I'm not sure if I should even be posting this on here, but just wanted to vent. I am a recent graduate in the middle of my preceptorship on a CVICU stepdown unit. I like the unit that I'm working on. Most of the nurses are ok, I like the unit manager, and I have a preceptor that I get along really well with.
Everything was going great, until about two and a half weeks ago, while I was on a quick restroom break. On my way out the door I was physically groped by another male nurse who was coming in. The event lasted for just a split second and I was so surprised that I couldn't believe it really happened. I immediately confronted him about it, and he tried to pass it off as a joke---laughing and all. I didn't think it was funny, but I was going to let it go. Then he made a suggestive remark which confirmed that he had done it on purpose. I go back to the nurses station, and my preceptor asks me what's wrong. I tell him about the incident and he tells me to report it to the nurse manager, which I did. When she calls up the other nurse he denies it happened. His version of the story is that he "innocently bumped into me" on his way into the restroom and that although he apologized, I got angry and overreacted.
Because of the hospital's sexual harassment policy, the nurse manager had to write up the situation and send it up the chain of command. He was sent on leave with pay "pending a thorough investigation", but there was no investigation as far as I can see. The guy quietly came back to work a few days ago and is working on a telemetry unit on another floor, and management seems to have swept the whole thing under the rug. Now I am being told that it boils down to his word against mine since no one else saw or heard the incident and that I have no proof that he really didn't accidentally bump into me. The guy is an older nurse (close to retirement) who's been working at the hospital for donkey years and is well-liked by almost everyone. And because I am the new kid on the block, the way a few of my co-workers are acting its like I'm the bad guy who's trying to make trouble. I don't get it! If I were a female who had been groped by a man I bet the outcome would have been different. I am still upset about this because I know it was no 'accident':angryfire.
I came back to this post to thank everyone for their input and the encouragement. I decided to let this incident go because it became obvious that nothing would ever become of it, and to be honest I'm really over it now. It was a very weird feeling for a while after it first happened because I guess I just wasn't expecting that something like that would ever happen, especially not to me. Its just not something I ever even thought about so I was caught completely by surprise. Maybe its just my quasi conservative roots, but it seems such a shockingly inappropriate and desperate thing to grope a stranger (or anyone) like that.
Although I was pretty upset in the beginning I'm glad it didn't get to the point of throwing punches. Sure I could easily have beat up the guy, but I definitely would not have come out the winner in that scenario. I see that some very strong feelings were expressed in this thread but I don't advocate violence against anyone. You may start out defending yourself and your rights but too often you're the one who ends up in trouble. Definitely not worth it in my book.
Specializes in Med-Surg, Geriatric, Behavioral Health.
Thanks Tony for coming back to the thread and updating everyone. I am very glad that you have moved forward with it. You share some great personal insight into this type of situation which we all can but learn from. Congrats, pal.
If teeituptom had confessed to not liking African-Americans and proceeded to say he would assault any African American for doing something he would not assault a white person for, would you still allow his post to stay? Just want to know if your standards are the same for all minority groups.
We all have a right to our opinion, but it doesn't mean the moderator needs to support prejudice by allowing a poster's opinion to insult a whole demographic and its supporters.
I've never been a member of a forum that allowed a member to take such blatant pride in bigotry. I thought allnurses was the place to be. This thread is certainly an eye opener to the rational members.
Tony-
From my experience, you did the right thing by reporting this. I've reported another popular nurse for this same offense and although I was given the evil eye by others for a few months, I can assure you the behavior by this person stopped. I'm glad I stood up for myself and maybe saved someone else some humiliation along the way.
Specializes in Med-Surg, Geriatric, Behavioral Health.
I am amazed that you challenge a Moderator on the board. This is against TOS. You only know part of the story. You do not even know what I as moderator have done and discussed about this. Did you even read my and Nurse Ratched's posts? If I were to remove Tom's post, I would have to remove your own. Tom's and your post remain for the sake of posters to learn from. PM me if need to if you have disagreements on Moderation, but not publicly. No points assigned to you this time. You are learning. Discussion closed. Let's continue with feedback to Tony...the topic of discussion.
I'll be a last semester second degree BSN student in Jan. I'm still getting used to the culture of nursing, but it always seems like we're looking to GET someone. I'm not sure that I would respond to running to HR and agree with MsTigerlilly that I would have confronted him right away and explained that it wasn't appreciated and made me feel uncomfortable. If it had happened in a club somewhere I wouldn't think much of it, but at work I'd need to see him all the time. Knowing that a old dirty man or woman was drooling over me all shift would make me feel very uncomfortable.
I understand that people have varying feelings on what's appropriate. I'm just not sure I would have made an enormous deal out of it. Personally, I might have taken advantage of the situation and tossed him some of my workload. :biggringi
Tony, you're to be commended for the mature and professional way that you dealt with this problem. Violence is, I agree, never the answer "in a professional setting". Just a few insights from my own experience: in 25+ years in nursing (including 10 years in Greenwich Village, NY) I have never been hit on at work (by men), the behavior of the individual who groped you should not be looked at as "normal homosexual behavior" it is not, it is the behavior of a pervert and should be dealt with accordingly (Which you did). As for reverting to violence against anyone, it is a mistake to assume that because someone is smaller than you that you can take them! My wife is 5' 2", 112lbs, has trained in Martial Arts for 18 years, and has no problem facing people larger than herself. Thanks.
I'm fat, 50, married male and hetero -----I'd be flattered by the attention from either sex. Sometimes it's good to know SOMEBODY is paying attention!!!
(OK, so I did say that 'tounge in cheek', but I couldn't resist.)
hummm. i think you handled it well. for me i would have grap him and told he dose it again i would break his arm. and then report what happend. would even tell them what i said about breaking his arm. and let them know i was serious about it and they should see to it that you are not put into a situation where you might feel the need to defend yourself. you would be in the right if you reacted in such a matter to someone that was sexually attacking you, which technically he was doing.
This is horrible. I'm sorry you had to go through this and this is one of the best places for you to vent. However, it's unfortunate that management didn't do much about it. I'm not sure if it would have been dealt the same way if it would have been a female making the complaint. Of course, there would need to be some kind of proof or something close to proof. For example, at my job, a female supervisor was accused of groping a female employee's chest.
This was reported to management and she was put on suspension w/o pay pending investigation. The accusation went all the way up to corporate and it just so happens that the supervisor was "let go". I'm not exactly sure what kind of evidence they found or how they figured that the employee was telling the truth, but the point is that she the sup was found guilty.
I hope your ordeal doesn't end there. I hope someone steps up if that nurse has done it before. Congrats on being the only one to do it.
Well your story certainly highlights the double standard that exists in our society in general. I've been patted on the behind more than once by female coworkers and have had various appearence-related comments made as well. I shrug it off as a joke for the most part, but I know I could never reciprocate, because if someone decided to take it the wrong way, I would be out of work the next day - there wouldn't be any of this, well maybe it was just in fun stuff. Feminism really didn't bring equality, it just brought about a new kind of inequality.
Tony35NYC
510 Posts
I came back to this post to thank everyone for their input and the encouragement. I decided to let this incident go because it became obvious that nothing would ever become of it, and to be honest I'm really over it now. It was a very weird feeling for a while after it first happened because I guess I just wasn't expecting that something like that would ever happen, especially not to me. Its just not something I ever even thought about so I was caught completely by surprise. Maybe its just my quasi conservative roots, but it seems such a shockingly inappropriate and desperate thing to grope a stranger (or anyone) like that.
Although I was pretty upset in the beginning I'm glad it didn't get to the point of throwing punches. Sure I could easily have beat up the guy, but I definitely would not have come out the winner in that scenario. I see that some very strong feelings were expressed in this thread but I don't advocate violence against anyone. You may start out defending yourself and your rights but too often you're the one who ends up in trouble. Definitely not worth it in my book.