayed more compassion than my still young and small heart could hold.

My suggestion: Print some of your favorite answers off and put them away. In a couple of years take a look back and remember where you’ve come from and where you are. My little nursing school journal will be a reminder of the fact that I was once a happy go lucky girl who was awed by compassion that I hope to never lose.

Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.
Hardened? Well I can see it happening.

I’ll graduate in 17 very long days and I know after a couple years, months or even days working full time I won’t be the same bright eyed senior nursing student that types this today. Why? Because the world doesn’t work as well as it should.

Put it simply the mom who doesn’t get prenatal care will go home with her thankfully healthy baby to possibly get pregnant again roll the dice and avoid prenatal care again. The mom who tests positive for drugs will cry all night because she won’t be able to take her baby home. Should I not be moved by the tears of a new mother? Of a woman who risked the life of an innocent child? The child who was hit by his mother’s roommate because he wouldn’t stop crying will return to sleep under the same roof. The crying 14 year old girl still needs the foley catheter even though this will be the most humiliating experience she can imagine. Children will continue to get cancer (as will adults). People we grow to respect, love and cherish will die.

Life is hard. Nursing is hard. It’s only understandable that some nurses grow a skin that gets a little tough too. That doesn’t make them bad nurses or uncompassionate. At time they get stressed and a little short and as a student I’ve been on the receiving end of it more than once. I brush it off because I know that I’ve been short with those around me before too. We all have.

In my honest opinion I understand where this question is coming from quite well. I’ve had it myself as I’ve worked with nurses and techs that have treated patients like cattle. The number of times I’ve dealt with patients who weren’t told what was happening, given a moment to ask questions or allowed to voice their fears astonishes me. In these cases I remember that I’m still a student with the blessing of time to do these things while they have other things on their minds.

But more often the examples of nursing I have seen have prayed with patients, explained the options, shown mercy and forgiveness and have displayed more compassion than my still young and small heart could hold.

My suggestion: Print some of your favorite answers off and put them away. In a couple of years take a look back and remember where you’ve come from and where you are. My little nursing school journal will be a reminder of the fact that I was once a happy go lucky girl who was awed by compassion that I hope to never lose.

What a beautiful, thoughtful, hope-filled post this is. :redbeathe

I wish this could be copied and put up on the bulletin board in nursing schools everywhere. Your wisdom and understanding are far beyond your years, and I for one will be proud to call you a fellow nurse.

WELCOME!!!!!

Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.

i'm tougher than i was when i started nursing 36 years ago. of course, i'm also 36 years older than i was then. i've beaten cancer (twice) and am about to go a third round, i've been divorced, buried my father and lived with my mother's alzheimer's. my ******** meter is more developed, and while i can be compassionate i'm also not as wide open emotionally as i once was. if you're whining about your hangnail and the patient in the bed next to you is fixing to die, i think it's understandable if i think you ought to suck it up and deal even if it's not acceptable to come right out and tell you so.

i will also observe that someone who finds it necessary to tell us over and over that you're not attacking nurses -- when clearly you are -- ought not to be surprised when some of the responses aren't as warm and fuzzy as you'd hoped. greentea's post was spot on. mine is probably cranky. it's been a rough week.

Specializes in Managed Care, Onc/Neph, Home Health.

Is my heart "hardened"? Sort of I can say. I see things black or white. No inbetween. You are or you ain't. You did or you didn't. You are in a relatonship or you aren't. I don't cry at funerals......, there is a reason the person died, mentality. I owe all those thought processes to nursing, and thinking, and making decisions all the time, 29 yrs of it. No time for foolishness. Nursing has made me very "no nonsense" , when it comes to life. Passive people bug the crap out of me.....LOL anyhoo, don't get me started. Good thread

Specializes in Med Surg.

When I think about hardness as it relates to nurses, I think about an episode of Scrubs. JD was upset because he felt the doctors and nurses were inappropriately joking about illness and death. The crusty doctor (whose name escapes me) takes him to a room where a doctor is talking to the family of a woman who has just died. Crusty tells him that this doctor is going to deal with the family and then has to go back to work. Then he asks "do you think anyone else in that room is going back to work today?"

I wasn't a nurse when I saw that episode, but it still stood out in my mind. We have to know when to be the hand holding softie and when to be tough as nails and get the job done. A few weeks ago I had a patient go bad on me very, very quickly. Thankfully we got him stabilized and he was doing OK and ended up all right. It was the scariest thing that's happened to me in my almost one year career. I probably seemed cold during the stabilization, but I was in "professional" mode. After, while we were waiting for a unit bed, I could go back and do a bit of metaphorical hand holding.

I haven't been a nurse for long, but I do have a lot of life experience. I've seen changes in myself over the last year that I think are for the better. I hope when I'm looking back in 20 years, I'm still the happy, positive, patient educating, hand holding nurse I am now, but who can also flip into crisis mode quickly. I'm still slower at that than I'd like, but that will come with time.

Interesting thread, I've really liked reading the responses from the experienced nurses.

Specializes in Med/Tele.

I'm assuming she got the "1 in 7" statistic from one of her instructors because I got the same info from my substance abuse lecture this semester. Where my teacher got the info I have no idea..

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