I flipped out!! Vent - page 2
Hi everyone, First of all, I just wanted to say that I am a really really nice person. I am kind, and generous when I can afford to be. I'm the kind of person that pulls over to help someone... Read More
Dec 12, '02Joined: May '02; Posts: 479; Likes: 3When you hold in things for so long you will eventually blow up in some way. You are probably the personality type that is so nice and expects others to be the same ( I used to be this way). It took me decades to figure out that I needed to be nicer to myself than to others. Begin to put yourself first (at least some of the time) not last.
Dec 12, '02Occupation: homemaker Joined: Nov '02; Posts: 175; Likes: 2Almost the same thing happened with me with my ex. We were having a kind-of argument and he made a derogatory comment about where I live (not the nicest of places, but happy and warm) and I let him have it. I never had to deal with his mouth again after that.
Way to go for you. I'd have done the same thing, probably a lot sooner than you did, and hey, I'm a GREAT person. You have nothing to worry about--God still loves you and all of do too
Dec 12, '02Occupation: Rn Cardiac Joined: May '01; Posts: 190; Likes: 4GOOD FOR YOU!! Maybe if more women stood up for themselves guys would think twice about saying some of the sh*t they do...
Dec 12, '02Joined: Mar '01; Posts: 542; Likes: 44Originally posted by colleen10
And then I looked him in the eye and HE started to cry!
OOOOOO...I am sorry...but.. !
Dec 12, '02Occupation: poor nurse Joined: Oct '01; Posts: 2,293; Likes: 86Wow.... we NEED your type in nursing!!!!
Dec 13, '02Occupation: RN, MS home health Joined: Aug '02; Posts: 7,472; Likes: 49Sounds like it was long overdue. I, and it sounds like you, can take alot then one day WHAMO I freak and whoever was riding my butt gets lambasted............sometimes you just need to do that to get some respect.
How are you feeling about it now?
Dec 13, '02Occupation: pre-nursing student, secretary - non-medical Joined: Jan '01; Posts: 1,761; Likes: 46The more I talk to people and get responses from all of you at the board the better I feel.
I can look back on it and laugh. And all my friends and most of you guys here have laughed about it to.
I don't feel bad about it at all. I feel bad that for those couple of minutes I couldn't control myself but I don't feel bad that it happened and I wouldn't take back a single word I said.
I really felt like they had a free ride for too long. It is true that I usually expect people treat me as I would treat them, or as they themselves would like to be treated. But working here has opened my eyes that not everyone has that mentality and it doesn't matter how nice you are to them, they will still treat you like an idiot.
Being an openly nice person, most people think you are a push over. I give people the benefit of the doubt and I will continue to do so, but only so many times.
Competitive and Aggressive are two words that would not describe me at all. So now I am left trying to figure out how to communicate to people that "yes, I am a nice person and would like to help you, but if you are rude and iggnorant I will not tolerate it."
I am not really sure how to do that because I am usually a push over and have never had to do this before but I will resolve to find a way to get that message out to people so that I don't get bullied around and don't start to build up aggression and resentment towards the person.
Maybe if I run into a person who acts as though they can bully me around I'll just have to go up to them and explain the situation as I see it. I'm not sure, I'll just have to play it by ear and see what happens.
Anyone have any ideas?
And thanks for your support and laughs,
Dec 13, '02Occupation: Level III NICU Specialty: NICU ; From: US ; Joined: Oct '00; Posts: 1,605; Likes: 929Colleen, I have 2 words...
Not you, them. Porn, snide comments, pregnant and sexist comments, etc. have no place in the workplace. Frankly, using a workplace computer to view or send pornographic anything will get you fired on the spot at any nursing job. Hassling someone about any of the stuff you mentioned is harassment, plain and simple.
I'm happy you had the reaction you did. Don't feel a tad bit bad for it. Sounds like it was overdue. And I'm glad he cried. Haha if he ever harasses you again you can bring up that he cried in front of the other guys.
Dec 13, '02Joined: Oct '00; Posts: 8,729; Likes: 8,412Can you make a Dr cry? Will you sell tickets?
Dec 13, '02Occupation: Retired Specialty: 15 year(s) of experience in Corrections, Psych, Med-Surg ; From: US ; Joined: Aug '02; Posts: 2,246; Likes: 48Colleen 10 writes: "It is true that I usually expect people treat me as I would treat them, or as they themselves would like to be treated. But working here has opened my eyes that not everyone has that mentality and it doesn't matter how nice you are to them, they will still treat you like an idiot."
When you don't stand up for yourself, your resentment builds up and takes over and your behavior is inappropriate, as you have experienced. There is a qualitative difference between being "nice" and being "a pushover" (which is simply another word for "coward").
The remedy? Take an assertiveness training course, or read some books about it. Deal appropriately and assertively with matters when they are small, one by one, and you will find that there are many fewer total matters to deal with.
(By the way, the porn/sexual emailing is against federal laws--i.e. sexual harassment in the workplace--as are several other things that you report going on here. But I am NOT suggesting you threaten these people with whistleblowing at this point. It is much more useful for you to learn to set and enforce your personal limits, particularly since these kinds of issues will be coming up A LOT in any future nursing career, as you can easily see from reading some threads on this BB.)
You might want to read Gary & Ruth Namie's book "The Bully at Work."
You are free to adopt my slogan:Last edit by sjoe on Dec 14, '02
Dec 13, '02Occupation: staff nurse med/surg Joined: Nov '02; Posts: 346; Likes: 3they just pushed your buttons too far and you let them have it! You go girl! I wish I had the guts to do something like that. I would have probably just have kept taking the abuse. But maybe not. Maybe there just comes a time where another side of us comes out! I'll let you know if it ever happens to me. I admire your gutsy move!
Dec 14, '02Occupation: RN Joined: Nov '99; Posts: 2,950; Likes: 619They manipulated you. They have been goading you all along trying to make you blow up. Then when you did this jerk manipulated you once more with his tear.
I do not blame you. Been there done that too. They may live in a nice neighborhood but thier money has failed to buy them any CLASS.
You might consider showing them your class by filing a sexual harrassment suite. Show them how their lack of class might loose them some cash and how your class might get you some of thier bucks. It is a federal offence as mentioned earlier. DOCUMENT everything. Don't tell them what you are doing. If you can get proof that will help too.Last edit by Agnus on Dec 14, '02
Dec 22, '02Occupation: RN, ER Case management, precertification. Specialty: ICU-Stepdown ; Joined: Dec '02; Posts: 862; Likes: 53In deferance to what RN2bNC said (you haven't changed), you HAVE changed, but its a good thing. You have taken enough crap and now will stand up for yourself.
I would not tolerate the working conditions you described either (I'm a male, and still don't care to have nudie posters and porn mail around my work environment. Its totally unprofessinoal, no matter what job you do).
Kudos to you for standing up.
Btw, as has been mentioned here multiple times, the environment you work in is very illegal.
Were I you, I would document document document. I know its not your ideal job (most of us can relate to that, I expect) but its getting you through school.
My last 'real' job dropped me right at Xmas last year, when they found that I had been accepted to the night RN program (all my pre-req classes were taken while working there). If your place goes to screw with you while in the RN prg, you will be able to hit them back. Lawsuit city! Sexual harrassment is only one of the charges