I'm not sure if I should even be posting this on here, but just wanted to vent. I am a recent graduate in the middle of my preceptorship on a CVICU stepdown unit. I like the unit that I'm working on. Most of the nurses are ok, I like the unit manager, and I have a preceptor that I get along really well with.
Everything was going great, until about two and a half weeks ago, while I was on a quick restroom break. On my way out the door I was physically groped by another male nurse who was coming in. The event lasted for just a split second and I was so surprised that I couldn't believe it really happened. I immediately confronted him about it, and he tried to pass it off as a joke---laughing and all. I didn't think it was funny, but I was going to let it go. Then he made a suggestive remark which confirmed that he had done it on purpose. I go back to the nurses station, and my preceptor asks me what's wrong. I tell him about the incident and he tells me to report it to the nurse manager, which I did. When she calls up the other nurse he denies it happened. His version of the story is that he "innocently bumped into me" on his way into the restroom and that although he apologized, I got angry and overreacted.
Because of the hospital's sexual harassment policy, the nurse manager had to write up the situation and send it up the chain of command. He was sent on leave with pay "pending a thorough investigation", but there was no investigation as far as I can see. The guy quietly came back to work a few days ago and is working on a telemetry unit on another floor, and management seems to have swept the whole thing under the rug. Now I am being told that it boils down to his word against mine since no one else saw or heard the incident and that I have no proof that he really didn't accidentally bump into me. The guy is an older nurse (close to retirement) who's been working at the hospital for donkey years and is well-liked by almost everyone. And because I am the new kid on the block, the way a few of my co-workers are acting its like I'm the bad guy who's trying to make trouble. I don't get it! If I were a female who had been groped by a man I bet the outcome would have been different. I am still upset about this because I know it was no 'accident':angryfire.
i would not have gotten the bosses etc involved. ... Now everyone scrammbles to cover their butts and you end getting a hard time./// Should have to the guy if he does it again you will beat his ass. End of situation
Specializes in Geriatrics/Oncology/Psych/College Health.
PLEASE: no more references to beating up the offender. Tony did exactly what he should have done. Likely any physical response on his part would have resulted in HIS immediate dismissal.
Specializes in ICU/CCU, Home Health/Hospice, Cath Lab,.
I just wanted to add as a male RN that I'm very sorry that this happened to you and I believe that you handled everything right. This isn't really a gay or straight issue but one of sexual predation. I've met lots of people I "like" at work but have never groped them to see if they like me back. As some people said my biggest worry with him would be his handling of patients and whether his predative acts extend to them.
Quote OP
"Everything was going great, until about two and a half weeks ago, while I was on a quick restroom break. On my way out the door I was physically groped by another male nurse who was coming in. The event lasted for just a split second and I was so surprised that I couldn't believe it really happened. I immediately confronted him about it, and he tried to pass it off as a joke---laughing and all. I didn't think it was funny, but I was going to let it go. Then he made a suggestive remark which confirmed that he had done it on purpose. I go back to the nurses station, and my preceptor asks me what's wrong. I tell him about the incident and he tells me to report it to the nurse manager, which I did. When she calls up the other nurse he denies it happened. His version of the story is that he "innocently bumped into me" on his way into the restroom and that although he apologized, I got angry and overreacted.
Because of the hospital's sexual harassment policy, the nurse manager had to write up the situation and send it up the chain of command. He was sent on leave with pay "pending a thorough investigation", but there was no investigation as far as I can see. The guy quietly came back to work a few days ago and is working on a telemetry unit on another floor, and management seems to have swept the whole thing under the rug. Now I am being told that it boils down to his word against mine since no one else saw or heard the incident and that I have no proof that he really didn't accidentally bump into me. The guy is an older nurse (close to retirement) who's been working at the hospital for donkey years and is well-liked by almost everyone. And because I am the new kid on the block, the way a few of my co-workers are acting its like I'm the bad guy who's trying to make trouble. I don't get it! If I were a female who had been groped by a man I bet the outcome would have been different. I am still upset about this because I know it was no 'accident':angryfire."
End Quote OP
although I understand being angry try not to let it become an obsession. Venting here seems to be a good idea as it gets lots of things out that just boil up. However, to your remark about being a female - I have known women that have been groped at work where nothing happens to the perpetrator because of "he said/she said" I think you got a good result. As for your coworkers, if they keep making things tough "and I hate to say this" you might think about finding somewhere else to work (don't know the work situation there but here I have 13 hospitals within an hours drive). Nurses are too much in demand to have to put up with a poor working environment. However, give it some time andmaybe things will get better. Unfortunately, older sexual predators tend to be grandfatherly types (especially those who haven't been caught) making them very friendly to others.
Again, you did the right thing, don't let anyone ever take that from you.
Tony, you had handle the situation the correct way. You have now establish your boundaries and do not tolerate any type of sexual harrassment or touching by anyone.
For those individuals that believe in violence, it doe not make you a better person than the offender. You will end up in prision and believe me, it is not a place to be at all. You do not inflict violence upon a situation and think it will defuse the issue. You are contributing to the situation and made it worst. The correct way to handle this situation is to report it to the supervisor and allow it go up the chain of command. If you are an Union nurse then take it to the union representative about the situation as well. If it continues, than call the police to the work place and it will be taken care of immediately. Therefore, it will resolve one way or another.
Numerous of women have been sexually harrass for centuries and had to deal with it. Many women found avenues to resolve the matter without leaving their job. Others left and others had been put through heck because they would not submitt.
It does not matter in today society if you are a male or a female. There are people out in society that will approach you in a sexual way for many reasons. Some of these reasons are "Oh, they were flaunting in front of me" or "they were sitting on my lap" or "she/he approach me and led me on" and etc. The excuses are not giving someone permission to touch their bodies inappropriately or make sexual connations to anyone. Therefore, everyone has to establish boundaries in the begining and watch their communication verbally as well as physicially.
It is not a gay or heterosexual issue. It is about satisfying one's need through verbal or physical communication to someone that may fear or give in to them. It is a person that need to be caught, punish and help through a variety of programs/therapy. One must keep their guard up at all times, eyes open, listen to the conversation closely, watch their surroundings, and their physical actions. Because these people find those who are giving signals and then approach them in a way that is their word against the other. Do not allow yourself to be a victim and always communicate the situation because it may be a test. Then the next time it may not be a test and something could happen to you. Therefore, it is occuring to everyone ( male & female, female & male, male & male and female & female) and stop it before it gets out of hand.
Lastly, violence will not resolve the issue, reporting the facts and the situation, setting your boundaries, keep and eye open at all time and most of all, do not allow a person to get away with it because you do not know what can happen next.
I can say this because I was attack by a male patient and I told the physician and everyone about it. Then I was pissed off that several of nurses who experience the patient doing the same thing to them and never reported it. SO I was a victim twice, once by the patient and my coworkers and I quit my job. I learned karate now and I keep my personal life out of my workplace and I set my boundaries. I make sure my verbal communication is clear and precise to the patients, medical personnel and everyone else. I do not make jokes that have a sexual content and watch my body movements and I never touch anyone. Therefore, you never know who can be the offender or the victim.....tell if it happens to you.
Oh by the way, the patient that attack me was arrested and yes, I did use violence to get away. I still have not forgive the nurses who could had prevent this situation.
On my way out the door I was physically groped by another male nurse who was coming in. The event lasted for just a split second and I was so surprised that I couldn't believe it really happened.
It's OK. You were surprised because you hadn't considered the possibility. Most people don't run scenarios beforehand. I didn't until I read your post. I will take some time to think this through, but based the principles behind a friend's advice that when assaulted by a patient, one *always* calls the law, I might call the law to take him away.
Honestly, my initial reaction to reading your 1st thread was pure disgust and I kinda got nauseated from your immaturity.
But a few of your threads later all I can think is "wow, what's your childhood trauma?" You need therapy. Seriously.
All joking aside, people aren't born homophobic. It's something that develops. Picked it up from a parent, molested as a child. Whatever it is, you're not over it, and you need therapy. Oh, and throw on some anger management while you're at it.
Just one last thing: If it were your patient who groped you, is that patient's hospital stay going to be longer than expected?
Because I was under the impression that a nurses job was to Prevent injury, NOT cause it.
Honestly, my initial reaction to reading your 1st thread was pure disgust and I kinda got nauseated from your immaturity.
But a few of your threads later all I can think is "wow, what's your childhood trauma?" You need therapy. Seriously.
All joking aside, people aren't born homophobic. It's something that develops. Picked it up from a parent, molested as a child. Whatever it is, you're not over it, and you need therapy. Oh, and throw on some anger management while you're at it.
Just one last thing: If it were your patient who groped you, is that patient's hospital stay going to be longer than expected?
Because I was under the impression that a nurses job was to Prevent injury, NOT cause it.
However he put it, I think his point is that he is entitled to maintain his personal boundaries. No question that anyone who puts his hands on another needs permission to do so. I have heard some nurses opine that they're supposed to shrug off assaults because "it comes with the territory." Without judging that stance, I'm not sure it works. It seems to me that a respect for patients and co-workers can only be firmly founded on a healthy self-respect.
Your suggestion that something may have happened to the poster as a child doesn't transpose. If a woman had been abused as a child and had defended herself physically against sexual battery, I don't think anyone in here, male or female, would raise an eyebrow.
The poster may not like homosexuals. I understand there are female nurses who don't like male nurses. Let these be judged alike, which is to say, it is the expression of such sentiments in the workplace that concern us, and not the mere possession of, or verbalizing of them outside the workplace in a free forum.
That said, it must really suck to try to pursue the profession of nursing with hate for any group in the heart.
However he put it, I think his point is that he is entitled to maintain his personal boundaries. No question that anyone who puts his hands on another needs permission to do so. I have heard some nurses opine that they're supposed to shrug off assaults because "it comes with the territory." Without judging that stance, I'm not sure it works. It seems to me that a respect for patients and co-workers can only be firmly founded on a healthy self-respect.
Your suggestion that something may have happened to the poster as a child doesn't transpose. If a woman had been abused as a child and had defended herself physically against sexual battery, I don't think anyone in here, male or female, would raise an eyebrow.
The poster may not like homosexuals. I understand there are female nurses who don't like male nurses. Let these be judged alike, which is to say, it is the expression of such sentiments in the workplace that concern us, and not the mere possession of, or verbalizing of them outside the workplace in a free forum.
That said, it must really suck to try to pursue the profession of nursing with hate for any group in the heart.
Did I forget to mention what I said was a response to TEEITUPTOM.
Well Color me embarrassed, and I extend my sincerest apologies.
to Tony: just in case you read what I wrote and thought I was responding to you, I can't even imagine the damage I've caused and please know I think what you did was very noble.
I always found that sexual harrassment to be a double standard. And I've had male friends with similar problems who just refuse to believe they were wronged because society says men can't get sexually harrassed.
I applaud your actions, and I'm proud of you for doing what many men and women can't.
to kurosawa: I completely agree with every word you said
Specializes in Med-Surg, Geriatric, Behavioral Health.
The great thing about a board is that we can receive support if we need it AND receive different opinions from our own, even opinions that we may not embrace for ourselves. However, the feedback was just as valuable, although it did sidetrack the thread some...away from Tony. So, although Teeituptom's (and Jasonn's) feedback may run contrary in the spirit of support or in the spirit of the board, it was an honest reply from their points of view none of the less. Although I do not embrace their viewpoints or their methods, I also do not embrace members flaming each other...again, sidetracking the thread from topic...Tony. There is a way to reply back to each other in a respectful manner, even if we disagree. Enough said. Several of us have given Tony some validation and good input. That is why he posted. Lastly, as a guide for us to consider, when a member shares something intimate of this nature, consider the member a buddy...for a sake of reference. What is your buddy "really asking for?" What does your buddy "really need to hear" from you? If you were he, "what would you need to hear" that would truly be helpful? Tony last posted 9/12/5...did anybody notice? It's been a week. Interesting. Tony stated clearly it wasn't a straight or gay issue...he was violated in a big hospital that one can get lost in, expressed his frustration that his violation may have not been taken too seriously (because the guy is on site again), reported having good insight that retaliation was not an option (it's a hospital for goodness sakes, not a bar), yet possibly feels some incredible angst...rightfully so. A man being violated sort of turns everything upside down on its head, much due to double standards...and much due to being violated. He asked for support. I guess the question is...did he receive it? This is a question we can only ask ourselves. We live, we learn. Hope Tony can reply soon to let us know.
Jalvino1, thank you for pulling the thread finally back to topic--->Tony.
Specializes in Med-Surg, Geriatric, Behavioral Health.
As a reminder, we do have the report button if a member violates TOS...the red triangle to the left of screen. Review the TOS often. No points or PMs by this mod THIS time. But, I can't guarantee this afterward. Fair warning.
UM Review RN, ASN, RN
1 Article; 5,163 Posts
:deadhorse
Aw shoot, here we go again.... :uhoh21: