Hi, I might be "grasping at straws" here, but thought maybe if people who know more about this than I do can give me
some input, it MIGHT help me......
I realize this may belong in the NEURO or ICU forum.......but not sure???
My baby brother and I were sooo close, and I ADORED him more than I can describe! He had severe high blood pressure and was on THREE meds----which we now know, he probably stopped taking. 
On Easter Sunday, he had a hemorrhage in the brain stem....the paramedics reported his BP as 249/ ???
(forgot the diastolic, but I will NEVER forget the 249!!!!) 
About a year ago, his doc said he MIGHT have an adrenal tumor, and I bugged him and bugged him to get it checked
out, but he never did........
His Glascow was a "3", pupils were pinpoint, no activity whatsoever except once in a while his leg would jump a bit..........intubated in ICU, etc. etc. etc. The results of the ECG and CT scan were NOT good.
The BLESSINGS are that we had 2 1/2 days with him to laugh, cry, sing, and LAUGH some more.....we have SO many
"In jokes" in our family, we had to rehash ALL of them.....LOL....well, almost! There were times we
were just SURE he was going to bust out laughing with us......:chuckle Not REALLY, but I think you know what I mean.
No, there was no denial there, we KNEW he was "gone"....
My least fave nurse of his intimidated me, and it TICKS ME OFF now when I think about this! I wanted to stay
by his side that first night, knowing he probably wouldn't live much longer. The snotty nurse said "and was this
PRE-ARRANGED?" ...............she HIGHLY encouraged me to go to the hotel. In my experience, MOST ICU nurses
are VERY cool about letting you stay. Now, keep in mind, I'm a nurse too! We noticed she was SUPER stressed
out with a new admit who took SOOO Much of her time! I TOTALLY get that she was stressed, but my baby
brother was DYING!!! Why did she have to be so snotty to me!!??
**Question # 1:Do y'all highly encourage family members to leave, even though you know they REALLLLY want to stay?
I know SLEEP is soo important, but all I did back at the hotel was CRY! Should I have called her and nicely asked
if I could come back??
And not only that, but we were SO nice to her.,....did NOT bother her while she was all involved in this complex
new admit. I LITERALLY hit "SILENCE" on my brother's piggy back for an HOUR and a HALF because NO ONE would stop
by to check it.....(I was NOT going to hit "stop".....didn't feel it was my place as a "visitor"....)
The organ donation people were AMAZING!!!!!!!!!! They explained that after going to OR and being extubated, if he
died within one hour, they could harvest some of the organs, and we could be there when (and IF) he died then. My sister, Dad and I were in the OR with him (my other brother chose not to be). We were prepared that he could've lived for days, a week or two? Who knew? But he died within five minutes of extubation....thank you God and your Mercy!
**Question # 2:
We believe that SOME "part" of him could hear us talking, laughing, praying, singing, touching him.....Do you believe
this, or do you think it's a fallicy (sp?) to make the loved ones feel better? Part of me wants to believe he felt us
there, then part of me thinks "Okay, with a GCS of THREE and a MAJOR brainstem hemorrhage, there's NO WAY
he knew ANYTHING that was going on!!!?
And on a HAPPY note, his liver and pancreas saved the life of a man his age.....both of his corneas went to TWO
different people who couldn't see, and now they can.....and the one that touched me the most-----a young guy
whose foot was crushed got my sweet baby brother's feet bones......!!! 
Thanks for "listening" to my story. I will appreciate other's thoughts/ opinions/ stories! 
(by the way, I never told any of them I was a nurse --I just like to let 'em think I know NOTHING!)
mykidzmom
89 Posts
i am very sorry for your loss.
i am very sorry you were treated poorly by the nurse. as nurses, even the most compassionate of us have all responded to a family member in a way that we might not have meant. i am not defending her, but her tone of voice might not have matched her intentions. and her stress might have shown thru more than she meant--or maybe even more than it usually does. i say this only so that in your memories of your brother's last days, you think of that nurse with feelings other than anger. she might be a crappy nurse or a good nurse who clearly didn't handle the needs of your family the way you needed. this is something RNs must do, but we sometimes fall short. i hope if she were reading your post, she would apologize and maybe explain herself.
as far as your other question: when i was a CNA, i had to take care of a patient we all pretty much considered a vegetable. there was *nothing* there. but i did the best i could. he went away, i didn't know why and didn't expect to see him again.
months later....another patient. he knew my name, was very nice and made several references to things in the past. turns out this was our vegetable. he told me i was the nicest nurse (i was a CNA then, but i guess one might miss those details in his state). he said he loved when i talked to him and told him what i was doing ("i have to turn you now to get the sheet, etc). he said i made his time in that hospital bearable.
i don't remember what was wrong with him, why he went away or came back. but i will never forget that he was living proof that people can hear you and even feel your love and good intentions when you think they can't. i am not a religious person, but i have no doubt--NO DOUBT--that your brother died knowing he was loved and felt and heard everything.
and i am so incredibly touched that through his death he was able to save other people with his organ donation. you are all obviously an amazing family. people like your brother and you make the world a better place. wow.