Taboo: 10 Things Nurses Should NEVER Say!

[Julie Reyes]

As nurses, we have learned the hard way to never say certain statements. Why? Well, that could be because the first time we said it - or heard it said - we got the "evil eye". Think back to the time you first heard some naive soul say, "WOW!, it sure is quiet today!" "Sure is slow", "Nothing has happened today", "We haven't had a code this week", and comments of the like - just are not acceptable!

If you are an experienced nurse (even with one day of experience), you will be able to testify to what will happen to the unfortunate employee who makes such a claim, right?! Let's just say that person is not the most popular person on the unit!

It is a fact. Some sayings are just taboo! What does that even mean? Taboo is, by definition, a social or religious custom prohibiting or forbidding discussion of a particular practice, or forbidding association with a particular person, place or thing. It is something that is prohibited or restricted by social custom.

We knock on wood if we say we have been having a good week, or we may reach out to touch the face of a beautiful child who is our patient so they don't have a turn for the worse. We cross ourselves and say a prayer when someone mentions the drug seeking patient (not currently a patient) who goes on a rampage when the doctor refuses to order the dilaudid. Therefore, speaking of such topics are prohibited!

So, what other topics is it that we as nurses don't want to hear? What is it that really grates on our nerves? Here are a few sayings...and the rationale behind it!

I interviewed some top notch nurses I know, and here is what they have to say on the subject:

1. Karen Martinez: "We're slow today." Why? It causes the floodgates to open wide and you will probably never get a potty break the rest of your shift!
2. Sylvia Nelson: "Our anesthesiologists have a thing against saying a child is calm, because then they wake up like a demon. I will never tell my surgeon I hope their night is quiet!"
3. Jennifer Collins: "It's been a good day!" That's when the *** hits the fan. Wait until your shift is over and you have given report!
4. Ashley Elizabeth: "I have a fantastic assignment!" - There is no such thing if you say it before the end of your shift....; "Calling a patient a 'stable vented patient'" will cause them to not be stable for long - you will be running a code in no time; "This patient is an easy stick." Your patient will suddenly become a turnip.
5. Cherrie Aquino: Telling parents, "Oh, he/she is the BEST IV starter!" Your patient will be a scientific marvel and have no veins.
6. Elissa Norris: "Don't ever mention the chronic kid (or adult patient) that has a crazy mom (or wife/husband/family member) - inevitably they show up!"
7. Carol Kaplan: "You should never, ever, repeat the name of a 'repeat offender' patient. You will admit that patient on your shift!"
8. Diana Montalvo: "The doctor will be in - just a few minutes." The doctor will not even be in the building...maybe not even in the country, since you said it!
9. Sarah Weishuhn: "As a surgical nurse, we never say, 'WOW!, there aren't any add on cases today?!' Because five minutes later, the bottom will fall out and we will have an open fracture, an appy, and a C-section...NOW!"
10. Sandra Cambridge: "Never comment on how well behaved a pediatric patient is until they are walking out the door." unless you wish to come face to face with the devil with the parent who has no control or expects you to be the nanny.

We learn to never say words like, 'quiet', 'boring', 'easy'. We never attribute these qualities to our patient(s), or the shift. We have learned, from having to jump in the trenches after these words are uttered, that these words will open up the gates of Hades and set forth a war that will cause you to have to wage battle against until your shift is "supposed" to be over.

We learn to bask in the warmth of silence or calmness that may befall our units without having to think about - much less comment about - the fact!

We never mention that we will be discharging all of our patients and request to leave when we have no more patients to care for....for good reasons! We know what will happen if we do. Not only will you be discharging all of your patients, but you will be the admitting nurse for all of the ones that ED will be sending up - because inevitably, some brickhead in the ED said, "Sure is quiet today!"

Taboo-10-Things-Nurses-Should-NEVER-Say.pdf

[Conqueror+, BSN, RN]

Anyone who has ever worked psych or geriatrics during a full moon just knows....

[springchick1, ADN, RN]

"I can't believe I made it to Sunday night and haven't been called-in all weekend". That just guarantees a midnight case.

[THELIVINGWORST, ASN, RN]

But full moons honestly make the freaks come out at night. They don't call em lunatics for nothing!

[Mavrick, BSN, RN]

"My vacation starts tomorrow so I'm hoping to get out early", said optimistic PACU nurse never.

What were you thinking? Do not tempt the easy shift gods.

[Spidey's mom, ADN, BSN, RN]

macawake said:

Hmmm.. Yes, I have noticed this behavior among quite a few fellow nurses and honestly I don't understand it. Perhaps it's because I don't have a single superstitious cell in my body. I simply don't believe that anything I say will affect the future in the way described in this post.

Obviously if I yell "fire" in a crowded movie theater I'll likely cause a panic but I don't think that my voicing predictions about future events will make them happen. If a code is about to happen it will happen regardless. I didn't seal the poor patient's fate by uttering; "we haven't had a code in a long time".

The only logical reason I see for nurses (or anyone else) to think this way, is a bad case of confirmation bias. All the times when someone says something and nothing out of the ordinary happens are quickly forgotten whereas the events that confirm the beliefs are remembered.

Most doctors/physicians and rocket scientists are reasonably smart

WOW!, nice to meet a fellow skeptic. I'm usually the naysayer on these kinds of threads and satire or not, people believe that the power of their words causes that 4 car pile-up on the interstate with multiple trauma victims. Or the full moon caused it.

There is abundant research about the medical myths and all prove there is no proof that our words or the moon causes havoc to ensue.

Confirmation bias indeed!

[macawake, MSN]

SubSippi said:

Outside the hospital, I'll step on cracks and walk under ladders all day long.

I'm relieved to hear that ? I agree that confirmation bias can be tough avoid, we are probably all vulnerable to it to some extent.

@OP, I don't know if I hear a defensive tone in your reply to me? I actually didn't realize that your OP was satirical and that the intention was to gently ridicule the follies of human beings.. ? I interpreted it differently. Either way, I wasn't criticising your post. I was simply expressing that I don't understand why so many nurses who are scientifically trained, actually believe that for example saying a "frequent flier's" name will magically make that person appear on the hospital's doorstep. I think the clue is in the assigned label Frequent.. I they're not there at the moment, chances are they will be soon.. Whether someone says their name, or not...

@Spidey's mom. I recall us being in agreement on several anti-vaccine type threads, so it comes as no surprise to me that we agree on this ? According to my parents I've been a sceptic since about the age of two.. It seems like I was a royal pain in the behind from time to time, always asking why and questioning the rationale behind pretty much every claim.

[LTCangel, ADN, BSN, LPN]

Us opp

[Dogen]

I try not to do things like lay my hands on a patient, close my eyes, hum a little bit, and then yell, "You're healed!"

I say "the q-word" all the time, mostly around one of my superstitious colleagues because it makes her cringe. I pay no attention to the moon phase. I just looked it up and I've picked up an extra evening shift on the next one here (8/29). I'll have to remember to tell everyone about it during the first half of the shift. "You know tonight is a full moon, right? Think it'll be quiet? Maybe a nice, slow, easy shift? I mean, X, Y. and Z aren't admitted, so it should be really smooth, right?"

[NursesRmofun, ASN, RN]

As some have said or conveyed, I am one of those that are not normally super superstitious,..maybe a little...but I am certainly superstitious at work because things really DO happen. I especially hate the word, "Q". See! I can't even say it at home now!

[Spidey's mom, ADN, BSN, RN]

macawake said:

@Spidey's mom. I recall us being in agreement on several anti-vaccine type threads, so it comes as no surprise to me that we agree on this ? According to my parents I've been a sceptic since about the age of two.. It seems like I was a royal pain in the behind from time to time, always asking why and questioning the rationale behind pretty much every claim.

Me too. Royal PITA.

[brandy1017, ASN, RN]

Dogen said:

I try not to do things like lay my hands on a patient, close my eyes, hum a little bit, and then yell, "You're healed!"

I say "the q-word" all the time, mostly around one of my superstitious colleagues because it makes her cringe. I pay no attention to the moon phase. I just looked it up and I've picked up an extra evening shift on the next one here (8/29). I'll have to remember to tell everyone about it during the first half of the shift. "You know tonight is a full moon, right? Think it'll be quiet? Maybe a nice, slow, easy shift? I mean, X, Y. and Z aren't admitted, so it should be really smooth, right?"

That's bad. LOL Make sure to volunteer for X, Y or Z when they are admitted. All I can say is the psyche patients seem worse around the full moon! Good luck!

[SeattleJess]

macawake said:

Hmmm.. Yes, I have noticed this behavior among quite a few fellow nurses and honestly I don't understand it. Perhaps it's because I don't have a single superstitious cell in my body. I simply don't believe that anything I say will affect the future in the way described in this post.

Obviously if I yell "fire" in a crowded movie theater I'll likely cause a panic but I don't think that my voicing predictions about future events will make them happen. If a code is about to happen it will happen regardless. I didn't seal the poor patient's fate by uttering; "we haven't had a code in a long time".

The only logical reason I see for nurses (or anyone else) to think this way, is a bad case of confirmation bias. All the times when someone says something and nothing out of the ordinary happens are quickly forgotten whereas the events that confirm the beliefs are remembered.

Most doctors/physicians and rocket scientists are reasonably smart

Cannot like this enough! (Probably why I quoted you, so everyone gets a chance to read this again.)

I appreciate and enjoyed the humor of the article. I think it's very human to think this way. We still carry around our lizard brains, after all. It's great to share war stories. But don't let The Lizard rule.