So my background: I have some mental diagnosis anxiety, panic attacks, Bipolar, ptsd, adhd and depression. What led up to my whole issue here was a big man came into my work and tried to rob me of my narcotics, I wouldn’t give them up in fear he would just target the other nurses and I was trying to protect my patients and get him out but he beat me up pretty good triggering my ptsd and depression. My boss didn’t care or do anything so it sent me into deep depression and I quit my job to take time to heal. I Socially drank-but rarely, Never a drug user. Until after all this went down so last year, just after I quit my job, when I was taking time to heal, I Had a quick 4 week drug binge due to being an idiot and allowing myself to do horrible things for someone I loved so I let him shoot me up like he was doing to try and save our relationship plus I was still having issues with the attempted robbery. I quickly learned he wasn’t doing this for any other purpose than to kill me for life Insurance! So he was arrested and I went to out patient treatment, voluntarily, got on suboxone immediately because I could not handle the kick, it was horrible! During this time I was only on suboxone for only 6 weeks and I was done and good to return to normal. I took 2.5 months off of work total and went I was ready I applied at other places and found a new job. Been there since. I never did drugs before, not a narcotic pill taker or any other issues other than mental illnesses. and I’ve been clean for 9 months after my one and only 4 week use of IV drugs in my life! So I’ve always been medicated for my mental diagnosis but my doctors mess with my meds And can cause instability which effects my anxiety and I miss work. So they cut me off my Xanax cold turkey, had a fun withdrawal then the other stuff happens. I lost my PCP due to insurance changes and now have no medicine for anxiety or panic attacks. Also suffering from severe insomnia! I am on leave right now for exposure to COVID at work and have plenty of time to try and find psych help, I’ve been calling everyone with no luck! Got in to see a lady Who promised to help me with my anxiety and tell her (she can visibly see I’m having panic attacks and anxiety!) my BP is crazy high , I have adhd and with the insomnia I’m a mess! I tell her I need anxiety meds and she says she isn’t giving me Xanax cause She can see I was on suboxone (she’s assuming I like pain pills or benzos) and she’s looking at me like I’m a piece of crap! I am telling you I’m not right mentally right now so I told her “I don’t have a ***ing pill problem you judgmental ***! I didn’t have a pill addiction, I never have! I’m not asking for Xanax, I don’t want Xanax! Can’t you give me buspar or Zoloft with my bipolar meds? And something to help me sleep until I can stabilize? My suboxone use was for something else and it has nothing to do with why I’m here! Will you please deal with my anxiety and panic instead of sitting there judging me!!”? She asked if it was from drug use and I didn’t even have to say, she already knew somehow. As I’m in the middle of my panic attack and chest pains Which I’ve been dealing with for the last 6 days! she says she is going to report me to the board of nursing! She said I have no right to be a nurse! Being a nurse is the only thing I am good at! Plus none of this affects my work unless I’m not being treated for my anxiety which I can’t help! I immediately yelled at her “are you ***ing kidding me! I’m trying to get myself stabilized right now and you’re gonna take away the one thing going good In my life right now? The only thing I’ve got right my whole life? That’s like telling me you’re taking my life away, the way I pay for my house, I’ll be homeless and what about my kids!?! Huh?” Then told her “you might as well just sign my death certificate now cause I can’t live without my career!” Then told her she’s messed up and hopes she’s the one who has to explain to my kids why we are homeless and how one mistake takes away your whole career and life!
so I’ve done some research and have determined the only thing I messed up on was my license renewal and denial of drug use. That’s the only thing they can get me on. I won’t pass a hair test my use is 9 months ago. So busted for that. Can’t deny it with hair. I do have 9 months clean and I’ll never go back. I love my life and I made a huge mistake. I’m a great nurse, never had complaints. Everyone loves me there but if she reports me to the board what is going to happen? I can’t deny past drug use. I was off work at the time. Did the right thing. What the heck do I do now?!? Do I self report that I did have drug use 9 months ago, or admit to drug treatment 9 months ago.??? someone please help! I’ve never been so scared in my life!
I am sorry, this is so horrific. You sound very discombobulated and erratic in your writing. I honestly do not know if you could do the job of a nurse properly. I would not want myself or any other person under your care.
I do think everyone deserves a second chance. Take some time off and pull yourself together. Get a lawyer, get off the "narcotics" and see another psych , perhaps change your meds because they don't seem to be working for you. See a therapist, make the changes that would help your mind stay organized. If you do get a lawyer, make sure you can show that you have made great changes and are getting help. Good luck and keep us posted.
I haven’t read the entire thread so forgive me if I’m repeating: hair testing generally only goes back three months. The price goes up considerably for longer time periods. That being said, you definitely should seek representation. And it would benefit you to speak to an attorney who regularly deals with the board in your state. I actually got the name of my attorney from a woman who worked at my board of nursing when I asked about a lawyer. There are probably other ways to find out who is doing the most work with your board. That REALLY helps. I have gotten incorrect advice from two other attorneys who did not specialize in this niche market. So don’t just talk to any old lawyer: their speciality makes a difference! So good luck to you, you can get through it.
Again, I still haven’t finished reading this whole thread. Frankly, much of it seems a little harsh on you and it’s difficult to imagine you reading it when you are feeling vulnerable. I am sure I would feel just as panicked if someone were to tell me they were going to report me to the board when I had come to them for help. I’m sorry she couldn’t have seen the distress you were in and acknowledged her concerns about your situation and then worked on developing a plan to get you back on track, to the point where she could feel comfortable imagining you in a clinical position again. Some people have VERY strong reactions to substance abuse and mental health issues. So I just want to say that I am glad you did this while you weren’t working. I happen to think this is a very salient point. Talk to an attorney, again only a qualified nursing board attorney. Figure out with your attorney how and when to extend an apology to the doctor you saw. I’m not sure everyone can imagine how threatening those words must have sounded especially in your already activated state. But an apology, AT SOME POINT, I would imagine is in order. Don’t just run out and apologize without coming up with a strategy. Talk to the attorney first. This is not a lose your license kind of event, I wouldn’t think. People do all sorts of things and get second chances. You will too.
and yeah whoever said not to quit your job I agree with. When I had my issue without my license it took the board almost a year to get to my case. And you can do a lot in that time period to benefit your “case.” Start going to meetings and keeping track of them. You can do them online now that it’s COVID time. But talk to an attorney, that’s the most important first step (since you are sober ? It sounds like you have a lot going on, but from the sound of what you’ve been through, you’ve already been through the hardest part. This will be hard, but it’s doable. Now I’m just rambling. Take care
Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.
Before you can start to get your career back on track, you MUST get healthy mentally, emotionally and physically. Running around with untreated hypertension is always a bad idea, and it goes without saying that you need good mental health care. I deal with bipolar I disorder myself so I can sympathize with you on that score. It torpedoed my career before I got a handle on it, so when I see someone struggling with the same thing, I want to help.
Thing is, you haven’t really taken responsibility for the state your life and career are in, and until you do you won’t be able to move forward. Being manic or depressed isn’t an excuse for losing your (brown word) and yelling at people in a professional setting. I agree, you definitely need a new mental health care provider, one who won’t judge you or actively try to deprive you of your livelihood. But you’ve shot yourself in the foot by lying to the BON, and now it appears that you’re unstable on top of everything else.
I know it’s hard with kids and all, but I think you would do well to check yourself into a hospital. They can work miracles within a short time with the right meds, and if you’re lucky enough to be in a good psych unit like the one I was in, there are therapy groups, individual therapy and arts/crafts/music. Do you not have a friend or two who might take the kids for a few days while you’re in?
Just a few thoughts for you to consider. I wish I could see you and hold your hand and tell you it’s going to be OK, but of course we don’t know that for sure and I’m not going to blow sunshine up your skirt. Things have been done that can’t be undone, and you need a Plan B in case this doesn’t work out.
Wishing you the best. Please keep us posted as to how you’re doing. Viva
Reminds me of an old friend of mine who admitted to her psych. she was struggling with pain killer addiction. Somehow he contacted the other prescribing Dr., who cut her off cold turkey (yeah...I know) and then she ended up getting a dealer, drug charges and then having some quasi-nervous breakdown and attacking a car in the middle of the road, according to our small town's paper. Just the series of events that transpired from her reaching out for help...? Anyways, sounds like the same kind of situation and you need to realize she's going to try and make you look crazy & unfit and you are fitting that mold right now. You are upset, I understand and I've been all kinds of worked up before too LOL but you need to stay quiet. Seriously, the best advice I ever got in life was just shutting up. Take back some of the control in this dynamic- right now you gave a wolf in sheep's clothing a loaded gun. Make her, the professional bound by all that patient-doctor confidentiality (does that still apply?) tell the nursing board as to why she is reporting you. As far as drug testing goes, hair sampling is unreliable. But they're not going to do anything, just relax, be quiet and find a trustworthy provider (or unfortunately fabricate a story that fits the narrative another provider wants to hear for you to get the medication I think you do need) - it sounds like you are very anxious and it isn't right you aren't getting treated for fear you'll lose your license.
Seriously, the best advice I ever got in life was just shutting up. Take back some of the control in this dynamic- right now you gave a wolf in sheep's clothing a loaded gun. Make her, the professional bound by all that patient-doctor confidentiality (does that still apply?) tell the nursing board as to why she is reporting you. As far as drug testing goes, hair sampling is unreliable.But they're not going to do anything, just relax, be quiet and find a trustworthy provider (or unfortunately fabricate a story that fits the narrative another provider wants to hear for you to get the medication I think you do need) - it sounds like you are very anxious and it isn't right you aren't getting treated for fear you'll lose your license.
Worst. Advice. Ever. You've already lied once. Don't double-down on your bad choices. You worked too hard for your license to lose it by being dishonest and trying to game the system. You will get caught.
Specializes in Pediatrics, Pediatric Float, PICU, NICU.
5 hours ago, DMQ48 said:
Reminds me of an old friend of mine who admitted to her psych. she was struggling with pain killer addiction. Somehow he contacted the other prescribing Dr., who cut her off cold turkey (yeah...I know) and then she ended up getting a dealer, drug charges and then having some quasi-nervous breakdown and attacking a car in the middle of the road, according to our small town's paper. Just the series of events that transpired from her reaching out for help...? Anyways, sounds like the same kind of situation and you need to realize she's going to try and make you look crazy & unfit and you are fitting that mold right now. You are upset, I understand and I've been all kinds of worked up before too LOL but you need to stay quiet. Seriously, the best advice I ever got in life was just shutting up. Take back some of the control in this dynamic- right now you gave a wolf in sheep's clothing a loaded gun. Make her, the professional bound by all that patient-doctor confidentiality (does that still apply?) tell the nursing board as to why she is reporting you. As far as drug testing goes, hair sampling is unreliable. But they're not going to do anything, just relax, be quiet and find a trustworthy provider (or unfortunately fabricate a story that fits the narrative another provider wants to hear for you to get the medication I think you do need) - it sounds like you are very anxious and it isn't right you aren't getting treated for fear you'll lose your license.
In all my years on AN, this might be at the top of some of the worst advice I’ve ever read and it’s scary.
This is advice from someone who has been in the finance industry the last 6 years, so I may not fully understand the nursing board. But I've witnesses some shady white collar semi crimes and legal loopholes. It amazed me that only poor people or the "low guy" on the totem pole of rich scum bags, goes down for anything that everyone else did AND more. Tiger King! Chernobyl HBO documentary. Epstein and his associates. It isn't just me seeing this, it's everywhere.
well, you can listen to these two (I just read through both of your responses, it appears you two would would do the same thing this psychiatrist is doing) but again, they would report you to the board too. I guess I feel that things you say with a professional (attorney, accountant, doctor, nurse) are between you and them. They are on your side, or well, supposed to be. "Hey BON, I did IV drugs on a bender a couple of weeks ago. While I was jonsin' out hard, I almost went WWE smackdown on the doctor who said she wasn't going to give me xanax because I told her I was on suboxone and was reporting me to you guys. But here I am, being honest, so I know you guys are going to be cool with it"
Look, you want to keep your means of making an income (because I guarantee losing your license will cause you to sink into a deeper hole) just be quiet. Let her and the board make the first move.
DMQ48 if you are in finance, why are you on this allnurses site anyway? ALL NURSES. It is for nurses. It scares me that there are others on this site. Or, are you an ex-nurse? Kind of miss us?
I believe you have a right to your opinion. Nurses are human. They do things that are mistakes that humans make. They do have a code of ethics though, and an expectation that they will not engage in certain behaviors.
I agree sometimes even a nurse has to omit certain facts to his/her physician to protect themselves. It is a shame, but I know a friend who was put through the ringer when she admitted she had been on xanax after the death of her mother-to a physician. Physicians are not all saints, and they are not all unbiased. They can report to the board without blinking an eye and destroy a career that means bread on the table.
But none of us want an unsafe nurse out there. What she does on her own time is none of my business, but if she is unsafe at work it is part of my duty as a nurse to try and intervene. I don't want anyone to lose their career- there but for the grace of God go I. I could screw up and lose my career- any of us could. I want her to get help. A lawyer is obligated to protect his or her client. That is probably the safest person to go to. She could wait for the board to make the first move. That is an option. But she ought to be seeking help in the interim.
This is advice from someone who has been in the finance industry the last 6 years, so I may not fully understand the nursing board.
You don't just not "fully understand" the nursing board you are entirely clueless about it. The world of finance gives you absolutely no insight into how they function whatsoever. They can, and will, ruin your life if you don't play by their rules.
4 minutes ago, DMQ48 said:
well, you can listen to these two (I just read through both of your responses, it appears you two would would do the same thing this psychiatrist is doing) but again, they would report you to the board too. I guess I feel that things you say with a professional (attorney, accountant, doctor, nurse) are between you and them. They are on your side, or well, supposed to be.
Again, how could you possibly have any insight into this situation given you aren't even a nurse? The psychiatrist is required by law to report any licensed health care provider that may be unfit for practice whether by way of drug abuse or mental disorder. The issue wasn't the bender the OP went on, it was her absolutely losing her *** when denied what she wanted (a highly abused drug) that set off red flags. The psychiatrist was absolutely doing what she had to do. Could she have handled better, I'm sure she could have but if what the OP wrote she said is the Cliff Notes version of what actually happened it's no wonder the physician came to the conclusion she did. Furthermore your suggestion on how to cheat a drug test and lying to get what she wants is abhorrent to a profession that relies on ethical principles to provide care to our patients. You appear to be lacking in this area and if you do go on to make it into nursing may very well find yourself in a deep hole because of it.
ladyinwaiting
109 Posts
I am sorry, this is so horrific. You sound very discombobulated and erratic in your writing. I honestly do not know if you could do the job of a nurse properly. I would not want myself or any other person under your care.
I do think everyone deserves a second chance. Take some time off and pull yourself together. Get a lawyer, get off the "narcotics" and see another psych , perhaps change your meds because they don't seem to be working for you. See a therapist, make the changes that would help your mind stay organized. If you do get a lawyer, make sure you can show that you have made great changes and are getting help. Good luck and keep us posted.