I just cannot take care of her.

sweetsounds · Dec 15, 2008

Bless you when you feel that way. I have felt it many times. Those are the nes that you take home. Like that 98yo man, pillar of the hospital auxiliary, who had broken his hip. Lying in bed, which he had never done in his life, while he awaited surgery tipped him over the brink. He was in pain - how much pain med can you give a confused NINETY-EIGHT YEAR OLD man? Besides thinking about the fact that if he made it through surgery was the spectre of his ultimate demise from the sequelae of his injury at his age.

And through it all, in his delerium he was the kindest,most polite human being ever, saying please and thank you and bless you all through the night.

I took a moment to stand in his room and cry and pray for him. That was 14 years ago and it still brings tears to my eyes...

Batman24 · Dec 15, 2008

I don't think you are being selfish at all. How will you feel when she dies?! Will you feel guilty that you weren't her nurse at that time or will you regret not caring for?! I'm not implying you should feel either of these things but just want you to look down the line to when she dies so you don't look back and wish you had done things differently.

I'm sure she appreciates you visting her every day. I bet it just lights up her day. You sound like a very kind and compassionate woman. I can see why the daughter adores you.

Zana2 · Dec 15, 2008

I haven't got as much experience as you have, obviously, but my gut instinct would be to look after her till the bitter end. I know her, I've looked after her before, sometimes I could spare her he talking because I know how she expresses nonverbally, I know I'd go the extra 2000 miles for her and that she deserves it.

However, I do know where you're coming from, I don't think you are to blame, don't feel guilty, we're only human.

Have a big hug from me! X

kafene · Dec 15, 2008

Wow, I'm not even going to pretend I know what you're going through, but from an outsider point of view, would it be better if she wasn't so nice? Or is it only because you know she's going to die?

If it was me, I'd think it would be better to heartbreakingly care for someone you like and give them YOUR care since they so much appreciate it, rather than to another patient who might not even care about you or your service to them.

..but since I've never been in your situation, I really can't say what I would end up doing at the end. Hope you do what's best. :scrying:

laketrash · Dec 15, 2008

I feel so bad for you, just do what you think you can live with after she is gone

morte, LPN, LVN · Dec 15, 2008

for whatever reason, in some fashion she has become "family"

you would be doing her no favor by insisting that you take care of her.

you are too close.....give her what you can, and her daughter.

so, no, you are not being selfish.....

1blueangel2 · Dec 15, 2008

I don't think it is selfish at all! Since it appears that you have become attached to this patient and family-this is the time you need to decide what is most important-Do I take the role as caring compassionate friend or nurse? How you make them feel regardless of your title to them will mean more in the long run to you and them.

classicdame, MSN, EdD · Dec 15, 2008

You are not being selfish. You are being practical. You did not say you did not "want" to take of her, but you "can't" and that is being honest. You may not act objectively enough when you are that involved emotionally so for the patient's benefit as well as yours I would recommend you do not be her primary nurse.

maelstrom143 · Dec 15, 2008

My heart breaks for you. It is heartbreaking when you encounter those patients who get under your skin. I like all my patients, but there are those that are just that extra touch special, you know?

You need to sit down and take a look at what role will do you and your patient the most good. If you cannot maintain enough objectivity to be an asset to your patient or if in remaining as her careprovider you cause yourself to burn out, then you need to step aside and choose to be a bystander. There are nurses out there who have, on occasion, done this and remained friends with their patients...and very valued ones at that. Good luck and God bless, whatever your ultimate choice.

meintheUSA · Dec 15, 2008

:redpinkhe:loveya:i have been in your shoes. as a cna. one really grumpy alz. man got the best of everyone but me. he took my heart. i was asked when i was going to retire. not yet i replied. good, he replied please work here until i die, i love you. it was really really hard caring for him. but i remained his friend....

best of luck in your decision. my prayers are with you. know you are blessed having a heart and caring.....

Keepstanding, ASN, RN · Dec 15, 2008

bless your heart ! maybe try to look at it in a different light. use this instance with this darling lady as your chance to really do some great nursing. think of it as being on a special mission by the lord.

you will certainly have many jewels in your crown one day ! good luck with this difficult situation.

praiser :heartbeat