I may lose my hubby - page 4

My husband, who is in the Navy Reserve, came in from drill today with 'new uniforms'.........desert gear.......as in Kuwait......as in being gone for a couple of years!!!!!! OHG, I can't keep the... Read More

  1. by   canoehead
    His priority, and yours I assume, is country and career, not children and family. I assume you knew the obligations and choices you were making when you married him. Although I don't agree with the choices I respect them, but once the choice is made you can wish for something different or take advantage of the independence, exotic travel etc. If this doesn't work out you and he can make different choices in a few years, but right now, you knew what you were getting into, so why are you crying because they are asking him to do the job he signed up for.
  2. by   bagladyrn
    Canoehead - First of all serving one's country in the armed forces is a way of protecting children and family, not just one's own, but many! Knowing that one's spouse or child has made the right choice does not make their absence any less heartwrenching, and those who support the members of the Armed Services deserve credit for coping at home.
    I, for one, am very proud of my son and all the others who have made their choice to serve their country, and stood up for their convictions. This does not in any way lessen the fears I live with now, but I would never ask him not to follow his path because of my fears.
    The first thing my son did after finishing basic was to go to NYC to Ground Zero. He told me after that he will hold on to that experience to remind him why he is doing what he is!
  3. by   JedsMom
    (((Hugs))) to you and your husband. My son will be going into the Marine Corp in June and it makes me proud but scares me so much too. I totally agree with what some have said about seeking out others in the same circumstances for support. And no, you don't always have to keep a stiff upper lip. When my husband was gone to the FBI Academy for 3 months it was very hard on me and my son. It was also a lesson in how much we all take one another for granted when we are together all the time. Absence truely does make the heart grow fonder. Look forward to being reunited. You will be in our prayers.
  4. by   rebelwaclause
    Originally posted by ayemmeff
    That is soooooo cute!
  5. by   CATHYW
    My son is AD Navy in Bahrain. Let's just pray that they all get to come home in one piece, and alive!
  6. by   SmilingBluEyes
    just because our choice is to serve does NOT make it easy or make it wrong to CRY when a loved one goes off to war. if you have not been there and dealt with it first hand, seeing a loved one go away, you have no right to say how a person ought to cope with it. if you HAVE been there, then you know how hard it is and how hearing how we should deal with it is NOT helpful. this poster is aware of her commitment as a military spouse; she just needed words of encouragement and i don't think that is a lot to ask.
    Last edit by SmilingBluEyes on Dec 9, '02
  7. by   BMS4
    Thank you Deb. I totally agree.
  8. by   JedsMom
    Originally posted by SmilingBluEyes
    just because our choice is to serve does NOT make it easy or make it wrong to CRY when a loved one goes off to war. if you have not been there and dealt with it first hand, seeing a loved one go away, you have no right to say how a person ought to cope with it. if you HAVE been there, then you know how hard it is and how hearing how we should deal with it is NOT helpful. this poster is aware of her commitment as a military spouse; she just needed words of encouragement and i don't think that is a lot to ask.

  9. by   live4today

    I know all too well what you are going through, my dear. Hang in there, keep the chin up, prayers going, and keep yourself as active as you can in worthwhile events, tasks...take some classes at college, volunteer to help kids through some things, etc. Just don't sit around bored and having pity parties for yourself. That will do your husband no good knowing you are not handling his deployment well. He needs you to be strong for him, so step up to the plate and carry on soldier's wife. :kiss

    I am the wife of a Lifer in the Army (21 years almost). I've been through many separations. When I was married before, that spouse was also military, and I went through many deployments then...even VietNam during our engagement one year before we married.

    It's rough at first, then you either let it "make you or break you". It's YOUR choice. Being a military spouse is tough...almost as tough a job as being a parent.

    My husband is going overseas....they are all going overseas...in due time...the war is immenent...so brace yourself for the job of being the supportive spouse who is strong for her man, her family, herself.

    As the soldiers often say "Suck it up, and move on!" It hurts to hear these most truthful words, but it's what we have to do, NanaNurse.

    If you ever need a support system to keep you going while your husband is away, feel free to "PM" me as often as you need to.
    You are NOT alone. Many military spouses are Allnurses members...some are even active duty themselves.

    Much love and prayers go out to you from my heart,
    In His Mighty Grip,

  10. by   jevans

    {{{{{{{{{{ Hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

    Well honey

    it is like this, we knew when we married them that this could happen- still it does not make it any easier

    My love and prayers to you both for a safe return

    My beloved left the RAF 7yr ago now threatening to return especially if it is war. So it looks as if I'll be back in your situation

    CAN WE COPE? yes !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    we are not just women we are nurses/ forces wives and best of all we have all nurses BB for support

  11. by   NannaNurse
    OH MY GOODNESS!!!!! What can I say to a great bunch of friends. I'm totally overwhelmed by the response....WOW!!
    I know what the military is like. I served and my ex is a retired Col.....There are sacrifices that we must all endure...I know it all too well. I 'loved' my ex.......but he took that love and smashed it.....I'm totally 'in love' with my Michael.....that makes all the difference.
    An update here, he had part of his physical last week......his urine glucose was greater than 2+ so now he has to see our PCP to rule out DM. I have a feeling it will be a new Dx for us. It runs in his family.....which will mean that he will be ending his Navy career after 14+ years.
    To answer some of the questions:
    They have already activated over 100,000 reserve troops and the 'so called' 6 month tour of duty has been extended to 2-3 years.....or more. With war looming at us....all the 'normal' ways of life for military personel will be 'shot all to you know what'.....it's a whole new game out there.
    I'll keep all of you posted......again, your compassion, love and support are more than I could of asked for. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I love you all!!
    Merry Christmas to all of you. Remember to keep all of our military and their families in your prayers. So much is happening and sometimes it scares me......God Bless you all!
    Nanna and family :kiss
  12. by   TeresaRN2b

    Proud Navy veteran here and also was a Navy wife for 6 years. The last four of which hubby was on out to sea 6-8 months out of the year every year for 4 years. Although not all of those were 6 month long deployments. It was a very tough 4 years. Dh wasn't there when I had a miscarriage and he missed the birth of one of our children. I know how very hard it is, BUT I will tell you this it will give you a strength in your marriage that others will not have.

    And I do have to make a comment to Canoehead's post because it was just insulting. That's about as ludicrous as saying a nurse shouldn't get upset if a patient she gets close to dies. I mean come on. Just because you choose something for a profession and know what you're getting into doesn't make it easy when it is time to deal with the tough aspects of your job.

  13. by   lauritasol
    My boyfriend is an Air Battle Manager or AWO (air weapons officer) and is deployed 90 days then home 180 and then deployed again 90 days continously. With the war in Iraq pending he could leave in March for up to 6 months either to Saudi or Afghanistan. My father was enlisted in the Air Force for 25 years, and I grew up as an AF brat. My grandfather was also an officer in the AF for 30 years as a Navigator and was gone flying all the time. I even joined the Army for 4 years prior to starting school as a medic/EMT.

    Anyway, I am saying all this to say that I truly know what you are feeling. Everytime my boyfriend flies on a mission I am so worried. He flies in the AWACS planes (the ones with the domes on top) and they are always having mechanical problems. I do worry for him, and I do miss him terribly every time he leaves. I do try to be strong for him because he is nervous too (although he does not express it verbally) and I do not want to add to his fears by crying uncontrollably or scarring him with my fears of him flying. Everytime he leaves I give him a great big kiss and hug and be sure to tell him I love him and how proud I am of him - because serving our country is more than just a job and there are unknown perils out there. I try to encourage him and support him the best I can. He says knowing that I am here for him makes is job easier, and gives him something to look forward to and keep him going on his missions.

    One good thing to know is, which I am not sure if you do already, that when they go overseas they can still email you all the time AND sometimes IM as well. Even in afghanistan they have computers in tents set up for soldiers to contact family and home. Also, there are moral calls that the military pays for. My boyfriend can call me from Saudi everyday. He can only stay on the line 15 minutes (which is very hard to say all that you want in 15 minutes, believe me!), but you can hear his voice and just feel so much closer to him! I know they have the same set up in Oman, so I know he will be able to contact you regurarly. I know it is not equal to being with him in person, but I am thankful for it each day. I don't know what I would do if I had to depend on snail mail! Also, you can send him care packages and other things and that helps with the feelings of closeness and intimacy and keeps the relationship strong. You miss a lot of things from America and especially your own home when you are deployed. It is hard for both the family and the soldier or airman.

    Well, I hope that this has helped some. You may feel free to email me at lauritasol@ou.edu. I would be glad to talk with you more, and chat with you anytime when he is deployed for support. It is helpful to find other woman who's husbands are deployed as well and form friendships. This does help with encouragement and helps the time go by just a little faster, and they also understand what you are going through where others might not.

    Hang in there! I know it will be hard. I cry every time my boyfriend leaves for deployment, but you'll make it through. Work, friends, family and support from other woman who's husbands are gone will truly make the time go by faster! I even find some extra activity to do like dance lessons or something fun just to keep my mind off counting the days. When your mind is occupied time seems to fly faster and the time apart not as long. And I am always sooo excited for the reunion! That is always the best and definitely something to look forward to! :hatparty:

    Let me know how things go! Write any time! I am here for you!