My mom does not want me to become a nurse

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My mom does not want me to become a nurse because when she was a nurse, mabey 27 or 28 years ago, she did not like it. This drives me crazy. When I get to that point, wont be for a little while as i am about to be a senior in highschool, she will not pay for nursing school. What should I do/say to her?

My mom does not want me to become a nurse because when she was a nurse, mabey 27 or 28 years ago, she did not like it. This drives me crazy. When I get to that point, wont be for a little while as i am about to be a senior in highschool, she will not pay for nursing school. What should I do/say to her?

Hi,

I had a similar problem with my Dad not wanting me to become a nurse. My Dad said that if I was going to do anything in health care that I should be a doctor. I decided in my last year of highschool that this was definately what I wanted to do... just like yourself.

I decided that that the only way to convince my Dad that this was the right path for me was to be prepared to discuss it with him. I figured if he wanted to know my reasons for choosing nursing I had better be clear and realistic about why I chose this profession. I did alot of research about what nursing is really like, the jobs, the training, the people, the challenges, the advantages.... I spoke to experienced nurses and students about their experiences, both good and bad.

When I sat down with my Dad to discuss the fact that I was definately going to be a nurse i presented him with the facts... the good and the bad ( although there was definately more emphasis on the good!) and asked him exactly why he didn't want me to be a nurse.

it seems my research paid off, as I was able to convince my Dad that I had thought through my decision fully and that I was also old enough to make the decision wisely.

He is now supportive of my efforts and is continually encouraging me to do my best at the career that I have chosen

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It is possible that 'mom' may be wrong, but that is not generally the case.

I think it is good advice to be told to listen to one's parents with few exceptions (VERY VERY FEW).

There are plenty of career choices out there, and this doesn't sound like a case of broken ties so communication is key so that it doesn't turn out with a lot of hard feelings.

I grew up believing I would go on to college until my dad said, he wasn't paying for tuition just so that I would end up married and with children like my older sister had (she had never chosen college to begin with).

It took me until I am nearly 40 to get a degree.

My dad wasn't wrong, he was just from a different era. I've done a lit of interesting things in the meantime and I appreciate my degree now even more.

If two people with such a close relationship are at opposite ends of this issue, then it's worth it to work out a resolution.

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Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.
My mom does not want me to become a nurse because when she was a nurse, mabey 27 or 28 years ago, she did not like it. This drives me crazy. When I get to that point, wont be for a little while as i am about to be a senior in highschool, she will not pay for nursing school. What should I do/say to her?

MY mom and dad did not want me to go to community college (which I wanted to do, and work part time)----so they literally forced me to go to university and NOT study what was in my heart (art) and prompty flunked out and wasted a LOT of my parents' money and my time. It was a bad deal for us all. Since they were paying my bills, I felt forced to go the way they told me to........but....

You see, there comes a time when you have to ignore the well-meaning words of others and do what you know is right for YOU. So she was a nurse? Well that was her. If you have it in your heart to be one, but don't follow it, just cause she will pay the bills, then what will you have gained? A college degree for which you have little use or desire to attain. It will feel empty and not at all satisfying.

So you may have to PAY your OWN way....to do this. Before you decide firmly to become an RN, I suggest you follow a few and really see what they do-----not your mom, but others. Talk to them about how they feel about it. Really try and see if this is something you REALLY want or not....and THEN decide for sure, what is right for you.

You may have to find your own way to your dreams and desires. Mom and Dad may hold some pursestrings----and you may have to cut them to go after what you want. It's a steep price, but sooner or later, we all come to pay it. Maybe for you, it's sooner. Check it out-----really reflect and think hard on what you want and then go for it. I wish you well----I hope you find your way soon.

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My mom told me many years ago that she would not support me if I became a nurse. So, I went on and got a degree that my heart truly was not in and I haven't really used my degree. Now that I'm married, I'm starting nursing prereqs and I wish I had done this many years ago.

BTW, my mom regrets telling me not to become a nurse. She didn't understand that nearly 20 years later and having been out in "the real world" I'd still want to be a nurse. I have her full blessing to become an RN. :)

This is not what I'd normally say, but I was where you are now. I would say go in to nursing. You've been here a while and you know what you are getting in to. Like someone said, shadow a nurse just to be sure. Explain why you are going into nursing, all your options that are open (nursing is NOT the same 28 years later when the only options you had were teaching, nursing, or being a secretary... I guess that was the 50's though and not quite 28 years ago :chuckle) and this is what you want to do with your life.

What I'm trying to say, don't be where I am right now. I just shudder to think all the time that I've wasted in not following my dream. That dream has not gone away, the same dream that you are having now. Pay for it if you have to. I'm not saying to disrespect your mom, far from that. Let her know RESPECTFULLY that this is YOUR life, and this is what you want to do and demonstrate to her that you've thought through this completely, and that you know all your options.

BTW, I'm just curious, what does she want you to do? I know that our neighbor said her daughter was going to be an engineer, the little girl was 4 years old. The mom was so disappointed when her daughter did not have the "superior intellect" that she expected. The daughter did eventually go into engineering, but washed out. I have no idea what she's doing now but she wants nothing to do with the field.

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Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.

And to those who say "mom knows best" I say:

not always. I sacrificed a lot of dreams and literally WHO I REALLY was for my parents' expectations, only to spend YEARS coming "back to myself" thanks to their "knowing what was best" for me......

Mom and Dad do NOT live my life for me----not do the OP's parents for HER. It's up to HER to decide for herself what to do with her life. It's not fair for parents just because they are paying the bills, to dictate what their child studies. One thing or another has to happen. The child either pays his or her own way, of the parents decide they are being unfair in their demands. I truly dislike parents dictating what their kids do w/their lives as if it's their own. It's controlling and really bothers me.

So OP, it's really up to you. But if you DO decide to become an RN, be prepared to have to make your own way----but if you do, you will come out very proud of yourself, just as I did!!!!!

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Specializes in Home care, assisted living.

Several years ago, Mom discouraged me from being a nurse (AFTER I got my acceptance letter--go figure). She told me that she expects certain qualities in a nurse that's taking care of her and I did not appear to have those qualities. So I gave up my spot in the program before even starting it.

Now I don't have the desire to be a nurse after being an aide for five years and watching boss after boss burn out from stress. So at least maybe I made a wise decision there. Not to mention that I don't handle stress well. :no: I remind people of Lydia from "The Steve Harvey Show".

My sister suggested to Mom that I might do well in theatre, due to the fact that I have some natural talent in that area (singing/writing/acting/drawing). However, Mom was concerned that I would not be able to find good-paying, steady work and that the theatre environment might be a bad influence on me.

She told my sister that she thought I should start a cleaning business, and my sister just laughed. I cringed a bit when Mom suggested the option to me (I already clean up after people for a living as a nurse's aide!) My self-esteem and self-confidence have been thoroughly crapped on the last few years, and officially becoming the "cleaning lady" would shoot them to you-know-where.

If I were you, I would keep Mom's opinion in mind but do the research for yourself. Would YOU like this career and do well in it? Look at your natural abilities and interests to see how they fit into this.

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Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.

One of the GREAT lessons I have learned in adulthood:

you ALONE are responsible for making your dreams come true. If Mom and Dad are paying your way, they may exert undue influence on your decisions and studies----they may even hold you "hostage" to their expectations.

Well , as an adult, you may have to cut those apron and purse strings and make things happen for yourself, in order to be true to yourself and your aspirations---- on your own dime.

So be it. We all come to this someday, if we ever reach true maturity.

ok off my soapbox for this thread.

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Specializes in Med Surg, Hospice, Home Health.

pell grant and hope grant covers most of expenses...

even though she didn't like it, doesn't mean you won't.

My son starts nursing school in 2 weeks and sometimes I don't think he has what

it takes (cause he wants to stay up til 1am playing video games), but then I remember what I was like at 19 and realize he is MUCH more stable than I was at that age.

don't worry. do what you know is right.

we NEED more nurses!

atlantarn

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Specializes in ICU, PICC Nurse, Nursing Supervisor.

I can't believe some of the responses here. I personally will support my children with any responsible educational decision they make. I dont particularly like nursing and I have been a nurse for several years now. I will be the first to tell you that I need out of the way of patient care. ...However there are so many areas of nursing one could go into. I am working on my BSN now to start Law school so I can work as a nurse attorney.My mother does not want me to be an attorney. However, I want to be an advocate for nurses that have been done wrong , represent them to the BON and give legal seminars to nurses. My mom thought I was out to hang everyone with a band-aid. I talked to her yesterday about it and she seems to understand better. The money is good in nursing and depending on the area you work in , it can get better. Nursing will be around forever, so the jobs will be there. You are not your mom and maybe nursing will be for you. If you dont like patient care and the politics, get into admin or managment. You cant live your life by what your mom wants. I cant believe a mother would not support their children with a decision like this. I say , go for your dreams . If you want to be a nurse then do it. Twenty years down the road you might just regret not going to nursing school. But I want to say also , you need to be respectful of your mom . She is just trying to keep you from what she considers a mistake. I think she is going about it the wrong way , if it is a mistake you will figure that out along the way......I say go for it ..Good luck to you. I wish you well.:nurse:

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My mom does not want me to become a nurse because when she was a nurse, mabey 27 or 28 years ago, she did not like it. This drives me crazy. When I get to that point, wont be for a little while as i am about to be a senior in highschool, she will not pay for nursing school. What should I do/say to her?

Who cares what your mother wants?!? It's your life. You make your own decisions. Apply for financial aid... get a part-time job, and go to school. Learn to stand up to people now. It will serve you well when you're older.

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Follow your dreams and be true to yourself. You are the only one that you'll be able to blame later on. Best wishes and enjoy your senior year.

The way I see it, if you invest 2-3 years of your life in becoming a nurse, you will never be out of a job, never not be able to support yourself, and you can spend the rest of your life doing whatever you want with that safety net in place. Deciding to become a nurse is not a life sentence. You bet I'd encourage my children to become nurses if that's what they wanted to do.

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well she is starting to get used to the idea. although she still does not like it.

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