So my background: I have some mental diagnosis anxiety, panic attacks, Bipolar, ptsd, adhd and depression. What led up to my whole issue here was a big man came into my work and tried to rob me of my narcotics, I wouldn’t give them up in fear he would just target the other nurses and I was trying to protect my patients and get him out but he beat me up pretty good triggering my ptsd and depression. My boss didn’t care or do anything so it sent me into deep depression and I quit my job to take time to heal. I Socially drank-but rarely, Never a drug user. Until after all this went down so last year, just after I quit my job, when I was taking time to heal, I Had a quick 4 week drug binge due to being an idiot and allowing myself to do horrible things for someone I loved so I let him shoot me up like he was doing to try and save our relationship plus I was still having issues with the attempted robbery. I quickly learned he wasn’t doing this for any other purpose than to kill me for life Insurance! So he was arrested and I went to out patient treatment, voluntarily, got on suboxone immediately because I could not handle the kick, it was horrible! During this time I was only on suboxone for only 6 weeks and I was done and good to return to normal. I took 2.5 months off of work total and went I was ready I applied at other places and found a new job. Been there since. I never did drugs before, not a narcotic pill taker or any other issues other than mental illnesses. and I’ve been clean for 9 months after my one and only 4 week use of IV drugs in my life! So I’ve always been medicated for my mental diagnosis but my doctors mess with my meds And can cause instability which effects my anxiety and I miss work. So they cut me off my Xanax cold turkey, had a fun withdrawal then the other stuff happens. I lost my PCP due to insurance changes and now have no medicine for anxiety or panic attacks. Also suffering from severe insomnia! I am on leave right now for exposure to COVID at work and have plenty of time to try and find psych help, I’ve been calling everyone with no luck! Got in to see a lady Who promised to help me with my anxiety and tell her (she can visibly see I’m having panic attacks and anxiety!) my BP is crazy high , I have adhd and with the insomnia I’m a mess! I tell her I need anxiety meds and she says she isn’t giving me Xanax cause She can see I was on suboxone (she’s assuming I like pain pills or benzos) and she’s looking at me like I’m a piece of crap! I am telling you I’m not right mentally right now so I told her “I don’t have a ***ing pill problem you judgmental ***! I didn’t have a pill addiction, I never have! I’m not asking for Xanax, I don’t want Xanax! Can’t you give me buspar or Zoloft with my bipolar meds? And something to help me sleep until I can stabilize? My suboxone use was for something else and it has nothing to do with why I’m here! Will you please deal with my anxiety and panic instead of sitting there judging me!!”? She asked if it was from drug use and I didn’t even have to say, she already knew somehow. As I’m in the middle of my panic attack and chest pains Which I’ve been dealing with for the last 6 days! she says she is going to report me to the board of nursing! She said I have no right to be a nurse! Being a nurse is the only thing I am good at! Plus none of this affects my work unless I’m not being treated for my anxiety which I can’t help! I immediately yelled at her “are you ***ing kidding me! I’m trying to get myself stabilized right now and you’re gonna take away the one thing going good In my life right now? The only thing I’ve got right my whole life? That’s like telling me you’re taking my life away, the way I pay for my house, I’ll be homeless and what about my kids!?! Huh?” Then told her “you might as well just sign my death certificate now cause I can’t live without my career!” Then told her she’s messed up and hopes she’s the one who has to explain to my kids why we are homeless and how one mistake takes away your whole career and life!
so I’ve done some research and have determined the only thing I messed up on was my license renewal and denial of drug use. That’s the only thing they can get me on. I won’t pass a hair test my use is 9 months ago. So busted for that. Can’t deny it with hair. I do have 9 months clean and I’ll never go back. I love my life and I made a huge mistake. I’m a great nurse, never had complaints. Everyone loves me there but if she reports me to the board what is going to happen? I can’t deny past drug use. I was off work at the time. Did the right thing. What the heck do I do now?!? Do I self report that I did have drug use 9 months ago, or admit to drug treatment 9 months ago.??? someone please help! I’ve never been so scared in my life!
