I'm not sure if I should even be posting this on here, but just wanted to vent. I am a recent graduate in the middle of my preceptorship on a CVICU stepdown unit. I like the unit that I'm working on. Most of the nurses are ok, I like the unit manager, and I have a preceptor that I get along really well with.
Everything was going great, until about two and a half weeks ago, while I was on a quick restroom break. On my way out the door I was physically groped by another male nurse who was coming in. The event lasted for just a split second and I was so surprised that I couldn't believe it really happened. I immediately confronted him about it, and he tried to pass it off as a joke---laughing and all. I didn't think it was funny, but I was going to let it go. Then he made a suggestive remark which confirmed that he had done it on purpose. I go back to the nurses station, and my preceptor asks me what's wrong. I tell him about the incident and he tells me to report it to the nurse manager, which I did. When she calls up the other nurse he denies it happened. His version of the story is that he "innocently bumped into me" on his way into the restroom and that although he apologized, I got angry and overreacted.
Because of the hospital's sexual harassment policy, the nurse manager had to write up the situation and send it up the chain of command. He was sent on leave with pay "pending a thorough investigation", but there was no investigation as far as I can see. The guy quietly came back to work a few days ago and is working on a telemetry unit on another floor, and management seems to have swept the whole thing under the rug. Now I am being told that it boils down to his word against mine since no one else saw or heard the incident and that I have no proof that he really didn't accidentally bump into me. The guy is an older nurse (close to retirement) who's been working at the hospital for donkey years and is well-liked by almost everyone. And because I am the new kid on the block, the way a few of my co-workers are acting its like I'm the bad guy who's trying to make trouble. I don't get it! If I were a female who had been groped by a man I bet the outcome would have been different. I am still upset about this because I know it was no 'accident':angryfire.
Clearly a crime was committed. This is MUCH different than sexual harrassment. This is sexual assault and you could have pressed charges against him.
Contrary to popular belief its the prosecuting attorney who presses charges, and this type of case (ie no physical evidence or witness) they wouldnt touch it. even suing in civil court (much lower standard to prove) would not be likely to prevail. if this is a pattern of behavior for the guy then others should be reporting it too over time and he will be fired.
Oh by the way, the patient that attack me was arrested and yes, I did use violence to get away. I still have not forgive the nurses who could had prevent this situati
of course violence is acceptable.....as long as it is REQUIRED to IMMEDIATLEY prevent bodily harm(including sexual assault) and that any "reasonable person" would know that the amount of force used was the least required to prevent that harm.
To the OP: I am a straight female and I have a question.
If an attractive woman would have done the same thing and made the same remark, what would your reaction be?
If your reaction would be the same: to get angry and report the incident, then you are well within your rights to do so. Some people have a low tolerance for this sort of thing, it's your body and no one should touch you without your permission or make you feel uncomfortable.
But if your reaction would have been different with an attractive female, then I think you should at THIS point, let it go. You have reported him, you told him it wasn't acceptable, he has been moved to another unit. It doesn't get much better than that - do you want to press criminal charges against this guy?
And to the male poster who talked about beating up any gay guy who dared touch him, that's horrible. Would you do the same to any female who did the same too?
Melissa
I'm not sure if I should even be posting this on here, but just wanted to vent. I am a recent graduate in the middle of my preceptorship on a CVICU stepdown unit. I like the unit that I'm working on. Most of the nurses are ok, I like the unit manager, and I have a preceptor that I get along really well with.
Everything was going great, until about two and a half weeks ago, while I was on a quick restroom break. On my way out the door I was physically groped by another male nurse who was coming in. The event lasted for just a split second and I was so surprised that I couldn't believe it really happened. I immediately confronted him about it, and he tried to pass it off as a joke---laughing and all. I didn't think it was funny, but I was going to let it go. Then he made a suggestive remark which confirmed that he had done it on purpose. I go back to the nurses station, and my preceptor asks me what's wrong. I tell him about the incident and he tells me to report it to the nurse manager, which I did. When she calls up the other nurse he denies it happened. His version of the story is that he "innocently bumped into me" on his way into the restroom and that although he apologized, I got angry and overreacted.
Because of the hospital's sexual harassment policy, the nurse manager had to write up the situation and send it up the chain of command. He was sent on leave with pay "pending a thorough investigation", but there was no investigation as far as I can see. The guy quietly came back to work a few days ago and is working on a telemetry unit on another floor, and management seems to have swept the whole thing under the rug. Now I am being told that it boils down to his word against mine since no one else saw or heard the incident and that I have no proof that he really didn't accidentally bump into me. The guy is an older nurse (close to retirement) who's been working at the hospital for donkey years and is well-liked by almost everyone. And because I am the new kid on the block, the way a few of my co-workers are acting its like I'm the bad guy who's trying to make trouble. I don't get it! If I were a female who had been groped by a man I bet the outcome would have been different. I am still upset about this because I know it was no 'accident':angryfire.
To the OP: I am a straight female and I have a question.
If an attractive woman would have done the same thing and made the same remark, what would your reaction be?
If your reaction would be the same: to get angry and report the incident, then you are well within your rights to do so. Some people have a low tolerance for this sort of thing, it's your body and no one should touch you without your permission or make you feel uncomfortable.
But if your reaction would have been different with an attractive female, then I think you should at THIS point, let it go. You have reported him, you told him it wasn't acceptable, he has been moved to another unit. It doesn't get much better than that - do you want to press criminal charges against this guy?
And to the male poster who talked about beating up any gay guy who dared touch him, that's horrible. Would you do the same to any female who did the same too?
But the female is coming on to you inappropriately without your permission, just like the male. So why the difference in treatment - the male who makes a pass is met with violence but the female spared? They are both using the same approach with you. How would you treat a female who did the same? Just politely but firmly tell her no, right? Why not use that approach with a male - at least at FIRST. No need to resort to violence right out of the box, we're all human beings.
But the female is coming on to you inappropriately without your permission, just like the male. So why the difference in treatment -
Melissa
Homophobia, which he honestly admitted.
Also, in some circles guys beating up on guys is appropriate. Guys beating up on gay guys is a badge of honor. Notice how little challenge to his reaction he got from the other posters in this thread. It's condoned to the point many innocent homosexuals get beat up just for being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Well that's horrible. To me it doesn't matter who is coming on to me, male or female, attractive, unattractive. I give them the benefit of the doubt that they felt their come on was 1) welcome and 2) a compliment and treat them thusly.
First I would make it clear that I am not interested and let them know that they misunderstood if I they felt I said or did anything to make them believe otherwise. That I don't appreciate the physical contact without permission and don't want it to happen again. That as long as we understand each other, I'm happy to work alongside them in the future without ever discussing it again. For most people, this is enough and helps save face and smooth things over for everyone.
I don't understand homophobia. Homosexuality is not contagious, nor is it a reflection on your own sexuality if someone of the same sex finds you attractive.
Melissa
Homophobia, which he honestly admitted.
Also, in some circles guys beating up on guys is appropriate. Guys beating up on gay guys is a badge of honor. Notice how little challenge to his reaction he got from the other posters in this thread. It's condoned to the point many innocent homosexuals get beat up just for being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
But the female is coming on to you inappropriately without your permission, just like the male. So why the difference in treatment - the male who makes a pass is met with violence but the female spared? They are both using the same approach with you. How would you treat a female who did the same? Just politely but firmly tell her no, right? Why not use that approach with a male - at least at FIRST. No need to resort to violence right out of the box, we're all human beings.
Melissa
Even though I am very happily married, from a woman I just might enjoy that attention.
Well that's horrible. To me it doesn't matter who is coming on to me, male or female, attractive, unattractive. I give them the benefit of the doubt that they felt their come on was 1) welcome and 2) a compliment and treat them thusly.
First I would make it clear that I am not interested and let them know that they misunderstood if I they felt I said or did anything to make them believe otherwise. That I don't appreciate the physical contact without permission and don't want it to happen again. That as long as we understand each other, I'm happy to work alongside them in the future without ever discussing it again. For most people, this is enough and helps save face and smooth things over for everyone.
I don't understand homophobia. Homosexuality is not contagious, nor is it a reflection on your own sexuality if someone of the same sex finds you attractive.
Melissa
Yes I am an admitted homophobe, trust me nothing new there. You may not understand it. Just as I dont understand homosexuality.
Specializes in Med-Surg, Geriatric, Behavioral Health.
I appreciate the honesty of each member thus far. So far, members have spoken their own personal truth related to the topic with respect for the other members...from both sides of the spectrum. This is good. These type of threads can easily break down to flaming wars...which is very sad. When we all post respectfully, the original poster benefits greatly...as we all do who participate. We can learn alot from each other, personally and professionally. I just want to Thank You.
Specializes in Med-Surg, Geriatric, Behavioral Health.
A reminder to stay focused on topic.
What is the topic?---> go back to the original poster.
Analyzing the homophobe or the homosexual will just make the thread stray and will potentiate the risk of flaming personal insecurities of members. Let's continue to move forward.
Specializes in Nursing Assistant/ Army Medic, LVN.
Similar problem, different context:
Where I currently work, people often do a lot of yelling at one another, and "talking smack" or waiving a fist is pretty normal. (Steel mills are a little different than hospitals that way :chuckle )
Anyway, normally this is just screwing around or a little yelling to get a bit of anger out, and then things move right along. No problem there.
Here's my problem: Every once in a great while, somebody decides they are entitled to a little shove, or a punch to the arm. I have been shoved a few times, punched a few times, and thrown in a dumpster (the dumpster thing was in good fun :rotfl: )
Point is, NOBODY has the right to lay a finger on ANYBODY else for ANY reason (except to provide care, I suppose :) ), particularly at work. It doesn't matter to me what the motive is, your hands need to stay to yourself, and well away from me. (Or anyone else, really).
Balder_LPN, LPN
458 Posts
Contrary to popular belief its the prosecuting attorney who presses charges, and this type of case (ie no physical evidence or witness) they wouldnt touch it. even suing in civil court (much lower standard to prove) would not be likely to prevail. if this is a pattern of behavior for the guy then others should be reporting it too over time and he will be fired.