Had panic attack, past drug use, my Dr is reporting me to the board! What do I do?!?

[Maryslamb77]

So my background: I have some mental diagnosis anxiety, panic attacks, Bipolar, ptsd, adhd and depression. What led up to my whole issue here was a big man came into my work and tried to rob me of my narcotics, I wouldn’t give them up in fear he would just target the other nurses and I was trying to protect my patients and get him out but he beat me up pretty good triggering my ptsd and depression. My boss didn’t care or do anything so it sent me into deep depression and I quit my job to take time to heal. I Socially drank-but rarely, Never a drug user. Until after all this went down so last year, just after I quit my job, when I was taking time to heal, I Had a quick 4 week drug binge due to being an idiot and allowing myself to do horrible things for someone I loved so I let him shoot me up like he was doing to try and save our relationship plus I was still having issues with the attempted robbery. I quickly learned he wasn’t doing this for any other purpose than to kill me for life Insurance! So he was arrested and I went to out patient treatment, voluntarily, got on suboxone immediately because I could not handle the kick, it was horrible! During this time I was only on suboxone for only 6 weeks and I was done and good to return to normal. I took 2.5 months off of work total and went I was ready I applied at other places and found a new job. Been there since. I never did drugs before, not a narcotic pill taker or any other issues other than mental illnesses. and I’ve been clean for 9 months after my one and only 4 week use of IV drugs in my life! So I’ve always been medicated for my mental diagnosis but my doctors mess with my meds And can cause instability which effects my anxiety and I miss work. So they cut me off my Xanax cold turkey, had a fun withdrawal then the other stuff happens. I lost my PCP due to insurance changes and now have no medicine for anxiety or panic attacks. Also suffering from severe insomnia! I am on leave right now for exposure to COVID at work and have plenty of time to try and find psych help, I’ve been calling everyone with no luck! Got in to see a lady Who promised to help me with my anxiety and tell her (she can visibly see I’m having panic attacks and anxiety!) my BP is crazy high , I have adhd and with the insomnia I’m a mess! I tell her I need anxiety meds and she says she isn’t giving me Xanax cause She can see I was on suboxone (she’s assuming I like pain pills or benzos) and she’s looking at me like I’m a piece of crap! I am telling you I’m not right mentally right now so I told her “I don’t have a ***ing pill problem you judgmental ***! I didn’t have a pill addiction, I never have! I’m not asking for Xanax, I don’t want Xanax! Can’t you give me buspar or Zoloft with my bipolar meds? And something to help me sleep until I can stabilize? My suboxone use was for something else and it has nothing to do with why I’m here! Will you please deal with my anxiety and panic instead of sitting there judging me!!”? She asked if it was from drug use and I didn’t even have to say, she already knew somehow. As I’m in the middle of my panic attack and chest pains Which I’ve been dealing with for the last 6 days! she says she is going to report me to the board of nursing! She said I have no right to be a nurse! Being a nurse is the only thing I am good at! Plus none of this affects my work unless I’m not being treated for my anxiety which I can’t help! I immediately yelled at her “are you ***ing kidding me! I’m trying to get myself stabilized right now and you’re gonna take away the one thing going good In my life right now? The only thing I’ve got right my whole life? That’s like telling me you’re taking my life away, the way I pay for my house, I’ll be homeless and what about my kids!?! Huh?” Then told her “you might as well just sign my death certificate now cause I can’t live without my career!” Then told her she’s messed up and hopes she’s the one who has to explain to my kids why we are homeless and how one mistake takes away your whole career and life!

so I’ve done some research and have determined the only thing I messed up on was my license renewal and denial of drug use. That’s the only thing they can get me on. I won’t pass a hair test my use is 9 months ago. So busted for that. Can’t deny it with hair. I do have 9 months clean and I’ll never go back. I love my life and I made a huge mistake. I’m a great nurse, never had complaints. Everyone loves me there but if she reports me to the board what is going to happen? I can’t deny past drug use. I was off work at the time. Did the right thing. What the heck do I do now?!? Do I self report that I did have drug use 9 months ago, or admit to drug treatment 9 months ago.???
someone please help! I’ve never been so scared in my life!

[Wuzzie]

Well, for starters you need to apologize for your atrocious behavior and then get yourself an attorney, preferably one with experience in going before the board for these kinds of situations. Best to do this while you are still employed. It may be awhile before you hear from the board. You lied on your state renewal app and that alone is enough for them to terminate your license. You've gotten yourself in quite a pickle. I'm sorry you are having such a tough time. The stigma of mental illness and treatment is such a vicious cycle.

[Maryslamb77]

Yeah but can she even do that? Isn’t it against HIPAA? Not only that but she made my anxiety and panic worse can’t I do something? You think a lawyer is best at this point?

[Wuzzie]

Sure she can, in fact she's required to report if she believes you are impaired and I'm pretty sure your behavior proved you are. I'm not talking about being impaired on drugs. That could have been handled much more readily. You seriously called her that name? You all but threatened to kill yourself? This is such a mess.

You absolutely need to get a lawyer. You lied on your application for renewal. In some states that is a criminal offense. Now you may have to prove your competence given your meltdown and I'm pretty sure they will put you in monitoring for your 4 week binge because of your behavior.

This is a really big deal. You are not going to be able to deal with it yourself.

[Maryslamb77]

I’m a nurse having horrible panic attacks and anxiety (so severe I had to ask for time off to seek help so that I can get medication to manage it and get it under control) my employer is fine with this and understands. I was recently taken off my Xanax which has caused withdrawal symptoms and my recent panic attacks and anxiety along with severe insomnia.
I go to a new psychiatrist because my insurance changed. She sees I was on Xanax, I tell her I don’t want that because it was hard to go through stopping it. She says “I don’t feel comfortable giving you a narcotic because you were on suboxone” I explained I wasn’t on suboxone for narcotic use and So for that and my “mental state of panic” she decided to tell me she’s reporting me to the board. Which sent me into a very bad panic attack immediately and I ran out of there. Crying and calling everyone that knows my history.
Did she violate my patient rights, HIPAA? Anything? I am getting a lawyer so I want to know if I have a leg to stand on in fighting this. I did lie on my renewal and denied drug use.

[Maryslamb77]

I was off work while I had that 4 weeks from hell and through my treatment also. I took time off because I needed to figure it out. Now with me going through all this anxiety and panic I’m off work as well-my employer knows my anxiety meds were d/c’d and understands. I told them it’s constant and I don’t want to risk having a melt down at work so I’m trying to find help. Unfortunately I thought this lady was going to help me and being truthful has gotten me in a pickle here. I feel like I should have lied to her but either way now I’m in a mess

[Wuzzie]

8 minutes ago, Maryslamb77 said:

Did she violate my patient rights, HIPAA? Anything? I am getting a lawyer so I want to know if I have a leg to stand on in fighting this. I did lie on my renewal and denied drug use.

Again, she did not violate anything and you need the lawyer to fix the mess you made. Being truthful did not get you in trouble, flying off the handle did. Calling her foul names did. Lying did. The only person who will be able to tell you if you have a leg to stand on is your attorney. I'm not sure how else to say it to get through to you. Listen, I really am sorry you are in this mess but you need to get a handle on yourself and I'm beginning to wonder if that will be possible on your own. I don't know you but you are beginning to sound like you may be entering a manic state and if you don't get some intense help now you could torpedo your career. Is there a crisis center near you?

[JadedCPN, BSN, RN]

6 minutes ago, Wuzzie said:

I don't know you but you are beginning to sound like you may be entering a manic state and if you don't get some intense help now you could torpedo your career. Is there a crisis center near you?

This was my thought as well. Not officially diagnosing you of course, but you do not come across as stable at the moment and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that as long as you seek help if you need it.

[Maryslamb77]

The whole reason why I went there was to get help with my medication. I know I’m in a manic panic state, I don’t want to go to a hospital or check myself in because what’s going on with me can be managed with medication. My anxiety needs to be managed right now because I’m going through too much. My kids been suicidal, my uncle was murdered while hunting and we can’t find his body, we got everyone testing positive for covid at my work, I needed time off to find a new psychiatrist and get my meds managed and doing so got me in this mess.

[JadedCPN, BSN, RN]

Just now, Maryslamb77 said:

The whole reason why I went there was to get help with my medication. I know I’m in a manic panic state, I don’t want to go to a hospital or check myself in because what’s going on with me can be managed with medication. My anxiety needs to be managed right now because I’m going through too much. My kids been suicidal, my uncle was murdered while hunting and we can’t find his body, we got everyone testing positive for covid at my work, I needed time off to find a new psychiatrist and get my meds managed and doing so got me in this mess.

You got yourself in this mess, you are failing to take that accountability and responsibility. I am sorry about everything you are going through; this post, admitting to being in a manic state, asking for meds, everything horrible going on in your personal life - in my opinion those are all the reasons why you probably do need to be in a hospital right now to get the help that you need and deserve.

[Wuzzie]

3 minutes ago, Maryslamb77 said:

I know I’m in a manic panic state, I don’t want to go to a hospital or check myself in because what’s going on with me can be managed with medication.

But you don't have any medication and it's not likely you'll get any soon if you are in this state so you aren't managing it and are, in fact, making terrible choices that would have long-term affects on both you and your children! You need help in an emergent sense.

[Maryslamb77]

At this point I’m not going to a hospital because I’m a mom, a single mom who has to be there for my kids and take care of everything. I don’t have family or anyone here to help me. What am I supposed to do with my kids? there isn’t a daycare open because of covid and they aren’t 24/7. I can’t just leave my responsibilities to go get anxiety meds for something that’s temporary and can resolve on it’s own with time off. Medication would make it better fast and put me back to work. Which is what my work wants. They want me back ASAP because I’m the only one without covid. But I need to deal with this because being stressed at work will make it worse.