Has Nursing hardened you?

rita359 · Apr 25, 2012

Going on 45 years at bedside, mostly part time due to family etc. and husband who could support us alone. I don't think nursing has made me crusty. If, for instance, a patient dies I won't probably react the way you would because I can assure you this is not the first patient I've seen die. I can assure you when my parents died I reacted differently and felt it for a lot longer than when a patient dies. That is life.

As far as older nurses waiting to retire, so they have lived long enough to actually maybe see that as a possibility. Historically we are very fortunate even to have that possibility. That does not mean that older nurse is any less dedicated to nursing than their younger counterpart. It means they are in a different stage of life.

ThePrincessBride, MSN, RN, NP · Apr 25, 2012

Ten to fifteen percent that we know of...it could be higher.

If anyone, in any profession, retained the same outlook and values at age 50 that they had at age 20 ...wouldn't that be a failure to progress/mature? Don't you think life should teach you something?And thank you PrincessBride for the reference citing 10-15% of the US population with substance abuse issues and that the 1 in 7 nurses suffering the same problem are simply on pace with the population as a whole.

ThePrincessBride, MSN, RN, NP · Apr 25, 2012

it wasn't an attack to all nurses. my post clearly states it, but clearly i've hit a nerve with you that you missed the entire point of this post. why would i say all nurses are bad when i am in school and sacrificed a lot to become one? was the nurse that supported me while i was in the hospital...am i attacking her too? no.but i have noticed a pattern in your behavior. you have been very critical of others in some of your threads and appear to be on a high horse when you talk down to those who did not pass the nclex on the first or second try, those who have made errors in the field and it reeks of snobbery.so i'm not surprised you of all people took offense to this post.

i'm tougher than i was when i started nursing 36 years ago. of course, i'm also 36 years older than i was then. i've beaten cancer (twice) and am about to go a third round, i've been divorced, buried my father and lived with my mother's alzheimer's. my ******** meter is more developed, and while i can be compassionate i'm also not as wide open emotionally as i once was. if you're whining about your hangnail and the patient in the bed next to you is fixing to die, i think it's understandable if i think you ought to suck it up and deal even if it's not acceptable to come right out and tell you so. i will also observe that someone who finds it necessary to tell us over and over that you're not attacking nurses -- when clearly you are -- ought not to be surprised when some of the responses aren't as warm and fuzzy as you'd hoped. greentea's post was spot on. mine is probably cranky. it's been a rough week.

Purple_Scrubs, BSN, RN · Apr 25, 2012

I have a strong dislike for the term "hardened" when it comes to nursing, and I think others gut reaction is the same, hence some of the responses thus far. There is a current thread about the author's giveadamn being broke. The technical term is compassion fatigue, and it is very real. I think this is what outsiders read as being hardened (and yes, students are still outsiders no matter how many friends/family members are in the field or how long you've worked with nurses. Until you ARE the nurse, you just don't know what you don't know).

I think what causes everyone's hackles to rise when a post like this pops up is that it seems to imply some shortcoming on the part of the nurse. This is not true at all. The best of nurses have been affected by what they go through. I truly think some stories of nursing under difficult circumstances sound like borderline PTSD. You cannot see what we see, do what we do, and stuff your emotions that rise as a result of it without some consequences. If you are lucky you are able to keep it from spilling into your personal life, but for some it takes it's toll there.

I am a Grey's Anatomy fan, and one of my favorite quotes is from Dr. Bailey. In the midst of some drama she said "Right now you are feeling all your feelings out in the open. Do me a favor and stuff them back in". This is what we have to do on a daily basis...stuff our grief, our horror, our sense of justice, our anger and our pain. One cannot do this 12 hours a day, three days a week, for years on end without some burnout.

OP, I strongly recommend doing some research on compassion fatigue, since the topic interests you. It may help you recognize the signs in yourself if you get to that point. I also recommend the book "Nursing Against the Odds" by Suzanne Gordon for a dose of reality about nursing. We were required to read this in nursing school, and I admit I skimmed it and gave nary a thought to it. Surely my career will be nothing like that. I refused to believe this was the harsh reality, but the reality found me soon enough. Try not to judge, OP.

ThePrincessBride, MSN, RN, NP · Apr 25, 2012

Okay...if you haven't noticed, I have liked quite a few of the posts in this thread. All those posts were respectful and didn't have that condescending tone to it.I'm all ears until people throw in the name calling and putting words into my mouth. Never did I mention that the field was full of rainbows or violets.But because she's popular, it is okay. Ah, the hypocrisy.

List for for ease of writing from iPad 1) GrnTea is "popular" based on her merits, not because she has the prettiest curls. 2) A mildly (not 'very', as you described) condescending "dear" and a few metaphorical "rainbows and violets" which other posters have liberally referred to is hardly something worth fussing over. It makes it sound like you're more eager to roll your eyes than to actually take something away from this conversation you started. 3) As others have said- your original post has some accusations which this group can be very sensitive about. You don't have to search far in this forum to identify the stance most have taken and to notice that it's a sore topic. Please excuse our defensiveness. 4) Similar to someone's point about lawyers, I was thinking...I doubt our schools and profession is any more callous or 'unwelcoming' than the next. Business school, fashion school, chefs, advertising agencies, car mechanics, you name it! I'm pretty sure your family member wouldn't feel that you were in summer camp in any of these environments. Maybe there is some truth to the "hardened" nurses stereotype but I don't think the school environment is a product of that. If anything, school is there to promote a serious attitude about a profession that suffers from public misperception.5) Now that I've written my last statement I think I have an answer to your question. Maybe nurses havent hardened but instead have "unsoftened" the stereotype that we are all pink bunnies. There are a lot of reasons for that shift which could be misconstrued as being "mean" but more than likely has something to do with: limited time, limited resources, limited support, limited protection....(see other threads) etc etc etc

lpinkham · Apr 25, 2012

Wow. I am amazed at the tone of all of the posts. Does anyone enjoy nursing?

pgnurse79 · Apr 25, 2012

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TheEDRN · Apr 25, 2012

This is a good question. I have been a nurse for 16 years and I don't think I became more hearthearted until I went to work in the Emergency Department. I think this is because when I worked in a Nursing Home, or hospital floor, or ICU, my patients appreciated me & I felt I was doing what a nurse was supposed to do--help sick people. In the ED, I feel more like a drug dealer. I feel more used and abused by patients. I see patients lie to me & say they're pain is a #10 while they're on their cell phone, laughing, eating. They think they will get more pain meds if I document their pain as being a #10. If they don't get the meds they want, they ask to speak to a supervisor & eventually get whatever they want anyway, in the name of "customer service". I feel like I'm doing my patients more harm than good when I give them narcotics they don't need. A lot of them end up coming back wanting detox from pain pills, then the next week they're back wanting more narcotics, and we give them to them! They policies aren't written to do the best thing for the patient anymore, but to get the best customer service scores for the hospitals in our area. Maybe it's just a change of the times, but this definitely makes me less sympathetic to a patient, when so many of them use me as a drug dealer. I don't believe they are having any pain. I think they want to sell pain pills on the street, or just get high with them. There are still a lot of patients I know are really sick and in pain, and I do have more sympathy for them than the patients I think are just there to use me.

bookworm78910 · Apr 25, 2012

Nursing has changed me - for the better. I've only been a licensed LPN for 3 years, but I've noticed the choice that nurses have to make. You can let the stress, lack of respect you sometimes get, long hours and exhaustion; as well as the sad things you witness harden you. On the other hand, you can use these experiences to help you to provide excellent care and treat coworkers and patients alike with respect and compassion. Being "a point of light", as former president, George H. W. Bush termed it.

As for cold, heartless clinical instructors, I had one in particular who seemed that way at first, and I thought she had it in for me. I stuck it out though, and tried to learn from her; her brashness, sarcasm and needling ended up being what I learned from and remembered best. I also learned from watching her with patients on the floor that she had great heart and compassion, but little patience with the bumbling and sometimes ill-prepared nursing student. In retrospect, I think she also recognized that if I was to last in nursing school and have a career, I would have to develop a thick-skin and she might as well help to develop it. Far from being resentful of her, I am thankful to her. I will forever remember her saying that Lactulose will result in "rivers of s**t"; and to be very specific in my charting regarding location and right vs. left. I have also met nurses I thought had the bedside manner of a Mack truck, who I thought would be better suited to driving one than taking care of people. They are the exception though, not the rule, in my experience.

nursingforever35 · Apr 25, 2012

Its hard to read some of the comments. But i understand how you can become hardened. Ive been a nurse for 9 years. Ive seen so much. I am happy to say it has not changed me. I think my humor has helped. If you can find a positive outlet to stress, it will not harden you.

mathilda843 · Apr 25, 2012

Wow! to all the responses.

I believe that "enjoy" isn't really the correct word...I feel lucky that I have had this nursing career for so many years. I've been blessed to have been able to welcome new life into this world and to have been able to welcome an end to suffering as someone departs this world. I have been privileged to share these moments.

Much of the response to PrincesBride's post has to do with not hardening, but becoming stronger through the years. Perhaps to a young, inexperienced (in life and nursing) person this equates to hardening. Most of these seasoned nurses' complaints have to do with lack of support, lack of adequate staff, lack of "normal" working hours, lack of understanding of what a nurse is and does. (Even after all these years, my family still doesn't get it...the hours, the job...)

As you begin your career - God Bless You. After 30 or so years, you do become hardened in many ways. But it's due to the fact that you still care. You care for your patients, for your co-workers, for your institutions, and for the state of nusing as a profession. I'm hopeful that the new nurses will always care. I've seen too many who are quick to judge, and don't want to "get their hands dirty." Nursing begins with caring. Part of caring is to learn to not be judgemental.

Good luck as you begin your career.

(There's nothing wrong with becoming a crusty old broad...)

pgnurse79 · Apr 25, 2012

::sigh:: as sure as god made little green apples, somebody will very soon come along to post something like, "well, i never! ask a heartfelt question and just look at all those heartless mean replies. i guess it's true!" and of course, there will soon follow a chorus of "nety! nety! woe is us, they were mean to me!"

op, dear, you ain't seen nothing yet if you think this is so terrible. but i must warn you that you can't come waltzing in here and fling around allegations like 1/7 nurses have substance abuse problems and your 50-year-old friend says your nursing school has a nasty aura and expect people to toss you rainbows and violets.

you are disappointed in nursing? your self-esteem has come a cropper? this is because... nursing isn't...what for you, exactly? uniformly sweetness and light? unfailingly warmly approving of the essence of you? because some nurses sometimes don't have the time of day for you, for whatever reasons? what? at the risk of doing more damage, i must say: it is not about you.

you must be a fairly young person, judging by the weight you put on someone's age being fifty (oh, to be fifty again! ), and because you don't know that what hardens one is not nursing per se, but having the life experience and perspective that you will get with growing older.

but i''ll bite. in answer to your questions, no, i've been a cantankerous, but engaged, person who questions assumptions all my life. i am more compassionate with suffering now than i was in my starry-eyed twenties because i have had occasion to suffer a bit, so i am more truly com-passionate, with/sharing the same feelings, than before i lost loved family members of my own and had to work through my own medical crises. i know so much better what to say to a grieving family or a frightened patient, absolutely not to share my own experiences but to help them make sense of their own. the nurse in me has learned more of how to present a therapeutic presence in life than in school.

i am less apt to let my feelings show to you, though, were you to meet me, because i have also learned to keep them to myself at work. the fact that i am only marginally interested in yours should help teach you the value of keeping yours private as well. were we to work together, you would find me a busy colleague who nevertheless takes the time to answer your questions and has a sincere interest in your professional development, because you are part of our future. but that's as far as it goes. if it's not far enough for you, well, color me heartless.

applause!! well said....